Will this joint accept my hooker's stage name? Maybe Yelp and TER can join forces so I only have to write one review for the whole night!

I find it intrusive and bordering on an invasion of my privacy.

I'll have to go with inicky, Perfect Storm, ChgoCPA, CurlyW,  BigPapaSan,  or Gagambler. RodTidwell too but I haven't logged into that account in a few hours.  It's always amusing to post cryptic stuf, using pimpathy account though. I also get a kick out of posting dumb shit using fungus account.  Maybe I'll post another troll post using my tucky account pretending to be an investment banker

Although, ironically, the best restaurants in the world stay the fuck out of the personal business of their customers.  

and invade my private area for dessert?

that we now know. And that there are many restaurants to choose from. Good grief, what a creepy practice. If I want personalized, special treatment, I'll just call the restaurant in advance and tell them exactly what I want.

with a provider and be greeted by the matre'd with [directed at your date], "Hello Mrs. Monger, we see you are celebrating a birthday next week.  May we bring a small birthday cake to the table after your meal; on the house of course?"