as a teen, what advice or words of wisdom would you give yourself that you didn't get the first time around

Rehabilitated? Well, now, let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means. I know what you think it means, Zen. To me, it's just a made-up word. A politician's word, so that a BSU whoremonger like yourself can wear a suit and a tie and pay hookers for sex. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?

Not get married so young, stay in school and but that stock, Lamont is talking about

NEVER pass up a bathroom;

Morgan Freeman is the best! Nice post JackDunphy!

Facebook would have been a great investment

100% sure it's not pee."

Being forced to live your life all over again, but being powerless to change anything.

Maybe I am lucky but I would be more than happy to live my life again. Its been awesome so far. No, not perfect, but certainly worth living again.

F being the loyal BF/SO/Hubby.  If she's not putting out, walk...  there's no fixing it.  It's very hard to think rationally when you are emotionally invested.  

and beat the hell out of the guys with box-cutters..

...go after your dreams. Failure isn't fatal and success isn't permanent.

I would make sure I cum FIRST.

Greetings MasterZen,

or 30, or 40, etc...
At least not for most of us.  
For a stubborn kid who never saw the point of planning for my future I turned out ok, but long term goals and projects weren't my thing. I wonder if it's too late to learn to play the piano?

YAASSSSSSSSSSS! Great words.

It's never ever too late.

or you can come after I'm gone."
What a selfish prick.  LOL!

I'd also add... 'And do what you feel drawn to do, not what society wants you to do.'

Don't keep dating the fun guys or you will end up divorced and a single mom some day.

About 18 years ago, I had a very small account on line with Schwab.  One day I logged on to find Schwab had mistakenly put another guy's portfolio into my account.  Same name, but from Seattle.  In the portfolio was Apple, Microsoft, Starbucks and AOL.  After a couple of days of enjoying a large net worth, I had them correct the mistake.  I did eventually buy some Apple, but I've wondered, was that the future me sending a message?  If so, I was too dumb to listen.

Do the sex thing.

Facebook was down to 18 bucks a share about two years ago when I bought it. Didn't think it was going to zero but didn't think it was going to break 100 so quickly after. I bought 100 shares looking back I wish I bought 1000 shares

I would tell myself back in the day to, first and foremost,  abstain from drugs!  Did a lot in my younger years and I so wish I could get those years back!  
Second,  I'd pay more attention to my own intuition.  Geez, if I could only take back all the bs religious leaders told me and listen to my gut when it came to friends!  
Last but not least, explore with my sexuality and my body.  I used to not eve like sex but now that I'm older, more confident and wiser, I just can't get enough!  
I missed a fuckton of stuff not listening to my old wise soul back then. Ahhhhhhh..... but alas,  life is wonderful now
I guess what doesn't kill you only makes one wiser and stronger
XOXO,  
T

Get busy livin, or get busy dyin

...and when she asks you to please not leave, STAY!

So do not be afraid to give a girl head if it means you will get laid. Tap Rebecca's ass when she makes the offer, because years later, even after four kids, she looks smoking hot, and she becomes a born again Christian, and you will never get the chance again.

I believe that "what doesn't kill you" gives you entertaining stories to tell years later when shocker of all shockers, you still find yourself alive and pushing sixty.

I'm about the same age as Max Hardcore.  If only I had known then what I know now.

I had a really hard childhood in a house full of alcohol and some violence and much anger and much regret on the part of the elders.  
   
I lived across the street from a very well filled out and horny 15 or 16 year old who had two assets: both her parents worked and her house was empty and she, for some reason, though I was "adorable."

There's been a whole lot of soul searching and self analyses going on lately...

Spent a lot of time judging me...did not get the degree that I had wanted due to respected folks in my life telling me things about the potential of a woman was just not that of a man in the business world.  I would have invested that money in South Beach condos too...I passed on that and went traveling.  Not that I regret for a moment one step of my travel journey, but I would be sipping cocktails on the beach if I had invested in those condos.

your desire to rise to average isn't big enough.  The world has so much more to offer than what you've seen growing up poor in rural SC.

So here are a few of the things I would let myself know:

I would tell my younger self that when the beautiful blonde next door asks you to come over and fix something wrong with the sump pump (her husband was at work), and when she is standing there in just a robe and says, "Do you want anything?  You can have whatever you want." to reply to her, "Yes, I want you to drop that robe on the floor".  I kick myself often for  not speaking up as she would have done it.

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when

Dear Angelina,
Who were some of the dominant influences in your life and are they still in your life today? Also with what you know now what approach would you take and with whom would you surround yourself with when making crucial decisions at such a seminal time in your life