Recently cancelled (with both appropiate and timely email and phone) an appointment with one of my ATF's.  Reply was an angry response.  Had seen this companion many times and never cancelled. Family matters ONLY interfered. My issue was inconvenience, and quite frankly, not particularly horny on that day.

For all you '70's EST graduates, the anatomy of an "upset" was:
1. Unfullfilled expectation.
2. Frustrated intentions.
3. Item from your "stack" (subconscious).

Yes, this lady had prepared for a session with a trusted client.  

My question to the ladies, while I know cancellations can be frustrating, do you consider it an effective response to express your anger to a client when they cancel?

If it was short notice and she is low volume, she may have already put out time in renting an incall, may have turned away other clients?

If it was ample notice, anger is not the way to build and maintain business!

I know this was directed to the ladies, but I couldn't help but add my $.02

That would be the first and last time that particular ex ATF ever chastised me. I don't respond well to anger.

If you had NCNS in her, that would be one thing, but you didn't. You gave her the respect of an e-mail and a phone call. She apparently did not return the respect you gave her. I'd say, her loss

First, I think that this is a question that might be better solved with a PM to the lady in question, but I am sure you just wanted other opinions. However, men who answer this will not know the entire story, thereby giving you the advice you want to hear (which is really why you posted this, it seems). I think if someone has a family emergency, are sick, car broke down, etc., that those are definitely grounds to cancel and hopefully with sweet acceptance.

However, I'll give you an example of why I might be upset, but if I voice my opinion that I'm disappointed, which I should be able to (after all this is a business for us and cancellations at the last minute do affect our entire day), then the client should feel free to respond back to me and we'll make amends. Here's my example:

I had a date with a very nice and respectable client one time. He knows I have a lot of back and neck problems and don't sleep well at night, so for me to have to get up at 8 or 9 a.m. (only having three to four hours of sleep) is very painful and inconvenient. However, I sacrifice my time ocassionaly to meet the needs of my friends when I can and those friends never see any signs of me in pain during the appointment. I give 100 percent all the time. I got up early, fed my cat, cleaned my house, did the dishes and put them away, staged the house with great music and the lighting, showered and started putting on my makeup. Also, please keep in mind this was a Saturday appointment, which I was only doing for him. He emailed me at 10 a.m. to tell me he had to cancel. Our appointment was for noon. Please remember guys: Some of us prepare for two or three hours to make sure our Incall environment looks nice, is clean, smells fresh and looks inviting, and a generally great environment for you. Many don't realize these things.

Anyway, I called him as soon as I got the message, and he explained he had car trouble. I thought it meant that he was still stuck in his home town with no way to get here. I told him I understood (although greatly disappointed, of course, because I was tired and just set up my entire house for the appointment). But no problem, emergencies happen, to which he replied, "No, I'm in town. This happened yesterday and I have a rental car." If he would have said, "I'm sorry but now I'm broke, I'm not feeling well, etc., that still would have been okay."  His answer, "Well, I'm just not in the mood right now."

So . . . after all my preparing (and on a Saturday which I never take appointments) I was left with his only response, "Well, I'm just not in the mood right now." Well, it would have been nice to know he wasn't in the mood a little earlier (like the night before). So, I told him "okay" and politely hung up and thought to myself I could have slept longer, not cleaned my entire house, etc. When the gentleman wrote me back a week later regarding a review to point out how "ignorant" some men can be sometimes, I took the time to point out to him that we all make mistakes and that he could have handled the cancelled appointment differently. But I was not hostile in the email. Of course, I have had problems with this gentleman before with him being overly sensitive and we've talked about it. But what about me and my feelings? It truly wrecked my Saturday because I could have taken a trip with some girlfriends or at least had another client, but my loyalty is to the client when I schedule with him. But hey, we're adults here and some of these men actually call themselves friends of mine, so is this a case where I was responding to a friend and not just because of business? Possibly, but are the ladies are always supposed to suck up and not be offended if someone cancels at the last minute? That gets tiring for us, too. The only time I have canceled with someone is if I'm sick or have a family emergency -- only twice in four years. After all, if you're friends with someone, you should be able to tell them and -- as people reiterate all the time --  this is a business and didn't book with two other gentleman for that day to be with him and didn't go on a trip I could have gone on with friends.

I just think some people can be too sensitive at times and others are not appreciative of all the effort that goes into a date, at least with me. I hope this helps put things into perspective for you.

Hugs & love,
Ciara

-- Modified on 11/17/2007 1:25:13 PM

-- Modified on 11/17/2007 1:32:35 PM

I know this was asked to the ladies, but I thought I would briefly share my one experience with being chastised.  I had an 8pm appointment scheduled with a lady, and at 3pm I found out that a tornado watch had been issued for the area I was  going to be driving to for the appointment(3-hr drive btw).  So I called her and told her I didn't feel comfortable driving considering the weather, and I apologized profusely, but she proceeded to yell at me, and tell me how I was screwing her over, and now she wasn't going to be able to pay for her cell phone anymore,etc.  I felt really bad, but at least it was 5 hours notice, on something that had come up right then(the weather). Anyway, that was going to be my second appointment with her, but after that call, I never scheduled her again.

how much time and energy you ladies actually put into getting ready for our visits.

I have only cancelled on a lady once in my "career".
It was a very special date with a dear friend and I got caught in a situation I couldn't get out of.
I notified her in a timely manner, but I felt very badly about it as she had passed up several other appointments for me.
She was upset, as she should have been, but over time, we have gotten past it and it hasn't happened again. We are still good friends and the only thing that causes me to cancel these days is a hurricane, And unfortunetly, that has happened to me twice, with the same lady.....LOL

I'm sure there will be some who will jump on Ciara for her comments. But, she is right.
These ladies do put in a lot of time getting ready to rock our world and sometimes we just don't think about it or appreciate it.

Legitimate reasons for cancelling will always be understood.
To say, "I just don't feel like it" is not only rude and inconsiderate, it makes you look like a jerk.

Just my opinion...
B

if the tables had been turned... if you had canceled with 2 hours' notice with the remark, "Well, I'm just not in the mood right now."

As professionals, we ladies are always expected to be charming, energetic, fresh and inviting. Do we always actually feel that way? Of course not. But in the end, we do our best to show our clients a wonderful time.

"Not in the mood" is an excuse that should be valid either way-- or not at all.

I wouldn’t want to comment on your specific situation because without all the information it is hard to know if the anger was warranted or not.  However, I will say this- escorting is a business, and it is never business savvy to scold a customer- no matter what the infraction.

From my experience, I can tell you I have sworn many times to friends when clients have cancelled last minute.  Life happens; I have had to cancel on clients many times over the past year.  The real issues are when did you cancel, how did you cancel and how many times have you cancelled prior?  (Not trying to make you defend yourself on the board, just general food for thought for hobbyists to consider).

The earlier the better!  If your lady resides in the area she sees clients you should realize she has a life.  While she is paid to be your beck-and-call girl, in order to have a happy and willing demeanor she is going to need to do things that fulfill her as a person.  If she tries to keep an appointment with you- she may pass on an exercise class, going to the grocery store, talking to her mother or pass on another appointment (or another hundred activities).  I’m sure you get my meaning.  Personally, I plan my day around my appointments- so when someone cancels it’s demoralizing to know I have wasted at least 2 hrs (1 getting ready and the appointment itself), that doesn’t include screening time of new clients or the many phone calls I have to make to coordinate my life after the client leaves my apartment.

If you are expected within 2 hrs I would think a phone call would be prudent- and not email.  I am probably getting prepared for your arrival and won’t have time to sit on my computer.  I can shift my plans for the day and not be cause off guard at the last moment, if I know more quickly.  Earlier than 2 hrs- I think an email would suffice.

Patterns of cancelling.  If someone has made an appointment and cancelled more than three times- no matter what the reason- I will not agree to another appointment time.  My time is too valuable (as is every other human’s) and I don’t wish to spend it being angry or upset with bad clients.  NC/NS get the black list immediately- I think that is understandable.

Once someone earns a spot on my blacklist, I don’t call or email to vent my anger- I simply forget about it.  Should they call again I explain why I can’t keep an appointment and wish them the best.  I have many wonderful clients, so I am a bit spoiled.  I have had considerate gents bring me flowers, a bottle of wine or some other small, thoughtful gift to atone for their cancellation.  It’s not necessary but let’s me feel my time is respected and makes the next session that much more enjoyable.  By the same token, I also offer a $50 discount to any client I cancel with less than 24-hr notice.

If none of the above applies- we are women and we can be bitches, LOL- well at least this woman can.

XO
Melanie

Personally I actually get happy when they cancel. Sounds weird? Well, let me explain. And maybe happy isn't the right choice of word here...lol.

Sometimes in this business I get stood up, no phone call, no nothing, so when a gentleman calls to cancel, do I get disappointed? Sure, because I would have loved to see him and spend some time with him, however I am happy that he took the time and respected me enough to call to let me know that he can't make it.

Sometimes life interferes and we can't do anything about it. Sometimes we can't predict certain things and it is just the way it is. However to call and cancel an appointment 10 min before scheduled meeting isn't acceptable unless something serious happened. If someone books several days in advance and cancel last minute because of some minor thing (that could have been prevented with some 'thinking ahead') then I do get upset. Do I show it to the gentleman? Never, ever. That simply isn't good business practice. And hopefully we can re-schedule. But if I would to yell at him or show my disappointment when he cancels, chance is small that he will call again.

Now do I want this kind of client who cancels? Yes, but it can't happen every time and if it happens 2 times in a row, I will probably tell him why I choose not to see him again, unless there is some real valid reason to it. To not be in the mood, isn't a valid and acceptable reason for me.

To cancel several hours in advance is all good in my book, and I don't get angry over it and never show it to the gentleman.

Puss och kram,
Swedish Anna

-- Modified on 11/17/2007 3:09:35 PM

Chastising, yelling, or expressing anger at a client is a sure fire way of losing that client for good. Now, if that's the result you want because he's not worth your time, go for it. So ladies, if you're just angry because he cancelled and you expect to see him again, you'd be well advised to hold your tongue and deal with your anger in another way. This doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss the cancellation with him, just discuss it in a calm and professional manner. There are many ways of driving home a point without resorting to yelling.

Landmark education... And it is nice to know you remembered... Gehard would be proud!

This is a bit confusing.  You say you cancelled with "timely email and phone" yet "this lady had prepared for a session".  Just how timely was this cancellation?  It sounds a bit last minute.

Then you say "Family matters ONLY interfered" followed by "My issue was inconvenience, and quite frankly, not particularly horny on that day".  So which was it?  Was it a family matter or was it inconvenient and you weren't horny?

If it was last minute and it was inconvenient, then IMHO you owe her an apology and the price of the session.



-- Modified on 11/17/2007 4:39:33 PM

I use agencies that offer outcall to my residence, typically for one hour visits. Occasionally I will cancel if the lady I asked to visit me shows up an hour or more late, or (if the agency has called to say they are running late), more than 30 minutes beyond when they updated they would be arriving. Not doing so would typically require I cancel other plans. Does anyone think that unreasonable?

And to the providers who occasionally chastise a client who cancelled: I agree with those who point out it is a business and one typically doesn't yell at clients in any business that wishes to be successful. But there is chastising, and there is chastising: "WhereTF do you get off canceling with only 2 hours notice, you pig!?" leads to scheduling no further visits with that provider. "Oh, honey, I'm SO disappointed. I'd been thinking about you all afternoon, and was getting wet just imagining what I was going to do with you" gets an immediate reschedule ASAP with a tip. )

First you say that you gave appropriate and timely notice of the cancellation, yet then you say:
"Yes, this lady had prepared for a session."

How much notice did you really give?

While anger is never an effective response it can be understood if you waited until the time you were to show to call and cancel, knowing that she had prepared for you, simply due to being "not particularly horny" that day.

If she's an ATF maybe reconsider the circumstances to see is any of her anger is actually justified at YOU vs. one of her issues, eh?

I hadn't read your response yet had nearly the exact same thoughts running through my head...
the story seemed confusing.

Or one hell of a memory.  I only remember how they wouldn't let you take a piss until they told you you could take a piss.

Actually it was Werner Erhard (Erhard Seminar Training ) hence, EST (latin for "it is")

I think you are well within your rights to cancel if they are unable to show on time.  People have schedules that they have to keep and you can't always accomodate a change in your schedule.

As for the chastising, we are dealing with humans. not corporations.  I've had businesses give me a hard time when I didn't follow their procedure correctly.  And depending on how much I needed or wanted their service determined if they could get away with it.  Many times we reached a mutual understanding that we would no longer do business.  Other times I either gave it right back to them or explained the situation where they understood what MY problem was.

We don't know what he told her when he called to cancel, but I suspect it wasn't done well based on her reaction.



-- Modified on 11/17/2007 6:39:20 PM

has been illness. The kind that wakes you up at 2am and keeps you at the porcelain throne for several hours and makes it impossible to leave the house.

 So far this has happened 3 times. Each time I called the lady in question as early as I felt was practical (right around 8am) and explained that I was unable to keep the appointment. However they felt about my not being able to see them, none of them chastised me in any way. Each was visiting and has yet to return to my area so I have not been able to reconnect.

 Was my call timely? Well in each case it was less than eight hours notice, but it was the best I could do. I do not feel that I owe them for the appointment, though I do plan to enhance my tip should I have the opportunity to see them another time.

  You say that family matters interfered and that it was inconvenient. If by that you mean that an unexpected family matter made it to difficult to keep the appointment that is one thing. However you also mention that you were not horny that day, which implies to me that you could and perhaps would have kept the appointment had you been horny enough.

  This is an illicit hobby and for most of us it must fly under the radar. That means that when unexpected family matters come up, both we and the provider should be reasonably expected to adjust without rancor. This works both ways, if she has a family matter crop up and has to cancel she should expect us to take it in stride as well.

  However, canceling an appointment that you could have otherwise kept because you aren't horny is plain inconsiderate. Even more so in the case of a lady whom you refer to as an ATF. In this circumstance she has a right to be annoyed, whether she shows it or not, and were this the situation and were I you I'd have offered to cover at least an hour of the appointment to offset her costs.

  Since it is unclear which of these two scenarios more closely resembles your situation I can't tell whether her reaction was understandable or not. While its always smart to avoid "chastising" a client, from my point of view the jury is out on this particular case until we get a few more details.

-J

At my age I am never horny before an appointment. So based on the lack of horniness argument I should cancel every appointment.  Yet I have only canceled once, 2-days prior to the appointment because of a cold sore and not for lack of being horny.  I expect my lady friends to get me horny enough after I arrive which occurs nearly all the time.  The point is that lack of prior horniness is a phony excuse. That said being scolded for any reasons by one of my lady friends is a sign for me that I must move on.

he wasn't in the mood right now?  If I were in Phoenix I could be in the mood for you 24/7.  

I agree with you in that guys need to be more understanding of a lady's perspective as you indicated with preparations for him.  I've canceled twice in almost 6 years of this hobby--both times bcause I had bad colds and I gave each lady over 24 hours notice.

-- Modified on 11/17/2007 7:59:56 PM

This happens more than you know it.

I've had one particular client lose his cool twice when I had to change an appointment. The first time I was actually still working in an office job, was too tired to see him and though I would see him one day later to get my nails done the way he liked. That wasn't good enough.

The second time I asked him one week in advance before the booking if I could change and again he reacted very negatively. Turned out he was infatuated with me.

If you want to see her again, talk to her, explain yourself and how you felt and perhaps she will get you an explanation of why she responded that way. The gentlemanly thing to do (and I wished my clients would do that) is to offer her a small compensation for having had to cancel. I know there are escorts who state on their website that there is a cancellation penalty but I couldn't bring myself to enforce it.

True.  Certainly taught you mind control over the body.

I always figured EST meant Eastern Standard Time

I see that you posted that you weren't horny that day. I must be different because there hasn't been a single day in my teen to adult life that I haven't been horny.

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.  Sipping on a bourbon and water now.  Have replied to many of you PM, but since this thread got far more replies than I anticipated, perhaps a few clarifications might explain a tad.  
First, this lady is a true ATF, no fudging.
Second, my car's power train blew up and I had to deal with that issue not in my home town.  Very expensive and upsetting.
Third, my lady is so wonderful, I do everything I can to please her.  My upset condition would surely have gotten in the way of that.  
Fourth, I gave her notice by both email and phone as early as practical. My first cancellation ever.
Fifth, "not in the mood" was a stupid choice of words.  Perhaps closer to truth was "I'll not be fun today."
Sixth, her email response did use the words "I'm angry."
Seventh, money nor not being horny was never a real issue. When I'm in a shitty mood, I'm not a fun guy to be with.
Eighth, I do know how much prep time you gals do, and I appreciate it immensely. I prep also, so that I can be immaculate for you.  May not show on a guy as much as on you (we don't do make-up)but there is a whole lot of cleansing and trimming going on.
Ninth, (the bourbon is working) sometimes the boundaries we set need to be occasionally readjusted. Those with this lady have been quite strict by my standards. Sensitivity goes both ways.  All my other ATF's have revealed who they really are, this lady is an identity enigma.
So, since your replies have been both simpathetic and condemning, they are, nevertheless appreciated, particularly at this late hour on a Saturday night.  Hic, and good night.

If you cancel, I throw on my pj's, get out my books and do some studying. No biggie. Things come up for me too and I occasionally have to cancel (sometimes with untimely notice if I have some unforseen problem like my mom falls in her crutches.)

It's sad when people cancel, but life goes on and I'm not one of those people who is hard core wrapped up in stuff. I'm low volume by choice and I don't depend on this to feed myself... it's just good clean fun that helps out with books n such. So maybe it's different for me.


Katie

Does this mean I can't turn you over my knee and paddle you like a naughty boy?? *giggle*

There is one thing I just can't understand about your story Ciara. How could any man with so much as a feeble pulse and one last dying breath NOT be "in the mood" when it comes to such a lovely lady as yourself? The very idea is mind boggling.

As long as I can return the favor.

-- Modified on 11/18/2007 12:32:29 AM

Good post by the way Charlottenoble. I agree with you that cancellations can be very frustrating. In any kind of business it's going to happen. Just the way life goes sometimes, and it sucks. I dont express no anger if a client cancels, what comes around goes around. I give the client one phone call or email just asking why the cancellation. If no response, like I said what comes around goes around. Any provider that asks about him for verification etc I will most certainly give him bad Karma!!!! I understand things come up, emergencies etc but come on now you will know if it is a legit cancellation or not. Sorry that is happend to you, its happen to me few times also.

to see you.  If I lived in LA we would have met my know.  If I ever travel to the left coast, you are one lady I'm sure to try to see.  Be safe my dear.

Actually, I just passed on my disappointment to this guy only because he emailed first to talk about how other men can be ignorant. I never said anything mean to him on the phone when he canceled our appointment. I only told him after he emailed me a week later. I returned his email and told him of my disappointment (as I thought I could as a friend). I told him on my return email to him that I was upset that he cancelled but I certainly wasn't chastizing. This guy has obviously PMd a few people, which really breaks my trust in him. I don't like gossip. It's rude and it hurts people, and I don't like being part of a local clan of gossipers that cannot keep this business personal for us, too.

I even mentioned that if he would have told me he was broke because of his vehicle or it had to do with a family emergency then it would have been more understandable. It's so aggravating when a gentleman wants to be your friend and go beyond the client/escort relationship but then gets his feelings hurt when you tell him you are upset that he cancels at the last minute for not a very good reason and then blasts you on a public board about it.

I think he fails to realize he was wrong, so guess what? He lost me as an ATF. I don't need someone to post on a public board about it. That is exactly why he lost his other two ATF's because he made them feel uncomfortable. He was allowed to be honest but they couldn't. Of course he doesn't understand why and blames them.

Happy trails to him and I wish him well. It's sad.

Hugs,
ciara



-- Modified on 11/18/2007 6:55:37 PM

...I am getting real tired of everybody posting comments like: "one of my ATF's".  

Does anybody know what ATF stands for?   All Time favorite.   How can you have multiple All Time Favorites?

Sorry about the rant.  Back to the discussion at hand.

A previous ATF or my current ATF. The use of this term was throughly discussed a while ago. In any event, I generally take the term to mean that she is someone who was spectacularly and uniquely memorable and probably someone I would enjoy seeing.

-J

You're correct on all counts.  That's why I saw her so many times and posted one of my six reviews.

Sorry, couldn't pass that up...I don't see that she said anything that could be deemed offensive, but I've got pretty thick skin.

This is one of those times where it's probably better to be untruthful.  If you're not going to show up, at least tell a story that allows the other person to be off the hook emotionally.  I had a buddy tell a future date that he couldn't make it (PLENTY of notice) because his original plans became available again.  He was merely trying to be honest, because he legitimately hates lies.  Needless to say, the woman on the receiving end wasn't real happy.