I have a health question that I only feel comfortable asking this community due to its anonymity and (presumed) expertise.  I recently had to end an excellent relationship with a beautiful girl because I could not sexually please her.  When we were intimate, my erections were highly unreliable.  In fact I failed more often than not, which mentally destroyed her.  This got so bad that she eventually concluded that I must be gay.  I disagree but her confidence really broke me.  Here's the kicker: I am 24 years old.  I never had this problem with providers, except the last one I went to.

Is this a physical, mental, or combination problem?
Can I change my diet or other input to improve this?
Have I masturbated too much, or not enough?

ANY advice is appreciated.  I am planning on seeing a professional about this as well.  Thanks.

There are a lot of problems, Blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, high cholesterol, a problem with testosterone production, etc that can cause this.  These are all problems which in the early stages are NOT going to show any symtoms.  If a physical problem is not the answer, you may have talked yourself into a problem...by putting unreal expectations on yourself.  The more you worry about performance issues, the worse your performance will get.  I don't know what her reaction was the 1st or second time this happened was...but by her basically saying that she is "so good" that only a gay person could not get it up with her, did not help your situation.  Maybe this relationship wasn't as "excellent" as you thought.
Now assuming there is some sort of problem, and you need to take an ED drug...the FIRST thing you will be told..is if you masturbate often...knock it off...it isn't a problem physically, but you may have gotten into a pattern where only self stimulation causes an erection.  ED drugs DON'T cause an erection, they only allow one to happen with the proper stimulation.  Forget the "herbs" as a remedy for this..they are expensive CRAP and not one has been proven to do anything, and not much in diet change is going to help.  Lastly, In your post, you said you Disagree with her saying you were gay...you did NOT say you weren't!  Have you had sex with men?...if so, were there performance problems?  There is a lot in your post that is missing, that you have to be totally honest with a doctor if you want to fix this, IE alcohol consumtion, recreational drugs, prescription drugs, etc.  Be 100% honest with your doctor, or this issue WON"T go away!!!!!!

See a doctor and then go from there...

I agree 100%.  Go see a doctor.  He/she can help you determine if it is physical or mental.  My guess would be mental, or maybe 50/50.  You get so stressed out and worried about it, that it just won't happen.

Just my .02

kmax : if a provider labelled you "gay" because of an ED problem, that was a cruel & stupid thing
to say, certainly leading to a shattering of your confidence ; you're definitely better off not seeing her anymore.

ED can have many physical origins ( the same also
applies to various medications, if you are taking any ); best to speak to a general practioner; if there are no physical or medication problems, best bet would be to see a therapist.

Good luck to you.

Yes, by all means, see a doctor. There are many things that can lead to ED. If you have other health issues, it's better to find out about them now and treat them. I agree with the other poster that this provider should definitely be crossed off your list.
jhb

I have this gorgeous young guy who had the exactly same problems with his longtime girlfriend.

He is very wealthy, and did spend a small fortune with therapists and even surrogates. Nothing worked for him.

When he came to me, he was on the verge of a breakup and I was like his last option.

Please, mail to me, I prefer to discuss this issue with you in private, don't despair!

If health issues has been ruled out there still hope sweets.

[email protected]

jw is right about seeing a md. also put this question up to the love goddess on the erotic highway board.

Since it appears the difficulty maintaing an erection is isolated to this one particular woman it is extremely likely that the cause is related to the dynamics between  the two of you. If it has occurred with other women also then it would  more likely be a physical problem.

If it is as I suspect, then something about the way you related with each other was not working. Of course her expressing displeasure instead of being patient made the problem much worse. If that is her personality she would not make a very good sexual partner anyway. By the way her statement about being gay is just plain ignorant and shows the level of her insecurity.

It is always a good idea to go to a physician to rule out the physical issues and give you peace of mind.

Good Luck!

let's take these one at a time.  But by ALL means - take everyone's advice... See a doctor (see below) as this could be a warning sign of more serious issues....

1) are you, in general, healthy?  this would include are you FAT! (yea, I know - politically incorrect - but let's face it FAT is NOT a healthy thing)....  are you able to RUN  up a couple of flights of stairs without toppling over?  can you blow up a balloon...  ??  these all indicate cardiopulmonary health...  if not, a doctor may be able to assist there...

2) are you diabetic?  do you have any inheritied metabolic disorders (such as those common in the Ashkenazi Jewish population)?  again, a doctor may be able to help rule some of this out... and all would bear on your ability to obtain and maintain an erection...

3) how much do you drink/do drugs?  these are not real helpful when it comes to Mr. Wood.

4)How do YOU feel about yourself?  are you confident (in other areas of your life)?  are you on a career path that pleases you?  can you spend an entire day with you?  

5) ok,  you've a beautiful GF - you see providers and you still masturbate?  why?  I mean really - why?  When your age, for the most part - if I was with a woman I could not do it enough... nor could she...   and - to be honest - I did not feel the need nor the desire to masturbate....  something about this relationship does not seem right - providers - as we all know - will not get upset - or make you feel bad if wood fails to happen... and that does - on occasion happen to us all.  

6) sometimes - when we want sexual intimacy the most is when our little friend fails... called performance anxiety... for that see professionals....

good luck.





-- Modified on 7/9/2008 2:28:52 PM

OK, a visit to your MD is a good idea but I don't expect it'll find anything.  I really doubt that there is anything medically or dietary wrong.  If you are capable of O by yourself, perhaps with some visual stimulation, then it's probably not medical.

What I think you'll find is "performance anxiety" & loss of focus.  The treatment is to successfully perform...  with a skilled & understanding lover.  My dog eared copy of "The Joy of Sex" by Dr Alex Comfort has some info and I'm sure there is more sources out there.  

From my personal experience, if I lose focus, say when pleasuring her...  I may well lose the erection.  It's not the end of the world.  Again, in my experience the best thing to do is be with a partner who is knowledgeable & enjoys giving to use the OPPORTUNITY to PLEASURE you & revive the erection.  It is a unique opportunity to work you over, with little risk of your cumming right them.  

Meanwhile, you must learn to keep your focus on your pleasure, & the woman you are with.  You are in a bubble and the world outside ceases to be important.  There may be other distractions, risk of doscovery (parents, children or roommates), bills to pay, exams to take, boss at work...  they need to be buried.  I find setting the mood helpful:  a couple of candles (placed carewfully for safty), some background music to mask street noises).   Love making should not generally be rushed...  take your time to enjoy the experience.

It's also possible to get so much lubrication that you can't feel anything (probably not happening in your case)  or to jackhammer away until the sensation fades.  

SEX...  is not just intercourse.  Anything that gives sexual pleasure is "sex".  There'ss a huge menu to sample & dine on.  No doubt you'll find favorites but there so many dishes to choose from.  Oh, and not every couple can bring the woman to O through intercourse.    

If you choose to visit providers, you might want to consider slightly older, more skilled ladies, book plenty of time...  It might be well to discuss this with the lady before hand.

It's not fatal...  with the right partner, this will fade into a distant memory.
skb

-- Modified on 7/10/2008 3:27:51 AM

I just wanted to clarify that it was the girlfriend and not the provider who called me gay.  My diagnosis was mostly performance anxiety but we did it great several times so I don't know why it would still be affecting me.  Thanks for your advice everyone.

I agree. As a physician who treats these things do the following.  Go see a physicion. Get your Testerone level checked( probably not the problem, but get it anyway). In the old days we called it performance anxiety, that is, sexual  disfunction based on the individual, or all individuals you are attempting to have sex with.
Multiple ways to deal with it, but most require therapy.
This is not true ED. Cosider this. Trouble getting it up, trouble maintaining it, or you wouldn't walk across the street to get laid? First two are true ED, last could be either but is most likely testerone level.
 
 Good Luck,

I am more than twice your age but I had your problem with my wife.  She made such a big deal out of it and blamed it on herself for not getting me aroused.  That one time and extreme reaction made me anxious the next time and I failed again, and again, even with ED pills.  I go to a provider with or without a pill and get hard, harder longer with a pill and I orgasm really easy.  So easy that I took lessons on how to prolong it because our sessions would only last 15 minutes and then massage or talk.  Providers are very complimentary and encouraging and they will do anything and everything to get you to an orgasm.  If I take a pill I get hard with the first hug and kiss and even after the hour am still aroused when I leave.  Gotta blame it on the girlfriend's attitude.  Find one that is more compatible.  Beautiful and bitchy will not get you excited.  Sadly the wife and I gave up awhile ago but the hobby brought me back to life.  You are young and should find your soulmate or at least someone that really turns you on mentally and physically.  You are way too young to hobby.

I just wanted to throw this out there..I have heard some providers mention that often men build up the experience of spending time with a provider in their heads and then in the presence of a provider their anxiety comes full throttle and they are unable to fufill all of their pleasurable desires. I think this is why I enjoy longer and extended dates, rather than the shorter one hour date. With longer dates, a man has time to relax  and take his time, sometimes in a rushed situation there may just be too much anxiety and tension to enjoy a full release of joy by some men, some of the time.
--Sitara Devi

There may be many things at play here; You are awfully young to be suffering from too much masturbation but what the hell do I know. I can say with assurity that diet & excercise can definitly impact this..Watch your carbohydrates..dont go zero carbs just use common sense. Excersise is  a very good thing..Have no clue as to your wt condition..The thing could be  entirely mental in nature..

Might want to kick this one up to to the love goddess on the erotic hwy. Its the link on the left side right above top 10 posters..

Well I'm a Psychologist so I guess we covered this issue from different perspectives with similar conclusions.  I actually remember two times this happened to me.  One in my younger days a woman I had only dated a few times got really mad at me because I was having trouble. My solution was to never see her again and that worked.  A couple of years ago I made an appointment with a highly reviewed woman but I was dumb enough not to realize she was pse and not gfe. She did not like to kiss and also was very critical and demanding. I could not function and was very glad it was a short appointment! That really was not her fault because I did not do my homework and she is perfect for many guys.

how honest can you really be with him or her?  Admit a little recreational MJ use and it's noted in your chart.  So the nurse will see that, it won't be long before the gov'ts warrantless surveillance is on the case.

find a new doctor. I am not one of those whiny little pussies that run to the doctor every time they have a runny nose,and I've used enough recreational drugs to last me several lifetimes, but there are times when you need to see a professional. This is one of those times. There are certain people you don't lie to. The two that I put at the top of that list are yourself and your doctor.

claim that you have to be a certain age to hobby. I am also twice the OP's age, but my first hobbying experience was in my teens. I agree that a person should strive to find their "soulmate" or at least have healthy "civvie" relationships, but I disagree that the two are mutually exclusive.

I have been mixing hobbying and "normal" relationships for the last thirty something years. The only extended time period without hobbying was the five years I was married (I never cheated on my wife). Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too. I firmly believe I do better with the opposite sex "because" of my hobbying not despite it.

Nothing is less sexy than desperation, mixing in a little hobbying will do wonders for curing desperation. Hobbying is not just for old married guys or losers who can't get laid.

Sometimes that is a side effect. I know because that is what happened with a friend of mine.

but do you know HOW MANY charts have that in there?  I doubt you do!  If at 24 you cant get or keep a hard on....better see someone...better tell all...YES enough MJ will clamp down arteries chest muscles, etc,  Besides do you have ANY idea what the penalties are for a Nurse to divulge that info to anyone under Hippa???  again I doubt it!  I guess this only matters if you really don't care if the problem gets fixed!

Everyone is right, you should see a doctor.  Levitra works great for me and the medication works for a couple of days.  Watch out for the side effects though...I sometimes need an anithistamine to counteract the stuffed nose.