I post with an alias for reasons which will become obvious. I work for a large law firm (not a lawyer) and am not sure who may read this, and while I'm not sure that it is directly related to the hobby, it could be --
On a night out on the town with some friends, we ate at a quiet out-of-the-way restaurant, and in the corner, I spotted one of the Paralegals from our Criminal Law Dept. having dinner with someone who I also knew - a young Federal Prosecutor. I doubt she saw me, as her back was to me, but when she turned to speak to the waiter several times, there is no doubt that she is who I thought, and we know each other well from work. She is married, her husband is a CPA and travels alot,and the Prosecutor is single, someone who worked for us and left to join the Feds, and who I also know fairly well. She joined the firm after he had left, so I doubt they knew each other from the office.
Curiosity got to me, and I called him a few days later "to chat" and mentioned that I thought I saw him at XXX restaurant the other night. He acknowledged it, said he also saw me but didn't want to intrude, and we talked for a few moments before I asked "who was that beautiful woman I saw you with ... she's a knock-out" (She really is!!). He told me that a friend had given him her number, they were meeting to get to know each other, and she may be traveling with him on occasion ... but did not mention any words or terms that would indicate she was a provider or companion. I sensed he did not want to discuss it any further, and let it drop.
As a hobbyist myeself who visits with very well-established UTR ladies (through referrals), I understand the need for discretion and privacy. Do I know that this woman is a provider ... No, not for sure. Do I suspect that she is ... possibly. Could this be simply the start of an affair ... Could be. And being a provider who is married is not of any concern to me, nor is that fact of any moral or ethical issue ... the concern is that she is a Paralegal in the Criminal Dept., he is a Federal Prosecutor, and it raises two questions ... does she KNOW who he works for, and is this the start of a sting or other form of obtaining information on his part? Or is she cooperating with the Feds on some new set-up? Am I just being overly cautious, inquisitive or borderline paranoid. And it may not involve the hobby at all ... I don't know.
It does not effect me at all, and my initial reaction is to let it be ... but,here's my main question - Do I approach her (or him) to let them know who the other party is and what they do? Do I warn her (politely) that she's been spotted, and needs to be more cautious? Do I talk to her Partner to protect the firm if there is even the slightest possibility that she could be compromising a client? Or, do I simply let whatever happens just happen, since I am not involved at all. I would not want to see her get hurt (regardless of what the situation turns out to be) but I am torn by my obligation to be silent, my obligation to the firm and our clients, and my obligation (as a hobbyist) to a lady who may be getting in over her head.
There are many wise and experienced folks on this board. Your assistance would be greatly appreciated.
I've been a lawyer for over 30 years...in big firms on Wall St. that you'd recognize the names of and in small firms.
My friend, you're thinking too much. This is not your business, no way, no how. Even the perceived ethical issue of your paralegal having dinner with a prosecutor does not remotely rise to a level that inquiry is in order.
People are allowed to have dinner with one another. It's not your business what the reasons are or the circumstances.
Pull your nose out of this situation and put it back on the grindstone of billable hours before you get a well-deserved punch in the face.
-- Modified on 2/22/2009 8:11:34 AM
I agree....let it rest!
Actually i can understand your concern. Its easy to start overthinking...i have been getting ready to go on a perfectly well screened date and still had some nervousness. It just kinda goes with the territory and ultimatley is what adds to the thrill, a little. I prefer saftey at all cost, but i would agree with the other responses, relax, cover your own ass and have a great time!!
In that sitcom was a man named Sgt. Schultz who's most famous line was "I Know Nothing". Embrace that thought.
that i think that i am a lot like you: i think a lot, can risk analyze til my head hurts, and i have a compulsion to correct misunderstandings and make 'the right thing' happen.
the problem with the compulsion that we might share is that, _unless you are invited_ you _cannot_ expect anything good to happen from taking on uninvited roles or responsibilities.
it is a difficult thing to kick, the desire to help everyone achieve a happy ending. but as sweet as it is to want to do that, it is certainly not immune to unintended consequences. all positive character traits that are civil and good also have a negative side, a weakness attached. concentrate on the chaos and disaster that you might cause by barging in.
perhaps you will be able to avoid getting kicked in the head for your efforts.
if i sound overly insistent, well, i've had a fresh reminder about unintended consequences of good intentions.... it isn't pretty.
curiousity killed the cat so to speak..Who knows what the sceanerio is and i can totally understand your red flags because you dabble in the Hobby..but do yourself a favor, keep it too yourself, and just be careful who you Hobby with.
But KEEP your mouth closed, there's NO tactful way to approach this.
Jay
Now place yourself in the young lady situation and someone saw you in a hotel lobby om the way to see a provider..What do you think she should do? I do not know your marital situation or your position in the firm but you want to be warned? If the answer is yes, then go with your conscious. If the answer is no, then stay out of her business
Based on your descrption, I doubt that she is a provider, if she was he would have warned her about you, especially after your phone call to the prosecutor. So if its just a office affair leave it be.
My initial problem was "WHO" can I ask to offer advice ... certainly no one at the firm and certainly not a lady who I see. The community and the Board was the answer, and I greatly appreciate the thoughts that have gone into the advice, even the "Punched in the face" and "kicked in the head" comments. I know what you meant and appreciate the candor.
The hobby raises a number or legal, moral and ethical issues at times, depending on the individual and the situation. As I mentioned, I am not a lawyer so there is no "client confidentiality" to deal with ... but I guess it was my initial concern for the firm and a very sweet young lady, as I know what the Feds can do if they want.
Advice reviewed, considered, taken. I will step back and let it play out by itself. Thank you all again for your input.
Seems like you are trying to find a way to 'get with this gal' if she is a provider and you are stumbling around to find out?
As a prominent attorney - you see an employee from your criminal department having dinner with a prosecutor... and you are acting like this?
What if she is spilling the beans on one of the firms clients? THAT is a legitimate question and I don't know how to advise you on that... confront her is my first thought? Tell her you saw her and you '...happen to know that her dinner companion is a prosecutor and it 'could put the firm' in a compromising position. Can you put my mind at ease?'
And let her know, if it's totally personal - your lips are sealed.
First, I am NOT trying to "GET WITH" the girl - if I was, I would have simply asked my friend if she was a provider ... simple enough. Second, I presume the phrase "As a prominent Attorney" was relating to you, since I've stated I am NOT an attorney. Lastly, I am unsure what " ... and you are acting like this" refers to ... acting like what?
This is a delicate situation and before I asked the wrong person the wrong question, I sought the advice of the Board and those who may have much more experience than I. After thinking about it and reading the advice, I am not going to pursue this ... it is clearly none of my business. In speaking with my friend in the future and "IF" there is any mention of something that I KNOW to be damaging to the firm or it's clients (although I doubt he would tell me he's about to hang one of our clients), I will seek advice again. I appreciate your comments but feel you are misplaced in some of your thoughts.
Speaking from the stand point of a female provider: If someone I knew in civvie life spotted me on a "date", I would like to know that I'd been spotted. At least it would allow me the chance to be more cautious next time, instead of living in a delusion that my activities were secret.
Isn't there any way that you could just have a little chat with her, just mention that you'd seen her having dinner with someone who you just happen to know. What would be the harm in that?
You don't need to press her for info, but if I were her, I would definitely appreciate the knowledge that I'd been "seen."
You make a valid point, and perhaps in passing next time I see her, I may consider just a casual "did you enjoy your dinner at XXX - I thought that was you there but was just leaving and was not sure" WITHOUT mentioning who I saw her with.
The other interesting twist that I have not referenced is that my friend the Prosecutor KNOWS I am at the firm, so that leads me to believe he DOES NOT know she works there ... or else his answer about "getting to know her" may have been different, knowing that I would probably know her. Thus, my initial thoughts were of her being a provider, compromising firm clients,or maybe even looking for another job.
Perhaps I will find a way to bring up the "dinner" and the "was that you - did you enjoy it" topic, but am staying away from anything else, as has been suggested. Thank you for your suggestion.
....cause you WERE inching out into the quicksand.
that you are not an attorney... I'm not either. Sorry but that doesn't change my thoughts... perhaps i could have stated them better. And I believe you are being honest, it's just the way 'all of that' came across, I just thought there might be an underlying issue???
I know when I type voluminous posts - I often re-check my agenda, that's me though.
And now that you are dropping it... nevermind.
All in good spirits, dude... safe hobbying... .02
-- Modified on 2/22/2009 3:53:43 PM
"What if she is spilling the beans on one of the firms clients? THAT is a legitimate question "
I got to say that this was my first thought when i read this post .... dinner meeting between prosecutor ond law firm employee makes me think of said employee being CI, not Escort.
Although sometimes lines do get pretty blurry 
))
Lina
not telling him about your hobby activities! LOL!
QED
Has anyone seen Shirley Schmidtho?
....and go find something else to worry about. What are you anyway? Some kind of junior Sherlock Holmes?
don't take the weight of the World upon yourself in this case. You have no idea what is going on and you can do nothing but cause problems for yourself and everyone concerned.
You are clearly a decent man so don't take this as a rebuke, but you really need to move on without doing a thing.
Best of luck.
I post with the understanding that I may not like or agree with all of the comments, but I respect everyone's right to voice their feelings.
Dr. Joe, Tex, LadyJ, MP, dbara ... and many others are posters who I have read whenever they post because they have sound logic, and while we don't always agree, I know they mean well, as I meant well when I asked the question initially. I could have made some calls or alerted the "proper" people, but instead I took my Sunday off and asked for some guidance here because I was torn between loyalty to the firm and the fact that I know both people involved and would not want to see anyone hurt.
I do have a life, and a good one. I love my work, have plenty of friends, and am happier now than when I was 20 years younger. I am often asked to "counsel" staff members with problems at the firm because I am trusted to keep things in confidence, to be sure of the right answer before I offer it, and to know what I don't know, and ask for assistance myself. This was one of those cases where I knew I needed advice.
Yes, I may have taken too much for granted and made some quick observations and developed some questionable analysis, but I knew that and came here for help, and I thank those who offered their advise. And even to those who appeared to be a bit critical, I respect your right to say what's on your mind. After all, we're all in the same hobby-related situation here, and are here to help one another.
read the media, law firms are laying folks off left and right, government employment is pretty secure, she might have simply responded to a job posting and be meeting him outside work hours as part of an interview process.
I'd do nothing.