I think my ex might be in "the business."  I don't fear for her and don't  want her back either .  I just want to make sure she's not escorting to suport a drug habit or something.  I can't ask her and don't have access to her place.  Any ideas guys?  My own ace is that I do know a retired vice cop.

You sound angry and vindictive.  You write that you do not fear for her and that you do not want her back.  Unless you have children with this woman (you do not mention children or the possibility that she might be escorting to support children) or cared for her well-being (you do not seem to care that she might HAVE a drug habit, but that she might be escorting to support one), why should you care if she is escorting to support a drug habit?

You can't work a program for her. It's not up to you to perfrom an intervention. And it does not sound like you have good intentions in your heart.

Let her go.

I think you guys are taking this all wrong.  Ofcourse I care about her and her well being.  She was the first woman I ever loved and probably still love.  I am certain that I'll have complete selfless love for this woman until the day I die... she once saved my life!  

So can we please work past the misunderstandings?   I say, with no judgement, that I think she might be a provider.  As someone who cares for her deeply, I'd like to know what you guys thing I should do to try and find out.  Is hiring a P.I. the best way?  If so, anybody have any idea on what the cost would be?

yes, leave her alone and get on with your life.

you may have expected kinder words on this board but you need to forget about her.

(in your defense, you probably still care about her which is nice but you need to move on and better you own life)

best of luck!

Not that it matters but what makes you think she is a provider?
Do you have any 'evidence'?  It's great that you care about her but if you are not together and do not think you will be together, live and let live.  

BTW - there seems to be no way to private message you and I do not remember seeing you on the boards before.  Are you a member?  Any reviews or previous posts?

Stop stalking her!!!!  You claim not to judge what she does for a living and yet led off with the fact that you think she might be a provider instead of with concern about possible drug use.  What good would it do you to find out anything?  Let her live her own life without unwanted interference from you.  If she is using, there is nothing you can do.  She must make that decision on her own.  Then, if she wants your help, she will ask for it.  In the meantime, leave her alone.  It will keep her happier and you out of jail.

Hey why not have an associate of yours, someone she does not know try to set up a meeting. If she is a provider and he gets to spend a little time with her, he may be able to tell. You never know for sure, some users cover their tracks pretty damn well.

an ex-boyfriend and have no access to her place, I assume that you two are not in speaking terms.

What good will that do if you find out she is a working lady?  It is her choice.  If she is doing it to support a drug habit, unless she decided for herself to stop, no one can help.  She will find ways to get around all the obstacles.  Even if she is forced into a rehab, she can carry favors with counselor by offering sex.  I have seen that quite a few times.

Most P.I. won't accept case like this because of worries about helping a stalker.  They will be held liable if anything bad happened.  Have LE involved in this is even worse.  Most LEs (even retired one) have their own routine and moral about handling cases like this.  Even if you ask a friend to do so, you won't be able to control what kind of action he will take.  Giving her a criminal record is not a way to help at all.

It is better to first re-establish some line of communication with her.  Just be a friend and be there if she needs help.  Let her seek her own bottom and be ready to provide a safety net.  If she is smart and lucky, she will wake up and get clean.

Although some people make jokes about it, Serenity Prayer is actually a good advice and is very helpful for an addict's love one to handle the anguish endured through all the crisis that will arised.

"GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference."

Good luck.

Wow I can't believe the range of responses you guys are giving!   And to think that I thought this would be a simple question.  Ha!  

Alright some more info... yes, I'm a member but I am using an alias in case she's a member here as well.  Moving on or not is not the issue.  She helped me out of bad time once and I want to pay her back for her compassion.   Period.  I could easily tell you guys why I think she is but that info, I'm sure, will yield a whole separate tangent of responses.   I don't think she's on drugs but I have no way of knowing.  All I know is that she's someone I care about and don't want to see hurt.

She and I are on speaking terms but are just friends.  When I say that I don't have access to her place, I mean that I can't just show up unannounced when I think something might be "providing" plus I think she's with a service and therefore uses a trick pad somewhere.

Now having said that... what are my options... 1) get someone (PI or otherwise) to stake out her place and have her followed 2) ask around to her neighbors and hope that it doesn't get back to her, 3) somehow get her phone bill or access to her voicemail.  WHAT?

Ofcourse, everyone of these are varying degrees of invasion or privacy as well as illegal.  So can we please skip over the nuts and bolts of the how and why I want to do this.  Picture the girl in question is your little sister or your favorite neice.    What would you do?

And the response you are looking for will not be found here.  If I had an ex trying to figure out my personal business, then yes I would consider him a stalker!  

You are invading this womans privacy and have no proof that she is on drugs.  Even if she is, that is her business.  You cannot force an addict into recovery.  If she has a habit, she will stop or get help when she is ready.  

Other than that, just leave her alone, and stop probing.  You aren't doing anything while wearing your "mask" of concern but making an ass out of yourself.  This business is a private little world that doesn't care for nosey ex's.

just my .02

Tammie

with different kinds of men for monetary gain.  I believe that is what bothers you.  It hurts when what you have regarded as precious are probably readily available for a small amount of money.  Sorry to so frank about this.

I assume that you are a hobbyist and most likely your instinct is true.  However, ultimately it comes down to her choice and it is her life not yours.  What good will that do if you know the answer definitively?  Confronting her with the fact will only bring more anguish to you and cause her more stress.

I had met a young lady a few months ago.  Over the conversation we had, she revealed that her ex-boyfriend saw her blocked picture on the net and guessed correctly she is escorting.  He booked an appointment with her through her booker and confronted her at her incall location in a posh hotel a couple of days before my appointment.  I didn’t know exactly what happened then but she looked distraught just talking about it.  We rounded up spent the whole hour just talking.   As far as I know, she is still escorting to support herself through college.

Sometimes in life, it is better not to know every answer and enjoy the bliss partial ignorance brings.

As a VIP member site, I have no problem with her being a provider either.  Our relationship ended 8 years ago and I don't want her back but I do still care about her well being.  What bothers me I that if my hunch is right, I know she's unhappy about being a provider.  I just know this to my core.  Period.

What bothers is the "why" of her being a provider.  If she's putting herself though school... fine.  Saving up to buy a house for her mom... fine.  Paying down credit card debit... fantastic  Just likes to fuck... great!  Doing it to support a drug habit... not fine.   Doing it because she'll get beaten up if she doesn't... not fine either.  See the difference guys?   Do you get it now?

To those that have lent me compassion... thank you very very much.  I really appreciate your support although I wish I could have be a little more help.  To the rest of you... I wish impotance, eye cancer, and Alheimzer's.  This will be my last post.  Cheers Amiagos!

Maybe she's saving up to help you get your GED.
After eight years you should totally forget about her.
It's none of your biz. Your obsession is pathologic.
You need to get a life of your own.

You think I'd be as wildly successul as I am if I picked up my toys and went home every time that asshole Saddam H. said mean things to me?  Of course not.  I let the mean things roll off, and find a way to still be both HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL. As will you.  

You expressed yourself well on your last post on this thread. It sucks if she's struggling, but ultimately, I think you'll do the right thing . You demonstrated a certain sensitivity here that should guide you well (except for the impotance, eye cancer, Alzheimers reference -- you were a dick with that one).

In any event, the persona Colin Bowell, III exists to be an asshole when it seems appropriate.  Here, Colin is demonstrating the nice side of this personality.

Colin's advice:  Be a good guy.  Demonstrate sensitivity, empathy, and respect.  And don't be a friggin' stalker.  

Oh yeah . . . and come back to the fold.  We like you here.

Peace out.

--Colin

-- Modified on 11/12/2002 9:25:50 AM

Her reason for what she does for money is not your concern.  Whether it be to pay the bills, put herself through school, or purchase drugs, it doesn't matter.  From reading your posts, what is clear is that you need professional help.  Be aware, in case you are considering doing something stupid, that you have left a trail that would be extremely easy to follow.  Please stop stalking this woman or you're going to wind up with severe legal problems.  The best advice for you is to spend the money on a shrink instead of an attorney.  As for lending you compassion, you don't need it.  Stalkers never respond to compassion.  The worst thing you can do is to show pity for a stalker since they already feel that the world is out to get them.  They are the kind of scumbag who would ask for someone's opinion and then, when it isn't what they want to hear, wish impotence, eye cancer, and Alzheimers on them.