She is telling you how she feels about you and about having sex. Do yourselves a favor and stop calling her. Just nicely explain that you don't have those feelings and feel it would be unfair to both of you to continue talking.
Don't use someone just to satisfy your old lust. That's cold, callous, and calculating.
An earlier posting in this board inspired me to tell my situation. Here it is:
My bio:
Happily married. Sex with wife was great for many years, but more recently, while it still has some great ups (pun intended), it also has some prolonged downs. To deal with the downs I started to secretly participate in the hobby (after more than 20 years of faithful marriage) and never looked back. Between wife and hobby I now have the perfect set of relationships.
New situation:
A year ago old flame--who is now a widow--contacted me by email. After a few phone conversations (she lives a few thousands of miles away) we have agreed to meet for sex in a neutral place. I have no issues with this because to me, she is like a provider with one big difference. She is one person that I lusted for when I was much younger and, as I found out during our recent phone calls, one that I still lust for.
Problem is that she tells me that she is still in love with me. She has told me in plain words that she can only have sex with someone she loves.
I have responded in very clear terms that I am only interested in the sex, not in the romance. That there is absolutely no chance I would leave my wife for her, and that our encounter-should it happen- must be discrete to an extreme. She agrees to all this while insisting that she loves me.
What do you think I should do?
1. Fuck her and then say thank you and good bye (I know there is no chance I will fall for her), or..
2. Stop the phone conversations and tell her nicely to get lost because she reminds me too much of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, or ..
3. ... your opinion here
-- Modified on 6/14/2007 11:49:47 PM
Given her belief, it is possible that she believes she can convert your lust into something more. In that case, I would not risk my marriage with someone whom you would almost certainly disappoint and who then has non-monetary motives.
Send the blood to the big head.
She is telling you how she feels about you and about having sex. Do yourselves a favor and stop calling her. Just nicely explain that you don't have those feelings and feel it would be unfair to both of you to continue talking.
Don't use someone just to satisfy your old lust. That's cold, callous, and calculating.
Agree with Holly. Follow your #2 option because it does sound like it could develop into that kind of scenario. Although I would not tell her she reminds you of Glen Close. Just tell her that it isn't going to work out. Especially since you say there is no way you would leave your wife for her. She might say she agrees with what you have asked of her, but also might try to make it very difficult for you not to leave the wife. One never knows. If you really love your wife, don't screw up a good thing.
Good luck, pal.
Swim
as fast as you can. You say you will not leave your wife for her. Yes you will when the old flame tells your wife and you get divorced. This happens more often than not.
If you just want sex, STICK TO PROVIDERS. Old flames have emotions heavily involved and that will spell BIG trouble for you....GUARANTEED!
I agree totally with OCSIR . Stick to providers if you have no intention of leaving your wife . Not that providers are non emotional people but you know providers are there for the business aspect rather than getting emotionally involved. If there is even an ounce of thought in your brain that you may want to leave your wife after all of these years...do NOT put your own emotions and what all you have put into your marriage in jeapordy. Remember women and men do NOT think the same . Women are much more emotional than most men . I personally would leave it alone and not upset your old flame ...yet I would not give into to the lust of the flesh and take any chances PERIOD !
PS.In life we are all given test's and hurdle's.. think of it as a test for you right now .Are you going to fail or pass?
Hope all of these comments from your "hobby" friend's helps you understand & make the right choice with your decision.
-Layla
-- Modified on 6/15/2007 9:17:14 AM
Are you the kind of man who can use this woman for sex, knowing full well that she is only doing it because she wants something more (regardless of what she "agrees" to)?
Do you believe that once the deed is done, she will disappear into the ether and not potentially mess with your life?
If you can answer yes to both of these questions, then you should get together as soon as possible and bang her brains out.
In the kitchen, the quiet kitchen, Lorena gets a knife...Hey Hey
A Weenie Whack A Weenie Whack A Weenie Whack A Weenie Whack...
I am sorely tempted to try and find a way to disagree with the unaminous (if sometimes sarcastic) opinions above.
However, I find nothing about this that is condusive to anything resembling a positive life experience.
For a professional opinion, post this over on The Erotic Highway, and see what the Love Goddess thinks. She is ultra smart on these matters.
Sound crazy??? No more crazy than going through with meeting the widow.
Everybody has their own boundary and comfort zone.
But it seems like that would be way to close to the edge for me. Severely disappointing maybe, but find a provider who looks like the widow!
Seriously are you kidding me? You know the answer already. You are being selfish and that's the plain and simple point. This woman is NOT like a provider. She does not fuck people for money. She has stated that she loves you and can only sleep with people she loves. I have never heard a provider say that...has anyone else....come on! You would be putting your marriage at great risk were you to have anything to do with this woman. I see that all you're looking at is a fuck for free and you have no thought to the emotional well being of your "old flame". That is callous and rude to the extreme.
PS...I know of a few good bunny farms should the need arise....
Stand up...if you fuck her, you're telling her that you love her, and you don't. Wholly apart from your marriage, it's not a decent thing to do to someone.
She's the one woman you lusted after and now -- 20 years later you want to fulfill that fantasy? Sorry, but there's a certain amount of truth to the old saying that when the lights are out they're all the same....she can't be THAT special!
I am going to go with number 2.
9 to 1 are for "don't do it" and I think I am leaning that way.
I do appreciate all comments. This board is like having multiple shrinks for a very modest fee.
Don't mess with her emotions because that's exactly what you would be doing if you do see her, have sex and then leave.
She's still in love with you so there is probably a glimmer of subconsious hope that you'll love her back. Unless she's a provider, she will connect sex with love and that can turn into a big emotional mess, for her and for you.
Be honest with her and then run. She'll appreciate that you've been honest(which will make her love you even more, lol) but may come to see it's for the best.
If she says she wants just sex and can put her emotions aside, she's fooling herself and you too.
Good luck!
If you fuck her, you are leading her on. She is not going to respond with the nsa attitude a provider would. Be a man and tell her the truth, or you will hurt her.
She might be lonely and hope that something more develops, even though you have made your situation and intentions clear. She may hope that after you have sex that you will also develop feelings for her.
I'd leave her alone. The Glen Close thing could become a reality.