I think you're pretty much on the money.

I've been in the hobby for over 40 years.  If I'm like most guys, in the early years of hobbying, it's all about getting your rocks off; the provider is essentially an elaborate aid to masturbation.  I know that up until I was in my late 30s, it was impossible for me to see providers as human beings.  It just didn't matter as long as my physical needs were satisfied.  

But one day you wake up, or you see someone who jars you out of that realm and you realize there's a whole other dimension -- that a provider is a person, too.  And in addition to being a sexual playmate, she can be a companion, a friend, etc. The Internet, by the way, has made that kind of connection much easier. But once you realize that, you open the door to, yes, an emotional connection.

It takes a long time, at least in my experience, to understand that a provider's friendliness or companionability does NOT mean an emotional connection in the sense of "being in love." But if, as a hobbyist, you can get to that place in your head, where there's an emotional connection but not a real commitment, then a whole world opens up that is immense fun.

It's kind of like the emotional equivalent of light french kissing:  You're friends with the provider, you have an "emotional" connection, but it's a light emotional connection - the key elements are (1) certainty - you each understand your own and the others' boundaries; (2) limits - there's a mutual understanding that this ain't "love." (3) fun - this is about fun.  

In that vein, I've had fantastic "relationships" with providers -- road trips, where we met and did the town in half a dozen venues across the country; fuckbuddy relationships, where I'd be the "drop in boyfriend" when she wasn't in love; fake romances, where we both went thru a lot of the motions, but stopped short of E-motion; and frank, candid friendships where we were each others' confidantes.  This is the great playground, where you can have the most pleasure without the baggage, expense or ambiguity of commitment.

An overriding observation on this subject:  One of the reasons that we're all in this hobby -- providers and hobbyists -- is that the rules of the game are clear.  There's nothing ambiguous or undertain about Franklins; there's nothing ambiguous or uncertain about that feeling when I'm inside her.  When we depart from the rules, or when we go into civvie relationships, we enter the realm of uncertainty:  She loves me, she loves me not; she loves me, she loves me not...  That's NOT why we're here.

Generally, a hobbyist who falls in love with a provider, without her falling for him first, is playing with fire of his own making and is going to get burned.  Gentlemen, keep that in mind:  she has to come to you, not the other way around.  

And,if you go beyond the great playground -- if, as a hobbyist, a provider falls in love with you -- you should treat it as a great and rare gift, to be handled with utmost care and a deep sense of respect and responsibility.  

-- Modified on 6/15/2006 7:46:48 AM

why I ever went down this road some 30 years ago.  It wasn't just for sex, because I could do that myself.  There was something more, a sense of excitement, of entering a different world.

Today I am in a somewhat confortable niche with a gaggle of steady ATF's, plus my beloved namesake.  Occasionally I open myself up to someone new, but it isn't with the same sense of awe and wonder I had years ago.

Thoughout this time, I have mostly followed "the rules" but there were a few interesting exceptions, some good, some not so good, but I wouldn't do anything different inretropect.

By the way, BS, I experimented with a lot of ringtones, and now have one that goes "ring-ring".  But the again, I've always been a minimalist.  

The hardest part of this job is . . .

some men not realizing that we're human, intelligent women trying to lead somewhat normal lives, just like the rest of the civie world.

Yes! We are providing a service, but it is not too difficult to see through the bullshit with some -- even though they say they respect you and that you're great -- that they still think of you as a prostitute. The old-fashion part of me hates that feeling, although my age helps me to overlook those harsh feelings.

Bizarro:  You hit the nail on the head, dear friend. You are an incredible person and very handsome. You should in no way feel anything less than commendable. If other women make you feel this way then there is something wrong with them or your relationship with them. That's all. Move on and seek beauty elsewhere. You deserve it.

Hugs,
Ciara

Part of me says if you have special feelings for someone regardless of the situation, tell them.  You may regret keeping your feelings inside for the rest of your life.  Who knows what could have come from your declaration?  

On the other hand, hearing from the gentlemen that they have special feelings for you, they are in love with you can be heartbreaking, especially when the feelings are not mutual.  Hurting someone's feelings is certainly not part of the package and you know if you tell them the truth, you may never hear from them or see them again.  Obviously, if you've reached the point where intimate feelings have surfaced, you're friends.  While I am always flattered to hear such amorous talk, it is frustrating to be placed on the spot.  

I understand the difficulty, but one must understand that an escort is always at her best when she is with her clients.  Even with regular clients, I refrain from complaining and airing my dirty laundry, I always look my best, I've pushed troubles away for our time together, I am focused solely on you.  That's not to say I'm not being myself, I am being the best of myself, for you.

Kate

Interesting thoughts. They sound like theyre a good coping mechanism for you, and I imagine some providers really are like that. Im sure there are others that have more real feelings though. I think its possible to have very strong feelings for people, and still be able to keep yourself under control. It doesnt mean the feelings are any less though.