The Story: no one knows this side of me and because of that I feel caged... I'm tempted to tell my best friend from yrs ago who I know I can lend me his ear but i fear what that may lead to. "Take it to your grave "I 've read somewhere here before.

You OTOH should tell NOBODY. I feel ZERO guilt about seeing hookers, and there is nothing anyone can possibly do with the information that I fuck hookers to damage me.

You are NOT in the same position as me, and I suspect that your life as you know it would be over if your little secret where to get out. My suggestion is to do what many here do. Use this forum as a place to get this shit off your chest and share.

and yes, you do need how to better use the message search function as there has been a LOT of conversation on this subject here.

Every time you get horny,get a baby sitter, take your wife out for a nice dinner , bring her home and fuck her brains out.

To be honest with you, I was NOT a fan.

There are easily a hundred posters that give advice MUCH better than hers.

and for the OP at least, I think that may be HIS best solution. Fucking hookers is supposed to be fun and stress relieving, not a cause of stress. If you can't enjoy this hobby without becoming a guilt riddled mess, then take up golf or tennis, at least you'll get some fresh air to go along with your exercise.

If you're feeling that guilty, just stop doing it. Problem solved.

^^^^THIS.

Whining about it here on TER is a much better solution.

Being a good husband and father has absolutely nothing to do with what you're doing here.  Consider this a stress-relieving hobby, like any other, except that it's a secret one, that takes you away from your family for a few hours a week, much like golf, tennis, bowling, exercising, continuing education classes, etc. might do.  
By no means tell anyone. It can only end badly.  Besides, you will find that keeping a big secret like this is a source of power.
Minimize the risks. Be careful about where and when you hobby.  Have a cover story.
Finally, don't overthink, enjoy yourself, and embrace your inner slut. This is supposed to be fun.

Being a good husband has absolutely nothing to do with what you are doing here? I think if you took a poll of wives, the vast majority would strongly disagree. While you seem to confuse a married mongerer's rationalization for having sex outside of the marriage with reality, you nonetheless acknowledge he should carry his secret to the grave. If real, the OP certainly appears conflicted. For you to claim P4P is simply a stress-relieving activity like golf, tennis, or bowling is one of the most absurd comments I've ever seen on these boards. If that's the case he could join a country club and a bowling league, have no feelings of guilt, and probably have more money in his bank account at the end of the day. I engage in P4P to have sex with beautiful women, not as a stress reliever, but because it feels great and allows me to fulfill certain fantasies. Unfortunately, we are all not as fortunate as GaG, who isn't weighed down by the excess baggage of guilt and possible repercussion. Nevertheless, his advice, as well as your ultimate advice, are right on. Keep it secret, be very discreet and careful, and let it be your little secret.

For once I'm not being facetiously cunty. Therapy may help you cope with your anxiety. Obviously this scene isn't a "stress reliever" if it's causing you additional stress.  

Never had the pleasure myself, but you seem to have a realistic outlook and perception of this business, as well as life in general, and appear to be very forthright and direct in your communications. Plus, a little fun to boot.

Soooo true. For most men I know the hobby provides stimulation that is the equivalent of me going to get Botox or a new pair of shoes... if it is any more involved or emotionally draining (stressful) than that, it's not what you need to be doing. Most men who cheat feel the same way,  and if women (their mates) ever knew just how little it really has to do with them, they would encourage it lol.  

Stress relief, seriously? Take up running, get a gym membership, or some other hobby. You are doing this because you like the thrill, whether it is the joy of fucking new, young, pussy, the excitement of being naughty, doing something that your wife won't do with you, or probably some combination of those things and some other stuff. You are being dishonest, unfaithful, and taking absurd risks with your marriage. When and if it goes wrong, which it can do so many ways, from getting caught to you falling for some working girl, who, the odds are high, won't really give a crap about you beyond how much cash you are giving her. the fallout will also mark your kids and your relationship with them for the rest of your life. What would you tell them - would you apologize or try to explain why doing this was a good thing, the right thing, to do?

I miss the LG, and took some pride in being quoted in her paper. Though the quotes, which were more or less about falling for a provider, or at least being in some sort of blissful state of self-delusion about my relationship with my fave of the moment, are pretty pitiful from this perspective.

Your conscious is telling you something right?  After that, listen hard and see what your gut instincts are telling you.  Those two should be your guide.

....nor is it for those that feel the need to vent or vocalize their lament to those close to them. Unless they also partake, they will never really understand.
I am in a similar situation as yours, (with a small gender reversal!). I have a family, I hobby in my own backyard, and sometimes feel torn about some of the choices I make. But the second I felt that it was becoming stressful, I would stop. No pussy is worth getting an ulcer or (god forbid) having a coming to Jesus moment and confessing past discrepancies to the wife or best friend. Only you can decide what level of risk and/or guilt you can live with

Rental cars, books from the library or trinkets made by overworked Chinese laborers.  I don't feel guilty for using these items and neither should you.

My best friend since childhood is thrice married, had multiple other LTRs, has (until the last few years) always had "girls on the side", occasionally seen escorts, and (no kidding) is a practicing psycho-therapist who sometimes does "couples therapy".  I've had to listen to his romantic and sexual hijinx for more than forty years now.

I'd fuck the sitter skip the dinner and have the wife make me popcorn

I have and have had many as clients for longer than many of you are alive.
Without doubt and as G-d is my witness (when is the last time you heard that expression?!)
the aforementioned two come from the worst families, have unanimously been neglected, abused bullied , when youths never accepted by their peers, had few friends and have the most fucked up children in America. These are absolute facts. Even those without the kids have issues unlike any group I've ever met. It is uncanny how the most fucked up dole advice and stupider that people listen to these collective losers.

Just don't come home and kiss the kids with pussy breath. Did that once with the dogs, they went nuts, tried to French me, LOL!

the background to understand where much of their clientele is coming from.

My own therapist would fall under the background that you describe and he made no bones about it.

He professed and I believe it true that his experiences gave me the guidance I needed to become more self aware and self actualized.

So, rather than disparaging these people perhaps you should be praising them for their willingness to use their backgrounds for the benefit of others.

Just sayin'.....

I don't think too many guys have had an orgasm from throwing a bowling ball.

And for those of you who have, I suggest some therapy.

My point of course is that sexual activity provides a necessary release for many who otherwise would be quite miserable without it.

And furthermore, it is not the wife's opinion of what a good husband is that is at issue, it is the OP's opinion that matters.

I agree!

See a priest and repent. Do it again and repent again.

I'll reserve those traits for things like having controlling issues, abusiveness, laziness, drunkenness, ignorance, arrogance, ucaring of our own physical appearance, or ignoring your children or wife.  And not necessarily in that order.  I am sure that some wives, and others, will gladly add many more

You are risking your wife and kids. Hell, if you do still have sex with her, you are even putting her at risk for an STD.

In fact, many other activities result in the same kind of release of endorphins that is thought to create that feeling of well being that comes after an O.

Let me see if I understand you correctly. Infidelity has no bearing on being a "good husband" as long as the man is OK with it? Have you shared this theory with the married women in this country? It's certainly a radical concept, and if universally accepted, would liberate millions of individuals from the constraints of monogamy.

I doubt many married women, fuck that, I doubt that ANY married women are going to agree that cheating is somehow a "good" or even irrelevant to being a good husband.

and just how in the fuck does keeping a "big secret" become a source of power??? I just don't get this line of reasoning, or more accurately this line of rationalization on your part.

How is it the mongerer who is routinely accused of debasing and insulting women understands this concept so well? LOL. Be careful GaG, the WKs and BSC hookers might actually form a new opinion of you!

Did you bother to read my post? I never mentioned married women at all. If the OP is able to compartmentalize, and he is careful not to get found out, this activity is irrelevant to how he treats his wife and kids.  
And yes, being able to keep a secret is a powerful thing. Not many can do it, as evidenced by some of the posts on this thread.

Maybe someone here will believe you, but it won't be me.

and yes, maybe I do have problems keeping a secret, as an example I can't bring myself to keep my low opinion of you a secret, so maybe you are on to something? Although I don't see how keeping that secret would bring me any power.

The OP is obviously feeling guilt about what he is doing here, If it's bringing him more stress than he is relieving, than maybe this "hobby" is not for him? Is that such a tough concept to grasp? Do I have to type it slower for you?

I'm not a big fan of your hostile bullshit.

You said "[b]eing a good husband and father has absolutely nothing to do with what [the OP] is doing here," and that P4P is "a stress-relieving hobby...much like golf, tennis, bowling, e revising, continuing education classes..." Your comments are as asinine and absurd as when you first wrote them. Either you're not married, or if you are, you have the type of marriage every mongerer would love to have. Some on these boards profess to have such a marriage, but I would certainly think the overwhelming majority of married johns are not so lucky, and engage in this activity very stealthily. What you're spewing is nothing more than a rationalization to somehow make you feel cheating on your wife is perfectly fine, and is completely irrelevant to whether you are a "good husband." If that is so, then why do you need to keep it a secret? I can picture the conversation now. Honey, I'm spending $$$$a month fucking hookers, but you realize I'm still a good husband, right? LOL.

or anything about my marriage.  
By the way, how do rationalize your behavior?

So tell us, just what do you tell your wife?

Do you believe that honesty is important in a relationship? If you can lie to yourself, and you can lie to your wife, I suppose lying to us just comes naturally, doesn't it.

Lots of guys here are cheating on their wives, but not that many twist themselves into a pretzel lying to themselves to boot.

For the record, I don't have to rationalize my behavior, and I don't put a moments worth of effort into hiding anything I do. Unlike you, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

You come on the board pontificating nonsense and then are offended by my purported presumption about your marriage.  

That really makes no sense--you are still the same person.  No different, no better or worse that the day, months, years, or decades beforehand.  But sadly, too many people are quick to blame and find faults in the actions others.  Mostly because it is easy to do that--it's much harder to sometimes see and recognize the good qualities that are in all of us; or to foresee and understand a problem and then try to part of the solution.    

-- Modified on 5/25/2015 10:39:23 PM

Thought so.  

I mean can she have a secret where she either sees another or she "steals" money from the household and secretly shops and then hides things from her husband. It might give her power and make her feel good too.

just let me say this.  Hobbying while in a relationship is like sailing a sailboat.  It's not a matter of IF you run aground but WHEN you do.  It's going to happen.  You will be found out eventually.  After being in the hobby for about a year and a half, I was found out on August 10,2009.  I lost my marriage of 25 years and neither of my kids have spoken to me since.  Yes, I paid financially too, but I would pay that again to have my previous life back.  So I ask you...do you love your wife? even a little?  How about your kids?  Do you value their trust and respect?  If the answer to these is even a qualified maybe, then leave this page, delete all bookmarks, and don't look back....Yes, it's exciting and the ladies are awesome...but in the long run the hobby is just not worth the cost.  Good luck my friend.

As long as your desires are not being met elsewhere, you're going to be drawn to hobbying, so you're best off putting the appropriate parameters around how you engage with it. I think your biggest pitfall would be getting too emotionally involved with a provider, and that is what is going to make your marriage and home life suffer. Neglecting your wife and kids as you expend your energy/time/money on the fantasizing about the life you "could" have with the other woman (which of course only involves the highlights and not the reality of a LTR) is the real danger this hobby presents to you.