While I've had a heck of a good time with many of the providers in Boston, in particular Erin and Laurie (who I'll see in a couple of weeks) with Nina's Diamonds. But the one-hour session and high prices have kept me from indulging very often. That's why I switched to the mistress, aka, kept woman, or as I say, "compensated companion."

There are a lot of young women, particularly students and recent grads, who are willing to do it for money. But only if it's just one guy on a regular basis. They would never enter the escort business. Just too many men. A woman I have been seeing recently has a boyfriend who seems to enjoy her as much as I do. She complains of being sore and a bit burned out, and this is with just two guys!!

Anybody else have experience with the mistress vs. escort thing? I'm wondering why you would choose one over the other? Also providers, what about you. Have you been a mistress, what are the upsides and downsides, why are you one or the other?

I prefer the escorts because after a session is over there are no expectations.  If I never want to see her again, so be it.  If I really want to get together again it will  most likely be arranged.  But no "you don't call me", "where were you all week?"  How do you end it without ill feelings?

And as for the cost.  You could be in for a real suprize if she decided she wants more from you.  Do you have a family?  A work place where calls could be made?  How much of your life could she ruin if she desides that she wants more than you're willing to give?

Years ago (before the dot com bust) I kept a mistress.  Things went from good to bad.  In the beginning it was a fantasy come ture, but after awhile she wouldn't have sex when she didn't feel like it, started asking for extra money, etc. We broke up when she started taking me for granted and started treating me like a bored wife treats a husbund.  Hope that helps.

A couple of comments:
1) As to $$, the escort is usually alot cheaper in the long run espically if you want to end it.  With an escort, it just ends.  With a mistress if she has feelings for you, she can ruin your life.

2) As mentioned in another response, when the session ends, it is done.

3) For me personally, I have never been successful with women at all.  I do not know why, but every single civilian woman I have met has always immediately put me into the "friend" category.  Because of this, I could not even acquire a mistress anyways.

4) Also for me, the times I have to see someone else are very limited, and sometimes I cannot see anybody for a few weeks at a time because of limited availability.  If I has paying money to a mistress each and every week, it would break me.

5) Variety is the spice of life.  You mention the college student or the like.  I happen to prefer a more mature older woman who probably is not looking for a "sugar-daddy" or if they are it would be well beyond my financial abilities.

Very good question.  As they say on the board I am pushing the fifty yard line in age and several years ago met a very beautiful Rsuuian 22 year old girl that was a dancer.  I asked her out and she accepted.  My motives were of course to get her into bed, but found out she was no easy make and also found out I might end up dead if a offered her money.  Short story we became quick friends and soon were in an affair.  She was not a mistress because I did not keep her as such.  But if you add up all the dinners, plays, gifts, etc.  it was not a cheap friendship.  Believe me the hourly rate of good providers would have been much less.  

It lasted over a year and my wife found out. Not a good thing and in took months to get back somewhat to normal.  I have since started seeing providers again and life is easier.  If you are married the mistress gig can be a real mess.  Not to mention all the really bad things that could happen if the mistress gets pissed.  I was very lucky, my friend went quietly away on her own.

-- Modified on 10/13/2003 12:52:03 AM

-- Modified on 10/13/2003 12:53:28 AM

I imagine you’re right about there being many young women who would adore such an arrangement.  I know I did.  I was mistress to a man for many years, and he fully supported me financially.  

He gave me an allowance, credit cards to shop with, a couple of new cars over the years, and a condo.  At first, he just paid my rent and brought me presents.  He wooed me.  Then, he thought I should be driving a better car, so he bought me one.  It seemed more convenient and less crass to give me credit cards to go shopping with than to give me cash and tell me to buy something nice for myself, and so he did, and on it went.  He often talked of marrying me someday, and in time I came to like the idea.  But, that didn’t happen, and our relationship eventually petered out.  He continued to send me my allowance, but slowly withdrew the credit cards and other extra goodies from me (he did not take back anything he had given me).

The break-up was painful.  I was emotionally attached to him and financially dependent on him.  Eventually, at the urging of a friend, I began escorting.  That cured me, just as she knew it would!  What a thrill!!!  Lots of excitement, a wonderful sense of freedom, and all the sex I wanted.  It felt great not to be dependent on someone else and to be doing it all for myself.  I went wild!  

Still, I had a lot of fun with my patron and have many fond memories of him, and I might consider doing it again, under the right circumstances and with the right man.  Right now, though, I’m loving the freedom and excitement of what I’m doing.

What are the upsides and downsides to each?  That's difficult for me to answer, because each apparent benefit carries a risk.  Being a mistress can make a girl feel taken care of, but actually it could end at anytime, leaving her in the lurch, if she isn't prepared.  As a mistress, I spent less time entertaining, but I had to available whenever he wanted me.  I was on HIS schedule; as an escort, I make my own schedule.  My relationship with my patron was long-term, so it was closer and more involved than my relationships as an escort, but that makes the ending more painful.  So, I think that if a girl has a good plan and follows through with it, she can do well and be happy in either situation, depending on her preference and her opportunities.


-- Modified on 10/13/2003 8:38:50 AM

He lived in another state and visited on a regular basis, it was a good thing for me. He sent regular gifts in the mail.

I liked him very much and we got along famously in all areas.

I still get an email from him now and again and I must admit that it's very difficult to turn him down now that he knows I'm  not doing the serial dating gig any longer.  (He definitely wanted an exclusive deal.)

I think he's probably my ATF in all aspects of dating.

Elise [email protected]

I never considered making trouble in my patron's family or professional life, and I believe he realized early on that I would not compromise him.  I'm still that way to this day.  However, I can see how it could happen.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

-- Modified on 10/13/2003 8:25:38 AM

I thought I would enjoy the mistress or sugardaddy type relationship, until I had a couple bad experiences. First I have a pretty high profile career that means I can't go into a local restaurant or bar without knowing at least one person. I met a girl that was on her first date as an escort, she came with 2 other ladies for myself and a couple other guys. Well we hit it off pretty well and I saw her again the next night. Long story made a little shorter, I started a bit of a long distance relationship with her and invited her on a trip with me a couple months later. After sending her money for Christmas presents for her son and then for a car, totaling $2000.00 all as prepayment for our little getaway right after Christmas, things got strange. She couldn't find a sitter at the last minute, could we bring junior along? NO. Finally found a sitter and she became the possesive woman from hell. Sent her home after one night. She continued to call for months, even Valentines day. I finally told her that I had confessed to my wife and we had no chance of seeing each other again. After almost a year since the first meeting sha calls last week, broke wanting money, talking about suicide. Give me a frigging break. So I lied said I had closed my private bank account and couldn't help her if I wanted to. So that is my first and hopefully last experience with a mistress.

It's another sign of success for them and carries more weight in some cultures than others.  For such men, it's not always about cost.  These men can afford to rent high-priced call girls, but prefer the exclusivity and status of having a long-term lease on an often less, um, worldly-wise paramour.


-- Modified on 10/13/2003 8:30:12 AM

Laurel,
I think you know that I have the wishful fantasy that I'd like to have you exclusively.

Since most likely she knows more about you than a regular escort, it would be hard to say no to her.

I think it sounds lovely.

Reone both, and they’re both fun!

I'm with Laurel on this one. Seems like we both had similar experiences, and both can be fun!

I too spent many years of my young adult life with a very generous older man who was married. That was never a problem, as he knew I had no designs on marrying him - we had our boundaries established from the start, which I think is the key to a successful long-term mistress/kept woman type relationship.

Granted, establishing boundaries is no guarantee that one or the other party will "freak out" later and become problematic, but in most cases, it does work out better when both people know what to expect - and more importantly, what NOT to expect.

I went into escorting a couple of years ago when the relationship ended, and have had the time of my life every since! I love meeting new people, and having my independence.

Still keeping my eyes open for a very special man, and may one day return to "mistress" status, but hey- what's the rush?

Cheers,
Ariana

I have done this, in varying degrees.

I have had long-term provider relationships, preferred, but not exclusive. These were on a retainer basis, usually quarterly. It can get expensive, but it was worth it for me to not have a clock running. I travel a lot, and these relationships were in places I travelled to. Sometimes the "sessions" would be a half day, sometimes a week. In the end, some of these relationships did not work well. In one case the provider became a bit smitten. In another case the provider had a severe drug problem and (actually appropriately) took the money and ended up using it for a recovery of sorts. But in three other cases it worked until the providers retired.

I have also had two mistresses. Much as BiffBombay mentions, both were liberal arts grad students. One became excessively attached, but it was no worse than having a psycho girlfriend IMO!  In the other case we parted quite amicably when she decided to commit to a boyfriend. She is now married.

I have also had two girlfriends who were "in financial need." It is interesting to contrast the g/f with the mistress experience. One g/f had a drug problem and I had to put her through a in-patient program... twice. Another had a very significant event occur after which I had to support her. I do not begrudge these, but at some level they weren't too different from the mistress experience. At the end of the day, the assymetry of the financial situation caused stresses that contributed to the ending of those relationships. I'd like to think the inequity wasn't a problem on my side, but a relationship always has two sides, so who knows?

The main difficulty in having a mistress is walking the line between a committment based relationship and a financial one. The line is blurry, and the culture here in the US does not make it easy to make it a distinct line.

I admit I have not figured out what works. But I'm not married. If I were married, I think the potential risks of the personal disclosure required to make a mistress or g/f relationship work are way to high. At least in the US.

i posted my offer and asked for opinions on just this thing.  i'm not sure if my personal freedom will stay in tact if i there agreed.  however.  if it was understood that the personal life was left with the no ties understanding one would be great!!  absolutely!!  as far as the comment on my probs would become my mistressers...i think thqat is an unfair generalization against women.  remember that as providers...i think for the most part....very strong and independant women who are not the typical woman...otherwise they would not do as they do.