Have been fortunate so far to have met only incredible gentlemen in the past year.... that is, until recently.

I screen very highly, requesting business info (just to confirm identity -- am relentlessly discreet) and current references substantiated by TER.  Unfortunately, I got taken advantage of on the one occasion I let the prospective client's supposed lack of having a reference slide.

Flew cross-country to meet this person with whom I had corresponded at great length for over a month!  Had his business info, got to know him well... or so I thought.  Even obliged his request for a slight discount, as I thought his plans sounded great!  We had a nice time together, he ended up staying the night with me, promising to Paypal me the additional funds ($2k more) the next day. (He said he had forgotten his Paypal password....)  Well, a month later, he still hasn't paid -- though he's acknowledged in email that it's due and that he will pay when he has the funds.   ?????

Therefore, unfortunately, all of you wonderful men out there have to pay the price (in the name of increased screening) for some of your friends of less integrity.....

So please forgive our seemingly excessive scrutiny -- it really is necessary!!

I fail to follow your logic.  You've given an extremely convincing argument for payment in full upon arrival and for deposits under some cirumstances. Like you're flying cross-country, not driving cross-town.  Lots of businesses still display that old plaque "In God we trust, all others pay cash".  No one could fault you for adopting the same policy.

But with those policies in place, I don't see what additional benefit the references would have gotten you.

BTW I always pay right at the start.  The session is so much more relaxed for me once the "business" part is out of the way.

Sorry to disagree Sy.

I hear what you're saying ... and I know why you're saying it, but I think that you're drawing the wrong conclusions.   Now it's true .. some people seem to never learn from their experiences.   In fact, a very good definition of INSANITY is someone who repeats the same behaviors ... and is constantly surprised by getting the same results.

But truthfully ... that's not the human condition.   As Mark Twain once said (and I'm paraphrasing here) "The problem is not that we don't learn from our experiences ... it's that we learn too MUCH from our experiences.   Consider the cat that jumps on a hot stove.   It certainly learns never to jump on a hot stove again, but it also learns never to jump on ANY stove again, thus depriving itself of many a happy day lazing on a slightly warm stove."

In other words ... it's one thing to be cautious and to keep your wits about you, but it's another to give in to the tendency to think that your clients are you to take advantage of you.  You can't HAVE that kind of paranoia with it becoming a part of who you are, Sy.    Not that you're a crook - but consider a thief:  The biggest down side of BEING a thief is that you have to assume that everyone else is JUST as dishonest as you ... and you end up spending your life looking over your shoulder.   It's not worth it.

My ATF provider doesn't ask for the donation up front.  If you leave an envelope, she doesn't even open it until later that day or evening.   Every once in a while, someone doesn't leave enough ... once in a great while, they forget completely ... and she gets ripped off.   Oh darn.   It happens.   Just like every OTHER merchant gets merchandise stolen, or takes a check that bounces ... it HAPPENS.

But is it worth giving in to the assumption that everyone that walks in the door is guilty until they prove themselves worthy?  She doesn't think so.   She feels that it's WORTH getting underpaid once in a while to be able to hold on to the feeling that people are basically good and the feeling she gets by looking forward to each new encounter.    She told me once that as soon as it gets to be ALL about the money ... she's out of the business and into an office where the hours are better, the risk is less and she doesn't have to have her nails done 4 times a week.

That was an unfortunate experience but odds are this guy is never gonna make good. Why, because he's got all the cards in his hand. And any guy who lets it slide this long has no intention of paying.

This is a case of "seller beware". I'm sorry to say but you'll probably have to write this one off to experience.

Sorry, can't go with the deposit idea. Yes, I believe that you deserve some assurances and security. A prepaid round trip ticket is plenty of assurance. You have this guy's life history in his hands and he is supposed to all send cash blindly across country? No way!

If you are willing to supply the same information necessary for screening, then I may think sending a deposit is reasonable. However I have yet to meet any provider that is willing to give that information to a complete stranger over the phone. However, you expect US to?

during the past several weeks a number of well known providers have been explaining why they want and need all the information they request.  I think that most hobbyists understand how most of the information can be used to screen them but they are also aware that every piece of information can be used to destroy their life either through indiscretion or malice.

Hobbyists should only give out the information they feel comfortable in supplying and if that is not acceptable to the lady just move onto another lady without a lot of fuss.

If providers are not comfortable with the amount and quality of information that a client will provide they should just move onto another potential client without trying to pry additional information out of him.

Speaking for myself I am not sure that I need any more educational lectures on the subject.

P.S.

In looking at a number of the contact forms on various ladies' sites I notice that many request both provider references and the client's TER handle.  I have heard an explanation as to why both are requested but can't help but believe in many cases having the TER handle is just a method to try to make sure that the provider gets nothing but great reviews.

-- Modified on 7/29/2003 6:34:50 PM

-- Modified on 7/29/2003 8:25:22 AM

For this to be successful.  Let the gentleman in question know that upon picking you up at the airport and before you leave the airport the fee is to be paid in full right then and there.
If there is any kind of problem regarding this that no excuses will be tolerated and that you will simply turn around and fly back home.  No exceptions but you had better be prepared to do exactly that.  Any excues on his part shows a total lack of respect and any girl who isn't willing to walk and chalk it up to experience is asking to be taken advantage of.  If he fails to show up at the airport with the fee in hand he is out the cost of the airfare.  You as the provider are greatly taken advatage of but do you really want to give him free services on top of already being taken thousands of miles out of your way?  This is where common sense previal.  Otherwise give up traveling and stay close to home or don't bitch.  Just my 2 cents

I genuinely agree with you.  I see why a provider would request a deposit and Busiiness info up front, but I still hate to give it.  I was once asked to make a small deposit of $25 (not 125, but 25).  It was my first time being asked to do so, so I happily agreed.  She sent me an address and phone number in exchange for the deposit.  Both the address and phone number turned out to be fake, and she closed down her website and e-mail account soon after.  What?  Was she waiting all her life for some sucker to send her twenty-five dollars so that she could retire?!  What a joke!  I mean, it's not like I just mailed her the keys to the kingdom or anything -- how many hobbyists would she have to fleece to make a living this way?  So I don't EVER leave deposits anymore, and frankly, business info is pretty much out of the question also.  I'm only thankful that she didn't ask for that as well!
By the way, I can also see why guys wouldn't want to give out their TER aliases.  Many of us are looking for GFEs:  We want BBBJTC, alot of DFK and DATY.  Therefore, we don't want the providers to read about our graphic sexual trysts with transsexuals or Dominatrices just ten minutes before they go down on us -- they just may get weirded out or grossed out and that may interfere with their performance just a bit.  The last thing we want them thinking about is the possibility that we are diseased after sleeping with an army of providers.  Because let's face it, if a guy finds your ad on TER then you are probably not the first pro that he's been with.  Or the last.