I guess its the exercise.  But lately I have had so many thoughts at the gym and during my run about the hobby.  Today it was saying to myself how long can I keep this a secret?  I have been having such great experiences (i.e., mental and physical) that I feel a need to share them with someone.  But I dare not do that for a million reasons.  I just can't pull the trigger on this secret.  At some point I feel the pleasure is going to turn to pain if I don't share it or even if I do.  

I know this sounds strange but lately I fear that I may say something revealing during sleep.  The dreaded fear is that the SO wakes me up and says who is -----.  I am so secretive about this hobby that I don't even post reviews.

Has anyone ever shared this life with a friend, spouse or coworker?  And the dreaded worst case scenario:  Has anyone ever got caught by the SO?  If so how did you handle it?  Seriously need this advice.

I have three or four friends who know I hobby. But I'm not married, so it's not really a secret life for me.

I just don't have the time to date, so I hobby.

After your transvestite encounter you will never again feel guilty about seeing a lady provider.

My friends know that I hobby.  I even showed them the TER site, although I didn't tell them my username.  As far as their opinion, they divide into two camps: some think I'm doing a really smart thing, others think "I should drop this sh*t and start dating more".  Then again I'm single, it's not like I'm cheating.

No one else knows.  My family has a conservative outlook on the whole dating/marriage/relationships process, so it's better that they don't know.  There's even a Russian proverb: the less you know, the better you sleep.  I keep it a secret at work too; my career is more important.

-- Modified on 7/20/2008 1:00:08 AM

Nope, don't intend to, either.
jhb

I have an identical twin sister who knows pretty much all, kind of needed to tell her, she's my twin... but she does not approve.
I have a few long time college friends who know what I do. Its not something you tell all, but a few on this end I did tell.

My SO, no way, but I think he nows something is up....but not the whole deal. I'll never tell him even if he guesses I will deny deny deny!!

-- Modified on 7/19/2008 11:56:48 AM

As we used to say in the Navy, admit nothing, deny everything, and proclaim loudly!!
jhb

I've never said a word about my hobbying to anyone outside of the hobby. There are some things that are better kept to yourself if there is a spouse involved. It's probably a lot easier for single guys I would guess.

TER is a great place to talk about our experiences. Also, fortunately for me, two of my best friends are my two Favorite ladies. We spend a lot of our off the clock time talking about our experiences in the hobby from all perspectives.

Then maybe you should get active in your local community, meet other hobbyists at local gettogethers and M&Gs.

I guess it's hard to be open about the hobby if you have an SO, I usually stop my hobbying activities whenever I am in a committed relationship, but that's just me. Almost everyone that knows me know about my hobbying, I don't make a bit of effort to hide it. No guilt here.

It is her theory that I wanted to get caught, because I was so careless.

She might be right.

I don't talk about seeing providers with all my friends.  Some are stuck in that 'I'd NEVER pay for sex' fantasy.  Show me a man who hasn't paid for sex and I'll show you either a virgin or a fool.

In the military it was not looked down on that much to use a hooker when you were away from home, especially in places like the Philippines, Thailand or Korea where women were readily available, inexpensive and usually very talented.
Bottom line is that some friends understand and don't judge and I can tell them about things.  

Oddly, it just occured to me that I talk about using providers more with WOMEN friends online than with men.  Interestingly, some of my online lady friends have found it very arousing to hear about some of my exploits with providers.  Feeds a fantasy about being a hooker I guess!

Getting caught in the 'hobby' by the SO?  Well, I guess it could happen, I'm not sure how though if you are at all discrete and don't leave a paper trail.  My SO knows I used working girls in the past and even when we were geographically separated years ago. If she found out today I'd just shrug and say 'well, you aren't interested much anymore and I needed it.  Would you rather I had something romantic with someone?'  Its been my observation that most wives don't care if their husband uses a provider as long as they aren't slapped in the face with it and he doesn't bring home an STD.

mvr

A dream is seldom about what it seems. There is usually a much deeper meaning not immediately obvious. Even sexual dreams are often not about sex. So, if your SO does ask you about a name you call out in the night, just make something up and tell her what I just mentioned.

Regarding telling someone; you've gotten some good advice already, and I would not recommend telling anyone. Relationships have a habit of changing. Friends becoming enemies and even enemies becoming friends.

about my hobbying. It could come back to really mess up my life  sometime.

if we reveal it, it would no longer be a secret, right, silly rabbit?

but seriously, if you've got a spouse/SO, children, a reputation in the comunity, etc.. discretion is the better part of valor and you are well-advised to keep all this to yourself.  Just revel in the sense of superiority you can feel when you possess a secret no one else is privy to, or even has an inkling exists.

don't worry about talking in your sleep or revealing anything.  "Uh, ah, em, honey...I just jad the craziest dream.  Never in a million years could i imagine anythinh like this in real life..."

Get a shrink?......just answer the man's question
........geez......getting tired of this shit..........
putting someone down......for just asking a ?

I remember "Hogan's Heroes," with Colonel Klink.

Plus, if you tell someone, they'll tell someone else, who'll tell someone else, and so on and so on and so on.

I told at least 2 + friends what i was doing and actually... they were kind of proud of me and actually wanted to do it themselves lol so its definitely better to share it instead of keeping it yourself... it might boost your confidence

I have one friend that I can tell.  He is a master secret keeper and knows almost all about my trips into the hobby.  I've even shown him this board.  I also have some stuff on him that I would never share on another, but nothing of this sort.  His secrets are work related, so he is fairly secure that I couldn't let anything slip.  I think he would hobby himself except fear of STD and LE as well as he likes the hunt best, not the kill so it doesn't really appeal to him, but he likes living vicariously through my stories.

SMEGMA!!

my best friend knows, it goes no further than him.

ever hear of a surprise party?

If you have a desire to share info, attend a Meet & Greet party with peers.

I do feel the desire to share...  that's what TER is for!  
Sharing with the civie world is courting disaster.  Some things are best taken to the grave...  after a long & happy life.  {Not just yet, by the way!}
skb

Unless you have friends who also partake in the hobby, best to keep this close to vest, and tell nobody anything. EOM.

Nice thought but as far as I know the Political Capital of the World has no M&G's !  It would be nice for that to change even if it was 45 miles NE of the Capital!

Yes, to a friend who promptly asked me to find someone.  My ATF brought a girl along for him one time.  He did it the one time and never again to my knowledge although interestingly enough my ex ATF keeps pestering him to see another girl.

Yes, my ex wife found out, we went to counselling, we got divorced.  end of story

DC used to be one of the more active venues for M&Gs, I hope it will return to that status.

hm, a few friends know (i don't hobby that often though), and my uncle in law is crazy.. he often talks about it to the family (and he's an in-law too - my aunt is okay with it i guess).

must be nice!
I dream of standing in front of Jimmy Choo in a thong with a sign that reads" will work for shoes"
p.s. I wear a 40 and 40 1/2 in the pointy ones.
p.s.s. I'll do anything for Louis Vuttion ( size 40)

If you are going to commit suicide, go off somewhere and eat a bullet.  Anyone wanting to admit to simeone that they are a hobbyist has lost their mind.  NO good can come of this.  All of us at some time or other have said something that we regret latter.  Do Not do this.

Your sister looks just like you? Your SO does not know? This sounds like a great story line for a movie.  You are courageous.

actually we are identical but she knows. Not Happily.
My SO does not know,I was in this biz before I met him and it grew into more of a relationship than I had expected. It is complicated  but it is what it is.

THIS SUBJECT IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD ABOUT!! WE'RE PAYING FOR SEX!! To be with someone and to act out a fantasy or just experience pleasure for a moment.
Few of my friends know but not in details.  
I used this topic so that my wife, currently going through the divorce period, could let go of me easily.  Didn't work though...says that she could forgive and forget!

Other than a golfing buddy of mine,no one knows.i only told him because he was telling me about a provider that I was already acquainted with.  I agreewith the poster who said that is what the review boards are for. That's the outlet I prefer because talking can get tricky.Write reviews, see a shrink, take a break from hobbying if you have to but keep your mouth shut.