A woman who supports her child (or children) through sex work may be doing a job that she finds unpleasant, but that has aspects that benefit her child, including good pay and flexible hours.  Of course, many sex workers do not find the job unpleasant, and would gladly choose it even if they had no child to support.

But those who do find the job unpleasant do their child a great disservice when they give the child the feeling that they have essentially “martyred” themselves for the child’s benefit, if and when the child learns of the mother’s job.  (It is best if the child not learn until they are old enough to process it, no earlier than late adolescence in most cases , and in some cases no earlier than  early adulthood, or even later  in adulthood.  And it is not absolutely necessary that they ever learn – parents have a right to privacy, just as children do).

It is unfair and harmful to make the child feel responsible for their mother’s choices, particularly if the mother has suffered as a result of those choices.  

If the mother wants to convey her love for her child, she has many, many other, healthier ways to express this.  And ultimately it is the mother’s love and acceptance that will matter most to the child.  

Related to this is that a mother’s most important “job” as a mother is to prepare her child for successful adulthood, and part of this is conveying to her child her belief that the growing child is competent and resilient, and will be able to function successfully in the adult world.

I don't think any child has the right to question how his/her mother supports them. If the child doesn't like it, the child is free to seek refuge in a foster home. No one ever said that surviving had to be pretty. Even Katniss broke the law by hunting illegally to support her family and keep it from starving to death.

You are certainly not responsible for anyone else's parenting, but people often appreciate honest input.

A child who "puts down" their mother for being a sex worker is speaking from an angry place, and the anger almost certainly has nothing to do with the mother being a sex worker, even though that may be the pretext.  It is something else that is making the child feel angry, and it is the "something else" that should be addressed by the mother.

A special case involves a young man as the child, who has friends who are aware of the mother's job.  Young people are especially sensitive to acceptance by their peer group, and this situation may present special problems.  But even in this case, it is ultimately the mother's loving, supportive relationship with the son that matters most to the son, and not her job.  The mother must be careful not to react angrily or defensively if confronted by the son, and, as I said in my OP, should not resort to a "martyr" position.

It's not easy being a parent, but in general, a response that says "I see you are upset, let's talk about what is upsetting you", is best.

Keep that in mind when I post in the future.

movie star if i did not have to raise you" or "i stayed with your moron father" or ...

the list is endless, there are always women who instill feeling of responsibility for their own failures in life on their children.

It is endless stream "if you were not born than i would have had a better life" not so subliminal messages and has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with sex work.

their kids with guilt over their own miserable pathetic lives"


What ya thinks?

Lina

“a mother’s most important “job” as a mother is to prepare her child for successful adulthood, and part of this is conveying to her child her belief that the growing child is competent and resilient, and will be able to function successfully in the adult world”

I certainly don’t disagree.

Then again…not all of us live in a perfect world. What you’re proposing is a luxury of those who don’t have to worry about how the bills get paid.

You seem to be trying to draw some connection between women who have jobs they may find unpleasant as being equal to those women martying themselves for the child’s benefit.

Many women who are supporting children by themselves are engaged in jobs they find unpleasant. She might be a sex worker. She might be a cashier at walmart. She might be a corporate executive. And, while you think her most important job is to prepare her child for successful adulthood, in real life, her immediate job might be making sure the rent gets paid, and there is food on the table. No matter how much she might not like her job.

the amount of stretch you guilty feeling motherfuckers will go to justify being whoremongers.

Anything to put the onus upon women.

Grow some balls.

WTF man, are you Dr Phil??
Most of the ladies in this Biz have a brain cell or two, what makes you think you need to convey this info to them? ( or, did you just want to see your name in lights ? ) Stupid thread, IMHO.

or kick herself in the ass.  Whichever she prefers.

Agreed, stupid thread.

simply say "I dabbled in the adult entertainment business." End of story. No need to go into the details of what I did, simply that I was in some way associated with an adult business. Some people don't much care who knows and they don't take any precautions to prevent them from finding out...I do.

especially towards a child.  Nevertheless, with some notable and rare exceptions, most work, legal or illegal, is to some extent unpleasant and undertaken by parents for the benefit of their children.

It is unfortuate that sex work is stigmatized, but that is not the fault of the worker.

I've known a handful of sex workers well, and also to some extent their families and children, and at least outwardly, I find no signs of the problems mentioned by the OP.

It's an imperfect world in which we live, and we all deal with it in imperfect ways from time to time.

Maybe the miracle is that so much goes right when the objective situations would indicate that so much should go wrong.



-- Modified on 4/28/2012 8:52:14 AM

You become  a parent because it is your choice and it is not your child's choice...
Now, i really do not call a provider such as myself a "Sex Worker"...
I do call myself an "ENTERTAINER"...
Even your child find out about what his/her mother does, it is just the way on how you explain to your child/children why are u doing this is because to give them a better life as you do not want them to experience the hardship that you, as a parent had experienced...And of course you as a parent your responsibility is your CHILD co'z you choose to bear them and have them...
If you gonna make your child feel that because of his/her the reason you are doing this, then you're making him/her feel unfairness and injustice co'z he/she did not choose to be into this world until you choose it on your own and it is not his/her fault why she was out of this Universe...Unless you bonded and have a wonderful relationship with your child/children you won't have a problem explaining to him/her why you did choose to do this providing business...You see, the key to a child's heart is not bribing them with money, computers, nintendo, etc...it is how you spend time with them, your moral support for them, your acceptance of them and specially giving them an UNCONDITIONAL LOVE...

-- Modified on 4/28/2012 10:55:35 PM

I could easily work a 10 dollar an hour job and house, feed, and clothe her but I prefer a higher standard of living and I am not raising my kid in an apt. complex. Not saying that's bad, but I am not 22 anymore, and feel she and I both deserve a real home. I do this to provide a better future for her sure, but if I am being honest this is more for me than her at the moment. I am the one who does not want to work 40 hours a week just yet, not her. I am the one who waited until I was in my mid-twenties to "go back" to school and am now stuck with 76k in student loans...not her. This business is for MY debts, not hers.