Those of us lucky enough to find an ATF to spend weekends with have all talked about how great the time was but what most haven't talked about is the despression that comes after getting back from one of those intense experiences. Or maybe it's just me. I know it's a natural cycle - the anticipation while making the reservations - counting the days down - then the intense 3 day affair - and the crappy separtion at the airport when you put her on the plane and send her home. Then comes the post depression blues. The memories are flooding your brain, you can see her in your arms - only a sheet over her, staring at the city lights 20 floors below - perfect music in the background - a bottle of wine by your side - an hour after seeing a wonderful show, that image of her in the most fantastic dress while her arm is locked onto yours - seeing the eyes of every man look your way as as this beautiful women passes... waking up with her again.. making love slowly.. because it's the last time...
Just remember if you have a job that demands a lot of concentration, overnighters might not be for you. Because for at least a few weeks it's hard to get the moments out of your head - it's hard not to think of the girl and want to call her, talk to her, see her... but you don't because it's not real.
It's tough to get back to normal. It's even tougher to let go.
That's the downside.
That's what memories are for! Cheer up.
Sometime ago I made a post asking about overnight sessions. After reading the reviews I expected to get responses like "after I was through with her she was probably walking bow-legged for a week" or "she nearly killed me". Instead there were some just like this expressing how difficult it was to say goodbye afterwards. As I've said before both providers and hobbyists come into this for their on reasons and bring with them their own baggage. I, for one, cannot relate to the emotions expressed in the post above because my involvement in this hobby is far less of an emotional one but I do respect the feelings of the poster.
Having read these boards, chatted in the chat rooms, exchaged PM's I've come to learn that hobbyists and providers alike see this biz through many different sets of eyes. I know there are some guys who's only interactions with women are with providers, there are those who view providers as nothing more than a commodity, and those who fall for providers. Some want physical gratification, some want emotional gratification and some want both. To each their own.
-- Modified on 12/9/2002 9:26:58 PM
YES!
My first weekender was just like that. Only it wasn't completely one sided. After our last lovemaking session that ended 3 fabulous days in the San Francisco area I noticed that she seemed to turn away from me as I cuddled her from behind. When I turned her face toward me I saw that she was crying. I lost it right there.
You are right, the memories! But rather that just let it go on into "it's not real" realm, we have stayed in close contact and done several dates since in similar fashion. But there is nothing like that first one.
Now I look at this as the ulitmate escort experience. It is fantasy, it is real, then it is fantasy again. And if you play it right, you not only get great sex, and companionship, and that girl on your arm, you get the emotional rush of a falling-in-love fantasy.
But you have to be careful. It's just that you make it real while you are together and live it like it is real. Let yourself feel everything. Then when you are home and experiencing reality, rather than getting depressed, enjoy the memories and start planning the next outing. It's then that you realize that you can make this happen over and over again. You can essentially live your fantasies. She will be there because that is what great escorts do. You just have to let them do it. They know how. And they can like it too.
With this perspective you really don't feel like it's "over" and you can live your day to day life with pleasant memories and not depression...because it isn't "over".
-- Modified on 12/9/2002 10:01:24 PM
This is not meant as a put down at all. I think that the emotions added to the physical makes for the ultimate enjoyment. In fact I find it difficult to imagine arguing against that concept. Beer is good, salted nuts are good, both are better. Champagne is good, caviar is good, both are better. To me the concept fits regardless of the sophistication level.
I got the impression in your last post that you were in the camp of the physical rather than the emotional. I have come to equate that with age. When I was younger I just wanted to get off. Many providers will say that they prefer men over say 35 because there is less of that slam bam attitude that they tend to get with the 22 year olds.
As you hinted: different strokes for different folks. It's just that I have, because of my age, been in one camp and have graduated to the other. Emotions are difficult to add to this biz. Some let themselves get way too involved with a provider and you read quite a bit about them falling for an ATF. And on occasion the reverse too.
I was posting about how I have let the emotions run wild (with the play being fairly wild too) and not come home feeling like calling right up and proposing marriage or shooting myself in the head because she doesn't love me. I feel that you can contain it to the session, really enjoy it to the max, then back off without all-consuming hang ups by starting to plan the next session. There by avoiding the sensation that it's over. You control it rahter than it controlling you. But you must plan to do just that.
I envey you. Some people can turn it on and off like a switch. For the majority of us however, I think the emotion is a lighted match in a fuel dump. Better to avoid it. If the emotional intimacy is what you are truly seeking then maybe a real girl friend is the answer not an escort. Everyone is different.
I've done this three time with her so I know it's not over but each time it seems more intense - on both sides. And I know not to fall for the fantasy but jesus, if my dick can have a mind of its own - why can't my subconscious? Hell, we're only human. As much as we tell ourselves NOT to fall these girls, the longer dates and pictures don't help - yes, especially those damn pictures!
But the feelings do fade after a few weeks and life gets back to normal. And planning the next outing does help, like planning a rebirth. But I sometimes wonder if this emotional roller coaster is healthy in the long run.
No it is not healthy? Ask yourself why you are seeing a provider in the first place? For me, is some respect I am lucky. I have emotional intimacy, but am lacking in my mate a person that wants to explore her sexuality and is conservative. In some respects that is the least serious problem vs. those that feel unloved and unappreciated by their significant others. Or maybe are lonely and do have anyone.
In my opinion this should be looked at as fun. Nothing more than recreational sex to have a good time. Allow yourself to look for anything more and you are looking for trouble...
This is about overnighters and weekends. You talk about just having recreational sex - that works fine for a 1 or 2 hour session but that's not how it works on the longer dates. You can't expect to have the girl prone for 16 hours a day. The time demands more diversity - which means you're connecting on other levels then just the physical. It's the time you spend NOT in the bed that leads to the intimacy feelings, the ones that hard to shake. I would imagine if you took a pole on the "pop per hour", you'd find that dates 3 hours and under will give you a much better ration - if sex is all you;re after. In fact I'll bet on longer dates it's closer to one pop PER DAY.
And that's fine.
What s the fundamental purpose of seeking out a provider? If it is more then fun, you are opening yourself up to potential heartache and pain. In my opinion, this is not the ideal way to get emotional needs met...
A 2hr session maybe 3hr. is sufficient. As you increase the hours you are increasing the emotional intimacy level...
Have you yourself ever experienced a longer session then? We're not all lonely pathetic losers who have no other outlet for sex ives. It just starts with a bit of danger addiction - at least for me -- the excitement of something new - someone new - that turns into something stronger when you have more session with them. You try others but you keep coming back to the ATF. But if they live in another city , then what do you do? It's certainly NOT worth the time and expense to fly her across country for a mere 3 hours. So you naturally end up with two-three day trips. And that becomes something more then just a quickies feast. Just how it worked out for me, anyway.
I first tried someone rather local and I got the recreational sex I came for. Then when on an out of town trip I thought I'd try for a longer date and just see what transpired. The first part of the evening was similar to the short session I'd had: recreational sex. But then we went out to dinner and I discovered the person who went with the sex organs.
When I got home I started with the feelings we have been discussing in this thread. I decided to fly her to another city where we spent a weekend together. That did it! When I returned I started planning the next outing. Now we have been getting together about every 2 months for quite some time in cities from coast to coast. I have something to look forward to and avoid the feeling of "it's over". And the sessions are better every time because there is familiarity and anticipation, not to discount her extreme creativity.
I still have short sessions with local providers and have had some longer sessions with others as well. But seriously, those seem to always pale in comparison.
-- Modified on 12/11/2002 6:06:35 PM
I'm trying to set the next date for late January in Miami (I'm on the west coast, she's in Quebec) but haven't yet come up with a good reason to leave home for 4 days. I know you're married so you have the same problems. I gather you meet in different cities each time. Is this a function of your job or do you have to make "special" trips for business that isn't exactly real? Amazing how similar our situations are.
Ah, late January sounds just right. My last romp was late November. Orlando or Sarasota was what I was thinking, but perhaps Miami would do nicely. Should we double?
I have "meetings" to attend and this time of year there are lots of them in Florida. Arizona has some offerings as well. I too am a west coaster and she is on the east coast.
Could it be that we are really the same person? Only we and the Moderator know for sure!
My parents live in Port Richey near Tampa. Thought I'd drop in, say hi -- then take three days and go to Orlando (Disney World) with "someone special." But Miami is so much more exciting. And her, coming from snow - would love the beaches. Yes, my last outing was mid November also - Vegas. Which is always a blast. Stay in a Bellagio suite... go see 'O' (what a surreal experience that was.). But I thought change would be good. And the Fountainblu in Miami sounds incredible. You say you met her on the east coast. New York girl?
Hmmm. Now you've got me thinking Vegas. We haven't done that. Actually we did Orlando last year and took in La Nouba. I have got to expand my destinations.
She is a Southern Belle now living near your parents. I was thinking of flying into Tampa and driving from there. Vinoy in St. Pete is a nice place or perhaps the Breakers in Palm Beach. But I do like to fly with her because she is sort of naughty on a night flight. I'm suggesting Vegas. Bellagio, eh?
May is all ready planned by the way. The Sheraton in Nice for two nights and the Four Seasons in Paris for two. See this is the sort of stuff that keeps my motor running.
Years ago before they remodeled. I spent my teen years in St Pete. My sister lives in Tampa. Small world. But Vegas is incredibly fun and surprisingly romantic. I've gone 7 times this year, two with her. I've stayed practically everywhere on the strip and Bellagio is my favorite. And everytime I gamble with this girl I win. Even slots which I never touch. Luck in a beautiful package. Who could ask for anything more.
Nice' and Paris. My god, man, what do you do for a living?! That would be incredible. I was in Sydney in June - what an awesome city. But the escorts - at least the ones I found online - were incredibly expensive. Average girls were $$$$$$ an hour. It's why I keep going back to Canada.
I'm not a VIP member but I have a temp email on yahoo that I don't mind anyone using to contact me from here. [email protected]. It might be fun to compare notes. I have no one else to talk to about these things since my buddies would never understand. "You pay for it?"
It seems like a real Catch-22. The sex gets better with higher levels of intimacy. Yet the higher levels of intimacy can and have led to emotional distress. I don't think there is an answer to this quandrey??
What a timely post. The Lady that I just spent a fabulous few days with just pointed this topic out to me & I find I agree with many of your points.
I too am married to a loving wife that lost her sex drive when the kids were born & never found it again. I have been lucky enough to spend several astounding nights with a very special lady & each experience is unique.
We too live a distance apart & I value my time with her very highly. Our maturity & numerous common interests allow us to to enjoy ourselves out side of the boudoir nearly as much as we do @ playtime.
Keeping the memories alive by planning the next tryst is a great way to make those fantasies become reality. If the chemistry is right each adventure becomes better than the last.
Airport confusion cut short our last good byes & that last hug & kiss did not happen. We played phone tag, & exchanged e-mails & finally when we connected it was great. We laughed about it & talked about our adventure. Out of the blue she began talking about Atlanta in Feb...anything is possible! Life is great! I'm going to enjoy it to the fullist & I hope all of you will too. Happy Holidays
a bathroom stall remark once said that "only fools care" and I've never forgotten that. That if you open yourself and actually care about the person you are with, then you are "being foolish". Men don't deal with their emotions well. Typically not, thus the locker room humor that usually serves as the lowest common denominator method of male bonding.
point being, the negatives you are feeling are not caused by the overnighter, it's just that they are more apparent because of the duration.
Most of my appointments are in the 2 hour range. I'm new to this hobby and one of the hardest things I'm finding is the need to establish boundaries. Not necessarily boundaries during the appointment, but after it, as your post describes well.
I don't think the answer is to close down, and memories quote unquote are nice, but the tactic that works for me is letting go. That and greatly appreciating the opportunity to open up, if even for an hour or two. Then, taking those (emotional) experiences and transplanting them into other aspects of my life.
then again, I am quite foolish.
I took an ATF to San Diego and it was a great experience. I took pictures so I can remind myself that that incredible weekend really happended. I am fortunate that we live in the same city so I can continue to see her.
The best advice I got on this board is to see many more providers and not fall for her which has worked. I still see her and we have become great friends too.
Also, I agree both is better. Both emotional and physical but emotional does have its cost later when you are sad or heart-broken.
Don't forget that providers are people too and they have feelings and emotions also which does make this hobby a little more challenging at times.
We just all have to remember to have fun!!
I think the key is adequate preparation. My first O/N experience kind of blind-sided me, and I probably didn't deal with it all that well afterwards. I was much more careful on subsequent dates to be in the correct frame of mind. Easier said than done to be sure, but it really does help.
That is what I think that I am avoiding by planning the next romp. I have the memories of the last but still look forward to the next.
Perhaps I sould mention, in response to Littlebastard's post, I am married. So I have a great relationship and a loving wife at home and I don't lack for the parts of life a long term relationship offers. I just don't have, because of medical reasons, a sexual situation at home. So in a way I do have a girlfriend in my ATF. My wife knows I "go somewhere and do something" from time to time but I don't discuss this with her or throw it in her face. Neither does she ask or want to know. We enjoy what we have together very much.
Another thing is that my ATF lives in another state and when we get together we are never in my home city so that the likelyhood of others seeing us is extremely low. And just incase this comes up, my wife knowing what she does about my playing does not mean that she wants others to know. This part of our relationship remains very private.
-- Modified on 12/10/2002 6:43:42 AM
I'm married also and have a pretty good domestic life. It makes My ATF is also out of state, way out of state. So we're never in our home city when we meet as well. My wife also knows i need to get away sometimes (I'm a writer, solitude is sometimes a necessary job requirement), and senses I'm not telling her everything but so far hasn't pushed with probing questions. I'm sure it's coming. Someday. But it's worth the risk.
Men have a much better time at isolating emotions, events and such into different rooms, where we can just shut the door and open it when we choose. Women, being the Venutians that they are, don't appear to suffer from the same "door" affliction we men have to endure that make us emotionally dysfunctional at times.
We're still emotional beings at one level or another, and it's just a matter of how much pain we bury that under, in how long it takes to surface again.
Men tend to have sex to gain "acceptance", where women tend to have sex after they've gained the "acceptance" they need. In the environment of the provider/hobbiest relationship, we all tend to bend the normally accepted social theories.
Hopefully, we can all be sensitive to our own selves as well as those with which we engage.
I have to agree with you also after the first 4 day weekend in Cancun, Mexico. Out on the beach going to nite clubs then back to the hotel midnight walks by the ocean. I never wanted it to end. And when we got back and I dropped her off at her place and when I left I felt like I couldn't stand it. I could not work the next day, really the next week from just thinking about our trip. Then she and I started planning and doing this every weekend it was just so great. I think what got me through also was the planning of our next trip. But then I had to fall for her very deeply. And now after 2.5 years I am asking her to marry me (And yes she said yes) so my O/N will be forever so this story turned out great but some of these stories do not, 2 years ago I never would have thought mine would but if she had left after a few months I could not have handdled the loss of her and that is the downside to this. For a lot of people I think they do get to close to the provider and it is hard to let go sometimes, just 2 cents worth your in gungfu
That had to be a typo. If I could see my ATF every weekend it wouldn't be a problem at all. Course I'd be broke.
No not a typo. I am self employed and I make a lot of money in my line of work. I owen a chain of Martial Arts Schools and my owen personal Bodyguard service. I Travel world wide providing personal protection for some large companies. And she did not charge me for all 3 0r 4 days I gave her money for what ever she needed, and she and I turned our weekends into just enjoying being with each other. But not all will turn out like mine. I think I was just very lucky again yours in gungfu
That's great news! I am happy for you. Keep us posted.
(Gungfu, I gave you my comments on your post a few weeks ago). Members can search your name if they are interested.
Hey Divorced in LA: thanks, Yes I remember your reply because you and I were so much a like. Yes I asked her last weekend and she said yes and that made me the happiest person on the planet. We are getting married on Feburay 14, 2003 Guess what day that is we will be married in Medliln, Colombia I will also be the first grino in her family and she will be the first Latin in my family life sometimes does turn out great. yours in gungfu
Congratulations! I couldn't be happier for you, nor more jealous of you. I had only gotten into this "hobby", as it's called, 18 months ago. There was, and is, some strain in my 2nd marriage which resulted in my taking a friends advice, seeing an escort for the first time. Certainly, being the compulsive personality that I am, I decided to continue. I began to search for the "perfect" provider experience...sexual, of course. Most women have been great, with a few not quite up to par. BUT THEN... several months ago, I met a provider who was merely "interesting" at first. I mentioned wanting to see her again & she seemed "OK" with it.. but not actually encouraging or enthusiastic. Now...with each time I see her there is more to our interaction. The second to last time I was with her, I came out of the shower and she was talking with a girlfriend on the phone. She blurts out that she's talking about me & then goes on to say complimentary things of an intimate, rather than sexual, nature. We talk on the phone between "get togethers" and the intimacy is SOOOO intense for me that I have no intention of letting it go. Although she's not the greatest lover nor the most beautiful, in the physical sense, I've ever had, she is more of the complete package than any woman I've known. Godamn, it.. I just plain "like" her!! As we're becoming closer, personally, I think I'm falling for her. I'm 42.. is this a mid-life crisis, or what? It would actually hurt to "lose" her...already. Finally...NUTS!! It's like an addiction. It's like I'm a teenager again. Is psychiatric help indicated?? She tells me how much she likes me..and I swear to God, I believe her !! Any sage advice?
For me, the emotional connection is what makes the experience worthwhile. It is not just about making it with a beautiful woman. Since I have a terrific, loving wife at home, who is also great in the sack, I am not concerned about falling for a provider. But I have certainly experienced the emotional letdown you describe after being with my two ATFs. I agree that the solution is to plan your next tryst and make it happen all over again. After all, we only live once.
I find it difficult to imagine working this kind of fantasy into my real life. I've tried a couple times but it never quite came togehter... I infer from your post that you are single and therefore this works out for you. Cool!
The downslide from any big rush is normal. I race cars. Teh depression that follows this rush is as predictable as the sun rising. I'm guessing the slide back into reality after a date with a woman of my dreams unobtainable yet here next to me in my arms, is very similar. Bottom line is every time I go racing, I get better.... same with dating. Being afraid of the unknown paralizes me. Now you know what to expect when you take a real date along.