I have noticed lately everyother message posted is about falling in love with a provider or client. I would like to share my feeling about this and would welcome any comments.
I do not think that the client is falling in love with the providers ........I think they are inlove with the time spent together & shared. The reason I say this is because I am guilty of this. The two people plan on spending time together in doing so they leave everything out of the bedroom for that 1 or 2 hrs and just dedicate themselves to pleasing eachother.
It is not a realistic senario because usually in everyday life there is usually not enough hours in the day to push everything aside and turn all the phones off and just devote yourself to your partner and pleasing them. Usually you are managing work, kids, inlaws, neighbors, sports, friends and everything else in your life.
Sometimes making love to your partner is the last thing on your mind.
So with this said ......... I insist that what we fall in love with is the time we share and the sharing of ourselves that we are in love with.
kisses & licks.........
mara
I agree with you Mara.
I think its a case of falling in lust. When a client comes to visit you, you are being paid to look your best.. You (if you're a good escort) have his best interests at heart and he is the centre of your world for that hour or so.
When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is for the client i'm seeing that day.. How I can make him feel good. A good hairdresser will give you a good haircut to make you feel special... a prostitute will give you a good service to ensure that you feel good about yourself and go away wanting more.
Ultimately, its a business.. I'm not the same in personal relationships as I am in my work.. Therefore, clients probably get the best of me. That's probably why i'm single!
Having said all that.. i've fallen in love with a client in the past.. it all ended in tears.. He wanted me to give up my job.. I didn't want to give up my independence.. I would not be who I was anymore.. I'd be someone else.. I'd be that someone I was working hard to escape.
When you add to the relationship.. all that you speak of.. then some of the magic we provide is lost.
My message is: accept it for what it is.. and enjoy it while it lasts..
Its all over the boards I have made that connection too. I agree with both of you completely. I currently have a personal relationship with a person that saw me first as a sub many years ago. D/s is *REALLY* way different than the Hobby I am discovering. I have to get to know my subs differently than a client. All in All the time I dedicate to a person seeking gfe- encounters is rich and dynamic . Sexy, but its not love. I said this on one other post the other night, we are simply being hired in all reality to avoid the drama and issues that go along with having to "hook up" with someone. Many gentlemen have SO and they simply can not start creating "dates" with someone from the office because everyones knows their married.
I will agree that you are correct as far as you take it. I do not agree that there is a concrete wall preventing things from going past there for a small number of people.
I also agree that the initial feelings are almost always falling in lust. But when there is one special Lady I have seen without her hair done or her make-up on, have trudged down to the mechanic to pick her up and shuttle her about when her car wasn’t working (and she for me), and with whom I have had the absolute best escorting experience of my life when we noticed 3+ hours into a two hour appointment that we both still had all our clothes on, then the relationship is more than the one you are describing. Is this common? I doubt it. Is it unique? I doubt that also.
You say yours broke up because he wanted you to stop working. Unfortunately too often the same “I’m in charge, you need to change” kind of thing happens to women all fields, not uniquely in this one.
Again, I think you are right on about the large majority of cases, but we will probably agree to disagree about it being absolute.
For me it is about rediscovering the joys of sexual discovery which most of us with SO have not had for yearsor even decades. It's difficult to come up with "firsts" 18 years into a relationship.
So, in a unique way to maintain stability on the home front, yet stoke the fires of our adventurous spirits, we pursue the hobby. And for a brief hour or two (I'm not including you lucky high rollers who get weekends together), we get to rediscover the temporary emotional, spiritual, and physical highs of falling in love/lust with someone new.
Although contrary to law and public "morality", I find that this improves my SO relationship by allowing me to lower my expectations as I have another outlet for my needs. That may sound sad, but many compromises are necessary as huge demands on our time is forced upon us by career, family, and all he other distractions which conspire to short circuit our sex life. I still love her just as much, but she has no desire to add to the sexual menu anymore, and is resistant and shuts down when I try to introduce new things. (Ironically, she'll watch Iron Chef or some cooking show and bemoan how dull her cookng has become as she seems to make the same ten meals over and over again and she needs some variety..... sigh,.... but I digress...)
I think it all boils down to the "newness" we get to experience. Why else would Hugh Grant leave Elizabeth Hurley at home for that Marvin Hagler in drag streetwalker in LA (apologies to whatever standup comedian I stole that line from). Ditto Eddie Murphy. All men are drawn to the "new" experience, whether or not they act on it. It's hardwired into our DNA.
Why is it that so many of us would rather work a few more hours a week for a bigger house or a fancier SUV when the important stuff like devoting time to making love is so often pushed aside? I say make do with the simple life and enjoy the beauty in what mother nature gave us.
In my business we say "never say never" because as old traveler said there are few absolutes.
If you read this board, then I am pretty sure you know what my opinion of falling in love with providers is.
And yes I like the time I spend with my provider because it is relatively slack time so I am not trying to juggle two things at once or deal with a difficult person other than my ATF of course LOL. I haven't spend less than two days with my ATF in a long time so my experiences are different than a one or two our encounter. But I will agree they are also not everyday go to work, run a household type experiences either.
You talk about being in love with the experience and I have clearly been with providers where I loved the experience but not the proiver. I think the difference with my ATF is that she defines the experience for me and since she is a part of the experience, then if I love the experience, then I would love her too.
The experiences I have had with my SO are different from those I have had with my ATF
Love doesn't occur in a vacum and you aren't suggesting that it does, I think.
My problem is I am in love with my ATF and she does not have the same depth of feeling. She may well have some feelings but they are not the same. I just got off the phone with her and she was describing having sex on an elevator with another guy for the first time which was anything but erotic for me. WE are both busy and can't get together before the Super Bowl which is killing me.
With a civilian girlfriend I would make an effort to wait but I think I am beginning to come to the conclusion that it is time to try the same experiences with another person trying not to compare that person with my ATF and move on.
I will see if I can agree with you that it is the experience and not the person I am in love in but I think in this case you are wrong. I won't mind if you are right though.
I have a few ladies that I've seen with whom I keep in touch. They are special and I think and feel fondly of and for them. I prefer the sensation of romance in my hobby so I almost exclusively book multi hour dates. This lends itself to getting to know the person a little better than one can when you roll around for an hour then pull up your socks and dash back to work.
Still, as has been said, this is a fantasy and the ladies are putting on a bit of a show. And so am I. I am on my best behavior, scrubed squeeky clean, and wearing freshly cleaned clothes. If the gal makes a comment that hits me as absurd, I let it pass. In real life, I'd be exposed to them more often and it wouldn't sit well. In short, both parties want the date to go well...and so it usually does.
There is only one, however, whith whom I've fallen in love. We spent hours together at first, then weekends and eventually dates that were 5 to 9 days together. Things were not completely wonderful every minute that we were together, but damned close to it. So I've seen her without make up, I've kissed her first thing in the morning, and I've listened to her life struggles and participated in her real life.
She is now retired and I have seen her since that decision on several occasions. We have not been sexually active on those occasions and yet I want to be with her and she continues to welcome me into her life. I think she is wonderful and we share many memories. We have exchanged the "L" word and meant it. We are both happily married and I think richer for having known eachother as we have.
The others are not like her. I doubt that there will ever be another encounter like this for me. This sort of thing just happens. Most of the dates are very very nice and the ladies are excuisite. But in the end, it is just fantasy.
when after entering this hobby to fulfill my adolescent fantasy/dream of being given the keys to the candy store I go and find one single flavor that I can't put down.
You make a good point Mara however I too have rationalized over and over and yet the symptoms remain the same.