Just got into the hobby last year and had a tough time getting appointments from providers who needed references, but haven't had a problem since until today.
The lady in question declined to see me based on a question that she asks of my reviewed providers "would they seem again". It came as a shock to hear that several said "no", especially when I have received thank you notes after the appointment and have had repeat engagements with others.
I am not a regular hobbyist and the reason I see providers is that it meets my needs without having to build relationships. I have always treated the women I have met with respect.
I am frankly stumped and would appreciate some advice.
(Eom)
When I emailed her that I was shocked, she then clarified saying it was one "no" from someone whose opinion she trusts.
I feel that answers to this question can be very subjective. It should be a straight forward - was he clean, was he respectful and did he pay up?
Anyways, I think it's better not to worry about it. I have had much better luck travelling than I seem to having close to home.
I agree with most of the others who say "move on". She could have all sorts of reasons to say "no" and this may not even be her real reason. Pressing the issue probably won't change her mind.
The problem is if this becomes an ongoing issue for you. In that case, perhaps there may be a provider spreading bad information about you.
Do you give providers a "heads up" when you are going to use them as a reference? Do you have any providers you felt had a better bond with you? Before your next date, ask one or two if you can use them for references and if she needs any reminders of your visit. Then stick with those references when asked.
Obviously, you don't want to cite a provider who is going to give you a bad reference so I'd suggest touching base with your references, not to confront the one who gave you a bad one (like I say, it may not even be the real reason) but to make sure that your future references are good ones.
I hate to be brass, but the food chain starts at the top. And the fact that providers are like buses, 'there'll be another one around the corner in any minute".
Shrugg it off and move on. You pay the money, move on to someone that wants to accept it. Being a gentleman at all times of course.
If "several" said no, that's not good. Are you freshly showered, clean breath, and do you stop if she says "no"?
I rule in favor of the plaintiff.
Plaintiff is to continue hobbying with providers not adhering to the aforementioned DNS list compiled out of subjective prejudice and/or misandry.
We all have our preferences. It is a woman's right not to have sex with you even if you pay her. Do your research and treat them well and you will always have enough that will give you a good reference.
I can't speak for everyone but providers share performance information and some decline to see people based for either poor or extremely overzealous performance. Another reason I sometimes decline to see a client again is when I feel they're in general angry at the world, depressed or shy beyond my ability to make them speak. Could your matter be related to any of these?
I don't think it was any of those.
But I may have an idea who provided the negative reference based on their location. Among all the providers that I have reviewed, I believe this was the one where there was no chemistry and I would say the same if asked whether I'd see her again. As luck would have it, both the ladies are from the same city and my provided references did not respond. In hindsight, I should've checked whether they were still active (one of them isn't apparently as her website is down) and let them know in advance that they would be contacted.
Oh, but to be the heel of your shoe in that photo... :-o
stay focused now...
too much attention on the heel of my shoe will get me moderated forever! ; )
If I were you I would, as the other's have stated, move on.
Though I do disagree with the notion of a "just the facts" type reference checks you mention you think should happen, and the hyperbole of "subjective prejudice and/or misandry" by one respondant.
Look at it this way:
If you were researching a lady to see, and found one with say 10 reviews. 9 of those reviewers you didn't really know, you didn't know about the other ladies they had reviewed, or how they "scored" a review in comparrison to how you would. 1 of the reviewers though you know and tend to share the same opinions with when it comes to reviews and have seen some of the same ladies. If you PMed all 10 reviewers and the 9 you didn't know said they would see her again, but the one you did know, and tended to agree with, said he would not see her again...which would carry more weight with you in your decision process?
Why are the guys allowed to be subjective in thier choices of whom to see but a lady, that is subjective in who she will book with acts with "subjective prejudice and/or misandry"? Does it then follow that a man that is subjective acts with subjective prejudice and / or misogyny?
Prospective clients get to read reviews from multiple sites, looks at a number of ads on different ad malls, check out her website, back-channel for futher information and details, all at his own pace, and anything can sway his decision to see or not see any given lady.
A lady has no benefit of detailed reviews, no websites with ads, and has only the window of time between initial contact and when a prospective client wants an appointment to decide if this is someone she should see, if it is someone she is comfortable seeing. Should she decide to see the client, she then meets with a total stranger to engage in a physically intimate and vulnerable act....and you honestly think they shouldn't base that decision on whatever information will make them comfortable meeting with a new client? That they should only get objective facts? Would you want to limit yourself to just objective facts? No reviews or back-channel communication? Just maybe check boxes for BBBJ, FS, etc?
For whatever reason a lady decides against booking with a client, in the end it is actually best for both parties. Think about it, if she had any reservations about seeing you, but went through with the appointment anyway...how good a session do you think you would actually have when the door shut behind you? That you are disappointed in not being able to see exactly whom you wanted to is understandable...but how much more disappointed would you be if she saw you anyway and you spent your time and money on a session that was at best "so-so" because she was less than comfortable or less then enthusiastic about seeing you?
It is understandable when guys are less than pleased because a lady won't see them, cancels on them, or whatnot...but look at this way, better they just don't see you and allow you to spend your "hobby" dollars with someone that does want an appointment with you, than you being out your money and having a bad, or at least less than stellar appointment, with a lady you thought you wanted to see, but that for whatever reason didn't really want to see you.
I have never rejected a client at the door, I have certainly gotten a feeling that I would not mesh well with a client based on his voice, way of expressing himself, occupation, or other subjective criteria. And I agree, that partucular client was better off going to Plan B.
I want to give it my all, every time.
Took me a damn long time to fully appreciate how unpredictable and looney and flat out contradictory a lot of practitioners of the hobbying art are.... used to take it personally until I realized it was something universal in the people drawn to this business... take a good deep breath and move on... it's not about you.
Yes. there are bumps in the road, just keep on truckin'.
One thing that is a definite NO-NO, if you give a ref., it BETTER BE GOOD. Think about it - how often is a ref. negative. Hardly ever. Choose your refs. carefully.
One possibility is that you're simply not as gentlemenly as you say or think. End of story. I find this unlikely in your case since they sent you thank you messages.
Far more likely: if these are your "reviewed" providers-- maybe they didn't like your reviews? If you've only been hobbying for a year, you may be surprised by the difference between what you consider to be a good review and what a provider considers one to be. Try asking them what they thought about your reviews.
Now, another possiblility that less likely is there is a lady who is simply badmouthing you, perhaps angry because you're taking your business elsewhere. As much as I'd like to trust that competition couldn't go that low, it's apparent that it can. It could be that the lady who refused you told you several just to bolster her case for refusing you. Maybe it was one absolutely terrible reference. Try changing one reference next time, and see if you pass with the next lady. If not, you know it's the other lady. I presume that you have given her two references. If more, repeat the process till you determine who. Then don't use her as a reference.
Third, just for etiquette, you should always ask a woman if you could use her for a reference. For most of them, you don't have to ask, but a few could be really put off if you use them without informing them first.
Out of these possibilities, I would say its most likely that they were offended by your reviews. Check that one first. Ask the ladies.
As I replied to laney, I think I know who it was. Unfortunately, the one lady with whom there was no chemistry, happened to the one who this lady knew and decided to ask.
Since I am not a frequent hobbyist and mostly see them while travelling, I don't see them again unless I am in the same city and I really enjoyed the session. With the volume of clients, maybe it is difficult for the ladies to recall someone from a year ago.
Do you know how many clients she has probably seen since then? Unless she has a very good memory, or something really distincted happened, you're not going to get a good reference from her. If she doesn't remember you clearly, she's bound to say she wouldn't see you again just to be safe about it. Otherwise, the risks are just too high.
Really, you should keep your references up to date. Ask ladies afterward if you could use them as a reference.