Sadly had to cancel 3 x on one provider. First time two weeks ago and days in advance. Second 5days ago and more than a day in advance. Last time today and 20 hours notice. I tried too hard to get to see her at a time when work just happened to get out of control. Did my best but.... Anyhow, quality provider is asking for a cancelation fee....but doesn't even say how much. She has good reason to ask as she could have booked the time I asked for. I feel sympathetic but have never heard of a fee. Might still like to see her, just don't know how to feel about a fee.
You're lucky she didn't ask for one after the second cancellation. Not only would I have asked to be compensated, I'd never book you again. One cancellation is understandable, two is irritating, but three? Come on meow.
She has culpability here. She chose from her own free will to schedule a third meeting after him cancelling twice. She should have demanded a deposit to secure his appointment for the third attempt. Her not doing so isnt his fault.
This is a classic case of the "business" (i.e. the gal) taking on risk it shouldn't have then bitching about the outcome. She needs to take responsibilty for her part in this, chalk it up as a learning experience, put him on her DNS list and move on.
This shit continues b/c women allow it, even with the best of intentions. They are acting as enablers Tobi and perpetuating the problem
Shoot the shit with her and roll under the bed, cuz that's just how he rolls! He was cool, she was cool, and that's just how he rolls!! That's all he does actually, he's too OTH fat that all he CAN do is roll.Rofl.
Of cocourse, me, the great Asian American hobbyist won't be cancelling on any girl the third time but if he did the Asian American man has a conscience so if the girl showed him the benefit of the doubt of trusting me to that extent I'd probably just wire her some money before she even said anything just because I'd hate to be cancelling on anyone the third time.
You know damn well that you'd scoff at the idea of a deposit. It's not her fault that homeboy is a time waster, and she was being NICE by scheduling him again.
In fact, if the guy has any semblance of decency, he'd offer to compensate her for the hassle before she even asks.
This is a classic case of the "business" (i.e. the gal) taking on risk it shouldn't have then bitching about the outcome. She needs to take responsibilty for her part in this, chalk it up as a learning experience, put him on her DNS list and move on.
This shit continues b/c women allow it, even with the best of intentions. They are acting as enablers Tobi and perpetuating the problem.
He means no harm.
I doubt he's the type who gives 30% tips though
and neither am I. Lo
That being the case - the obligation can be presumed to exist regardless of what we might think about it.
Most hotels require a cancellation to be made by 3-4pm the day BEFORE arrival. Besides, it's likely that she turned down other appointment requests for that time slot from dudes who would have actually shown up. I mean shit, if I don't give my bikini waxer 24 hours notice that I'm canceling, I have to pay the fee.
After the second one - asking for a deposit would be highly appropriate. If nothing else - as a business matter, it would express the seriousness of the situation. The expression - fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me applies. I agree that this is an example of enabling.
However, her actions can not exempt him from his obligations. He needs to make it right as a matter of his personal honor - you do not cause an injury (financial loss in this case) to someone without making restitution. To act otherwise is not honorable.
Honor requires discharging obligations which are onerous and not enforceable. Honor is not cheap or easy. Many men do quite well without it - but I would not call them gentlemen.
Many providers insist that they only want to see gentlemen...
PS - When I see Jack's posts, often my immediate reaction is to disagree with them much as I do with Paul Krugman (Red Paul) in the NYT. However, as I actually consider what he writes - he always has a point even when I disagree with his conclusion and recommended course of action
If I were that provider, I would never book you again. Less than a year ago, I had a client cancel on me 3 times in a 1 month period...and I never booked him again. I didn't want to risk booking him a 4th time and then have him cancel our appointment on short notice. The third time he cancelled was literally 1 hour before we were supposed to see each other.
-- Modified on 5/23/2014 11:05:34 PM
20 hours is almost a day earlier so no to cancellation fees. Apparently, OP definitely needs to work on his scheduling skills even if the cancellation is due to work related issues.
3 times in 2 months and after buying cirque du soleil tickets for one occasion that were wasted. should she then see me for free?
No, but she should reimburse you for her ticket cost.
Most high end providers demand (not ask) for a deposit. Should you cancel on the hobbyist, what do you do? You tell him that you'll use that deposit for the next visit. What if I don't want to see you in the next visit? I want my deposit back. You refuse to give the deposit back because of your "policy". You are living in a double standard here or in a fantasy land. I'd say, a little bit of both.
The Forest Waits
in that if a hobbyist cancels ( and btw, if I did I would pay her something within reason) he pays her money to compensate her. If a provider cancels she pays with what? time???
If it's a first time with provider and she has cancelled on me twice already by the time she makes up for it with free time I might have lingering suspicions about the meeting. If I pay a provider her cancellation fee in the same situation she doesnt have to deal with a face to face meeting and would likely never entertain-or even answer a request for another appointment- with me again
Just pay it.
You were a dick 
the value of *at least* one of the bookings as a cancellation fee for having cancelled that much - it's not a matter of whether it is your fault - it is a matter of the cost and inconvenience to the provider... and it's the classy thing to do... and if you want to see her in the future I would insist on prepaying
Hi There Hobbyist
Us providers spend our time and changing our schedule to accommodate clients.
It really pisses me off when your rushing around and then you cancel.
I banned them and don't want there business.
Alle
Meaning it would be odd to never have heard of a cancellation fee when you cancel in such a matter-of-fact way. I've never cancelled a firmly confirmed appointment and then asked to re cancel. If I did, I'd be prepared to pay a fee.
Therefore, it's equally odd a "quality" provider would give you so many passes.
You had to cancel because of work getting "out of control". It looks like you have a challenge with time management. Your free time is unpredictable short term at least two weeks out. You need to adopt a different booking strategy. Perhaps you need to look for girls that can book short notice, so when you find you have for sure free time, you can hook-up.
But you bailed on this lady three times and if she is highly reviewed, she has her own time management problems that she worked hard on to accommodate you. She is also probably booking two weeks out, at least and turned down other inquiries for the time slot she allocated to you. She has lost income due to you not having your shit wired tight, as it should be in Hobbyland. Pay her for the session you booked with a profound apology and you may yet be able to see her again once you are cocked sure and aimed right. If you are damn lucky, maybe she will allow some of your payment as a credit towards that magic date.
Sometimes you have to bail work and turn off the phone if you want to hobby. Don't let work ruin your life.
Looks like your are going to have to pay the fee.
You owe her a session's cost, IMO. You probably cost her more money than that in lost opportunities
Whoa! No need to hate. My conversations with this provider have all been with the understanding that I too was trying to work within her schedule and availability. We were both being considerate of each other. As I do wish to possibly see her some day I will send a cancelation fee. My work situation was extremely unusual. In 42 years I have never encountered a 2week period of such unpredictability. I have been in and around the hobby for over 7 years, always on the fringe but always a gentleman and I have no intention of doing any financial harm. I had just never heard of a "cancelation fee" before. She made the assumption that I would have and didn't even specify the amount. Given that I am still an hourly employee and given the crazy amount of unscheduled hours I was pressed into service I can easily accomadate her request. However, for that kind of money I believe this business transaction should be done in person and not with a Walgreens money card as requested.
Just checked at The Mirage and the odds are quite long on you making that connection as well 
Good luck meeting up with her...please let us all know if an when this happens. Just for grins how many times do you think it'll really take to hand her this cancellation fee?
Thats what I do for all my cancellation fees....er....all my tax returns. My guess is his enabling hooker will grant that request on the spot.
And now with bitcoins, he doesn't actually have to meet up with her at all.
Problem solved.
Seems like he used the automatic one already...and the days of requesting additional extensions is in the rear view mirror. I was OK using the reason "Taxpayer's CPA had recent eye surgery and hasn't had enough time to prepare the documents necessary to file the returns". Always got approved...oddly enough.
As far as those bitcoins...I think the OP has in mind some "wooden nickels" instead.
And now with bitcoins, he doesn't actually have to meet up with her at all.
Problem solved.
1/3rd of her rate.........for each time you cancelled!
this post utterly removed those doubts, in spades!
Why should this lady be subjected to you leering at her, and possibly trying to cop a feel, for some paultry sum? It this part of your master plan to get a deeply discounted gawk at her, while also becoming privy to her hotel room number or private incall address or car plate number? All so you can then go home and do a little "self-service" "handy-work?"
You sound like a real creeper. Good job!
You've been doing this for 7 years and you've never heard of a cancellation fee? Dude, I've been doing this for less than 18 months and I can name at least ten girls off the top of my head who have such policies in place. Not buying it, sorry.
And you expect her to meet up with your chronically canceling ass to get that fee? PuhLEASE. Going and getting a money card is the least you can do for her at this point. After that, she'd be an idiot to let you try and book again, so good luck with that. TinFoil is spot on, you're a timewaster. Straight up.
-- Modified on 5/24/2014 8:26:15 AM
Offer to pay for at least one session. Do your best to not make her feel like it's any more hassle for her to get the cancellation fee than is absolutely necessary. I wouldn't normally encourage you to pay anything with that much notice if it was a one off, but three is excessive
Kind of hard to collect a cancelation fee when she never had any funds provided for booking in the 1st place. I feel if the providers who require a cancelation fee would instead require a deposit to book I bet the cancelations would decrease & they would have no problem collecting cancelation fees because they would already have the funds to apply towards the cancelation. I bet not many guys actually provide cancelation fees after the fact.
You canceling 3 times is just not right. I would not waste my time rolling the dice for a 4th attempt, nor would I consider you a gentlemen if you are not willing to supply a cancelation fee for continuing to waste her time over & over again.
You canceling 3 times is just not right. I would not waste my time rolling the dice for a 4th attempt, nor would I consider you a gentlemen if you are not willing to supply a cancelation fee for continuing to waste her time over & over again.
And treat him like he treated you. Simple common courtesy and if he whines like a little boy bitch, then let him know you know how feels, because he canceled 3 TIMES on you.
Or triple your rate for the money you lost previously, ho won't go for it but it might be fun to see his reaction.
For just this reason have I stayed on the fringe of the hobby. So much negativity.
I established a written relationship with this exceptional provider. She had my RS2K info. Obviously I am no longer anonymous at that point. She and I agreed on the type of session, clothing options etc. I did supply her with enough info about me to make her comfortable, make her understand that I am genuine. I am not a flavor of the month kind of guy but find a provider I can build and enhance our moment to the max within the guideline set forth by this hobby. Over the 7 years I have seen no more than 20 different providers initially for an hour after that always 2 or more. I have been generous with them. I have been called on for my help on numerous occasions because I am a stand up guy and a giver. I am certain this provider had a sense of that to the point that after my third unfortunate cancelation I put it out there that I would be having breakfast 2 blocks from the general area of our meeting the next day and offered to meet so as to give the cancelation fee. She responded generously by saying that she got the message to late and that if we could meet , Yes, a fourth time, this weekend that she would wave the fee. I looked to the TER discussion board for assistance? as my limited experience did not cover knowledge of a cancelation fee. Cancellation? Yeah, something I did twice in seven years. Canceled on? Can't count. Providers not as advertised? Again can't count but alway placed the envelope and behaved as a gentle man. So please give this provider credit for still having a heart, compassion, empathy and faith in us human beings and allowing me to get through the unprecedented challenges I had this past week. I have contacted her, asked what she considers a proper cancelation fee and will send it to her as I am a high energy soul and knows what goes around comes around, karma and also have the means to do so.
and IMO, your actions were within the parameters of "shit happens" right up until the last cancellation, and even that one wasn't like you simply NCNS'd or called her twenty minutes before your scheduled appointment. If you have been keeping the lines of communication open, which it sounds like you have, and if you have been doing your level best, which it also sounds like you have done. I don't see why any woman who lives in the real world would want to write you off as a client.
Personally, I don't think you owe her a thing for the first two cancellations, UNLESS of course she incurred any hard expenses out of pocket for your date, something like booking an incall especially for you, and that doesn't sound like that is the case here, Considering that you did cancel on her twice before however, and also taking into consideration that canceling only 20 hours before your last appointment could mean that she MIGHT have suffered some loss of potential revenue, I believe you do owe her SOMETHING for that last cancellation, but to pay her for an entire session is ludicrous. I would say that a third of her expected donation for the last session is more than fair, and you don't owe her a cent for sessions that you cancelled with more than adequate notice.
This is a discussion board, and people are entitled to their opinions, but after reading this thread I have come to the conclusion that almost everyone commenting on this thread is WRONG, and it looks like there was a lot of piling on, without any real thought about what you had actually posted. It does sound like the lady in question is more level headed than any of the posters on this thread, and she probably also knows she has at least one "get out of jail free" card with you. lol
I am pretty sure I don't have to say this, but even though she is willing to waive her "cancellation fee" it would be a class act to add that fee to the donation anyhow, but I am pretty sure you were planning on doing that anyhow.
Good luck, and hope it was worth the wait for both of you.
GaGambler you got it exactly right. Thank You. I just got home from an amazing moment with a truly amazing lady.
I emailed her earlier today to take her up on her offer to to wave the cancelation fee should we be able to get together this weekend. It was 5 pm when this happened and with the beating I took here I didn't waste any time and met her at 7:30pm.
I am thrilled with the out come.
if i'm getting the correct impression you seem to have communicated with this provider and arrived at a solution.
I wonder if it would have been as contentious as the replies on here if SHE had responded to your post.
Talked with her about just that. She posts often. Told me to stay away from the general boards and only go to the regional ones with such issue. Really a great lady.
That is true as we often see the Judgement Division weighing in
Crazy/angsty girls give killer hand-jobs (as well as other types of "jobs.")
Just saying.
"Disorder"
I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand,
Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?
These sensations barely interest me for another day,
I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, take the shock away.
It's getting faster, moving faster now, it's getting out of hand,
On the tenth floor, down the back stairs, it's ay no man's land,
Lights are flashing, cars are crashing, getting frequent now,
I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, let it out somehow.
What means to you, what means to me, and we will meet again,
I'm watching you, I'm watching her, I'll take no pity from you friends,
Who is right, who can tell, and who gives a damn right now,
Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know,
Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know,
Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know,
I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling,
I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling,
Feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling.
3, 5, 0, 1, 2, 5, Go!
I was there in the back stage
When first light came around
I grew up like a changeling
To win the first time around
I can see all the weakness
I can pick all the faults
Well I concede all the faith tests
Just to stick in your throats
31G, 31G, 31G
I hung around in your soundtrack
To mirror all that you've done
To find the right side of reason
To kill the three lies for one
I can see all the cold facts
I can see through your eyes
All this talk made no contact
No matter how hard we tried
31G, 31G, 31G
I can still hear the footsteps
I can see only walls
I slid into your man-traps
With no hearing at all
I just see contradiction
Had to give up the fight
Just to live in the past tense
To make believe you were right
31G, 31G, 31G
Plenty of notice was given for her to book someone else.
If she expects a fee under these circumstances. Then us hobbyists should get a fee when the providers cancel. My time is just a valuable as hers. And in many cases I could have been making money too.
Also she needs to own up to some responsibility for continually re-booking him without a deposit.
Now if I were her I would book him again and then cancel siting the same excuse, err sorry reason the OP gave. You don't reward bad behavior (the OP needs to get his shit together as far as timing goes) with a favorable experience. Sometimes teaching by example works.
because she wasted my opportunity. You have done this to a gal... I'd suggest at least 50% of her fee. You'll pay it or she'll not accept calls from you. I suggest you book her at a time when work can't interfere. You need to make it happen or she'll correctly write you off as a time waster.