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-- Modified on 6/6/2001 6:32:19 PM

Until our resident joke man responds I'll offer this as a warm up.A rich widow goes to a pet store looking for a talking parrot to keep her company.  The store owner has one parrot but hesitates to sell to the refined old woman.  "His previous owner was a biker", the store owner says, "and he has a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary."The widow takes the bird thinking all it needs is a good environment.  She places his cage in a room with priceless artwork and classical music.  Still, every other word the bird utters is a swear word.  Frustrated the widow punishes the bird by putting him the fridge for a few minutes.  When she takes the bird out he squawks, "F**k it was cold in there!"  "That does it" says the widow, "now you're going in the freezer."After a few minutes the widow opens the freezer and the parrot comes out declaring, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and boorish behavior.  I will endeavor to correct my behavior at once."Looking back into the freezer the bird asks, "may I inquire what it was that the chicken did?"--modified by 2K1 at Wed, May 30, 2001, 22:27:03

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-- Modified on 6/6/2001 6:33:00 PM

My kids only just figured out their first names were not "godammit"!

Middle-aged guy takes a seat on a bench at a bus stop.  Teenage boy then comes up & sits beside him.  The kid has multi-colored spiked hair--green, blue, red, orange, etc--a partially shaven head, ink-art covers half his visible skin, & he's wearing either rings or studs in his dozens of piercings--tongue, ears, nose, eyebrows, etc.  The older guy can't help but keep staring at the kid.Finally the kid says  "Whathca looking at?  I just like to be a little wild & far-out.  Haven't you ever done anything wild?"The older guy replies "Yeah, I have.  I once got really drunk & had sex with a parrot. And the reason I'm looking at you is that I'm wondering if you're my son!"