After a session with a provider she didn't have another appt after mine so she asked if I could stay and bullshit with her.
She was having some after thoughts about being a provider and wanted to unload some concerns SHE had about hobbying.
She said she always felt that no one was being hurt with her promiscious behavior, but after some significant pondering about that question, here is what she wanted to know.
She said if she sees a married man, goes wild and crazy during the session, she is starting to wonder about the hurt she might be causing to the mans' wife and children......afterall he is cheating and lying to them. It obviously was starting to bother her and she said she was considering only seeing single men.
What does everyone on this board think?
And was this activity hurting her?

I had a pretty long, eloquent response in the works and then deleted it. It got to be a little too introspective for my own comfort.
And therein lies the answer: we simply choose not to think about our activity in those terms.
Are we cheating? Yes.
Are we stealing from our families by spending money on her? Yes.
Is this activity hurting her? Apparently so.

Is she hurting the wife and children?
In my opinion, no.
Last I checked, no one made any promises of fidelity or commitments of love, honor and cherish to a man's wife, but him, no one led a wife or children to believe he would support them and want to be with them, etc. but him.

If he knows that it could hurt his wife and children and choses to hobby anyway then if they are hurt it is he that ultimately caused that hurt and not the lady he paid for an appointment with.

The wife and children would be as hurt (if not more so) by an affair or a mistress, or a women picked up in bar...it is not as if the existance of providers is the only reason husbands "stray"...it is not as if there were no providers all men would never have sex with women other than their wives.

Like you said in your post:
"afterall he is cheating and lying to them"

He is...she isn't...so should she be feeling guilty for the actions of another?  Should she care more about his wife and children than he does? (and if she does care more that doesn't say too much good for him).  Should she carry the guilt for facilitating his infidelity?  Would he be "faithful" if he couldn't see her as a provider? Would her refusing to see him change his behavior?  Would he not "cheat" and "lie" if she would not have an appointment with him?
If the answers are "No", then she is not responsible for any negative reprocussions of his actions, and she should not be the one to bear any guilt for those actions.

That said, if she does feel guilt or responsibility for what might come to pass in the client's lives if his "hobby" were discovered, then it is hurting her, not neccesarily the act but the guilt she assumes for it can hurt, and if it hurts her enough that she thinks it best for her own well being to only see single men then perhaps she should.  it does say a lot about her character that she would care enough to consider this, and that she would feel responsibility for it, but that doesn't mean it is right for her to blame herself for the choices of another.

The unfaithful husband looked for her and booked an appt and paid for it.  Men go insane without their "medicine".  She is providing a very important service to humanity.  As long as she doesn't go after him later for more "dates", she is still a professional and the problem is between him and his wife.

What I preach to the CL community is that if you start talking about either part of this hobby in a negative tone, then whether you pay for it or get paid for it, we're all going to feel bad doing this because this is a fringe underground activity that has tremendous risks and everyone involved is looked down upon by our conservative theocratic society in America.

The hobby should be, and is, FUN!!!  If anything I think providers might be getting hurt by asshole clients who treat them badly.  Somehow, I've lucked out and only met nice ladies although I'm sure there are evil ones out there.

unless she has a PI track every potential client before she see him, she will likely get lied to often.
A married man would choose another provider or civvy to cheat with in the event that the provider elects not to see him.
Sound like she is experiencing some doubts about her role providing services to hobbyists. She has to sit and analyze her feelings and values, the best choice for her may be to stop providing.

For the most part I agree with you, but, everything anyone does has some responsibility. There are probably more than a few married guy's who play in this game that wouldn't have a snow ball's chance in hell picking up a woman in a bar, mall, grocery store, anywhere for that matter but can do so in this arena easily. Even though it happen's, not every middle aged, average guy is going to be out scoring with the women so easily, especially some hot twenty something year old knockout, but they can this way. A guy can see beautiful women day in and day out and the most it lead's to is him going home and fantsizing about them. That same guy can go to one of the escort site's and the candy store is wide open, he can have women just as attractive or even more so for a reasonable fee. True the women aren't the reason for the guy's to stray, a midlife crisis sure doesn't help, but temptation and availability is sure one hell of a motivator.

People serve food in restaurants that causes obesity and high choelesteral that causes heart attacks.

People make and sell cars that kill 40,000 people each year in the USA and polute our air and cause such a demand for oil that the Middle East breaks out into wars and terrorism rises on the profits created by oil

I could go on and on.

The moral:

Don't beat up on yourself.  Shit unfortunately happens.

This business probably rates a 9.5 on the 1 - 10 scale for inoffensiveness.

That's why it is illegal.

-- Modified on 8/13/2006 10:03:04 AM

Yes, saying you will only see single guys does not mean the guy will be truthful. It will just be something she can use to make herself feel less guilty about it. If the guilt is this strong she might think about doing something else with her time that will free her mind of guilty thoughts.

I think I hurt my penis.

Is it possible to hobby too much in one week???LOL

Seriously, there is this one woman I like who has a very painful and bony kitty.  Everything else about her is great!

You can't hobby too much.  I run out of roses long before I run out of stamina.

Let the lady read this, maybe it will help her.

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?BoardID=12&SortBy=DateCreated%20desc&SearchType=1&Author=luv2lickher&DayFrom=1200&DayTo=0&MessageID=76017&frmSearch=1

-- Modified on 8/12/2006 9:19:20 PM

By the way, how are you feeling? Let's do lunch.

Hugs,
Ciara

While my situation isnt as severe, it has many similarities that leave me longing. Great post to honor the fine ladies of this industry. I also truly appreciate them.

Ciara.......your response went over my head???

Yes men are cheating.  But they are only satisfiying his sexual urges,  ares not likely to fall in love her.  If she was not there, they would see another provider, or seek sexual satisfaction someplace else.  
The only time it would be an issue in a marrage, is if there wife finds out.  
I have found that an encounter with a provider can be a great primer for a romantic evening with my significant lady.

one to many blowjobs

There's no damage. It still hurts so good !

The guy himself is the one (potentially) hurting his spouse.  In my case, because of some bad times in my marriage (wife's depression & alcoholism) which are in the past now, I lost my desire for sex w/ my wife.  After a couple of years of escalating resentment, I discovered hobbying.  Now, with the resentment gone, I feel like I am a better husband.

We are all very complex organisms, we humans.  Our desires are often contradictory and our search for stable "values" is often at odds with our own experience of ourselves - our internal world - day to day.  So say that I, as an example, want to:
1) Tell the truth
2) Maintain my relationship with the woman I love
3) Have sex with many other beautiful women

It seems that at any one time I can only have 2 out of three.  So what is the internally consistent course of action that honors all my needs?  There isn't one!  So I make choices day to day... and live with my inconsistency.

One of the marks of maturity is to tolerate moral ambiguity and one's owns inconsistencies.  It makes you more humble, more forgiving and more open to the wonderful real world of other people.  

Yes, there is pain involved in the ambiguous ethics of hobbying.  It is not an activity for those striving for an absolutist moral high ground of fidelity and exclusive romantic love.

It is FUN! - but more than that it is yet another door through which two (or more!) people can experience the joy, wonder and mystery of moments spent in another's presence - and another's pussy!

Thank you, all you amazing women, for our times together.