I'd love to see providers post on this anonymously so they can be honest and forthright.

Is there a provider out there who has an active and satisfying sexual relationship (with a either man or another woman) where there is just as much love and trust as there is sex?

Is there a  provider out there who has an active and satisfying sexual relationship with someone, but with whom there is sense of trust or love?

Is there a provider out there who has had active and satisfying sexual relationships,  but has been unable to combine sex, love, and trust in one person because of a history of sexual abuse?

I'm not here to pass judgment or make anyone feel unworthy or bad. I'm just trying to get a dialogue going about what everyone knows is a major problem in this society.  And what better place to get the dialogue going than in a forum where we are bound to find people for whom this has been an lifelong issue.

I'm not looking for a fight. And I'm not looking to bum anyone out.   I'm looking to put a face and a heartbeat to a serious social issue.   And if you don't think I know something about this tragic epidemic of abuse, guess again. I have a very close loved one who was the victim of ongoing abuse, and I've seen how it has destroyed her life.  But very few people are aware of the damage it has done.  Sure, she's very sexual. In fact, she's a great fuck. And she tells everyone how happy she is, how marriage and long term relationships aren't for her, etc etc etc.  But in the more quiet and unguarded moments, she is the first one to admit the pain and loneliness that she feels.  Sometimes she feels it most when she's having great sex.

I think many people on this board, especially men, are reluctant to admit that there many providers have paid a personal price to be able to be so good at this job.  To acknowledge that is to become painfully aware and experience a certain amount of guilt that our access to sexual gratification without the possibility of rejection comes at a great cost to someone else.  

Also, I want to make it very clear that I fully support a woman's right to be a sex worker and believe it should be full legal.  And after we're all done talking about this, let's go out fuck ourselves silly!  


-- Modified on 1/20/2008 7:01:51 PM

Okay, I'll chime in. I don't have any reason to post anonymously. I have a completely satisying relationship with my husband. Sexualy, spirtualy, trustingly, lovingly and every other mushy word you can think of.

I am obviously not one of your statistics. I lead a very healthy married life.

I don't hate men, in fact I love men.

I have two somewhat active and satisfying sexual relationships, and it is the love of good friends vs. "romantic love/ in love" that I play in.  I'm fully open about my work, and we speak with one another about our other lovers.  There is a great deal of communication and trust required to maintain polyamorous relationships.

The problem with your prior post was that it singled out providers and hobbyists with gerenralizations and assumptions about motivations and the way we feel about the opposite sex, as well as trying to tie that big ball of wax in a nice pretty bow to explain why animosity can flare on a discussion board.  You completely miss the point that this industry is not the culprit, this community is not the culprit... our society and the individuals walking the earth itself are the keys.

Here you are speaking of something different, whether individuals can have satisfying relationships with love and trust, and if past abuse may play part in the ability to have or not have healthy relationships.  

Again, this is a societal topic, not a hobbying issue.  However, why not ask how many of the men here have an active and satisfying sexual relationship with those they trust and love?  

With the stats so high for ANY woman (and more men than you likely imagine) to have been abused in the past, of course you would find some here.  

I'm not sure exactly what type of dialogue you are looking for.  Do you really think many people will go into their personal relationship and life woes in front of complete strangers, potential clients and professional peers? I'd imagine most who have the issues that you describe will keep it to themselves, their family, their friends, their psychologists.

.02


-- Modified on 1/20/2008 7:08:59 PM

are victims of childhood sexual abuse as often as women are.  But at the same time, I think the percentage of men on this planet who are lacking active and satisfying sexual relationships with love and trust is actually higher than women.  Men to be more

I'm surprised that people don't open up about their personal lives on this board.  Where else are they likely to be able to speak freely and anonymously to discuss these issues with someone who is likely to be sympathetic or empathetic?   Also, from what I've heard, clients often speak openly and candidly with providers about their personal lives. Isn't that one of the reasons they see a provider? Because their spouse won't listen and is insensitive to their needs?

"I think the percentage of men on this planet who are lacking active and satisfying sexual relationships with love and trust is actually higher than women."

Statistically I would hazard a guess that men have more issues with the "sexual satisfying" end of that equation, and women less satisfied with the "love and trust" satisfaction from and with their partners. These are all three different things interplaying and it's a mistake for us to lump them together, and a bit dangerous to "guess" up our own statistics...

As to the conversation you claim you would like, this is a board for entertainment, advertising and professional networking.  There is no sense of safety to discuss such highly personal issues.  

"Where else are they likely to be able to speak freely and anonymously to discuss these issues with someone who is likely to be sympathetic or empathetic?"
As I said - family, friends, professionals...
not so likely here.  I doubt many people post here assuming that the tens of thousands of members are likely to be sympathetic and empathetic.

"Also, from what I've heard, clients often speak openly and candidly with providers about their personal lives."
That's one on one.  A much more intimate setting can allow for a bit of trust.

Thanks for your eloquent words.  Could not have been said better.

I really hate generalizations...people are in this hobby from every walk of life and no study to determine why, will ever cature that data...

This Board is for entertainment, advertising, and networking?  And not a place to discuss highly personal issues?  

Here's some topics that are regularly discussed on this board.  

1. Feelings of loss and helplessness because a provider was murdered by her estranged husband.

2. A man being flooded with feelings of emptiness and loneliness immediately after an appointment with a provider.  

3.  Reaching out for advice and counsel because someone feels an addiction might be destroying his life.  

4.  A hobbyist doesn't know what to do because he's falling in love with a provider and he knows she will never return his affection?

Aren't these all examples of "highly personal issues" that you feel are not appropriate for this board?

And out of the "tens of thousands" of people who post here, you don't think many of them are going to be sympathetic or empathetic?  Speak for yourself.  I've seen plenty of sympathy and empathy expressed on this board.

There's nothing that pisses me off than some high and mighty fuckwad who thinks he or she is an authority on  what's worthy to be posted on this board and what isn't.  

try to gain some understanding about other people and ourselves.

It appears most of the men here blindly endorse whatever some pinheaded provider might post, either because he feels compelled to play the role of the male protector, or because he loses all sense of judgment at the first whiff of pussy.

And many of the women here are quick to condemn me because they believe I"m denigrating them and marginalizing their value to society, when it's really the opposite

Here I go again, making a statement that's going to get me tarred and feathered...   I think there's a tremendous deficit in most people's ability to read with a eye toward critical analysis; and that's why so many of you are outraged.  But that's largely the fault of our decrepit public school systems.

I'd like to hear from some of the bigger brains that hang out on the P & R board. What do you think of all that I've written on this topic?  Doc?  RWU?  Xiaoming?  Ben?  Zin?  BK?  Quad?  What do you think? You guys always have something intelligent to say.

Okay, I'm gonna go fuck off and die now.

Relax Dude, no one is attacking you

Yes, people do share personal feelings on this board, and they do get sympathy (by some). But your post reaches into very personal territory here. Feelings of loss after seeing a provider, or having a very strong emotional response to a provider, or sharing feelings of pain/loss when harm is done to a provider---all of your examples in you previous post are hobby related. But lets be real---there’s personal, and there’s PERSONAL.

It is unlikely many (if any) people are going to share painful information about themselves, on a public board that delves into, or touches on past sexual abuse and its long term impact on their lives. The fall-out of sexual abuse is very powerful and *personal*, and issues surrounding that need to be shared in a safe environment of trust; a public internet board is not that place.  

You didn’t get 100% support for you position(s). But, what did you expect? You seem to be expecting an attack, and are imaging one when none has occurred.


(btw, Transcend, I hope you made note of the fact that I’ve once again posted on a thread Sola is on----don’t want you to lose count

And now I'm *certain* that you are Transcend.

All I did was tell you WHY most people with the issues you mention would not respond.  I did not say that anyone couldn't!  Yet now I'm "some high and mighty fuckwad who thinks he or is is an authority"

Get over yourself, and learn to listen.

Who is angry in this thread other than you?  Who is condeming you other than yourself?

"I think there's a tremendous deficit in most people's ability to read with a eye toward critical analysis; and that's why so many of you are outraged."
Yes, there is a tremendous deficit in your ability to read with aN eye toward critical analysis, and maybe that's why you are so outraged.  (Again with the projection of motivation and response.)  If you just turned that eye inward... maybe you wouldn't be insulting everyone ELSE so much.

"Okay, I'm gonna go fuck off and die now."
Well... if you insist!  Does that mean we're going to have to look for your newest alias later today?
: D

Is there a provider out there who has an active and satisfying sexual relationship (with a either man or another woman) where there is just as much love and trust as there is sex?

YEP... This one is ME!

I also see what the thread was to be about, it was meant to keep it simple. Above is my simple reply... and if you want to get technical, yes there is a huge, vast realm here. For me there has been abuse, many times I have been taken to E.R. from being beat up, and raped twice in my teens, I just do not let it steal my joy. Who I am now is who I CHOOSE to be. I refuse to let past hurts make me a bitter person. Just because men hurt me, does not make all men bad.

I have my own history which would make a very dramatic and at times sad movie. But I do not bring my darkness to my meetings and I don't want to know my providers history. We are there for one major reason, Pleasure. I learned a long time ago to give and accept pleasure whenever you can.

Heaven help certain individuals if I am ever in a position of power.

But otherwise I'm gonna have fun and ask no questions.

I think you were trying to get feed back about
sexual abuse and how it affects providers who have lived it  am I right? Well...This could have been a very moving thread but now it isnt...I think it is as old as time that abuse affects life many years after the fact weather we like it or not.Many still have wounds open and unhealed. Thanks for trying to bring light onto this topic  it says alot about your heart. But this was the wrong place...

I have a completely satisfying sexual relationship with my BF. He and I trust each other completely and if for any reason he wants something diff I am always more then happy to provide it or have a threesome with him and the other girl.

I have always felt you have to do whatever it takes to keep your man happy. Mainly because of the business I am in. As a provider I am well aware that there are far too many of us out here who are more then willing to pick up the slack and take over where your wives leave off and give you almost anything it is your looking for.

I'm happy with my guy. I love him dearly and hope we have a long happy relationship together. He is aware of what I do for work and he actually started out as a client. I have had friends tell me how much better I seem and how happy I am since he came into my life. How my face just lights up and my smile is bigger and brighter around him and because of him.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that when your a provider that having a personal relationship is an easy thing to do because its not. It comes with a lot of mutual respect and talking to keep the lines of communication open and he has to completely trust you and know that this is what you do its not who you are and that your heart is always his and not the clients.

Being a provider it takes a lot to NOT give any weight to what a client tells you either. I have had them ask me to marry them and tell me they love me and all sorts of things. I know that its only part of their fantasy tho and it really means nothing in reality.

Providers are here to fulfill a fantasy for you and nothing more. Some do progress into a real relationship but it takes time to get past the fantasy and figure out what about it is real and what about it is just her giving you a show for your money.