Having seen a lady several times , who is clearly my ATF, I'm thinking about asking her what her real first name is. How do you ladies feel about this real first name thing ? And what about you guys, do you ask after awhile or do you care? I'm not really hung up on it , but if I were to die tomorrow it would be nice to know LOL.

Leave it alone...if she wants you to know, which may not necessarily be a good thing, she will tell you voluntarily.
Besides...."a rose by any other name..."

My experience has been that many women I've seen with regularity are happy to share that information.  I'd say she has to trust you first.

tennis

You know..I just prefer to only be known by my Provider name..For one, I'm not very fond of my real name! And besides, to me, it seems as if you're taking one (albeit teeny) step away from the Fantasy...you've got this whole persona associated with your Provider character. Maybe that's silly, I dunno. Even in my small circle of Provider friends, whom I dearly love, I still use only our Provider names, though a few of them know my real name, and I know only some of theirs. The funny thing is going out somewhere, where we have 'mixed' groups of people and we have to decide beforehand, ok, what are we going to call each other?? LOL We usually stick with 'hon', 'sweetie' or something general, so we don't 'blow it'. A few times, I've been with a client, telling them a real life story, and then in the story, I say my own name! Duh! Oops.
Well, no big deal..I don't care, but it's kind of funny. Then two weeks ago, while on a dinner date with a new client, someone saw me, and came up to me, exclaiming loudly, " Hey, _____! What are you doing here?? Good to see you!". I was mortified, especially when she asked to be introduced to my client! Yikes! But, it was smoothed over..
I've been 'taught' that the less the client knows, the safer HE is, and it is part of our job, of course, to always consider things that attribute to his safety, as well as why. Of course, there are times that you have to tell him. For example, a client who will be purchasing an airline ticket for me to come see him and stay a couple of days. In that case, I not only give him all that, but for prolonged stays, I make sure we have emergency contact info for each other as well as a list of meds, etc in the event of an emergency - and let each other know where this info is (ie which bag, pocket, or drawer), just in case.

xo,
Sedona

For those ladies I’ve gotten attached to, I think a real first name is a nice touch, but not necessary.  If I want to know, I usually say something like, “Would you mind if I asked you your real name?”  It hasn’t always gotten me her name, but it has always gotten me a polite reply and never damaged our relationship in any way (at least as far as I am aware).

If you really have to know, fly somewhere with her and buy the tickets yourself.  If she agrees to go, she will have to give your her whole real name,  (they won't let her on the plane without ID with the same name on the ticket).  Then when you are on the overnight you can ask yourself whether you really had to know her real name in the first place LOL, grin.

In all seriousness, you might think about a longer time session with her.  If she is a one hour at a time person to you, I'm not sure what the point is so see her a little longer and it may just come out in the conversation.

My ATF had at least 4 different names plus her real name which I knew and I actually like one of her pseudonames better.  I think I like the Native American way of not getting your adult name until you get a personality.

The ones I'm challenged with are the stage names that are kind of "out there".  Not to pick on anybody, but calling someone Mistress Scorpio all night would get old.

Some of the ladies have mentioned the challenge of moving back and forth between stage and given name.  I think it's even harder once you know her given name.  I call my ATF by her given name.  But I can also tell she hesitates on the phone when she calls and says "Hi, it's ... _____" because she's usually in "stage" mode and she has to catch herself and use her real name with a customer.

Bottom line:  her comfort level ultimately defines.

-- Modified on 6/18/2003 5:10:24 PM

I've had people ask me, and I don't think it's any big deal.  Usually not the first time I see them, though.

-Anya

EnjoyingLife,

Your last line says it all about so many of the questions on this board:  names, screening, their personal limits, etc.  It’s not a one size fits all world.

I've never asked, but a couple of ladies told me their names after I had seen them once. The interesting thing, sort of the client side of Sedona's post, was that it took some getting used to. In other words, I think about and visualize the providers using their professional names, so their real names were a little awkward for me at first.

even when she introduced me to her provider friends, I never said any name out loud when I talked to her, everyone knew who I was talking to by body language if nothing else.

Though I was always wanted to yell across a crowded room, "Hey, Woman that makes me cry out in ecstasy come here!" LOL, grin

intimate.  They take you beyond the game and closer to the real person.  To me, the real person is much more intriquing than the stage front.  And only a few will be comfortable enough to let you behind the wall.  

Appealing to me, but only if she's ok with it.

I would agree that they are more intimate. And knowing a little about the real person doesn't take away from the fantasy in any way, as far as I am concerned.

-- Modified on 6/18/2003 6:41:39 PM

I never ask ladies for their real name.  After a period of time several ladies have voluntarily given me their name.  In one instance the fact that I knew the lady's real name allowed me to help her avoid an LE bust.

I've never asked, but in some cases, it's been included in the email address (ie. [email protected]).  That's when you know that she's completely comfortable.  Or lost her mind.

Now THAT'S interesting..I'd like to hear the details on that story, because the reason I won't usually give it up is because I've been taught the less the Client knows, the safer he is..!
That's my objective ..sometimes protecting HIM from HIMSELF! Please either PM me, or email me at [email protected] with whatever you're comfortable with, or even POSTING HERE with the circumstances, so that I might understand better.
I tell ya, I've gotten a real chuckle out of the responses - you guys are just so dang funny! It's great..love ya..
But, then, I always have to get my 'head on straight' and think seriously, and not 'give in' to some things, because, like NOSC, I've been stalked before (before Sedona existed), and that's how I got to San Diego..long story..but let me tell you, I packed a whole household, put it in storage, and moved three hours away in a matter of a few HOURS in the wee hours of the night in order to avoid something really dangerous! And this is years before "Provider Time"..I can't risk another Client's safety for the potential of another client getting too possesive or jealous. You can't KNOW how hard it is to NOT offer Incall at my home (not to mention the potential bookings!), but I won't do it, in order for everyone to be as safe as possible!
Don't think it's because she doesn't 'favor' you, or trust you, or whatnot because she doesn't tell you This, or do That - if she's worth her salt at all, she's been taught to think of far more things than could ever enter your mind, in order to protect you BOTH. We don't want to share those things, because those are 'issues', and we're pulling you AWAY from issues and into Fantasyland..so that you don't HAVE to think about them! We are 'trained' to be coy and demure about some things..and pretend we're not comfortable, but if you knew some of the reality of things - you might be shocked as hell! Sorry if this appears as more of a Reality Check, but I just want to 'hint' in that direction. If you are seeing a Top Quality Escort, trust that she knows some things you haven't thought of! And likewise, give her some insight, too, to better serve the BOTH of you, on things SHE isn't aware of. Am I making sense?
Dang - I learn something everyday! I just had Happy Hour with two of my ATF Provider Friends in SD - these ladies are top-notch and know what the heck they're doing, AND I love 'em dearly. I'm telling you - they could do SEMINARS on Hobbying topics! I am so blessed to be friends with them! This was a first for us - to just relax, be 'girls' and talk the 'business' and sharpen each other..Ladies, you have any questions about this type of thing, PM me, or email me..

I'm sorry if I've rambled on..and all we're talking about is First Names, for crying out loud, but I'm on a roll, and all excited about some things..

Love ya,
Sedona

It cam be confusing for the provider when she is called on her business line by a customer and he uses her first name.  She may think, who is this and why are they using my real name?  Most or some customers think it is cool to know the name and then want to use it. I have two relationships with some providers and because of this need to know both their names and many other things.  When I call to see her for the service she provides, I use her Stage Name.  When I call for the service I provided, I use the real name.

Lost her mind would be more like it.
I really appreciate NOSC putting me back in 'my mind' and reminding me tonight of why you NEVER let them know your details! It's not about trusting them..it's about protection, for both of you..
After all, Stalkers don't start off as stalkers, or you would be 'warned'. They start off as your best guys, the ones you DID give your address and phone number to, etc...and THEN they got 'weird'..Am I right?
"Funny" uncles, or cozy Grandpa's don't start off as molesters, they've WON your trust first..
Hopefully, I'm making a point..
It's a rule, and you don't break it. I've gotten three invitations THIS WEEK - to fly to whereEVER on their DIME, and they will pay for the ticket, as long as I can spend three hours with them, and they will fly me back same day - don't even have to stay the night. I haven't even responded YET to the invitations. But, I'll tell you, NOSC's post tonight REMINDED me, that this is the perfect time NOT to give out the info. Pay for the ticket myself, and be reimbursed...
It's not easy..you build email and PM and Board, and phone relationships with some of these people, but she reminded me NOT to lose sight of the importance of sticking with the rules!
Do you know how many times guys have asked if they could just 'stick it in' real quick - just once? Real quick? And THEN put a condom on? All the time! And, when you're BOTH hot and horny and have had a few glasses of wine, a full meal, are two hours into it, and in the jacuzzi..? You want to badly YOURSELF, but WE always SHOULD, and HAVE to be thinking with a clear head that you CAN'T, and DON'T. It's a responsibility..Charlie Sheen might say he pays them to 'leave'; but I'm paid to think and act and do things I don't necessarily want to because it's SMART to, and THAT, my dear is what I get paid for..!
I hope this doesn't appear as if I'm on the Soapbox but I wanted to relay some things in a 'light' that would hopefully make sense. There is so much we'd love to do, to say, to be different, I'm sure..but in the best interest for YOU, it's got to be this way..
I hope you understand this in the way that it was intended..

xo,
Sedona

As always, Nicole, an excellent post..
I'd like to comment on your last couple of sentences:

If I feel wary of anyones company I will cancell at the drop of a hat and not worry about what they think. I may be wrong about who and what they are all about, but my safety and my own comfort with certain personalities that dont mesh with my own are more important than the "almighty dollar!"

I lost a potentially, really good client this week, and feel so badly it worked out that way. I/we never mean it personally..sometimes it's just that some things, or references don't always 'check out', or there were discrepancies in the information they provided in the screening, but if I can't feel very sure about things, I will have to back out and not respond, as Nicole says.


Sedona

Since your post and a few others seem to be in reponse to my post on this thread and on another thread below I will attempt to clarify.

First of all I never said that providers should give out their first and last names to clients.  In fact in general I think it is a not a good practice.  I just stated that several had given them to me.  In addition I have had several ask me to prepare their income tax returns which I declined because of my own legal considerations.  Obviously I would have known a lot of information about them had I elected to accept that business.  I am sure some of the other hobbyists(lawyers, doctors, dentists, accountants, etc) have had similar experiences.  And for the record IMHO the above ladies were all high class intelligent women with college degrees etc - in other words Top Quality Escorts.

I am not sure whether I care to share the details of the story.  
I regard it as a freak event where the lady made a mistake and handed me a load of LE lemons and knowing her real name managed to make it a possible to turn the lemons into lemonade.  In general I think there is more potential downside than upside to the client having your real name.  

Some of the other comments made in this thread seem to be directed at my reply to notabadboy's post on previous thread that is still on this page.  My reply to notabadboy's post in essence said that it was not prudent to solely depend on a provider to be looking out for his interests.  He needs to look after his own interests and let the provider look after hers.  In that regard most of the providers in the business are trustworthy people just as most of the hobbyists are trustworthy people.  Unfortunately some are not trustworthy and when economic times get tough people's true character comes out.  Sedona I believe that you had an opportunity to observe some of those changes first hand with some of the ladies willingness to provide referrals.  And I have seen other examples of similar behavior.  Much of this behavior is not captured in the review process.        

And speaking of providers sharing information with other people.  It is a relative rarity that a provider shares the personal information of another provider with a client.  It is much more common for a provider to share a client's information with another provider.  The result of this is usually a hobbyist receiving unsolicited calls from an unknown provider and messages being left on the answering machine.  In the last week I have had a message left on my answering machine from a provider who I have not seen in more than three years.  In addition she has given my information to a friend of hers and I have messages from her on my answering machine.  And the first lady I only saw upon a recommendation from another provider that I had seen for a long time.  Thankfully in the last three years I have not become involved with a SO or this minor annoyance could be a major problem.  


-- Modified on 6/19/2003 3:43:34 AM

Wow! I never thought it was that big of a deal. First of all I said first name not last name , and I'm a far cry from being a stalker! It seems a little one sided when we have to give out all this private info on ourselves, but that's just the nature of the business I suppose Anyway ,I think I'll let it go for now. I love her stage name, it is uncommon and does fit her very well.

My experience is that usually a provider chooses her provider name carefully and it is somehow an embodiment of the fantasy she wishes to portray. I know the given names of many providers and except for a very few providers I prefer the Chosen name.

All that being said, there is one special lady who has a given name that embodies the true essence of her spirit and her chosen name 'while descriptive' does not do her justice.

my 2 cents.

Cergio

Personally, I feel like it's rude to ask. Sort of along the lines of us asking your wife or childrens names. It's irrelevant to anything going on anyways, and if you ask you put the lady in a very awkward position. No one wants to say to someone, I don't want you to know my real name. It's not even about trust or anything else, necessarily, it is about keeping the separate aspects of your life separate.

I really, really hate it when people ask me!

Hugs*
Nicole

I've been asked a lot, and I've never told anyone my real name. You hit the nail on the head, Nicole--it's privacy as well as keeping your provider life separate from your personal life.  

I know several providers in my city and we all understand the name issue--NO ONE ever asks each other our real names. Now, some of the girls volunteer their names right off the bat, and that's fine for them. If she wants to volunteeer her name to a client too, that's her perogative.

Sometimes a client will act hurt and tells me he knows the names of all the girls he sees, except me. I'm sorry he feels that way but it's not going to change my mind.

Once there was a client who asked my name on both the first and second dates. He seemed so persistent that he made me feel uncomfortable, and needless to say, there was no third date.

Knowing the real name, not knowing the real name, who really cares? I have no problem whatsoever giving anybody my first name. I have learned through past experiences that it is best, at least for me, to truly try leading a life with as few complications as possible. Knowing myself, if I utilized dual names, I would most probably end up saying my pseudonym in a most inappropriate situation surrounded by people who know me, which would be tremendously embarassing.

Personally, I think it is somewhat silly to refer to someone by a name that you know is totally fake. Keeping that in mind, I pretty much don't call someone whose time I'm paying for by any name. If you really think about it, how many times do you need to refer to someone by their given/chosen name when it's just the two of you in the same house/apt for only an hour or two. If the lady's in another room in her house and I want her attention I'll say something to the effect of, "hey sweetie...."

Anyway I don't know what the big deal is? I make it exceedingly clear to whomever I'm with, that once the door slams shut and each person goes publically their separate way, no one should remember a name, a face, or anything else about the other person(at least not until we get together the next time, if there is another time). All the ladies that I've seen have a full and firm understanding of my stated expectations.

Just my take on names.

OK! OK! I get the point! Like I said I'm going to drop it for now. I do think you all are a little to hung up and paranoid about it though I should clarify that this lady is someone I have known for the past six months . We usually do 2hr sessions.
I am getting very attached to her that's all. Believe me I'm not some nutcase!! Like someone else said a rose is a rose by any other name.

You're right.  It's best not to ask.  If the lady wants me to know her real name, I just assume she'll tell me.  I have learned real first names on exactly three occasions.  The first time she told me her name when we were finalizing the appointment.  It was our first time together and we were meeting in a restaurant.  Her stage name was quite unusual and she told me her real name so I could leave it with the hostess as I was to be seated first.  Later I asked what she preferred that I call her.  She said either was fine as she trusted me.  I ended up calling her mostly by her stage name, just because it seemed kind of invasive to use her real name.

The other two were strictly accidents and I never let on that I caught their real names.  One was in a phone conversation and the other was when she called for a cab at the end of our appointment.  Unless I'm really sure that it's okay, I just feel more comfortable using the name that she gave me.

Phred

"I am getting very attached to her that's all"

That is EXACTLY why ASPs use fake names....

"I should clarify that this lady is someone I have known for the past six months . We usually do 2hr sessions."

You say this like it makes a difference...like she OWES it to you now to allow you to become more familiar.

You are losing perspective, and the fact that you are handing her $$$$$ every time you see her is failing to serve its intended purpose - to remind you that this is a BUSINESS transaction. ASPs use various means to keep emotional distance between themselves and their clients...one is that you both know that her "real" name isn't "Nicole"...and that she has every intention of keeping it that way.

Getting attracted indeed. Physical attraction is of course a baseline requirement. And personal attraction is good...it enhances chemistry...it heightens the experience. But emotional attraction is out of place, on the side of EITHER party.

She ain't your GF. She might be your ATF...she's probably someone else's ATF as well. And..she probably has a SigO. Keep it in perspective.

I really hate to keep this going , but I do have to make a few final comments I know many things about her life already, including that she is married and has kids, so am I by the way.
She does trust me and I'm sure she would tell me if I asked. The only reason I haven't I suppose is because I don't like to pry into her private life. What I know of her has just come up in the course of the conversation.

As far as emotions are concerned, well I'm sorry but I'm just not someone that can have sex with somebody over a dozen times and not feel anything. IMHO that is a pretty damn cold person. And no I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one who thinks of her as his ATF. There are many by the look of her reviews. By the way she does get attached to her regulars too. In closing this I have to say that if I were to find myself in a position where I was becoming to obsessed with her I would move on. I think too much of her to put her in any type of uncomfortable position.

Thanks Nicole, I really do appreciate your candor. After all the dust has settled,I have decided to drop the whole matter.
I don't want to jeopardize the perfect chemistry between us.

As far as whether I'm just fond of her or it's getting close to the L thing ..... I can't honestly say at this point. But if it does get to close, I'll just say that I live in the real world and know that would never work out.