About 6 months ago, I emailed a provider who was visiting my town. I included my screening info, and we sent a few emails back and forth trying to schedule something. For some reason, it didn't work out and we never met. Today, I got an email from the same provider telling me she was coming back to my town and inquiring if I might be interested. The strange thing is that her email was simply a reply to my last email to her way back when, with the entire thread beneath it, including my screening info. It was a quite discomforting to know that my real name has been sitting on her computer for all this time. I would think a careful provider would not leave that info on her computer. Am I overreacting? Is this standard procedure?
You are not overreacting. I don't know if it is standard procedure, but at least a few providers have responded to me in this way.
That's why you should never give out your real last name to a provider. Use a screening service (Date-Check, etc) where your e-mail address is stored in your profile. That way she can link the correspondence with the profile, thereby making her confident that the person whom she's e-mailing has been screened.
When I am screening someone or have someone screened
I generally delete all pages after I met him.
As a rule I don't save my contact pages and even if I did they drop off of my bookings after sometime.
I would write to the provider and ask her to please
not save anything.Then if she continues to email like this is when I find good cause to come to the
boards but it does not even sound like you attempted
to share your feelings with her before bringing
it to the boards.Just my 0.02
Ang
I did use a screening service - RS2K, which requires you to give your full name, city and phone number for screening purposes.
Then request that she delete your contact information because you wont feel secure
with it in her old emails in the event something
should happen .
I don't know how standard it is but I make it a point not to keep any records. Of course, if someone really wanted to, I'm sure they could dig up old e mails or get a hold of my phone records. I don't keep these things. Once I verify someone, I lose all their info. I do not save names and numbers in my phone. This has back fired on me at times, gentlemen have felt offended when I didn't know who it was calling or did not remember the e mail address. Most gentlemen understand when I explain that I do not save their info and I'm not good with reconizing voices.
Jut today I sent out reminders to friends who were on my East Coast tour notification list. I had permission from all to contact them, and I took the additional step of using a separate email account not tied to my business. Once they are cleared to be on that list (screened or having had met) everything else disappears to the best of my ability.
Also, funny enough, just today I had to re-screen someone who has communicated with me several times over the past year. Our schedules never meshed, we were not able to meet in the past, and it was right back to square one because I did not keep any info. Some gents have gotten frustrated with me over that in the past. It's a bit of a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation.
I'm sorry for your discomfort. Perhaps offer her some helpful suggestions for how she might better manage that information or suggest that she communicate with other touring ladies to for advice. I'm sure she meant no harm.
Love,
Sola
-- Modified on 3/16/2010 7:29:55 PM
......what did you expect????....and who can you trust????....it is part of the risks. If you didn't want to leave info, voice mail may have been a better alternative. E-mail is permanent.
The provider may delete the e-mail, but who knows how long your or her ISP may keep the e-mail!!!
I don't know why your email was saved, unless it was to remember not to contact you or to reschedule. I am glad that you posted this question here, however, because it does say something about what gentlemen value when it comes to privacy. Thanks.
having private info sitting on someone's pc makes it quite easy for it to fall into the wrong hands. The reality is that all email providers maintain backups of their severs so it's a very good bet that your personal info is sitting out there on those backups for years. All it would take is a subpoena to get at it. I'd send as little personal info as possible if you want to minimize the possibility of it getting out there at some point.
but someone that is an active screener, I wouldn't. You should always consider the lady's 'arrest risk factor' first. I communicate with people that I have met over the 4 years by email, and I keep an active mailing list. Also, without having previously interested gents in an area, how do we know where to travel?
There have been times that I put out feelers for areas I plan to travel, and may not get the response I need to move at that moment. But what I am good at is communication, and I do keep in touch with those on at least a bi-weekly basis to just stay in touch. If you guys don't communicate otherwise, I can see how it may concern you that she's keeping your info.
I use a variety of methods to send info. I never send my name or phone info via my hobby email, and never discuss specific acts for specific $$ via email.
I use several unconnected methods to pass all the info. She may connect them at her end (not just in her mind), but I can't help that and there is possible deniability there. At least I have not left an easy electronic trail to follow.
For example I am not married like some others here, and frankly I am not very concerned the LE could do diddly squat about any email from me. It’s a misdemeanor and they do not have squat.
On the other hand those with SO's, wife’s etc. this is a serious issue. Always use other email other than your regular one, such at gmail, yahoo, hotmail, etc. You might want to consider anonymizer software for further protection.
The fact is as much as you might not want to hear it is that there is nothing 100% foolproof in the hobby. So adjust your risk assessment accordingly.
Finally, and watch them come-a-bashing me right now. Ladies keep LONG AS HISTORICAL LISTS OF EMAILS. That is just a plain fact. Get used to it. Sure they all tell you that they do not do such an indiscreet thing, but THEY DO. Now, whether they send bulk emails out because they are touring that is another thing.
Example: I have seen with my own eyes, email lists of prominent top tier providers that were both several hundred and up to several thousands. So, for those ladies who want to jump all over me for this post back off. You may not do this and that is all good, but there is no argument that many do. Why else would this type of thread find its way here every two weeks?
Get used to it. Most providers will only accept information that is real and true. Once you give it up, you have to know that it is not safe. She'll maintain it and use it at her discretion to contact you or whatever. It's a risk inherent to this biz.
I am sure it is standard procedure. I doubt they ever delete old emails.
and keeping old emails, as is the case here, are two entirely different things. There are several ladies who keep in contact with me on a regular basis, but to my knowledge, they only save my email address, not all of the emails that we have sent back and forth. I'm sure that I'd be quite upset if I learned that any lady was saving old emails, especially one that I han't met yet.
I have specifically asked that certain providers keep my information handy for ability to notify me of opportunities to see them.
The email address they have is one I setup specifically for hobbying on a proxy-registered domain on a server whose backups I control. It's not bulletproof; but it isn't obvious either.
So if they send me an email, it is because I have asked them to.
HOWEVER -- I absolutely AGREE that your screening information should NOT have been re-transmitted through the Internet back to you!
Email protocols; while there is some TLS between servers, are inherently plaintext, unencrypted and insecure as hell. Thousands of employees in ISPs can read your damned email. THAT's reality.
What I WISH is that providers and hobbyists would learn how to use tools like GnuPG.
For me to send her my screening info, I should be able to use a provider's public key and sign it using my own private key. THIS way, only SHE can unencrypt it, and she knows that it came from me.
But, alas, I will be waiting a long time, I fear, for that level of information security to enter the hobby.