I am a bit frustrated, I always am very willing to give references to any Lady about the Gentlemen I have seen. Even if I recieve a request and perhaps can't remember seeing this man, I still will return the email or call and state so or give them a ref if I do remember. I feel it's only right, to the lady and my Gentlemen. Keep everyone safe.
I have in the past 2 weeks sent out several emails to well known Ladies who are reviewed asking for a ref and 4 dif occassions, nothing. It's not right. I always return the favor...Whats up with that?
Trust me, you're not alone.
-- Modified on 4/20/2008 7:51:42 PM
She just said you aren't alone, meaning that it happens to her also.
b-
Balathazar....thank you for the post, didn't realize my post could be misinterpreted.
SweetN.....just for future reference, I do not make 'catty' 'bitchy' posts in reply to another providers legitiment concerns. Never have...Never will.
I may be wrong, but I thought SN was acknowledging meow's response, and stating that this being a common phenomena was "bs" as in, its terrible that it happens, not that meow was lying. And then she was asking why it happens --- are those who ignore the requests being catty or bitchy etc.
Perhaps if SN did not try to crunch it all into a single line it would not have come across the way bal and meow interpreted it.
Or maybe I am the one who is off here.
No I was not stating you were catty, sorry it got taken that way...just that by not answering a request for a ref, it feels catty to me. I am sorry I wasnt clear about that. Nicole
that board.
part of the problem I believe is the Gentlemen do not give their lady a heads up, so to speak that they are using them as a ref and to expect the call or email. That way they can be more prepared to let another know who he is and whats up.
I agree. I get no response from so many ladies that I ask reference from. I wish more gents contacted and got ok'ed from the ladies they give as references first. It takes makes the screening process that much longer.
-- Modified on 4/20/2008 8:53:17 PM
Of course. I was only talking about getting no response when I contact ladies for reference.
let me clarify, sorry...I meant, reply either way yes hes cool and you know him or not, but if its been a while and you can't remember, reply back anyway and say so. Just answer its the polite and professional way to behave
I know what you meant, and of course I do that as well.
Use verification services such as date-check, preferred411, and RS2k. That way you don't have to contact other providers to check references.
Of course the guy would have to be a member of one of those services for the verification process to work.
thats the issue I am a member of 411 but if hes not a lot of good that does me in this instance.
I remember once that I had given out 3 references and it turned out that none of my references returned the inquiries as they had promised....granted this is after I asked their permission and they said they were "glad" to do it (one even told me that twice (once by phone and once by email)....and it's not one of those things where they haven't seen me for months but situations where they saw me within a few weeks. It was only when I saw them at a session and brought up the subject that they were embarrassed and returned the call... one girl actually didn't like that I was considering seeing someone else and kept bringing up the subject. A lot of the girls that I've seen are really cool about the references and are professional, but I've learned that I have to double check because a lot do not do what they promise, even when they say several times that they will. The biggest offender of this was ironically this girl that was complaining to me how girls do not watch out for each other give her the heads up on references and were real catty about being afraid to lose their steady customers, etc. but when time came, she did the same thing.... I never went back to see her when I realized that she didn't do as she had promised and I eventually went to an alternate refecne that got me approved. I'm always eventually approved, but these things cause delays and sometimes don't even realize that calls weren't being returned. It annoyed me because I had to see extra girls just to get additional references....
to make sure that he has asked for and received permission to use a certain provider as a reference and to make sure this reference is willing to be contacted by a new provider.
This is the most important communication.
To just give out the name of a provider you have seen without her permission is just rude and leads to these kinds of probems as Nicole's post indicates.
Some gals just have a policy against giving references and that is OK. It shouldn't be held against anyone and wouldn't be a problem if the client did his due diligence.
Perhaps providers should say right in their FAQ section that a prospective client must take this responsibility rather than just assume a gal he hasn't seen in maybe six months is going to remember him and be willing to give a reference.
I agree it can be seen by the other lady as taking liberties. He def should ask her in advance anfd inform her he has given her name so she expects it.
Sorry to hear you’re having trouble with references. I also have that trouble occasionally, but the frequency I am able to get references returned now has improved in the last 6 months. I attribute that largely to knowing who will and who won’t give a reference. If a guy calls me and gives me a reference that I know won’t comply, I tell him. “OK, thanks for that info but I think I should let you know, XYZ has not been willing to give me references in the past so you may want to use another lady you’ve seen or go with a screening service.” Typically, he’ll either give me someone else or try to get verified via employment.
Personally, I think it’s wholly unprofessional and if clients were to stop seeing these ladies, as punishment, their behavior would be forced to improve. This entire subculture is fraught with danger, having someone play games with another’s safety by cock-blocking for supposed financial gain is absurd and uncalled for. While I have experienced what I would call mild interference, i.e.- hanging up on me, or “I don’t do that” **CLICK** I have heard some horror stories, though thankfully, I haven’t been involved-even heard of a West Coast provider who threatens her clients once another lady contacts her about a reference.
As MrFisher pointed out, it is best to contact the lady first, if nothing else, it forces her hand in a way. If she is one of those that doesn’t give references, then she’ll have to tell the client and another provider won’t get caught in the crosshairs.
XO
Melanie
I disagree! You are saying because other ladies do NOT do business the way you chose to, they should be punished??!!
Not all ladies want to give references, that is up to them. I do give out references when ladies ask, BUT I do not accept references as a screening tool, I have other resources for screening. But ladies when you do email to ask for references, you should include who you are, link to website, reviews, ect, as well as the guy in question. I am really tired of having to waste so much time trying to figure out who the lady is as well as the guy. And I also do NOT keep records, so if I don't remember, I can't give a reference.
I do not know very many ladies (personally), so why would I take a reference from a lady I never met about a guy I have never met?? Just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. But that is my own personal opinion.
Stay safe, however you chose to do so.
Who is only able to hobby when I travel, it can be sometimes several months between visits. Most ladies are not likely to remember a gent who they have only seen once, and it may have been several months ago, nor would I expect her to remember. Although I can get references from a couple of ladies I've seen several times, my memberships to Date-Check and P411 do come in handy.
I welcome references and are more than happy to give them for people. I will let you know that yes, I've seen him, he's sweet and into this or that. If you were a jerk (only one person comes to mind,) I will tell you that he's safe, but here was my experience...
Other ladies who may be higher volume may not remember, may not want to vouch for someone (as we all know some people behave differently with different people), etc...
Just keep trying.
Katie
True...its just frustrating when I know I am always willing to give a ref. Anyway...