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I'm an idiot.... maybe...
TeeItHighLetItFly 1651 reads
posted
1 / 65
I'm an idiot.... maybe...

Okay, since we are in the countdown to the end of 2015 I figured there should be another really good "fell in love with a provider" story. Thought it would be good read since many are slow in this time of year. Here we go:

(True Story)

I met a particular provider earlier this year in May. There just seemed to be some sort of connection right from the start. We have spent a TON of time together and she has even traveled with me on my business trips on several occasions (which was her idea). We are planning nearly a week next month in Orlando to go to a convention. We don't ever talk about money anymore, even when she goes on trips with me. Occasionally she will let me know she needs some help with something and of course I will help her. I know without a doubt in my mind that at one point she had to have feelings for me. There were just certain moments and things that were said that made me certain of it. Do most of you just stare into the eyes of your client/provider for several minutes without saying a word after playtime? Do you hold onto one another with the greatest of intent acting like you never want to let go? Wasn't just me doing those things and there are other things too I could mention. I've told her I love her and it hasn't scared her off in the least. For whatever it is worth on our last trip we passed through her old hometown and I actually met and bought dinner for her father on his birthday. Of course the story was that we were just traveling together for work.

Now recently things have changed a bit... She let, as she called him, a friend of her's move in with her to help him get back on his feet after he left his family. He has no idea what she does for a living so it is hurting her in being able to work as she uses her apartment for in-calls. She tells me she doesn't know where things are going or what they even really are. She has admitted it was a foolish thing to do and that her family thinks she made a ridiculous mistake. I'm not always a fool though... I know there is something between them. On our last trip she couldn't wait to get back to him. Texting and calling him all the time. I get it... When you think you are in love you do irrational things without thinking. He's not even helping her with any of the bills or anything. I know she's a bit annoyed but I can't tell exactly what is going on. I'm a bit scared for her too as I know he has a temper (she's told me and I have seen it once when I dropped her off after visiting me). Also he has been arrested a couple times in the last 3 years for domestic battery.

Things have changed between us too. She is not as available to me and she just seems distant when we are together. It is really messing with my head. I actually saw another provider right before Christmas which I really had no desire to do. I felt bad and went and bought her a necklace as a Christmas gift. It wasn't anything overboard but she absolutely loved it. She  texted me the next day just to tell me that it is the most beautiful necklace she has ever had. I know I have seen others much more elegant and expensive that others have gifted to her so I'm wondering if part of it is about the fact that I gave it to her.  

I guess part of it too is that I am recently separated from my wife. Before you go off on me I did not leave my wife for this other person. The marriage was over and it was just time after going through the motions of counseling and trying to work on things. I was hopeful that once I was free we could spend more time together but now she seems to have lost her freedom a bit. I asked her the other day where I stood with her. She said that we would always be friends no matter what. She even mentioned that she could not marry me due to our situations (her's being her work and I'm not entirely sure of what she meant for me). Anyway this leads me to believe that the concept has crossed her mind in the past as we have never once discussed anything of the sort.

I guess I'm just really confused and also worried for her at the same time.

Honestly I wish I was in the position to fully take care of everything for her but I am not. Even if I could I would never ask her to stop being a provider, but I would just want to be able to give her that option. Sometimes I just think I'm a fool and others I think she is the fool.

I know I bounced around a bit with things so let me know if you have any questions. I am also well prepared for the shaming ridicule so let's get on with it. I'll consider it part of my therapy...

JackDunphy 543 reads
posted
2 / 65
And here comes JD, with his pink fuzzy slippers and fake red nose to cheer you up.

If you notice, I don't really bust the giys balls here for falling for their hooker. It's the ones that won't admit it that I hit with a sledge hammer.

If I had a bitcoin for every fkin John I whipped back into shape bc after they broke their ego when they fell for their sex worker. No great advice for you though. Just takes time.

But you have to get right back on that proverbial bike and slam another hooker. Ok, so your mind won't be into it, but your dick will love it!

In jig time you will buy your first candle ( see Mr Fisher here for the best selection and price) for your new love interest and flowers will soon follow. To save time, just give the Godiva's directly to me. They'll end up with me anyway as every hooker in the world is on the cleanse now with the post holiday weight gain.

Yes, yes, yes,...you can pm me. I'll hold your hand through this catastrophe while everyone else makes fun of you.  

I'm a dick, but I have a heart.

some-guy 6 Reviews 492 reads
posted
3 / 65
Some deep analysis here for you ...

or her, you represent the "ideal" man that she would like to be with in a perfect world. IF she wasn't a provider, and if she didn't feel compelled to date dirt bags.

So for a brief period, she flirted with the idea of having a "normal" relationship, with a real man. But the more she got to know you, the more she probably realized that if she wanted a "normal" life ... she would have to give up two things she held dearly: her profession (eventually), and her love of dirt bag losers.

You see, in her mind, she can justify being in the profession, knowing that the only guy who would ever be hurt by it is her dirt bag losers that she has such great affection for. And to her, that's much better than being in love with a good man and knowing that she's fucking other dudes, etc. etc. Maybe she knows that you wouldn't demand she "give it up," but she just still wouldn't feel right about it in her conscience.  

I also think that the idea of having a "rebound guy" crossed her mind a little bit as well. Might have factored in to it, but that was probably relatively minor compared to other things ... like her love of dirt bag losers.

In summary, there had to have been some point, while she was all swept away with the idea of being with you ... where she looked in the mirror and said to herself .... "Who am I kidding? I don't deserve nice men. I deserve dirt bag losers." She may even believe that she, too, is a loser (highly likely).  

Anyway, that is my psycho-analysis of the situation. For whatever it might be worth

octavia.lexa See my TER Reviews 461 reads
posted
4 / 65
and here i thought it is only guys who...

seem to prefer women who seem more vulnerable and needy, so that they can act like protectors and providers...i guess some ladies also go for guys who cannot get their sh*t together and need help...

she loves him more than money, if she took loss in income just to help him out...Moreover, if she a good provider she could have just rented him a trailer....i am sorry, i meant a small apartment, and she could have still use her incall location and come ahead financially...i guess she enjoys having him around...

you sound like a nice guy. Take a loss, suffer through the pain and move on. It is not easy. I went through similar pain recently. Hug

hammerhead896 56 Reviews 363 reads
posted
5 / 65
Therapy lesson #1 "Get a real GF"

Really it's not even just the fact she is a escort for crying out loud but all the other baggage your stating like abusive,bum BFs. Don't you think you deserve and can do a lot better my TER brother?

 Now how about writing a review on that girl you banged behind her back before Xmas :)

PocoHunter 15 Reviews 347 reads
posted
6 / 65
You have been "friend zoned" buddy...

She friend zoned you with "we would always be friends no matter what."  

You are in love, but my advice is to cut your losses and move on before you get hurt even more, both emotionally by her and/or physically by her friend-with-priors. There are plenty fish in the sea, and this one, my friend, is not for you.

PH

Larissa_Sweets See my TER Reviews 500 reads
posted
7 / 65
Wow lets evaluate...

Those of you that know me know i'm blunt....

First off let me shake your hand as my SO askes me to leave this everyday. He didn't meet me doing this as a matter of fact I lost my virginity to him a year ago or so. I have an expiration date if not  he's gone, as he can not tolerate other men sleeping with his fiance. So in that part I take my hat off to you because you would never ask her to leave this. Wow, you are a  better person than most It;s very hard being a provider and having an SO but you have to put blinders on and keep your eyes on the prize (at least me)  

Secondly, know the beast you are dealing with. Trust me? You trust me I sell sex for money. I'm selling you a fantasy, I'm suppose to make you feel like a million bucks, I'm suppose to make you feel like the last man on earth, I'm suppose to make you feel like the world ended when you entered my incall. Know the game baby even the most genuine of people (That's me not doing this for money) have a secret agenda I can only imagine a woman that's in this for hardcore cash. 2+2 will always equal 4 in my opinion.  

She maintains a man, but you will maintain her and give her everything she wants...there's a problem. I support no one I split the bills with my SO down the middle he has supported me for the longest time. My SO deserves to be maintain and supported but a real man(which he is)will never let a woman take full care of him especially with expenses. It wasn't free for my SO it's not going to be free for anyone else. Period. Huge red flag.  

You are in a fragile state right now and that's why you feel this way. My advice to you is to find another provider but if you are in relationship mode maybe the hobby world isn't for you. Try a dating site, try something fresh, something real, something that you will not be used or played.  

When you think of her think of this song, I love it, I play it all the time because this is what this world is all about this fantasy world it's all a game and some people want to make you feel the way this song says...stay strong baby.  

"I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down.
Trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me!" -Tool Sober  

Stay strong try a dating website and see where that goes. I wish you the best of luck and i'm sorry you are going through this but everything passes and this woman.... the same way your wife wasn't...isn't the last woman on the planet
Related Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqmRDV0a_70

Zangari 475 reads
posted
8 / 65
I've Fallen for a Provider & Can't Get Up (Part 2)

Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
  I met a particular provider earlier this year….We have spent a TON of time together and she has even traveled with me on my business trips…We don't ever talk about money anymore….Occasionally she will let me know she needs some help with something and of course I will help her.
 This is more like "I've Fallen for an SB and Can't Get Up".   She was spending a lot of time with you.  And you were taking care of her.  That's ok, but then you went all gooey on us about looking into her eyes and…ah god.  It's amazing how quickly  a man can regress back into a love-struck teenager.  
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
  Now recently things have changed a bit... She let a friend of her's move in with her …On our last trip she couldn't wait to get back to him. Texting and calling him all the time…He's not even helping her with any of the bills or anything.  
 Why would her BF pay for anything?  You're supporting both of them.  My brother, this is the part of the story where you drop her.  Kick her to the curb right here.  But you can't because…you've fallen for a provider & can't get up.  
 
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
Things have changed between us too. She is not as available to me and she just seems distant when we are together. I actually saw another provider right before Christmas...I felt bad and went and bought her a necklace as a Christmas gift. It wasn't anything overboard but she absolutely loved it.  
Translation:  you felt guilty about fucking another provider, so you went out and bought Miss ATF some expensive bling.  I'm sure she loved that necklace,  it's shiny & expensive.  Her BF loves it even more--he can take it to the pawn shop & buy some crystal meth.  
 
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
  I guess part of it too is that I am recently separated from my wife.
  You'd be much better off patching things up with your wife.  Unlike Miss ATF, your wife actually loved you at one time.  Miss ATF never loved you--her actions tell you that.   There's no future with Miss ATF.  
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
I asked her the other day where I stood with her. She said that we would always be friends no matter what. She even mentioned that she could not marry me due to our situations..I guess I'm just really confused and also worried for her at the same time.   Honestly I wish I was in the position to fully take care of everything for her --snip--
 After all of this agony,  you still haven't learned anything. You're in a death spiral now.  Do you want your life back?  Then you need to break free of Miss ATF.  Don't contact her again.  Don't reply to any of her texts.   Six months from now, you'll be glad that you dropped her.  --z

perfectstorm 19 Reviews 282 reads
posted
9 / 65
Yes you are, no maybes about it. EOM

Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
Okay, since we are in the countdown to the end of 2015 I figured there should be another really good "fell in love with a provider" story. Thought it would be good read since many are slow in this time of year. Here we go:  
   
 (True Story)  
   
 I met a particular provider earlier this year in May. There just seemed to be some sort of connection right from the start. We have spent a TON of time together and she has even traveled with me on my business trips on several occasions (which was her idea). We are planning nearly a week next month in Orlando to go to a convention. We don't ever talk about money anymore, even when she goes on trips with me. Occasionally she will let me know she needs some help with something and of course I will help her. I know without a doubt in my mind that at one point she had to have feelings for me. There were just certain moments and things that were said that made me certain of it. Do most of you just stare into the eyes of your client/provider for several minutes without saying a word after playtime? Do you hold onto one another with the greatest of intent acting like you never want to let go? Wasn't just me doing those things and there are other things too I could mention. I've told her I love her and it hasn't scared her off in the least. For whatever it is worth on our last trip we passed through her old hometown and I actually met and bought dinner for her father on his birthday. Of course the story was that we were just traveling together for work.  
   
 Now recently things have changed a bit... She let, as she called him, a friend of her's move in with her to help him get back on his feet after he left his family. He has no idea what she does for a living so it is hurting her in being able to work as she uses her apartment for in-calls. She tells me she doesn't know where things are going or what they even really are. She has admitted it was a foolish thing to do and that her family thinks she made a ridiculous mistake. I'm not always a fool though... I know there is something between them. On our last trip she couldn't wait to get back to him. Texting and calling him all the time. I get it... When you think you are in love you do irrational things without thinking. He's not even helping her with any of the bills or anything. I know she's a bit annoyed but I can't tell exactly what is going on. I'm a bit scared for her too as I know he has a temper (she's told me and I have seen it once when I dropped her off after visiting me). Also he has been arrested a couple times in the last 3 years for domestic battery.  
   
 Things have changed between us too. She is not as available to me and she just seems distant when we are together. It is really messing with my head. I actually saw another provider right before Christmas which I really had no desire to do. I felt bad and went and bought her a necklace as a Christmas gift. It wasn't anything overboard but she absolutely loved it. She  texted me the next day just to tell me that it is the most beautiful necklace she has ever had. I know I have seen others much more elegant and expensive that others have gifted to her so I'm wondering if part of it is about the fact that I gave it to her.  
   
 I guess part of it too is that I am recently separated from my wife. Before you go off on me I did not leave my wife for this other person. The marriage was over and it was just time after going through the motions of counseling and trying to work on things. I was hopeful that once I was free we could spend more time together but now she seems to have lost her freedom a bit. I asked her the other day where I stood with her. She said that we would always be friends no matter what. She even mentioned that she could not marry me due to our situations (her's being her work and I'm not entirely sure of what she meant for me). Anyway this leads me to believe that the concept has crossed her mind in the past as we have never once discussed anything of the sort.  
   
 I guess I'm just really confused and also worried for her at the same time.  
   
 Honestly I wish I was in the position to fully take care of everything for her but I am not. Even if I could I would never ask her to stop being a provider, but I would just want to be able to give her that option. Sometimes I just think I'm a fool and others I think she is the fool.  
   
 I know I bounced around a bit with things so let me know if you have any questions. I am also well prepared for the shaming ridicule so let's get on with it. I'll consider it part of my therapy...

some-guy 6 Reviews 386 reads
posted
10 / 65
Mother Mary, won't you whisper?

Something but the past is done.

impposter 49 Reviews 438 reads
posted
11 / 65
"Our" girls love Bad Boys.

I've known a lot of strippers better and longer than I've known any individual Provider. I don't understand it, but some do claim to understand it: Why are these beautiful, vivacious women attracted to Bad Boys? I used to listen to the stories of abuse and fights and arrests and restraining orders ... and they go back! Again and again!?

Why are Nice Guys relegated to "friend" status and never given any more consideration than being the guy who buys the drinks, pays the tab and gives the tips?  

I think you've got to let her go. You can't be her Knight in Shining Armor, not without going crazy, broke or both. I don't think you should kick her to the curb (previous commenter), but you can let her go firmly. She's made her choice and it isn't you.

Good luck and Happy New Year.

BigPapasan 3 Reviews 343 reads
posted
12 / 65
You lost your virginity a year ago & became a provider w/in 4 mos? (E)


END OF MESSAGE

nothrofboston 24 Reviews 386 reads
posted
13 / 65
I'm new on this board, but is that you Jack?


END OF MESSAGE

nothrofboston 24 Reviews 318 reads
posted
14 / 65
Great point ...

I think he'll find she WILL be calling him back when her boyfriend dumps or dropkicks her. The challenge for him will be to say no.  
She probably was just in a slump finding a bad boy to latch on to.  
But as soon as it arrived, she reverted to form.  

I empathize with the OP. He certainly needs to help himself up first. Getting advice on the Board can be cathartic. So much so that he was willing to prostrate himself to ridicule. Sad he'd fallen so low, he reached for help here. It's quite the interesting community.  

Good luck dude. I do wonder how old you are and how many true love relationships he's been in. Short, mid OR long term? Was his ex his high school sweetheart? But we're not therapists, he just needs some support. Where else could he turn? His biological family. No, us ... or therapy.  

And yea, a good fuck might just help him clear the cobwebs. But dude, just go along for the ride. No feelings except for the feelings in your loins.

perfectstorm 19 Reviews 401 reads
posted
15 / 65
And mentoring other providers, and giving advice on the newbie board,

As well as having some if the most unique experiences of any provider around. (Dogs, babysitting,...)

TeeItHighLetItFly 388 reads
posted
16 / 65
Re: and here i thought it is only guys who...

But what I don't get is that she says he is so far from the guy she would typically date. He is younger than her when she typically goes for guys much older than me (I'm 7 years older). She divorced her husband because he couldn't get himself together financially. I'm just at a loss. I'm about to move into a new apartment and I basically told her she could stay with me as much as she wants, go do what she needs to during the day and come and go as she pleases. She really liked the idea and said that made a lot of sense to her. She had a similar thing with a guy a couple years ago that she was totally in love with until he ended things.

I just wonder if I need to sit tight to let her get this out of her system. I know her and I know this will get old for her quick. It has already started to get old but she made the mistake of letting him move in with her and she doesn't want to just kick him out with nothing. I think she is being honest with me about this. She has told me that her mom and I are the only ones she can honestly talk about this situation with.

I know this sounds crazy too but another thing is that certain things remind me of her each and every day. It's more than just subtle coincidences... They are blatantly obvious signs that seem to be telling me something. For instance a song (that she says will be her wedding song at her next wedding) coming on the radio at very significant moments in my life. For instance, I hesitated for several minutes to sign the application for the new apartment. I finally made the decision and started filling out the paperwork in the leasing office. The very second my pen touched the paper that song came on. Also, I took the plunge on another provider last night. She met me at a place close by and I brought her in the neighborhood the place I am currently staying. When we walked through the door the same song was playing. Then afterwards when I dropped her off at her car and I started to leave it came on again reminding me or her... A couple weeks ago at the gym there was a guy in the locker room a couple lockers away from me that just got out of the shower. He had her name tattooed on his chest. it's not like it is that common of a name either. There are so many more things too that are so much more than just coincidence. My only explanation to these things is that there is some higher power trying to tell me I have to try. Either that or they are really f***ing with me.  

I'm really scared for her as well with this guys temper and the fact that he doesn't know what she does for a living. How can you keep something this big a secret forever and how will he react when he finds out. She has become a really good friend of mine and even if it is not meant for us I would hate to lose her as a friend. She has had such a tremendous impact on me and I am so much a better person because of it. There is a quote that I think about every day and try to figure out how it applies to this situation:

"In the end we will only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited to long to make. There comes a point where you realize who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will."

I guess this could really go either way...

2236707 3 Reviews 291 reads
posted
17 / 65
!!!! - e -


END OF MESSAGE

TeeItHighLetItFly 381 reads
posted
18 / 65
Re: Great point ...

Thanks for the support brother...

To answer a few of your questions. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. The only person I am completely honest with is this particular provider. I have never lied to her nor felt like I needed to. It is very refreshing to have someone to talk to that you know will not judge you. So that is why I put it out here. I don't think it is too far fetched to be able to find good advice on this forum considering that there are many of us who have been in this spot before that could offer up some wisdom. As for the ridicule I expected... Just take it with a grain of salt that some feel they need to be that way and have a good chuckle out of it. I'm confident enough in myself that I can just ignore it and look for the little gold nuggets that are left about. Besides without some laughter and entertainment then this thing called life is just boring.

My wife and I were together for almost 20 years (14 married). She was my high school sweetheart. I'm currently 37 and probably only had 2 other real love interests before (1 being my wife the other lasting just over a year in high school).

2236707 3 Reviews 290 reads
posted
19 / 65
Shaggy dogs should not be washed in winter. eom


END OF MESSAGE

fleric69 6 Reviews 345 reads
posted
20 / 65
Re: Shaggy dogs should not be washed in winter. eom

Great point! Probably the best advice ever... You certainly deserve a gold star!

However with the unusually warm weather lately I think you might be safe wash your shaggy dog if you do it soon.

mrfisher 115 Reviews 305 reads
posted
21 / 65
Vanilla sandlewood, 3 for $9.99 - What a steal! 8o) eom


END OF MESSAGE

mrfisher 115 Reviews 346 reads
posted
22 / 65
Ain't no "maybe" about it....

But welcome to the club.

We guys have all been there to some extent, now it's your turn.

A stunning example of Ernest Hemingway's blunt observation:

"All affairs end badly."

You know what you have to do.  Now go do it.  The faster the better.

dcpoorboy 7 Reviews 333 reads
posted
23 / 65
You got robbed, Tee

You had a nice situation going and some jackass came along and screwed it up.

Start protecting yourself. And start protecting your memory of her. I’ve been in a similar situation in the civilian world, and let me tell you, few things will make you as resentful as giving a woman money that she turns around gives to a deadbeat.

If you can’t stop seeing her, then at least try not to be too compromising. If she starts hitting you with stuff like “I can see you but it has to be at 3am at the WayOutofYourWay Hotel” but you’ve got an important meeting at 8, don’t figure out a way to make it happen. Put yourself first. I don't care if your balls turn the bluest blue that's ever been seen on the planet Earth, don't do it. Put yourself first.

Like pocohunter said, she friend zoned you. So be her friend, because she’s going to need one. But don’t be her squish and don’t be his bank. You can be there for her, but you can’t be the one who does contortions around her while she does contortions around everybody else, namely him, trying to please them.

Pull back. Set limits. And distract yourself. Maybe give yourself a little time, then start distracting yourself with someone whose way of life is distracting people. You’re in the right place for that

cspatz 68 Reviews 304 reads
posted
24 / 65
Can somebody provide the cliff notes version....

....way too long

Fancy8888 See my TER Reviews 367 reads
posted
25 / 65
Hobbyists allow sex workers to act like difficutit Girlfriend and get PAID

Hobbyists PAY difficut sex workers....Hobbyists can blast all sex workers on paid time.Show up hobbyists without money see what happen with sex workers.

Related Link: http://www.preferred411.com/P136493

tiresias 288 reads
posted
26 / 65
You are suffering from Romance Addiction (Google it). eom


END OF MESSAGE

Zangari 372 reads
posted
27 / 65
I considered the 'shaggy dog' angle of this thread

you search the OP's previous posts on this board, he's been commenting about this 'relationship' (in bits & pieces) for at least a month now.  And check his replies on this thread (omg).  If he's a troll, then he's been playing a very long game.  --z

2236707 3 Reviews 312 reads
posted
28 / 65
Guy meets gal, guy pays gal, gal dumps guy.


END OF MESSAGE

some-guy 6 Reviews 355 reads
posted
29 / 65
Dude, I have a new sign for you ...

Fate spoke to me this morning. It was a sign! I thought about you, and I prayed for a sign for you.

And suddenly, this song started playing for me on the radio:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WilM34i61y8

Can you hear it? It's a sign! Don't ignore it, dude. You were reading this post. And suddenly ... there it was!
 
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
But what I don't get is that she says he is so far from the guy she would typically date. He is younger than her when she typically goes for guys much older than me (I'm 7 years older). She divorced her husband because he couldn't get himself together financially. I'm just at a loss. I'm about to move into a new apartment and I basically told her she could stay with me as much as she wants, go do what she needs to during the day and come and go as she pleases. She really liked the idea and said that made a lot of sense to her. She had a similar thing with a guy a couple years ago that she was totally in love with until he ended things.  
   
 I just wonder if I need to sit tight to let her get this out of her system. I know her and I know this will get old for her quick. It has already started to get old but she made the mistake of letting him move in with her and she doesn't want to just kick him out with nothing. I think she is being honest with me about this. She has told me that her mom and I are the only ones she can honestly talk about this situation with.  
   
 I know this sounds crazy too but another thing is that certain things remind me of her each and every day. It's more than just subtle coincidences... They are blatantly obvious signs that seem to be telling me something. For instance a song (that she says will be her wedding song at her next wedding) coming on the radio at very significant moments in my life. For instance, I hesitated for several minutes to sign the application for the new apartment. I finally made the decision and started filling out the paperwork in the leasing office. The very second my pen touched the paper that song came on. Also, I took the plunge on another provider last night. She met me at a place close by and I brought her in the neighborhood the place I am currently staying. When we walked through the door the same song was playing. Then afterwards when I dropped her off at her car and I started to leave it came on again reminding me or her... A couple weeks ago at the gym there was a guy in the locker room a couple lockers away from me that just got out of the shower. He had her name tattooed on his chest. it's not like it is that common of a name either. There are so many more things too that are so much more than just coincidence. My only explanation to these things is that there is some higher power trying to tell me I have to try. Either that or they are really f***ing with me.  
   
 I'm really scared for her as well with this guys temper and the fact that he doesn't know what she does for a living. How can you keep something this big a secret forever and how will he react when he finds out. She has become a really good friend of mine and even if it is not meant for us I would hate to lose her as a friend. She has had such a tremendous impact on me and I am so much a better person because of it. There is a quote that I think about every day and try to figure out how it applies to this situation:  
   
 "In the end we will only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited to long to make. There comes a point where you realize who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will."  
   
 I guess this could really go either way...
Related Link: Your sign is here, dude.

some-guy 6 Reviews 353 reads
posted
30 / 65
And got engaged to same guy she lost virginity to. Dude created a monster. :-)

He is the cause behind the phenomenon known as Roxy.

TeeItHighLetItFly 321 reads
posted
31 / 65
Re: I considered the 'shaggy dog' angle of this thread

Actually been posting about it since August under my main handle. Using alias to protect annonimity of all involved...

TeeItHighLetItFly 318 reads
posted
32 / 65
Re: Dude, I have a new sign for you ...

Good call... but then this came on after so I'm all confused again: https://youtu.be/Bo-qweh7nbQ

It's hopeless... 😆

keystonekid 114 Reviews 288 reads
posted
33 / 65
My Cliff Notes response is to take a cold shower. Only then . . .

will you realize that you are serving as an ATM for her and she in turn gives YOUR $ to her deadbeat live-in BF. WTF? Are you that rich that you want to support a deadbeat woman abuser?  

Cut your losses and get out of this situation now. If you want to donate to a real charity, there are plenty of worthy charities who would like to be recipients of your $. If you do this fast enough, then you would get some additional tax deductions for 2015.

some-guy 6 Reviews 293 reads
posted
34 / 65
Yea, look at the lyrics on that one! :-)

If that's not fitting, I don't know what is!

Got a bug for you girl
But I don't need no cure
I JUST STAY A VICTIM
If I can for sure

cspatz 68 Reviews 296 reads
posted
35 / 65
Thanks (e)


END OF MESSAGE

some-guy 6 Reviews 238 reads
posted
36 / 65
Good angle ...

I mentioned another factor that may play a comparatively insignificant factor in this, but it can't be ignored.

Not only is the OP the "married guy," but he could also be looked at as "rebound guy."

And frankly, from personal experience ... a lot of gals can get over the "married" thing. As sad as it may sound. :-) But no one wants to touch rebound guy with a 10-foot pole. It's almost as bad as having herpes.

octavia.lexa See my TER Reviews 215 reads
posted
37 / 65
send her this song


END OF MESSAGE
Related Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch6h278GEpA

cspatz 68 Reviews 200 reads
posted
38 / 65
You must be fucking kidding me. This is even longer than the op...

..but I don't need cliff notes. After the first three sentences I lost all interest.

octavia.lexa See my TER Reviews 178 reads
posted
39 / 65
and then listen to this song to help you

powerful voice and lyrics

helped me last week
i abused the replay button in my car
Related Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2NgsJrrAyM

Zak0326 33 Reviews 205 reads
posted
40 / 65
Re: So Many Moving Pieces

Once again Alyson Nailed it.  

Posted By: AlysonParker
I feel for you. I feel for both of you, actually, as I've been in versions of both of your situations and neither one of them are fun.  
   
 My first question is when you say you don't talk about money, does that mean you aren't paying her at all? And when you say you slip her a little something here and there, is that a few hundred dollars to spend while you're working and she's away with you or 5K a month for her living expenses?  
   
 If it's just a little bit of cash here and there and she's spending any time with you at all then the guy living with her is not the only one costing her income. And she's obviously choosing that route very freely - but take it to heart that this woman is losing $$$$ to spend time with you.  
   
 I understand wanting to see bad things in this guy - and the arrests are very, very troubling - but what do you think people on the outside would say about you? I can tell you, having been the mistress of a married man who was a client, people do not think kindly on men who cheat. I would wager a guess that if she told her friends "Oh, yes, I am totally in love with this guy who paid me for sex while he was still married and ...what? No, he's not divorced yet. He's separated though!", they would call you a dirtbag and to run far, far away. And if she knew that you were *still* seeing other providers and added that to the story....you're not looking all that much better than her new roommate.  
   
 I am not saying that is deserved. People's lives are complicated. But it's easy to judge this guy as being an annoying freeloader and you as the love of her life because you're, well, you. She may - and again, I'm not saying this is necessarily fair - also see some of the things people on the outside might warn her about. She could be nervous about your ability to have a secret second life (and seeming inability to not see other women). She could be nervous about the fact that your divorce isn't signed in ink and if there is anything I have seen in this business it's that separations don't mean squat. She could have just as complicated emotions about your relationship with your wife as you do about this guy and/or about her work.  
   
 It's interesting that other people (maybe you, too) have seen her as a rescuer as I actually see it as you having the attraction to a broken sparrow/wanting to save someone. Which is a thing that men do, I have learned, having been left three times for women who "needed" the person I was seeing more than I did (being left because someone else couldn't buy their own groceries is quite a head trip). So you are not alone in being drawn to someone who sounds like she has a circle of chaos around her.  
   
 It's something I've especially noticed in this world. The stories of what some women do that then spurs even more dedication/affection/care taking....as someone who has always paid her own way, it kind of breaks my brain. People will always show you who they are, but men, for some reason, like to find a way to turn "this woman is a chaos bomb who will never really give me a healthy partnership unless I can change her" into "but she neeeeeds me".  
   
 I'm all for sticking by someone through hard times when you're in a real relationship. But there's no reason to stick by someone who is, as the kids like to say, "drama" when you're still married and sleeping with escorts, she's not really your girlfriend and, most importantly, it's hurting you.  
   
 None of this is meant to be a judgment. Like I said, I've been there. I have done the thing where you tell your friends all the reasons why what you're in won't and can't work and really want someone to convince you otherwise. I supported an ex-client emotionally and spent an embarrassing amount of money on him hooked on the idea that the longing looks and tight embraces and promises of divorce were real - and, surprise surprise, no divorce and he's now spending $$$$$ on a woman who can't work because of her drug addiction and her recent release from a mental hospital for borderline personality disorder.  
   
 So, my advice, with all your moving parts (ahem) taken into consideration: she is not going to change. You might also never change - and if she wants a faithful partner, that won't work for her, either. You can stay and let her continue to hit your heart with a bat or you can take the bat away and start healing.  
   
 From having been in both of your positions, I strongly recommend the latter.  
   
   
   
   
   
 

zguy8 2 Reviews 212 reads
posted
41 / 65
Wow

This place can really be impressive sometimes.

TeeItHighLetItFly 205 reads
posted
42 / 65
Exactly!

We have one hell of a support group here...

LoboGris 3 Reviews 280 reads
posted
43 / 65
as much as I love Papa

or at least his writing, he's totally wrong on this one... some, maybe even most affairs end badly, but not all... I have experience to the contrary...

if I had the time and energy, I wouldn't be here, I'd still be out trolling for another mistress :) this is easier, but less fulfilling...

TeeItHighLetItFly 185 reads
posted
44 / 65
Re: and then listen to this song to help you

Thank you!

TeeItHighLetItFly 199 reads
posted
45 / 65
Re: Good angle ...

Not been in this situation before but I can tell you I was so far gone from the marriage before we even met that I don't think it's any sort of rebound. With or without this relationship I would be in the same position with my soon to be ex. The mind plays many tricks on us though...

foguete69 38 Reviews 296 reads
posted
46 / 65
Real question, tiger.....

What do you want from her?
ok another....Did you buy the necklace for the hooker you love or the one you cheated on her with?

You know she is emotionally stronger then you, keep that in mind.  I wouldn't worry to much about her.  She would be repulsed by you if she had to depend on you and her "allowance", really.  You are in her world, if you want to stay in it back away for a while.  trust me.

TeeItHighLetItFly 319 reads
posted
47 / 65
Re: Real question, tiger.....

Just looking for an honest chance... the necklace was for her of course not the one I just met.  

Trying to give her space but it's hard to not reach out. I'm moving in a few days so at least I'll have some distraction.

vantheman666 11 Reviews 382 reads
posted
48 / 65
Jesus goddamn motherfucking christ from hell

A.  Any woman who has an abusive SO will keep going back to the abuser...especially if everyone around her is telling her to leave the POS SO.  The only way for a woman to get out of an abusive relationship is for her to hit rock bottom and seek help for herself because SHE (not other people) wants the help.  If you try to "reason" with her, it will only cause her to cling more tightly to the loser and stay with him longer.

B.  The song you keep hearing is a coincidence, not a mythological "higher power."  How far can you stretch coincidence?  Answer: into infinity.  If you don't believe me, just read "Irreligion" by John Allen Paulos, a mathemitician.  He has a whole chapter on probability that proves this point (for instance, exactly a year after the 9/11 attacks, the winning lottery number in New York was 911).

C.  I'm not going to encourage you to leave your hooker, because you will just cling more tightly to her (see the cycle of abuse I mentioned above).  In fact, I think you should spend more money on her than you can afford and whine about her loser boyfriend whenever you can.  Have a nice day.

TeeItHighLetItFly 327 reads
posted
49 / 65
Re: Jesus goddamn motherfucking christ from hell

Well first off the guy has only been with her for about a month and she's already said she made a mistake and is trying to get her privacy back.

It's hard to ignore signs. Not just the song. Hell... I just left Costco where there were about a thousand people. Somehow I get in line behind the guy buying a half dozen bottles of her favorite champagne. I know it's ridiculous but this stuff happens every day several times a day. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic.... maybe I'm just hopeless.  

I do know I'm very stubborn, very persistent and very patient. Those three things will probably ruin me...

GaGambler 334 reads
posted
50 / 65
We have a word for "very stubborn, very persistent and very patient"

and that word is "stalker"

Once you've been cast aside for a "bad boy" there is no coming back from that. Either you man up and kick her to the curb or you will forever be a spineless mark in her mind.

Well actually you do have one slim chance and that is to "Man up and kick her to the curb" only then will she have even the slightest respect for you and who knows, maybe someday she will realize what a mistake she made and come crawling back to you. It's a slim chance, but manning up is the only hope you have.

foguete69 38 Reviews 343 reads
posted
51 / 65
Re: Real question, tiger.....

I tell you this these women create the desire around them. She very well may like you. As hard as it may be don't call her or take her calls for a couple weeks she will be able to deal with her "guest" and she will miss you on some level. Btw the dude knows.

Larissa_Sweets See my TER Reviews 339 reads
posted
52 / 65
Good to know I have so many followers. Thanks for keeping up

It's good to know that so many don't have much to do I'm apparently on your mind because honestly half the things you guys say I barely remember. Go me! Should have gotten into marketing for sure.

Larissa_Sweets See my TER Reviews 347 reads
posted
53 / 65
wow you are on my c*ck hard core arent you that's nice (e)


END OF MESSAGE

some-guy 6 Reviews 321 reads
posted
54 / 65
I agree. But there is ONE more Hail Mary he can pull out of his sleeve.

He could book a duo session with her. With a chick who is hotter than his current one.

And then f*ck the sh*t out of the prettier one (and I mean wild, depraved monkey sex) while his current girl watches on and is mostly left out, or plays second fiddle. No special treatment.  

Once the session is over, he cleans up and hands his current girl another pretty necklace, a quick kiss, acting like everything is completely normal. And as he walks out the door, just casually say "See you again the usual time?"

Essentially, she needs to know that, in no uncertain terms, she is just another hooker to him ... regardless of whether he's giving her gifts or whatever. And an expendable one at that.

It's a total hail-mary pass, that has about a 1% chance of working (And even then it would only be temporary). Which is still better than the 0.1% odds I would give to simply walking away and forgetting about her.
Posted By: GaGambler
and that word is "stalker"  
   
 Once you've been cast aside for a "bad boy" there is no coming back from that. Either you man up and kick her to the curb or you will forever be a spineless mark in her mind.  
   
 Well actually you do have one slim chance and that is to "Man up and kick her to the curb" only then will she have even the slightest respect for you and who knows, maybe someday she will realize what a mistake she made and come crawling back to you. It's a slim chance, but manning up is the only hope you have.

donbecker54 19 Reviews 347 reads
posted
55 / 65
Re: I agree. But there is ONE more Hail Mary he can pull out of his sleeve.

Why should he want anything to do with her again? I know the answer to that question all too well, but that's part of my problem. It's not too late for him to lose that character defect.

some-guy 6 Reviews 318 reads
posted
56 / 65
If it were a book or a song, the title would be ...

Bad Decisions."

octavia.lexa See my TER Reviews 343 reads
posted
57 / 65
Re: I've Fallen for a Provider & Can't Get Up (Part 2)

great response , Sir...

Posted By: Zangari
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
  I met a particular provider earlier this year….We have spent a TON of time together and she has even traveled with me on my business trips…We don't ever talk about money anymore….Occasionally she will let me know she needs some help with something and of course I will help her.
   
  This is more like "I've Fallen for an SB and Can't Get Up".   She was spending a lot of time with you.  And you were taking care of her.  That's ok, but then you went all gooey on us about looking into her eyes and…ah god.  It's amazing how quickly  a man can regress back into a love-struck teenager.    
   
   
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
  Now recently things have changed a bit... She let a friend of her's move in with her …On our last trip she couldn't wait to get back to him. Texting and calling him all the time…He's not even helping her with any of the bills or anything.  
   
  Why would her BF pay for anything?  You're supporting both of them.  My brother, this is the part of the story where you drop her.  Kick her to the curb right here.  But you can't because…you've fallen for a provider & can't get up.  
   
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
Things have changed between us too. She is not as available to me and she just seems distant when we are together. I actually saw another provider right before Christmas...I felt bad and went and bought her a necklace as a Christmas gift. It wasn't anything overboard but she absolutely loved it.  
   
 Translation:  you felt guilty about fucking another provider, so you went out and bought Miss ATF some expensive bling.  I'm sure she loved that necklace,  it's shiny & expensive.  Her BF loves it even more--he can take it to the pawn shop & buy some crystal meth.    
   
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
  I guess part of it too is that I am recently separated from my wife.
   
   You'd be much better off patching things up with your wife.  Unlike Miss ATF, your wife actually loved you at one time.  Miss ATF never loved you--her actions tell you that.   There's no future with Miss ATF.  
   
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
I asked her the other day where I stood with her. She said that we would always be friends no matter what. She even mentioned that she could not marry me due to our situations..I guess I'm just really confused and also worried for her at the same time.   Honestly I wish I was in the position to fully take care of everything for her --snip--
   
  After all of this agony,  you still haven't learned anything. You're in a death spiral now.  Do you want your life back?  Then you need to break free of Miss ATF.  Don't contact her again.  Don't reply to any of her texts.   Six months from now, you'll be glad that you dropped her.  --z  
 

nothrofboston 24 Reviews 185 reads
posted
58 / 65
Great version, luv this song ...

it just might not be for him ...

floyd1039 10 Reviews 281 reads
posted
59 / 65
Re: Jesus goddamn motherfucking christ from hell

You are already ruined if you do not find a positive, not self destructive way to focus those traits. Set boundaries and move on. If she is not just using you like a little puppy she will come around. Then What?

harborview 10 Reviews 329 reads
posted
60 / 65
First decide what YOU want... since you are available right now

Unfortunately, right now, she's got something going on with "this guy".  If she becomes available again...  you need to find out what SHE wants.  Then compare if there's an adequate overlap to have a different relationship.  
I believe that each of us...  at any given time...  have an area...  a range of relationship that we are comfortable with.  It's not a one single exact goal...  more vage than that.    

She may not come back around...   it's a wild card.

TeeItHighLetItFly 328 reads
posted
61 / 65
Thanks for all the advice...

Wow... This little chat has seemed to be even more successful than I imagined. There was actually quite a few little gold nuggets of advice. In the end it's actually really nice to be able to just talk about the situation openly.

I could not just drop her like some of you are saying. It's more than just the romantic feelings I have for her. I actually think I have found a really good friend that could last a lifetime. It's amazing how we can just talk so openly to one another. I have never been dishonest with her and she claims to be very honest with me. She tells me she trusts me and that there are very few men in her life that she trusts. I could never do her wrong.

She has helped me in ways I could never imagine. I have become a much better version of myself. I have found my self worth again. Something I lost in the many years of an unhappy marriage. I have not had that with anyone before meeting her or anyone after. I don't think any amount of money is enough to repay that. It's not that she did anything out of the ordinary. I think it was just finding someone that you click with on so many levels that enables you to see the world around you. So maybe I let my feelings get a little too carried away... or maybe not. Only time will tell.

So at the very least I may play a little hard to get and give her some time to sort things out... We'll see what happens. I don't want to jump into dating or anything right now but I also didn't want to let her get away if things can work. Mostly though I don't want to lose a good friend. I'm certain I can get a hold of my mind to where I will be comfortable if things can work between us or if we are just to remain friends. At the end of the day I will at least know that I tried.

Thanks again for the chat, the support, the advice, the entertainment, and the laughs. I wish you all a Happy New Year! Try not to cause any trouble but if you do just don't get caught!

Couple quotes that have been on my mind a lot this year...  

"In the end we will only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make. There comes a time when you will realize who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will."
~ Lewis Carroll

"Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible."  
~ Claude T. Bissell


-- Modified on 12/30/2015 11:32:24 PM

perfectstorm 19 Reviews 271 reads
posted
62 / 65
shit! I never knew you were a TS! EOM


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Zangari 299 reads
posted
63 / 65
Final notes on this

Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
But what I don't get is that she says he is so far from the guy she would typically date. He is younger than her when she typically goes for guys much older than me (I'm 7 years older). .
You're only 7 years older than her, and you've already shown that you're emotionally unstable (more on that below).   I'm in my 50s,  three decades older than the SBs I  see.  Men my age are usually settled with a long-time SO.   I'm sure this is why many providers prefer older men--just to avoid this kind of drama.  
 
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
I know this sounds crazy too but another thing is that certain things remind me of her each and every day. It's more than just subtle coincidences...  They are blatantly obvious signs that seem to be telling me something.
 It's curious that Miss ATF is missing all of these "blatantly obvious signs"  that you're getting.  She only sees "dollar signs".  But let's consider these "signs & wonders"  of yours, sent from a mysterious cosmic power.      
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
a song (that she says will be her wedding song) coming on the radio at very significant moments in my life. For instance, I hesitated for several minutes to sign the application for the new apartment…. The very second my pen touched the paper that song came on. .
 This falls under the category of "love-struck teenage fantasy", where a song on the radio has deep, cosmic purpose.  This anecdote might be charming if it came from a 16 year old.  It's not charming from someone like you.  It sounds alarming & dangerous.    
Posted By: TeeItHighLetItFly
A couple weeks ago at the gym there was a guy in the locker room…He had her name tattooed on his chest. it's not like it is that common of a name either. There are so many more things too that are so much more than just coincidence. My only explanation to these things is that there is some higher power ---snip--
 My brother, listen carefully now.  This isn't a flame.  You need psychiatric help.  These "signs & wonders"  sound like symptoms of a deeper psychosis.  Mental illness is often temporary, brought on by traumatic events in your life.  Your marriage is in tatters.  Then you were jilted  by a provider you fell in love with.   Now you're seeing signs & wonders.  I don't know where this is going, but I don't think it ends well, unless you get some help.  

 There's such a stigma with mental illness.  But seeking psychiatric help is a sign of sanity.  People who are insane don't seek psychiatric help.  The insane rely on  "signs & wonders" and think they're chosen by God.  You wrote that posting this thread would be "part of your therapy".  On some level, you know that you need help.  Now take the next step & get some professional treatment.  I wish you the best of luck.  --

TeeItHighLetItFly 333 reads
posted
64 / 65
Re: Final notes on this

Z, Thanks for the thoughts and well wishes on this situation. Please don't get me wrong as I'm not fully relying on these signs that I see. I do know about coincidences and I try not to put much weight on these things. I only brought this up because it is something that I experience many many times during the day and wanted an opinion on it. When you see things over and over and over again you start to believe it. Happens with everything. Some people prefer to see things only as they are laid out before them and others tend to look deeper into the meanings behind such things. I have always been a very logical and rational thinker so the shear volume of these instances has really thrown things for a loop in my head. Maybe a trait I got from my wife who was a psychology major and tended to psychoanalyze everything I did for the past 15 plus years.

As for the marriage being in tatters. I'm past that stage. I was past it a long time ago. The marriage was essentially over a couple years ago. We did seek professional help together and I spent a lot of time just on my own there. I actually learned a good bit about myself. One of them is that I shouldn't be afraid to speak my feelings and ask for the things that I want in life. That was my main part in not being able to make things work and that is what is pushing me towards giving things a go with this provider. I am comfortable with the thought of being alone for a while and I would rather be there than with my soon to be ex at this point.

Sure, I'm probably not ready for something that serious right now but when I see something that could be really good I would prefer to not have any regrets later in life. If it is meant to be it will happen. Maybe not now but in the future at some point.  

As far as where things go from here we are going to see very soon if it is my financial generosity that she was enamored with or not. I only have another month at the pace I have been going then things will really get tight for me. With now having to pay child support and rent for an apartment it will not leave me with much expendable cash for a little while. The future looks very bright but we will see how she takes this little bump in the road. I have told her several times that I will not be able to do what I have done in the past if anything at all and her response was that she would still want to see me. Time will tell though and that time is coming up quick.  

I know I'll be okay but as Alyson Parker said there are way too many moving pieces. Must have been a cog that fell out of place and short circuited things for a brief moment in my head. It could happen to anyone...

Thanks again and best wishes to you

Alwayssmilesxoxo See my TER Reviews 189 reads
posted
65 / 65
Curious how this ended... EOM


END OF MESSAGE

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