I am curious if anyone ever crossed the line with a provider -- and started dating them... This is a situation I currently find myself in...that's why I ask...

So you are lucky and right enough to be attractive to a woman that that works this gig? Good for you!

I sure do wish I could....

There are a lot of us who have dated provider.  
After all, they are people too.

What is your question?  

Do they have baggage?  
Sure, but doesn't everybody?  

Do you get jealous?  
No, but sometimes it isn't easy not to.

Is it hard to have a relationship last with a provider?  
Not any harder than it is to have one last with a non-provider.

Did it work out?
It is so far.

Like I said, what is your question?

Make darn sure that she has explicitly told you that she is interested in dating you - not just hints or quick answers to your questions about it.  I got strung along by a provider that made all kinds of hints about a relationship, only to find out she was just stringing me along to get more money.  Be very careful and make sure that she tells you in no uncertain terms that she is interested in dating as a normal couple, not as a provider & client.

Is this the lady that offered you BBFSTC a bit while back?

I hate to say it, but if you're asking, then you probably shouldn't do it. No matter how beautiful she is or whatever, if you're concerned now you're probably not going to be able to let it go later.

I used to date a stripper who got pretty friendly with her clients, but never crossed the line...thought I could handle it, but it still just ate away at me and we were always fighting...ugly breakup, and now her and I BOTH have more baggage...

If ya do it, good luck!

You answered my question -- in part.

But dating a provider -- I have to add -- is not exactly like dating the girl next door.You can't, for example, read about the girl next door at places like TER, and find out who comed in her mouth, who fucked her in the ass and who double-teamed her with his buddy. (There is nothing written about "my" provider anywhere on this site, I should add, I am using this as a for-instance.)

I guess the question is: How do you handle the jealousy? Is it right to ask her to quit? Does the frustration that she has screwed god-knows-how-many guys ever go away?

All this may be moot -- she says she is quitting the life. We'll have to see...

On the plus side of dating a provider: This girls is sooooooo good in bed, it is absolutely incredible. She is a walking fantasy. And, I find it really really hot to hear about the two experiences she has had with other women while an escort...It looks like that is something she would be willing to do again, for and with me....(no charge!)

Actually it isn't ...BBFSTC is a different girl.

The only part of this answer that one can really generalize about is the part about your own emotional security and jealousy.  If you are pretty comfortable within yourself, it can work if she also wants it to.  OTOH, if you're the jealous type, it will be tough.  In my case, I knew damn well that her attraction to me HAD to be based on something other than a physical connection, and I'm pretty comfortable in my personal strengths in those other areas.  In another sense, it actually aided my own self confidence in the fact that I didn't really have to worry about whether I was everything she wanted physically (she was 17 years my junior and quite beautiful).  The fact was that I knew that I wasn't going to be able to provide her with all she needed physically, and I in fact didn't have to.  She was with me for emotional and intellectual companionship as well as intimacy, and a sense of security.  I was never jealous of the sexual variety that she was experiencing as an escort.  When she was with me, she was absolutely all that I needed to be fulfilled.  (She damn near killed me with her enthusiasm, a couple of times).  My only problems with it were the physical and legal risks that all of these ladies are taking to have this profession, and she did her best to make me comfortable about this, as she was undergoing her own search for the right level of security in doing her job, and she kept me well apprised of that effort.

One other aspect was, I persued her initially, and her response to it vis-a-vis finances made it pretty clear that I WASN'T being played for more funds.  If anything, she was highly resistant to any loss of financial independence that quitting and having me provide for her would have entailed.

In my case, I could definitely tell the difference in my experiences with her when I was her boyfriend vs. when I was just a favored customer.  And that sea change clearly happened slightly before she stopped taking my money.  Shortly after, she told me that she had gotten to the point that she could take a relationship seriously with me, but she had clearly made up her own mind in that regard somewhat before she told me this, and her actions bore it out.

Unfortunately, we are no longer together, but it was due to baggage that was based on several things that were not specific to her profession:  Age and geographic separation, and just a different set of expectations as to how to interract with one's significant other.  It was a totally unique experience for me, a much more intense whirlwind of a relationship than I had ever been involved in before.  The end was difficult for me, but I certainly would never have traded it for any other experience.

One other point:  These things only can work if you are VERY honest with each other, as well as honest with yourself about what you want, and what you are feeling about her, and about her profession.  This is probably true in ANY relationship, but especially true about a relationship between an escort and a former client, since, both parties in such a relationship have a very well developed set of skills used to lie to each other, and one must make a highly conscious effort NOT to use those skills of deception.

The jealousy is something that you have to deal with and I believe that if you have ever been jealous of a girlfriend unjustly, then you are in for a whole boatload of torture.

Myself, I adjusted quite easily to her profession and view it strictly as her work.  It is not easy for me if she ignores me however and the few times that has happened it was hurtful on her part.

You learn to forgive things like this and chalk it up to experience but make sure you talk about it with her in depth.

Dman has some real good insights down below as well.

In my situation, reading about her in reviews generally never has gotten me jealous.  Emotional baggage is probably the biggest red flag to look for if you are contemplating getting involved further.

You might be careful about the sex being great part because it is sure to go downhill once you start living with her 24/7.  Remember, she has to have sex as part of her work.  Do you like to do your work at home on the weekends?   That is the key reason to look forward to her not working in the industry anymore for me.  She became so much sweeter towards me once she stopped.

It kind of makes me think that having sex with guys makes a girl harbor resentment to the entire gender subconsciously.  At least to some extent.

So ah Straightman, whadda bout your GF (I'm not gonna mention names here cause that wouldn't be cool) that later went on to become a major porn star appearing in hundreds of movies???

Alright....well, maybe that one doesn't count since she was a big time star and not an escort. But........ah, if not misstaken, you've not only crossed the line but...........

Sorry to blow your sympathey gig here!

I blew it!!!! Fucking drugs..... If I may quote Ray Davies...

"Oh Demon Alcohol. Sad memories I can recall. Damn it all, blow it all. All from Demon Alcohol..."

Thanks Slick.... You a Dawg, ya know?

I suppose those of us that have had a serious relationship with a provider have each experienced a thrilling event that was unique to itself. We can all relate to similiarities but aren't these really generalizations that may or may not apply to anyone elses situation?

I was in a relationship that lasted almost a year. She wanted monogamy but felt she had to work to pay bills. Although she TOLD me she wanted to get out of the biz and she hated it. Initially I could not pay her bills but told her I would deal with her working until I could support her and be comfortable financially. I did hope she would set a few boundaries in her work as far as protection was concerned. We made certain agreements. Yet she was never truthful about her sticking to our agreements. I would continuously learn that things were the same in her sessions as before we met.

After I could pay her expenses she announced her retirement on the boards. Mostly just a big show for me to beleive. She continued to work (but only with regulars) and just quit posting availability. Then every time we had an argument, she would immediately post on every board she could, that she was available again and longed to see all her old friends. I was not one of you fellows that was secure enough to deal with the jealousy. It ate me up inside. It drove me to be an a$$hole because we could never openly and truthfully talk about our problems. She would either not talk or lie out her a$$ off. I even went to shrink ($3000 worth) and ignored his advice to get out of the relationship because I loved her to much and he wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear. I eventually found out that the person I thought I knew was nothing like what she presented herself as. No details here because they will not serve to make my point. The point being, LEARN to really know the person who you love and what kind of person they really are. Some providers (at least the one in my case) are excellant actresses. Their experience has taught them how to get what they want out of a man. The lure with treble hooks are still hanging from my mouth.

What a far out experience. From the heart and back of the hand. Pepole can treat total strangers with repect while getting robbed blind yet treat those we love with terrible disrespect and contempt.... Why?

Bluzguy... If you play the blues, we have to hook up. I bet you got some powerful hurt and shame to let go of.

If you don't play, go get Dickey Betts' new cd "Let's Get Together." Lot of good stuff in there to let on the inside.

Hang tough. Remember, lawyers and school teachers and bankers (drawing from personal experience) can be ruthless liars too.

and done that and still doing it now.

I can't add much to what others have said, but it can be a rollercoaster ride sometimes where you just fly by the seat of your pants, and sometimes withtout your pants and everything inbetween.

If anyone is thinking of doing such, go for it but with an open heart and open eyes, otherwise you will be chewed up and spit out, left as road kill...........

think smart, play smart

Hey straightman, you bet I play the blues. Now better than I ever have in my life. I recently went to a local blues club and met an old buddy that was a drummer playing in the band that night. He created enough of a stir that everyone pushed me into getting up on stage and playing a few tunes with the band. I haven't played in front of anyone in years but after a few tense riffs I was captured by 'the feeling'. Ironic you bring up Dickey Betts, as one of the songs I played was 'Jessica'. Then followed it up with Statesboro Blues. Both Allman Bros. tunes I played with my drummer buddy years ago. Played with enough feeling that nobody recognized the missed licks from my rustiness. I have to say that returning to my music has been the best therapy for me. Also not a bad way to meet new ladies that are helping me build back my self esteem.

-- Modified on 12/5/2001 8:40:24 AM

I agree that some providers (if not many providers) are excellent actresses and fantasy-creaters...and these skills can be used as control/manipulation mechanisms in `relationships.'

However, I believe that there is probably an equal number of hobbyists that have the same finely-tuned skills, and are also the best of liars/decievers...and can make things seem and feel very real to get what they want from us, if we ever mutually choose to cross that relationship line. Remember, the hobbyist is right there creating the fantasy WITH the provider...and many times very adept at hiding this fantasy world from others.

I'm not saying either party is bad, or will necessarily use these skills for bad purposes. But, we are equal in this regard, both quite skilled liars, both in the very same boat. The provider in a relationship might wonder just as much if she knows who YOU really are...just as you're wondering if you really know who she is.

Reman is right--the skill in acting/lying goes BOTH ways

Sorry JAB, I purposely tried to not make a general statement about providers. Evident by my beginning sentence.
I was speaking of my particular circumstance. I am sure it can happen both ways. If you have an experience that you have fallen in love with a client and have been lied and cheated on. And have been taken for large sums of money, lets hear it.

-- Modified on 12/5/2001 8:40:58 AM

are using those charming "skills" to play the civilian women, in IMHO.  The fact that a guy pays a provider to get what he wants greatly reduces the need for the bullshit, lies and deception some guys lay on girls they meet while dating.

Having said that, though, I won't deny you've seen more guys in this situation than I have, so nothing would surprise me anymore.

email me at [email protected]

I got me an old Fender Jass Bass been wit me since 1973. Bought it at Traders in Reseda. Only piece of me that survived the wreckage that followed.... And lay dusty in the case for a long time.... But it's out now!

I sit in with some cats whenever I can. Might be fun, you know... to jam.... lookin' for a Sax Man or a Harp that just wants to play for fun. I don't mind walkin' in minor keys or runnin' in C...

The Allman Bros songs I play are Blue Sky, Wipping Post and Stormy Monday. That Dickey Betts CD "Let's Get Together" was released this summer. I saw him at the Ventura Theater with Kerry Kearney Band and Michael John and The Bottom Line. Best concert I've been to since... maybe ever.... Cats can PLAY! All of 'em.

What Blues Club? There is a place (across the street from one of the sweetest most wonderful women in all the world) in Pomona called Yesteryear's on 2nd Street. Saw Coco Montoya there about a year ago. Nice place.

I don't know about meeting new ladies... All I ever met with my axe broke my heart. LOL

Yeah, I'm with you on that Inquiring Mind...

BECAUSE I see providers, I think I'm less capable of the bullshit, lies and deception you mention... Or maybe it's the other way around. But, the end result is the same. I'd be interested in what you mean, JAB.

I too have had the experience of dating a provider. I'm not going to say she lied. I think she lied to herself, more than lying to me. But, it is a rather difficult thing dating a provider, in my experience.

Anyhoo, again, I'd be interested in what JustAnotherBimbo's experience was... From what the provider I dated said, it seems as tho, we are a very varied lot. Some were nice, she mentioned. Some were just assholes, as far as I could tell. I suppose the niceness could be interpreted as a lie. I don't think so, tho. I'm nice to providers, but, it's never even portrayed as tho it's a gf thing, just a f thing. (Friend, not the other word, although, obviously that too ) I've even talked to some providers about other civilian girls I'm interested in, so. Maybe being nice, but, thinking internally something different?

Aside from the one provider that I dated, I've had 3 others who were trying to get me to I'm not sure what they wanted, but some sort of personal relationship with. I assumed they were pretending, because, I'm no studmuffin or anything, and I'm not given to self-deception. I suppose it would be sad if it really were genuine. But, that feels so improbable as to be preposterous.

What do clients want from providers that they feel they have to lie about? (I suppose marital status, and income.) Is that what you mean? I really am curious.

within the context of SEEING providers