a question for my provider friends..my fellow hobbyists sometimes say " she was fantastic..i cant wait to see her again " do providers ever feel that way? do you block that feeling out? did you ever have a client who was so attractive and fun to be with you told yourself " i cant wait to see him again " are you disappointed if he never asks to see you again? as i said in my last thread..emotional intimacy can be tricky..some welcome it..others avoid it.what say you?

Its not so much that "I cant wait" its more a feeling of "I look foward to seeing you again".

I have met some wonderful gentlemen who I have enjoyed being with and always look forward to seeing again when they are ready.

And we also do/did get to see him again.
I would not be hurt/disappointed if I never saw him again. many friends only play once or twice a year when they travel...such is life. And then there is an ATF you like..and one day you can't see him and he finds another fav...such is life. You make the best of every moment that you can and understand that in some cases we can't DICKtate it!

Everyone we meet is different so there are times that we have fantastic conversations and really do enjoy that person. Sometimes they were just fun to be with because of many factors and yes I'd like to see them again. Not sure you could say it was emotional intimacy but maybe the ease we felt with that one person was nice. There are connections I have with some of my regulars that are very special to me.

So for me I haven't ever been disappointed....but my life is complete so sometimes if you are feeling a whole in your life then you might get that rejected feeling if they don't schedule again.

contact that great fella and ask him to join you for dinner...on your dime!

Might be crossing a boundary...but there seem to be many fellas here that would "love" that type of invitation.

And since you say that this happens to you "all the time"....just a thought

I have had patients to whom I have become very attached but who then moved away or decided to change physicians or whatever.  I would not think of trying to keep up a non professional relationship when this happens involving continued examinations and medical advice on a friend to friend basis.  Why would a profession woman who has become attached to a client feel any differently.  The attachment can still be strong, but it is professional.

In these cases, I ask myself simple questions "What is wrong with him? Why he has to hire providers?"

Like magic, the feeling goes away

but some clients PREFER and do not HAVE to play in this arena. there are as many reasons as folks.

in my case it is simple. i'm old and decrepit. i'm also spoiled by a lifetime of interesting, beautiful edgy, artistic intelligent companionship in the civy world. i can either stay civy and less happily entertained or i can indulge in compensated companionship. a generous donation overcomes any of my deficiencies in the civy dating world.

there is a difference between choice and necessity. i hope that you are not jaded and look down on your clients.... that this is just a mental trick you employ....

and I have many clients that I see professionally as well...

And many of them are friends who I am happy to see outside of our professional relationship.

And it's an easy to maintain type of relationship...as far as I'm concerned.

Perhaps that is why they call it a "friendship".

Imagine the possibilities?

If you walk into a bar, what are the chances that women of the same age and appearance as women you have reviewed might go home and have sex with you and give you praise?

What would it take for you to have that caliber of women welcome your advances?

as if Kendra felt like she really "connected with me" and wanted to "get to know me better"...my suggestion is to reach out and "buy me dinner".  I may be interested in that evening out...but if indeed it is for free sex...I would NOT be expecting, nor asking for it.

When MY clients invite me to personal type functions I expect that it is for my wit, wisdom and great personality.  If they are simply expecting this to be a tax, consulting, financial session...I would decline the invite.  But that has RARELY been the case.  And I have been to their kids weddings and Bnai Mitzvahs...sporting events and dinners with the clients.  And the chit chat is of a personal nature.

And in many cases those are clients that have maintained a business relationship with me over 20+ years.

That is the oxymoron in this business. Most gals have NO clue in how to manage this.  At least I have not seen it in action yet...and your comments solidify that observation.  

I think the difference in philosophies is that I looked at developing "long term relationships" with my clientele, and most gals are in this biz fairly short term...and I do get it!

I'm just presenting another side of the how's and why's of business.  Unfortunately it isn't a functional part of the hobby

10 or 20 years ago your "walk into a bar" scenario was not a problem and quite doable. aside from the "walk into a bar" scenario i have had several SOs, each over periods of double digit years who were of the caliber of women i have reviewed.

so what would it take? a significant improvement in my health and a time machine.

Again, no disrespect. Absolute majority of customers (99.99999%) pay for sex because they must. I simply do not like when people are deluding themselves that this is something they choose vs have to do.

In your case I would answer "whats wrong with him that he must pay for sex" with  "his age and health".

In another case I may say "his social skills", or "his sexual capacity", etc etc.  There is always something that makes a man pay.

in a profession that it shouldn't create a conundrum in meeting patients/clients outside of the professional realm.

And my reply was more towards Kendra's comments...but I certainly can and do understand that the gal's will RARELY extend that type of offer.

Fortunately many of the gal's that I have met don't share that thought entirely.  And OTC time can and is separated efficiently.  It just might depend on the maturity of the folks involved.  Or the gal's fears that maybe she will have breached some boundary of hers causing some issues (but invariably they will be hers to deal with).  For me there is never that type of a boundary issue.  I get what P4P is...and as long as a gal sees it, the "friendships" can and do become a part of this game.

So...to each their own.  And if that is what works for you..go for it.

i can still walk into a bar and walk out with a woman who is 5-15 years younger and at least _somewhat_ less decrepit than i. that _choice_ is open to me. i can adapt to those circumstances or continue to "spoil" myself by compensating companions. i consciously CHOOSE the latter. it is a choice if i have other options and choose whether or not to exercise them as i see fit. therefore i DO NOT HAVE TO and in fact I NEVER "pay for sex". i pay for time, companionship, and with certain ladies who have the right specialized skills, therapeutic non sexual experiences.

your insistence upon compulsion ("makes a man pay") is not respectful at all.

I finally got up and let her out.

(ba-doom)

But seriously folks:

There is nothing "wrong" with hobbyists that we HAVE to pay women to make love to us.  We may not look like George Cluney, but we have mostly are or have been married, and have the resources to appear atrractive if that's what needed.

First of all, consider this prime given:  Sex is NEVER free.

There are bargains to be had, but sex always creates a debt that must be paid.

For reasons that are clear to some, and will become clear to anyone who goes in another direction, the hobby is by far the best bargain for obtaining sexual fulfillment.

The cost of sex in the hobby are quite clear.  Outside of the hobby, you may find yourself with a balloon payment to make someday.  I know I have.

I HAVE to pay to other people to do all these tasks because I can not do any of that myself.  

I am afraid we will  have to agree to disagree.  I prefer to call things what they are while customers of sex workers prefer to delude themselves that it is a choice.

You and I have never met but I know several ladies who know you personally. From what I've heard you're a great company and a gentleman.


You also seem to have no illusions.

i don't regret my "balloon" payments, they were equitable and non punitive. but the costs of civy relationships often include the risks of the question of setting up a new joint domicile... either way there are risks of drama. ith a chronic disease that is aggravated by stress i cannot well afford that.

there was one person in the last 10 years for whom would have been willing to carry the risks forward. i am likely lucky that the lady was unwilling.

there is something to be said for "we pay you to go away" also. although i think that is a bit harsh. rather, i welcome hearing from my "lady friends". so "we pay you to go away" isn't strictly true for me either.

i really refuse to be "categorized". it isn't respectful at all.

So you do acknowledge that YOU have a choice...and your choice is to hire folks to do the things YOU don't want to do.

No argument here whatsoever.

That's why I hire gals to blow me and such...I prefer not to do it myself  That's MY choice!

that's OK. clearly you have some needs that are served by disbelieving my point. i understand, YOU have no choice.

i think that "mysecondalias" has choice and necessity confused in some way because that confusion is an important defense mechanism. i doubt that clarity will be achieved soon or on the board.

that's not really a choice, is it?

food, clothing, and shelter are all capable of being provided by any human who is not physically or mentally impaired. my carpentry skills are minimal, my sewing and gardening are excellent.

anyone with kindergarten skills can choose to make their own.

i have a couple of provider friends that i stay in touch with. there is some degree of friendship outside the profession. i have never expected OTC time to involve services that are covered by professional services. it is strictly limited to discussing topics of mutual interest. one such friend is quite retired and totally out of the biz.

it looks to me like you are so much in the habit of justifying your own "choices" as "necessities".  you have hopelessly muddled the distinction between having a choice and not having a choice in your own mind.

no one is pointing a gun at your head preventing you from growing your own food, building your own house, or making your own clothing. there are still "homesteading" possibilities available....

i hope that no one is pointing a gun to your head to be in this business. then you would be a victim of something evil. if you are in this business out of choice, that is one thing. if you are in it out of necessity.... i would not want to patronize that kind of business. i only want to deal with folks who are free to choose to deal with me.

With the exception of street walkers and women who are victims of trafficking, all sex workers are engaged in this work because they want to.

They (myself included) COULD work in less lucrative jobs.

I do not understand why men find it difficult to admit they pay for NSA sex with young attractive women because they have to pay for it.

luxury is not a necessity. just as a choice is not a necessity.

You again can't apparently READ your own posts!  You and every SW has the "choice" to do this work.  And then to insult street walkers as ALL victims of trafficking....YOU ARE DELUSIONAL!!

Yet John's DON'T have that same choice.

And I may indeed agree with some men paying for sex with "young attractive women"...and I don't know if that is you...I'd be willing to bet you aren't.  

Perhaps if you got off of your throne and stopped crapping on the very John's who put a roof over your head (not one that you built...by choice), you better keep on using your alias.

But don't forget...your words follow you...and it's not all that tough to figure who is who on the NEW TER!

Just sayin!!

Though I can't divulge who and when, I can tell you that I do have OTC dinners on my dime....because I believe in giving back some of what I have received. I know alot of the ladies don't like to hear these things but it makes my clients feel appreciated.

When you make this business all about the money you take out the enjoyment also.

They didn't expect sex and they were just happy to be treated like they weren't just a client. We had dinner, a few drinks laughed and enjoyed the evening.

They still see me just like before, nothing has changed. The one thing I see though is they have alot more appreciation for me as a woman. They want a long term relationship with me because they are too scared to see random women due to well.....divorce horrors they have already experienced.

You can substitute sex with a provider, and hobbyits know that. As long as hobbyits have disposable income and are lazy enough or short of time, they will go to a provider. Similarly, providers have a choice, to work harder and be frugal or have tons of cash and time to enjoy it.

There is nothing like "HAVE TO," my dear. If that was the case provider income would be permanent like tax revenue.

we choose sex that we must pay for, that reason may not preclude us from being a potential "can't wait see you again" kinda of guy. Just like just because you chose this career path for one period of your life, it doesn't preclude you from entering into a committed relationship, even with a past client, at some future time of your life.

I think may have had several opportunities to develop a relationship with other women (never really tried the "walking in to a bar" scenario, I've always met them professionally or through volunteer activities), but i could never pursue that because, 1) i could never find the time to commit to two relationships and 2) it would mean i would have to lie to her, my wife (she knows about my hobby) or both of them, and i would much rather develop an extra curricular relationship based on a professional exchange rather than lies.

I met someone last month as a customer and it was everything I want in a man, but he is married. Married men have to pay working girls or risk complications of possible divorse.

It just isn't that simple. Guys are coming to us for unattached, drama free interaction with women. The minute you start showing that you "like the guy" and want to see him off the clock, you risk that you have now turned it into something he DOESN'T want.

So, now, if I "like the guy," I give him extra bonus time but I don't offer off the clock sessions anymore. I want to make sure I keep seeing him and I don't want to cross the line in anyway that will make him feel uncomfortable and drive him away.

... you have to tell yourself that you may never see him again no matter how much you like him.

I tell myself that right when the session ends so there is no disappointment later. Geez, I used to do that with casual lovers before I ever got into this business. It's the nature of men. If there is no commitment, there is no promise you will see him again no matter how much you would like to.

If I do hear from a client I liked a lot and he wants to see me again, it's a welcome surprise!

It is much better than getting emotionally involved with another girl. My GF is still special to me despite my "secret life"

Most of us have a civvy girl,
sometimes very good looking 20-somethings.

Oh I didn't know that the two of us had met. Small world.

I'm technically not married though, so you still have hope.  

You are contradicting yourself. Earlier you stated that you think there is something wrong in a man seeing a provider, and now you find a perfect man in the hobby world. What is it?

The fact is that most providers and hobbyists do not respect each other and will never marry in the business.

saw a provider some time ago..she is back in town..e-mailed me today and said " i cant wait to see you again" i appreciate that..some will say it..some will think it but dont say it..some just wont say it..