There are 2 ways to communicate before and after a date.
One way is: Date, time, place, screening....see ya at 4 on Tuesday. And that's it. As a guy, you can tell from the first email that this is business. Not even the facade of "literary GFE"
The second (and my preferred) is an effort on the part of both the guy and the girl to develop some minimal chemistry, and hopefully increased anticipation, prior to the date. Quite often there may be teasing, suggestive (altho not X-rated) correspondence. I find that these are ladies I am much more inclined to see more than once. They are truly making an investment in their clients, with the return of their investment being repeat visits -- maybe even long term.
But what after the 1st date? What is an appropriate amount of communication? I am well aware that you guys get bombarded with time-wasters, "shoppers, not buyers", and you could probably spend your entire day reading and answering emails. So I am aware that there is a fine line between not enough and too much.
But this is my real question: Prior to a recent first date there was a delightful, teasing, sensual exchange of emails. PHENOMENAL first date, followed by even more seductive thank you emails. But prior to the 2nd date, and then the 3rd date, the communication started to decrease both in quantity...and in quality. Part of me thinks...Hey! I'm still a paying customer. I'm coming back again, and again. Is your best communication reserved only for first time clients (altho every lady says they are looking for long-term companions). If that's the case...why not continue to communicate with us at the same level after the first date as before. I would think a few seductive, enticing emails are the cheapest form of marketing, not to mention customer retention.
Ladies...if this makes any sense at all, please share your experience. (sorry for alias...but someone might be looking)
I think providers have a fine line they must dry between them and their clients. The first provider I saw she and I use to talk all the time, but then it slowed down, and stopped all together.
You maybe texting and e-mailing her too much, and this is her nice way to tell you chill out. I usually will text my ATF's once every other week just to see how they are doing now, but that's it.
But if I would chill off for a min, because you may send her a text at the wrong moment one day, and she may have some rather rude words for you. It's happen to me before.
If you have even the slightest inkling that you are being too "chatty", the next time you are talking/texting/emailing a lady, just excuse yourself from the conversation with some kind of lame excuse, but tell her is she would like to continue the consversation for her to call/text/email you back in a while, and add "whenever is convenient"
If you hear back from her in five minutes, you can be assured that you aren't infringing on her time. If you don't hear back for a month, then you still have your answer. lol
I find the surest way to be sure a provider actually "wants" to talk to you or spend off the clock time is to let her take the lead. It's fine to be the "pursuer" in civvie life, but in p4p it's quite easy to make the short leap between flattering and annoying. lol
YES! Its a business.
Yes! Its a business based n sensuality intimacy and connections.
BUT if you want hours upon hours of my time pay for it.
You want more than you are payin for, and picture if everyone wanted that. What a mess that would be.
I do not want flirty emails and a long *get to know you* email session. I see that as needy. I avoid clients like this like the plague. I have had clients like this and it always turns out badly.
Make an appt get screened a bit of chit chat see the Lady pay her and move on with your life and let her move on with hers. Stop trying to be more than what it is. If for some reason a relationship/ friendship does develope it will all on its own and naturally. Stop trying to force it.
What you might not realize is that we don't have the benefit of pics, reviews, back channel, etc on you. You are basically an e-mail address before the first meet. I tour and have a heck of a lot of e-mails to reply to even if it's "thanks, I'll take a pass" - I do try to respond to every reasonable inquiry. Through out screening up until we open the door, we are dong our job - as it is a business. I find it incredibly hard to flirt or be flirty with someone I've not met and know nothing about beyond screening. This isn't dating and it's never more clear than in the lead in to the first meet 
that tends to set the tone, at least for me, of how communication goes from there on out.
If he is brief and doesnt divulge anything, he's pretty much saying, without saying anything at all, that thats all he's comfortable with.
The allure of my clients is the diversity and spontaneity they bring to my life. For the moments we are together I am new and different. Because someone new and different is with me. These moments are distinct memories I can treasure and call my own. However, these experiences would not hold the same value if they became permanent fixtures in my life. And for that reason, the convos surrounding our appt, and perhaps a surprise in the form of a check up email (perhaps on my birthday or holiday), are sufficient. But as others have mentioned. Follow the cues from the lady, she may be into you.
Then maybe you'll get the big picture.
If you need a provider to keep it fresh with you?
See a new provider every few visits or become a significant source of income (not one visit every three months either).
I'll send a text or e-mail to her maybe once a week or every other week. More so when I'll be coming in for a visit.
"teasing and seductive" emails before I've even met you will generally be greeted with the sound of crickets. The key phrase here is: I don't know you. Emails that get too personal make me uncomfortable. I don't know if you are a tire kicker, or trying to get me to say something in an email that might incriminate myself. Minimal communication may seem too business like, but its for peace of mind. We simply don't know who we are communicating with until we've met you.
Even after meeting someone, and knowing they are legitimate, there are still boundaries, and it sounds to me like you are crossing them. This is P4P, she isn't your girlfriend, and she isn't a seal who should be expected to bark on your command either. A few emails would be appropriate once a level of trust has been established. Any more than that, and you turn yourself into a high maintenance PITA who eventually winds up on the blocked list. I certainly don't want to be chained to my computer, answering 100 emails a day every day just so every man I see is kept happy during the intervals between our trysts. I wouldn't wish that on any woman. But if you are able to find some ladies who will happily wile away the hours chatting back and forth with you all day every day, more power to you.
That was a lesson drilled into me by my research prior to my starting to see providers: keep your initial contact business-like. All of my initial e-mails to providers I've never seen before are kept formal (but not stiff; I'm a person, not a robot), telling them where I saw their ad, what kind of appointment I'd like and when, etc. Afterward, I'll send a thank-you follow-up, particularly if the session was memorable.
But, there are exceptions to the rule. At the moment, I've been exchanging e-mail on a semi-regular basis with a local provider. We definitely made a connection during our two sessions together ("more chemistry than DuPont" would be a good way to describe it), and I'll be seeing her again in a few weeks. But, even though she's a sweetheart and loves to chat, I make sure to not pester her with a ton of messages, as doing so would be pushy and take up too much of her time. Staying on the good side of the ladies is important to me, for obvious reasons. 
to set up a date, and maybe a thank you note afterwards.
However, some clients (like myself) and providers enjoy a bit of cyber chat now and then.
I enjoy it and if she does too, then that's the only thing that matters.
I trust I'm preaching to the choir, but ladies, please don't send any "Thank You" notes after a session. Save yourselves the time and trouble.
Gents, if you're fortunate enough to receive a "Thank You" note, please keep it to yourself and don't mention it in a review. True, it speaks well of the provider, but it also sets up expectations for the next guy.
Just last week I spent a marvelous two hours in the company of a provider visiting my area for the first time. She has but few TER reviews (I'll try to remedy that), but one of her reviewers mentioned that, a few days after his session, she sent him an e-mail thanking him for the experience. I've been waiting for my e-mail for nearly a week now. I had such a good time (and let her know it) and tried so hard to see that she did, too (and I think she did), that I had no doubt I would be hearing from her after our session. The fact that I have not has left me deeply disappointed. I know that she is under no obligation to me and that I have no right -- none at all -- to expect anything from her. Still, can't help the way I feel.
The best "Thank You" note a travelling provider can send is one that announces the dates of her next tour. The best "Thank You" note you can send is one thanking her for the last session and setting up the next one.
Let the rest be silence.
Please continue to send them to me, if you feel compelled to do so . Of course this is a YMMV option. LOL
I enjoy a short thankyou note as well, I have gotten one from the majority of providers I see, but I'm partial to 4 hr appts. I don't think I've ever not got a thankyou on appts longer then 2 hrs. I can see why a lady may not have the time or even feel the need to send a thankyou note for a short appt. I do have to admit I like to be able to send a lady a brief text and appreciate them in return. But to expect a lady to take time to do this is a bit radiculous. On that note say hello to me once in a while or a quick text asking how I am may be the difference between me calling you for a repeat or calling the new lady I just saw on the boards. IMO
Doc
I never said that I do not appreciate receiving thank you notes, or hello notes, or any other special little communication from a provider. As you say, "to expect a lady to take time to do this is a bit radiculous [sic]." All the more reason to appreciate it when she does.
All I am saying is that once a provider begins to do this extra little service for her clients, all it takes is for one client to advertise it, and all subsequent clients, rightly or wrongly, will come to expect it. As HH said, this is a YMMV situation. (The whole escort industry, in fact, is a YMMV situation.) But it is also an axiom of customer service that you treat all customers the same.
I'm happy for you both -- I truly am -- that your providers think enough of you to stay in touch between sessions. I know the hobby community can rely on your discretion. I simply wanted to remind providers of what I am sure most of them already know: Give one customer an inch and all will expect to take a mile.
PS: I'm never happier than when someone responds to one of my posts. Thank you both for your contributions, my dear friends.
I do not treat all my clients the same because all my clients are not the same, they don't have the same needs, most providers entertain a VERY diverse group of gents.
I have NO problem treating all my clients very professionally, and I send out thank you cards whenever I see someone, I send a thank you card to the provider who gave me the reference. No one HAS to see me, there are thousands of gorgeous ladies they could have decided on spending time with....when it is me...I show my appreciation afterwards by sending a formal thank you card. Same with a reference.....not a single provider is COMPELLED to give a reference...so when I get one from a lady I send a thank you card.
IMHO I think it is very professional and smart to know how to open a deal and how to properly close it......no I am NOT leaving an appointment going to the bank...and not thanking the person who was kind enough to want to see me...and therefore contributing to my bottom line....that is super RUDE.
If someone spends their hard earned money on me.....they are entitled to a simple THANK YOU. I am naturally wired to mind my manners.
Some may see a contradiction between your first sentence, in which you say "I do not treat all my clients the same" and the rest of your post, in which you describe yourself doing exactly that, but I see what you are saying.
It speaks very well of you that you are, as you say, "naturally wired" to mind your manners. I know your clients appreciate it very much. I would if I were one of them.
The point of my earlier post is that I was the one who did NOT get the thank you note. Not after I had chosen to see the provider (you're right; I didn't HAVE to see her, I might have seen you instead), not after I had put extra money in the envelope, and not after I had given her a gift card on top of it all. I am the first to acknowledge that I have no right to complain about anything. She gave me a wonderful session, and that is all she owes me. Still, knowing that she had taken the trouble to thank another client, I can't help but feel disappointed that she didn't see fit to thank me as well.
I'm sorry, but I stand by my earlier post. Providers should not feel compelled to thank their clients any further after they have sent them away happy. To those like Allure that do, I say "Thank you," and make bold to advise them that they might want to add "please keep this between us."
Gents, if you receive any little extra thing from a provider (notes between sessions, extra time, whatever), know that I am happy for you, and that I never meant to spoil your enjoyment of what you received. I'm just saying that when a provider does do something extra for you, keep it to yourself, lest you create expectations that, rightly or wrongly, she becomes obligated to fulfill.
service.
And as a professional wirer (voice/data wiring guy for 20+ yrs) may I say what a finely-tuned, beautiful, wiring 'closet' you have there!!!
Good communication is this business is fewer is better. If you get to know a provider on a personal level, I am sure she can share her civilian e-mail and you two could go to town with thank yous and other correspondence. I set up the appt. with my hobby e-mail and I acknowledge that I have received hers that confirms our visit. She tells me the general location of her incall and she already has my number to call to cancel or make other arrangements. That's about it. Someone said it best, thank her by seeing her again when you comes to your area or you decide you can't wait to see her again.
-- Modified on 12/13/2010 9:00:30 AM
I always send a thank you email after seeing a gentleman.That is just me and I understand not everyone will do this.I have quite a few gentleman that were pleasantly surprised and I have heard this countless times "Wow,you are the first provider to do this" or something along those lines.I also usually say thank you before leaving the gentleman.Every provider is different on how they interact with a gentleman after seeing him.As far as communication goes after seeing the gentleman I have not had consistent emails sent to me just saying hello or just to chat.The guys that I have seen just keep in contact when they want to see me or to let me know they will be in my area.If a gentleman that I have seen and they send countless emails to chat and have no intention of booking an appt I would respond to the initial email but if continued to be a pattern I would just suggest contacting me when he wants to see me again.I do not mind the occasional flirty email and that is again with someone who is coming to town but not just to go back and forth with exchange of emails.Also the thing is I respect a gentleman's privacy and I would not want to keep sending emails because you just never know who is looking.Just like I want a gentleman to respect that I am a provider and I just do not have time to shoot the breeze on a continued basis.I enjoy what I do but at the end of the day it is still a business if you do not start it you do not have to stop it.
Just my input on this topic.
Great Discussion. Thank you, ladies, for your input. It was, to say the least, insightful. That said....
1-- I am not looking for a girlfriend.
2-- It's not my intent to be chatty. I said (if you read the original OP) PRIOR to the 2nd and 3rd dates. Not in between dates. Not hours on end. Not "needless and unnecessary needy emails." Think I even said I am well aware that you guys get bombarded.
3-- I am not a habitual canceler -- or at least I've never cancelled once in my 71 dates. (Wait! I did re-schedule once. Oh Noooooo! Maybe I am!!!!)
4-- I'm not trying to take away from your family, kids, dog, whatever. Or, to treat this as anything other than what it is.
The question was: What is appropriate?
I know there are guys who only expect 3 things from you: be on time, look nice, and f**k. I take it from the majority of you ladies, is that you are perfectly ok with that.
However, don't forget the envelope. Oh, and don't forget to spend about an hour writing a review. Oh, and don't forget dinner, a tip, maybe a gift. ("None of which is expected, but certainly appreciated"). But please explain why so many websites and ads clearly highlight your desire for a few, exclusive, well-heeled, gentlemanly relationships -- yet these start when you walk in the door, and end when you walk out.
So, I understand. The almost orgasmic correspondence shared with us prior to that first date is just to lure us in. Then it's just like marriage. Don't expect anything more than we're paying for. The illusion is over.
So I guess this is more a message to deliver than a question to be answered. Treat us with the same respect you expect. There are many of us -- NO, we are NOT looking for a girlfriend!! -- who look at a date like it's actually a date (with fringe benefits, of course). Continue the illusion. Help make the 2nd, 3rd...10th date as special as the first. If we get too chatty....here's how to solve the problem: Don't email back! Cut us off! But if we're committing another 2$$$ (not including what we spend outside the envelope...easily another 200-300) -- and no, it's not once every 3 months or so -- is it too much to expect the same interaction, better yet, interest on your part as occurred leading up to the first date?
Yes, it's business. But don't take us for granted. One of the reasons we tend to overpay for your time is for the illusion of a date. Enjoying the entire evening experience. Of course it's not real (just look at us and look at you -- now that's a dose of reality). But we ARE paying for the privilege of the illusion. Just don't take us for granted. After investing $$$$ in a lady, maybe even $$$$$, is it too much to expect that GFE extends maybe a little outside the clock? If not...that's ok. That's how you kill the illusion. And how you kill the goose with the golden egg.
I get your drift, but I would still say unequivocally that contact with a lady for more than setting/confirming an appt. is out of bounds unless said contact is approved by the receiver. I've had ladies complain to me about the endless and unwanted attention from guys. It makes you and people who do it sound/look creepy. The only illusion is during the time I request/pay for. A lady is under no obligation to service me or my ego after that time is up, no matter what the price of admission was. If guys really understood the boundaries and accepted them for what they are, there would be no need for this thread. I am a frequent flier with a couple of ladies that I am sure enjoy my company, but as yet they have never "comped" me a session save for extra time here and there and for me there is NEVER an expectation that they should. I've also had ladies buy presents and send me e-mails for my birthday and just to say, "How are you doing?" But, not once, would I think she owes me that or anything than the time I chose to spend with her. So yes, other than the time to shower, dress, and get some last minute GFE (whatever that is), no, it's not a good idea to expect the session to continue when your time is up.
I try to keep a happy balance. I make an effort to answer all emails (although I don't always succeed at this). I really enjoy hearing from my clients in between visits. Of course, I don't want multiple emails a day telling me how your day has been, but now and then a note to say "hi, can't wait to see you again, how was such-and-such event/I did this" is great! When I have time, I respond with a reply as long as yours or longer. But bear in mind that whereas you have a few ladies perhaps that you have to correspond to, we have MANY gents to exchange emails with. So, sometimes my emails may be brief, and hopefully you don't take this personally! What works best for me is an occasional longer email, and more frequently: brief, teasing one or two-liners I can respond to quickly, but that get you on my mind.
Rule of thumb----no e-mails or texts till she returns your first message, then not much longer response than she gave you.