I am basically a cynic. My apologies if I am reading too much into your post. It appears to me that you are itching to test the nature of your relationship with this provider, and the celebratory dinner is a handy excuse. If you make this approach into too big a deal, and then flub it in any way, you might wish that you hadn't done it. A better first approach, IMHO, and as mentioned by Wax, is to make an informal offer to grab a bite at the end of the session. It helps if you time the appointment end to increase the likelihood that she will be interested in eating and will be available to eat.

I would like to take a provider that I have been seeing out to dinner to celebrate some thing in her personal life that we have talked about.  I would like it to not be on the clock, not that I am cheap but I would like it to be about her.  And when I say dinner just dinner.  Is it wrong to ask this?  Should I just ask for a dinner date and pay?  I like to think she is a good friend and that is what I pay for.  I like seeing her and do not want to hurt her feeling or make her mad at me.  I definitely do not want her to think I am getting strange and stocking her.  We never talk money.

I have taken providers out to dinner many times. Occasionally we make arrangement ahead of time but usually it's after a session when I ask her if she's interested in joining me for dinner. If it is outcall, I would ask her casually if you would like to grab a bite. It was always off-the-clock.

In your case, I don't know how well you know each other. But if you had to ask, you probably are not close enough. I would arrange for a session before or after an off-clock-dinner.  I would say ahead of time that you would like to take her out to dinner to celebrate before or after the session. If you don't book for extra hours, she would know it's off-the-clock.

If you two have established a level of comfort in which you would be OK if her answer is no, that she wants to keep things professional, then just ask. Make sure that, when you ask, you tell her that you're OK if she wants to keep the relationship purely professional.

That's assuming that you ARE ok with that. If she says no, is that going to be a mood killer for later sessions?

i have a few that I do do things with "off the clock" but these CLIENTS are very generous and after sometime money is not discussed unless a trip or something else comes up. In addition, these are gentlemen that I really do enjoy spending a lot of time with, or I wouldnt do it since it wouldnt be worth it to me emotionally and financially.(ie, several day trips, traveling, etc)

if it was me I would be insulted if you did not request the dinner appt. especially for something in her personal life that is celebratory. It has happened to me and i would then limit/or not see that client again since as was suggested, i KNEW that the client was testing me (as far as off the clock time)  we need to make a living.............

all im saying is that the gentlemen i really enjoy time with are perhaps more "grounded" with what is their/our reality (actually probably fantasy)

dont test her......you may not like the results.  be generous since "you are not cheap" and you may find that believe it or not more trust/more "off clock" time however that is described may happen without speaking about it so much

a little note inside if you like, that (at least for me) means a lot............
(and yes cynics, the $ but it shows RESPECT for our professional relationship but also on a personal level the kind words/acts)

you get a hard on while you celebrate. That way you have the option of fucking  her if you don't feel like being friendly.

I think your perspective is skewed, if you ask me.  Well, you did ask me, you posted this thing on a public forum.  It's a dinner date, and your relationship to her is that you are a customer and she is an escort.  It's pay to dine or to play.  Even though you feel you may want to "celebrate" her personal achievement, your relationship is based on a pretend relationship, to be brutally honest.  I think you are deluding yourself unless SHE has actually communicated she wants you to be more than just a regular client.  I'm just giving you my honest opinion.

And it's "stalking".  Not "stocking".  A stocking is a sock.  Maybe you're into feet or something!

Your premise is based on the statement, "your relationship is based on a pretend relationship."

Kildar does have a relationship with his provider, so there must exist a relationship that is not a pretended one. You failed to describe the type of relationship in your statement.

If the relationship is one of client-provider, then why can't they go out for dinner? That happens in other businesses and even friendship might develop. The question really is how far Kildar wants to take the relationship.

I dine with providers off-the-clock all the time, even at the first meeting. If she feels comfortable with you and she's hungry, why not? It's no big deal. I don't treat it as a date; that would be awkward. It's dinner with a friend. I'm not going to get on my knees to propose to her.

Posted By: arigatorobato

I think your perspective is skewed, if you ask me.  Well, you did ask me, you posted this thing on a public forum.  It's a dinner date, and your relationship to her is that you are a customer and she is an escort.  It's pay to dine or to play.  Even though you feel you may want to "celebrate" her personal achievement, your relationship is based on a pretend relationship, to be brutally honest.  I think you are deluding yourself unless SHE has actually communicated she wants you to be more than just a regular client.  I'm just giving you my honest opinion.

And it's "stalking".  Not "stocking".  A stocking is a sock.  Maybe you're into feet or something!

Well, obviously by reading in between the lines on his post, his actual relationship is that he is a client and she is a provider.   When I said "pretend relationship" I'm referring to him thinking he has a PERSONAL relationship with this woman.  He's obviously worried that he doesn't want to have her think he's a stalker or something.  So there are some feelings there.   And you say "it happens in other businesses and even friendship might develop." Please!  This "business" is a little different from other businesses!  You don't have SEX with the guy you buy your motor parts from!  Plus, he said he's seen her a numerous occasions and obviously he's enamored with her.  You say you have dinner with providers off-the-clock, even after a first meeting.  That's great.  But obviously you are not emotionally invested in that, and I believe he is.  Don't know why you're dissing me.  He was asking for opinions, and I gave mine.  He can take it or leave it.

Perhaps you should send her a card and a gift certificate explaining that and congratulating her???
I think it may go a long way!!!

Have done it many, many times off the clock. Some provider friends even call and ask to go to dinner.

It is all a matter of personal choice and there are no canned answers.

To each their own!

Only you and the lady in question can figure this one out.  I have a couple of ATF's that I do this with all the time but these are women that I have known for years.  One thing that is for sure however is that the only way you will find out is to go ahead and ask her.  Just be prepared.  If she turns you down it will most certainly have a long term effect on how you feel about her.

well, I asked a provider if she wanted to have lunch before out 2nd date (she actually suggested it our 1st meeting) and we did, it was very enjoyable and not on the clock. I'm thinking of asking her out for dinner next time and I'm sure she won't mind. I just enjoy her company and I think she feels the same.

room. Can't remember if it was on the clock or not. But I did buy dinner.

If we had a good relationship with a good level of trust and you came to me and asked if you could take me out to dinner to celebrate something important in my life...as friends with no expectations of sex, I would be honored and would not dream of charging you.

Make it light so she doesn't feel obligated to do so or lose a client. In fact I would add that to make her more comfortable. you seem to be a decent guy and your motives are straight forward...keep that tone and I hope she gladly accepts your wonderful invitation.

If you don't want to have sex during this time don't. Then you can tell her after dinner that you enjoyed being able to just spend time with her. However, she is a paid companion not just sex provider and you don't want to insult her. If you don't pay her for her time you may cost her money from a client that is willing to pay her for companionship. If she appreciates your consideration and enjoys the time you spend together she might just surprise you and tell you that payment is not necessary, but give her that much respect for her time.

-- Modified on 8/16/2010 3:40:25 PM

And the session was right before meal time, is she perhaps fishing for an invitation to eat out (no pun intended)?

Or not?

It happened, and I just listed off some places. It was her incall, but pretty much in my neighborhood, which we had discussed, so it may have been totally innocent. Given where it was, I was not going to take her out anyway, but if it was a signal I totally missed it until now.