On a recent date with my ATF I mentioned seeing a certain provider who turns out is a friend of my Atf.  When I told her I wanted to see this girl my atf said that she didn't want me to see her because I wasn't her type or some blah blah blah.  My immediate response was Fuck that I will see whoever I want!  I mean this is a fantasy world!

That being said I kinda feel like I need to play the game and keep the ATF happy (even though the envelope should be enough)!  But the bottom line is I do have a great time with her.

My questions are:

1.  Is my Atf afraid that she will lose my biz or is there something else?

2.  Should I say fuck it and see the girl because this is my fantasy!  

I am leaning toward #2 because this is P4P and there shouldn't be any drama...

-- Modified on 5/31/2010 10:21:18 PM

If there are people involved there is always “Drama”.

What is your relationship with your AFT?  With mine there've always been some extras on both sides once we reach an ATF like stage.  Are there any in your case?  I’m not necessarily just talking more time or activities.  If there are, if she is giving you more that what you pay for, is this a reasonable tit for tat?

Whether it’s “fair” or not you are putting any further time with your ATF at risk.  Only you can say if the new provider is worth that.  Maybe it is, maybe not.  But to see her friend you have to assume (given what she said) your access to your ATF could be cut.

Most important, WHY is she saying this?  Most regulars I see are a little protective of their regulars (including me).  Protective, not possessive.  If the two providers you mention are friends I would have expected “She’s great, you’ll like her!”, or even “I can ask if she wants to join us next time.  Want me to?”.  Twice I’ve had a women warn me away from seeing another provider.  Neither bad mouthed the provider I said I was thinking about seeing, more the “not your time” comment.  Both times it turned out they were correct.  One liked to play with chemicals, the other was known to occasionally lift CC numbers when I guy was cleaning up.  In my case I was glad I listened to them.

Your call, but I’d have an honest conversation with myself first.

"turns out is a friend of my Atf"? WTF kind of a friend is she that she steers away business? She is no friend.

Besides, you are right, you should see who-the-fuck ever you want to see. This is absolutely a "fantasy" an it is your fantasy not your ATF's. If she cannot take the loss of business for one date as you FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF, if you should see her or not.

One mistake you made if you do not mind me saying is NEVER SAY shit to fucking ATF's or any fucking providers for that matter of who you are going to be seeing next or who is on your horizon or bucket list. It can never be a good result most time.

So there you have it. Did I get enough FUCKS in OSP? lmfuckingAo

As stated below, KISS factors prevail. Do not tell other providers who you plan seeing. Just see them! If an ATF finds out so be it.

Are you telling me "tit-for-tat" means you cannot tell ur ATF who to fuck as well. I mean all is fair in love and fucking, right?

Gotta agree with smarty on this one. The less you tell the less drama. and yes P4P is not a commitment to ANYONE..except the next appointment you book.

See who you want to see.  This is about NSA sex and your ATF, as a provider of NSA sex, should understand that most guys see different providers.

As a side note, I rarely mention providers around other providers.

1.) She may be afraid of losing your business, but she may actually be telling the truth to some extent...I say to some extent because "not your type" can mean a myriad of things from honestly not your sexual type as she knows it to be, to has an STI or addiction issue, to is OK as a friend but otherwise bat-shit fuckin' crazy, to really isn't that good at the job, to whatever....


2.) Do what you want to do, it is your fantasy...the $64,000 question is do you think your ATF is just concerned about the money or in your experience might she honestly be warning you off something that could be bad for you in some way?  
If the former, go get your fantasy...
if the latter, consider all the things that she might not feel comfortable telling you for why she doesn't think you two would be a good fit, and decide if it's worth the risk.  She may be trying to prevent drama and not be trying cause it as you assume...just a thought.

I agree with everything you said.  I would NOT tell one provider who else I was planning on seeing.

BUT

I read his post that he already DID tell her.  If that is the case he has to minimize his losses and needs to understand what is important to him.  I made no recommendation he should or shouldn’t see the other provider.

And no, tit-for tat did not mean that.  But I have definately warned ladies about certain guys at times.

From the OP it looks like he's already made up his mind and is just looking for affirmation.

This is an easy one..

Maybe your ATF is insecure
Maybe she is right and you and the friend are not each others type?

Tell your ATF that it is your decision to make. You don't owe her an explanation as to when you will see the other girl. Just be honest..

Remind her that she is the favorite but, If we were all honest we like variety and she is not seeing just you........

Everybody approaches this differently.

Certainly, as a strictly p4p situation, you should go see any provider you want any time you want; "and it ain't nobody's business but your own."

And when you p4p, the whole point is "no strings" in either direction. The moment there is a string, you aren't dealing with strictly p4p anymore.

HOWEVER, especially when dealing with someone who, for example, is giving you a discount or something; even if no specific expectations are expressed, in my experience those discounts come with certain implied expectations. Among those expectations are usually customer loyalty.

In other words ... strings.

(Remember this when asking for discounts.)

I had a discussion about this with a lady who offered me a level of discounting I deemed to be insane. I said, basically, there's no such thing as a free lunch -- so what are you expecting in exchange? How do you gain by me paying you less money?

Her expectations were that I would see her more often and for longer periods of time, hopefully see her exclusively, etc.

All of these are laudable business goals. But I refused the discount because my hobbying is more hampered by my schedule than my budget; plus there are a couple of ladies out there that I tend to prioritize when I can see them.

So because I knew I could not meet her expectations, I refused the discount.

If, then, you are accepting a discount from your ATF; it is worth considering that in so doing you have likely also accepted some of her implicit expectations. Among these expectations may be a certain degree of input on who you see. It might be worth clarifying and making any expectations explicit.

Then there is the friend aspect.

Friendship exists outside of p4p; and ideally is kept separate to avoid confusion. With the couple of providers with whom I have good friendships outside the business; when I see them they get their advertised rates.

But like it or not, the friendship and the hobby can bleed into each other a bit. A friend might reasonably expect you to give her as much of your own business as practicable. Especially given the way so many (both providers and hobbyists) see the product as a fungible commodity; she might especially be put off if you go see someone else and pay that other provider a rate higher than you pay her.

Among the couple of providers I number among my good friends; they are very different in this regard.

One of them, I can discuss openly anyone else I might wish to see and she will give me an honest and objective opinion I consider very valuable. Because of her insight, I am absolutely certain she has steered me clear of some otherwise serious errors. I could essentially trust her to pick my sex partners for me.

The other, I never discuss anything of that nature because her emotional content is such that such discussions could not be either objective or beneficial to her; even though we have no romantic ties.

Friendships are very valuable. More valuable, IMO, than getting laid by some woman I may fancy. If I were reasonably certain that seeing a *particular* provider would seriously undermine a friendship, I'd skip it.

If, however, the friend started demanding essentially one-sided monogamy; she would quickly find herself answering some tough questions.

So, to summarize:

1. In general, p4p has no strings
2. But if you accept special discounts, implicit or explicit strings may exist.
3. As much as we may try to compartmentalize friendships and the hobby, they often bleed into each other.
4. Every friendship is as different as the people involved. There are no set rules about this.
5. But if a friendship is important to you, consider the impact.
6. There are limits to what a friend can reasonably expect.

Two things could be at play -
Either she's a jealous bithch,
or
She could be trying to save you a world of grief.

It's very rare that I've discouraged a friend from seeing another lady, I'm more apt to make recommendations of who they might really enjoy.  When I have put out a warning flag there have been seriously good reasons!  (Underage, dangerously unstable, excessive drama, etc.)

Make sure you do a good job of researching this lady, and if all is good, go have fun!

I was more curious as to how many times within the last two days the same issue has been addressed. Or undressed, whatever.LOL

why did you even mention it to her?  She doesn't want to share the envelope!  And don't worry about keeping the ATF happy, she's not your wife, not even your GF.  She want's you to keep coming back, let her worry about keeping YOU happy!

No go out, and do her friend, ASAP!  Maybe a couple of times. Who knows, she may become your ATF  LOL  That's what your ATF is afraid of!

Your decission needs to based on weather or not your relationship with your atf is more than p4p. When I am looking for strange or see an ad I always ask for input from my atf and so far she has not been wrong.

You are free to see who you want, when you want, and why you want.   Any provider, ATF or not, knows this.  Being possessive of a client is a sure way to lose a client.

Belinda

You are sounding like high school romance of going steady or some like that!

The rule of the game is not to get too attached and if you do, your disappointment is only short distance away.

I have ATF also but I don't ask their permission or opinion with my hobby.

1 AND 2....all these providers including myself should realize you guys like variety just like me do....but on a provider side i'd say it's more of the first part of 1 where she might think she'd lose it significantly or even completely. Fear can easily turn into jealousy especially because of money.

"hobby" don't you get.

Knowing more about what makes her your ATF, how many times and how often, and why you felt the need to tell her your plans to make an appointment with someone else, makes it difficult to conjecture as to her motives. Plus, speculating really isn't all that helpful.

And, it is the hobby, which is suppose to be fun, and not as serious as other things in life, like real relationships. Best to ask her directly what she meant. Her saying you "aren't her type or some blah, blah, blah," isn't very clear. Was the blah, blah, blah," where you stopped listening, or you just didn't understand what she was saying?

Those who decide upon an ATF based upon her skills in bed and those who decide upon their ATF based upon chemistry.

Neither is wrong, but those two segments of men will never understand each other.

Thanks for all of the responses.  

I do spend some off the clock time with her and we do regularly talk about the providers I have seen, and she has given me several references, and even recommended some girls.  That is why I was a little surprised she told me not to see her.

As far as the other provider, she is highly rated, and the type of girl I typically like to see.  So unless I am missing something there shouldn't be any reason why I would not have a great time!!