TER General Board
falling in love with a provider
She told me her family would not accept me, I was too old, and she was going back with her former boyfriend. I guess the first time he asked her to go back with him he was drunk so she had to wait until the next day when he was sober to know for sure that he was serious.
Countless threads have been made with guys talking about falling for a provider, the guys end up being sad or bitter.
My question:
For men:
-what's the nicest or best way you've been told it wouldn't work
For ladies:
-what's the nicest or best way you've told someone it wouldn't work
She told me her family would not accept me, I was too old, and she was going back with her former boyfriend. I guess the first time he asked her to go back with him he was drunk so she had to wait until the next day when he was sober to know for sure that he was serious.
But once many years ago I started to get a bit too infatuated with a certain lady. I said something such as it would be niceto see her ooutside of our one hour meetings. She said simply and gently "That would be difficult". Her words and her body language were enough. I let it drop and never brought it up again.
I'm not delusional nor am I interested in a relationship with a provider.
... about dating one or two of the women I've met, I do live in reality. Best to keep it professional. I honestly don't know what I would do if a provider actually asked if we should see each other in a dating situation.
I've never asked, so I've never had to be let down.
At least tell me what you said in your first year of doing it, then graduate to what you say now...if there's some violent juicy details then so be it.
I'm thinking now it may be a slap and a "are you f'ing kidding me" followed by a kick, 2 broken ribs for him, and a light kiss on the forehead?
Watch the door scene between Jack Nicholson and the gay guy asking about his dog...that sums it up.
No client has ever outright asked (it's more like a progression of increased texting/emailing/nagging for free dates), but I usually say at some point either 1) That I'm not available for dating at this time, or 2) That I'm boyfriended/married. Oh, and that my honey is a former linebacker and huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge.
If the client is so deluded that he needs to hear #2...that's usually the end of our relationship, client/provider or otherwise. They only were paying me in the hope that I'd date them...dunno how they think that's ever gonna work. But those are the same guys who get married, then divorced, and complain that their wives took them for all they were worth and never loved them. But then there they go again, chasing after a hooker and looking for happily ever after..
I'm floored by some of the stories providers have told me about hobbyists getting fantasy confused with reality. Personally I've fallen in love with a few providers that have been exceptional...for an hour or two! Then it's back to reality and responsibilities (it's a cliché, but the phrase "like a man" comes to mind) so I'll never need to be told the obvious. But I do get that people can get unhealthily caught up in a lot of things if they're not careful...maybe the lesson here is providers, like alcohol, are best avoided when one is in a fragile emotional state.
and keep it that way because if you really like a provider and want to keep seeing her, professing undying love for her is the swiftest way to kill a good situation.
But then again I did fall for one gal and asked to be her boyfriend, and she said "sure".
So I guess I lead some kind of charmed life or something like that. We're still going strong, and she approves of my lifestyle.
A few gals have also asked me to be their SO, but I just didn't feel right about them. They tended to be a bit needy, and have other issues.
I have been dumped by quite a few civies in my time however.
The rejection I liked the best is from one gal who said that my blood didn't taste like hers.
Picky, picky, picky.
It was mean, but I was infatuated bad and gently peeling back that band-aid wasn't going to cut it. I needed her to rip it off along with some arm hair and any hope of her changing her mind.
I became friends and sometimes got together socially with a provider, in addition to P4P. I hadn’t seen her for over year when she called and asked me to meet her for lunch. There, she explained that she wanted to quit the biz; that I was the nicest guy she knew (yeah, yeah, she didn’t get out much); was I willing to explore getting serious with her? I had seen sides of her that I couldn’t live with, but this was not the time to say so. She had summoned courage to ask and fought tears all the way through it. I told her I was deeply flattered but that I had just begun a relationship and wanted to give it a chance. Both were true; there was no need to bring up my reservations about her.
On the other side, my ATF of four years recently left the biz and married. My heart cares deeply for her-the-person, but my mind acknowledges that my view of her-the-person is more the product of fantasy and wishful thinking than of knowing the real her. Of course we could not possibly have made it as a couple. Still, I can’t describe how much I miss her.
-- Modified on 11/16/2013 3:45:50 PM
And don't listen to all of these jaded hacks who have let their superficial self rule over their true destiny's calling . Choosing style over substance .
Be one with it , and blow hiss at all of the nah sayers . Chemistry is rare , and should never be over looked or slighted . The laws of nature should be respected , Honored.
Perhaps that has been our mistake. ? Choosing power over passion? Aligning with those of whom would advance our careers instead of those of whom would make us happy and love us " God rest our souls" should we fall upon dire times of need .
Be it though my breath is heavy .... I refuse to degrease......
Love is a rarity ....not to be squandered.
A feeling that may never come again. Resistance will only cause regret
Surrender may too cause one's heart to be left bleeding................a chance worth taking
Even with all of the doubt , and fearfulness, love's light pulls us through.
Life is not fair . There are no happy endings.....We have only the stories of days gone by that make this life worth enduring the many obstacles and entanglements we encounter .
Cherish your gifts.
Your rewards will be plenty!
Love , honor , and respect the laws of nature...
Fall Madly In Love and devour the politically incorrect prescription to love and be loved. Revel in your human impulses !
Find Time to be one with the Earth! You will be glad you did.
Okay then...The Bean is over and out......
wa'alikm asalaa
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