A little background about myself - 32, divorced for 3 years after a 3 year marriage.  I like my independence, so I've been relying on tinder/OKCupid/ and of course, the hobby to satisfy my needs and keep everything unattached.  I stay in the $300-$500 range.  Most of my experience with escorts are cordial and positive - they're polite, friendly, fun, and usually let me know when they're in town again.  I usually see them only 1-2x and don't become a regular
 
 
There was one, however, I started getting attached to.  I've seen her about a dozen times over the course of a year.  We really enjoyed each other's companies - we could talk for hours about everything; our broken homes we grew up in, life, everything.  She became a low volume and under the radar a few months into doing this work and one time didn't even want my money.  When I saw her I'd pay for the hour but usually stay the night or at least a few hours.  After a while she hinted that there were times up in my area where she was super bored, and wanted something to do during the weekends, but usually flaked out the last minute.  While she was out of town, we would occasionally text each other stupid funny things.  Sometimes I would get pure radio silence from her.  
 
I work as a sales executive for a living, and reading people is one of my strengths.  The vast majority of the escorts I've seen are friendly and professional and that's it.  This one?  I'm not so sure.  She certainly liked having me around during our appointments, but was there anything more?  There are some things which are difficult to fake - the way her pupils would dilate when we held each other, and many random intimate moments that seemed to have a sense of passion behind it, more than just a friendly business transaction.  She'd talk about what our kids would look like, and we'd have a large number of sappy, vomit inducing lovey dovey moments.  After 6 months of seeing her I started letting her know I was getting attached.  
 
As stupid as it sounds, if she had taken up my offers to do something outside of her work and we enjoyed our time together, I would have eventually asked her to go exclusive and leave the business behind.  I would have taken care of her.  It would be a non-business date, because I needed to know I wasn't just an ATM to her.  I know she wanted financial security and I had the means to provide her a decent middle class lifestyle (judging by her client volume and the posessions she owned, the pictures of her apartment she showed me, she was not "raking it in" but rather just getting by. It was a long shot and would require serious lifestyle changes for the two of us - and these sort of arrangements have a history of very rarely working out - but I probably would have done it anyway if she were also willing to make necessary changes.  She made me feel a way my ex wife and all of my ex girlfriends rarely could.  
 
Two months ago I found out she retired, and that she's now engaged to someone in her agency's management and has been with him on and off for a while.  No word, nothing from her directly.  My heart sank upon hearing this.  To me, the feeling wasn't much different than the more difficult breakups I've had in the past.  I find myself thinking about her time to time, wondering what she's up to and jealous that I'm not around and with someone else.
 
 
**So the major question I have is:
 
What was her deal?
 
Was I just a another "preferred client" to her?  
 
Did she actually catch feelings from time to time with me but learned to compartmentalize them as many do within this profession?  Was she thinking about someone else while with me?
 
Did she catch feelings but suppress them because she didn't want to risk losing her income stream to support her children?
 
Is she one of those girls whose minds can change day to day on who they're interested in?
 
Or was I just played by the greatest actress I've ever met?

A nice "I've fallen" thread.  

They're very good questions, however. In my experience, (now I am one year older than you, so listen to your elder,) lol jk.

You opened your heart and she trampled mightily on it, keeping you in the dark as she played her hand with cunning.  And you a salesman, of all people - but it goes to show the wisdom of that old song I have linked below.

Your questions are for the ages, my friend.

Just be glad your wallet didn't get taken along for the ride also.

Just be glad you aren't the guy she wound up with.

Never once been with a hooker who didn't reach orgasm. How do I know for sure? They told me, that's how. LOL

She told me I "love the way your cum tastes"

handing over gobs and gobs of our PERSONAL time is not part of any 'act' that i've ever seen.  i don't even spend significant amounts of my personal time with most of the clients for whom i genuinely care - being intensely introverted with a need for lots of time alone, that's a very rare phenomenon for me.  dinner once in awhile; a few extra minutes spend catching up on our respective lives is totally typical; but not several hours of free time, every time i see someone.

That reminds me, I gotta upgrade my tits to fully automatic.

She had feelings for you. I think there are many signs that point to her having feelings for you. What it sounds like though is that you didn't take the next step. Did you ever take the time to ask her out to do something outside the hobby?  I'm guessing that maybe you had some type of connection but it was left unrealized because it wasn't acted upon.  The ladies have feelings too. Of course they are not robots. They can be vulnerable, loving and want a special someone in their life too. There are many questions here like whether she knew you would want her to quit. Did she want to be dependent upon you to support her kids?  She would have to give up control of most things in her life for you. Maybe she couldn't handle that. I'm guessing that these discussions never came up?  

I will not repeat with any escorts for the foreseeable future  

Dear Ms. Ova:
Would you say that you are an excellent therapist and each time an interaction might have the potential to become something intimate you remind them that this is merely your job. Also how often would you see repeat clients as part of your work as a sexual and relationship therapist? Also when would you stop seeing a client if the situation starts to become dangerous from an emotional and psychological standpoint? Although you are not out to hurt anyone I know there is a certain line that you do not cross so that you can maintain your professionalism as well as the sensitivity and caring of a human being.  I know that these are professional and personal conundrums that you have pondered from time to time when you began in the hobby and still to this day.  Please elaborate further when you get a minute.

That is an absolutely awesome reply to the OP. I don't comment on here often but I went through a similar situation as the OP. But in my case, I was the one that caused the rift between myself and her. I highly doubt I'll ever be able to mend our friendship, but I learned so much from that experience.  

I forgot to add one last comment.  

Sometimes a lady just needs a friend. I found myself in a situation one time that went outside the "norm" found here. I will not go into detail because she knows my alias and trust is something I hold dear , and I'm using an alias because I reviewed her and don't want anyone guessing which lady I'm talking about.  

it will go back to Courtney_Ova.  

Dear Duplicitouslust:

to some good ole' new country.

Subtract the P4P portion of this and it sounds like what can happen to anyone in "less" real life...

lol, I'm ass-uming you're a butt person?

That's a tough question to answer.  

When you "hang out go to dinner and do some shopping" who picks up the tab?

fall off a horse you get right back up onto the horse and ride again.  The OP needs to have a successful encounter to put ms broken heart out of his thoughts.

]No insults or sarcasm or scorn.

If he was complaining about a few consecutive bad experiences with different hookers (e.g. they didn't perform his preferred menu options or they weren't into the session/they had an off night, or they cut a session short, etc.) and from those few bad experiences in a row, he was talking about leaving the business, I would TOTALLY agree with you and CPA. Like I said, I am down with the "fall off a bike, get right back on" theory, generally.

rather than the girl you are "paying."

Those colors will never touch my head lol. But Gwen looks good in anything!

Ask about some OTC lunch or dinner time. If it's for $ then you have your answer. If it's for free tread lightly.

Either one will cost Money. So what's the difference?

What's wrong with treating these Girls nice? Some of you think that being nice to these Girls is in some way a wrong thing to do. Whatever. I like being nice to the Provider I'm seeing. I guess I'm not as Jaded about Women as you Married guys are.

"My Provider?"

A good GFE is going to do that and the ladies cannot be blamed for doing a great job. I get a tad peeved when the ladies get accused of "playing" a john, (CPA mentioned this). In this case she didn't hit him up for more money but gave him extras, and now this is a crime????

The flippant answer of course is that Civvies are much more expensive, but if you really think that you are buying love, or genuine feelings of any kind, you are sadly mistaken.

Love does happen in P4P, but it is not purchased. It sometimes happens all by itself, but to delude yourself into thinking that you can buy a providers love is simply setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.

And "the girl he's seeing" is fictional.

Braids are for females, and dudes who can't get to the barber shop before five in the evening.

I've seen this on many football players as well.  I don't think you can win a Super Bowl without having at least one player with this hanging out of their helmets.

Kept 'em in for about a month before they started pissing me off. Luckily I was able to get them out without just cutting them off. It took a good 8 hours.

I can't agree with butterflydust more. I know I have recently entered into a friendship with a provider. We don't even have sex anymore and obviously I don't get charged for her time. I value the time we spend together and it is hard not to fall for this beautiful, special lady, but her friendship has become more important than just a client/provider relationship. Where this goes, I'm not sure but I'm enjoying it while I have it.

Cornrows have to be braided

I was under the impression people braided their hair, when there isn't much else one can do with their hair.

I'm just lucky that I was able to get them out without completely destroying my hair. Bleach and dreads are not a good combination.  

Time travel...or just progressive?

Except the hells angel i lived with like ten years ago. Aside from him and the motorcycle stunt rider, But the motorcycle stunt rider I met at the strip club i was workin at too we were posing for his flyers for a show he was to do at the club outdoors on his gixxer. I spelled wrong , speak n spell dont get ya panties in abunch my man where ever your ass is...........xo
  Since 28 i dated mostly guys i met escorting, I mainly go for kinda bad boys with tats that are close to my age and in really good shape, ....................I had a few bouncers at a nice strip club ages ago that would send me the biggest whales, I met a few good bf that way, They ended up givin me more and enough to live nice than the clients so i just hund with them instead. xoxox Plus i was attracted to em so it was win win,

When I talk to my mom or girlfriends that know I'm a provider, I call my regulars "My Favorites", "My Guys" or "The Guys I'm Seeing". I feel like because they are my regulars and have been so good to me that they deserve a better title. I even have endearing nicknames for each of them.  Calling them clients or johns seems like they are objects instead of real men of substance, and it seems too business-like. I'm really not much of a business woman....just a slut with financial goals.

I truly believe that. Time heals hearts. This pain is temporary, but the fond memories are forever.

Take the good with the bad, and be on the look out for the unforeseen; that is, expect the unexpected.

Don't forget that part!!! Hahahahahaha

I'm going through a very similar situation. It's hard to convince yourself that this fantasy relationship you develop with a provider is just that, a fantasy. I've seen my girl for the past 4 months. The first time we were together it was like fireworks in terms of connecting with each other. Each subsequent meeting was the same.  The long talks that we have feel all too real. Sometimes we just sit and listen to music for hours on end before we go BCD. She divulges tons of personal info regarding her past life (ex husband, daughter, etc). I always stay way too long and she always asks for me to stay the night. A thing I can't possibly do. I read some of her reviews but not all. Honestly, I stopped reading them because I was getting jealous. I think of her constantly and in my mind I think she does the same.  Maybe there is something there, but I get this sinking feeling sometimes that I'm being taken for a ride. Not being new to the hobby, I feel like I should know better. I've decided ,even before reading this thread, that I need to take a break from her to sort out my head.

Providers are much tighter and fresher. Civi girls tend to stay too. Hate that!

Same here. I can't believe the amount of work that went into keeping nice dreads. I still find the look very hot tho.  

in the WhoreMonger handbook!!!!! Never fall for your favorite hooker.

Well anyone who is not an asshole would be willing to pick up the tab for dinner.

This may not be so much about her but about what it meant to you to feel of emotional value to someone and then lose that. Maybe it is a good idea to work on the meaningful relationships you may have in your life already (these do not have to be romantic): parents, siblings, close friends; expand those and the need to fill the void with this "maybe not unreal!!!" affection will start to go away.

OK! So I like my Provider. I take her Shopping and out to Dinner. Is this Wrong? Did I commit a Mongering Sin? I got nothing against how you guys Treat the Provider you're seeing. But it seems like being a little nice to these girls is somehow a Mongering Crime?  She's really really good to me. I just wanted to show my appreciation by being nice to her.

Why are worrying about what the slobs on this board say? If you FEEL appreciation it's only natural to show  it. It only becomes weird when you start FEELING troubled because of what your experiences lead you to FEEL.

Maybe she took the ONLY marriage proposal made to her. Your catiuosness was the snooze that made you lose. Yeah a broken heart is a bitch but that doesn't make her a bitch.