Recently on my local Seattle board we have had an issue...

Tempers swelled and info has gone out that shouldn't have, folks outted in both directions.  Just sucks!

Between that and the Doggies issues... screening has become a questioned practice.

So I am looking for suggestions of alternative ways to handle this.  Rather than personal info.  (Which we know I advocate SPARINGLY)

I have been told by providers..."There is no way..." and by gents "I will never give info again" (All well referenced so no need anyway!)

An suggestions?  Legit ones please.

Rebecca

what happened exactly, and why? (don't need to know who did it.)

screening has been in place for a long time, for a reason. my first reaction is: too bad for those affected, but it will soon blow over.

guys are being asked personal info to show they are not LE, and to leave the cops enough info to trace the perp if something happens to the lady. seems necessary to me.

I agree...my position still stands that if your personal identity, to the extent of information that ISN'T a closely guarded secret, is so fragile in nature that you don't want to share it, then guess what? Your ass shouldn't be hobbying.

If you have things that your gueniunely value deeply that are put at risk by your hobbying...YOU SHOULDN'T BE HOBBYING! Why WOULD you risk your way of life for sex? That is stupid....

Look...your name is NOT a national secret...tens of thousands of people know your real name...what is the harm of adding one more to the list.

Where you work is NOT a national secret...hundreds, if not thousands of people know where you work. Again, what is the harm of adding one more to the list?

I wouldn't share my drivers license number, or social security number with a provider (and wouldn't even dream of entertaining a lady who asked for these...), but your name, employer and work phone number are free game info to ANYONE who actually wants to know. You provide this info to people EVERY DAY. (And most of you probably have also provided it to civilian babes you were trying to get with too...)

Let's be honest...the fear isn't that the providers will use this information to commit any sort of identity theft or anything like that (genuine concerns)...the fear is that said lady can then identify you and put pressure on you as a consequence for doing what you shouldn't have been doing in the first place.

Guess what? That is the RISK of hobbying! If you are really afraid you are gonna get a call at home from a provider to the M-R-S, then perhaps you should keep your wee-wee in your pants.

All these ladies want to do is make sure you are who you say you are, and not someone they should be concerned about. It is no big deal. Why the hell would a reputable provider risk her established business, AND jail time (extortion is illegal, you know, along with prositution) for the...what? $3,000 your sorry ass MIGHT be able to put together in a pinch?

I am not saying scams never happened. But I am pretty damn sure they only happen to guys who don't do their homework, and insist on going the cheap route versus with an established, reviewed and reputable lady. Or to guys who like the "adventure" of going into "uncharted waters"...or however you guy phrase it when you are out looking for some "new gem" (please...like just because YOU never slept with her, or because she doesn't have any reviews here, means she hasn't been in the hobby for some time. Or do you REALLY think you are "John #1"???).

Every ILLEGAL activity in this world comes with risks. To try to pretend they don't exist is folly...my guess is any provider who had really loose screening rules is also more likely to be a ROB...so all you've done is replaced one perceived possible risk with a real one.

The guys when whine about unintrusive screening need to grow up. If you are going to play the game, accept the rules....be a man for goodness sake...

Damn, I am so agreeable today-LOL!  Bored I guess!

The fundamental reason for screening is to ensure that number one you are not LE and two that you are not an ax murderer.  Safety people!  Lie to me about one thing, you will lie about everything else.  I am taking a risk...a great one....and you must appreciate that...Risk with me and we are okay.  I do not think what I do is wrong or illegal, but can be misconstrued that way very easily. A fine line...I protect it.  

If anyone comes up with a better idea, then hell yes, I would use it in a heartbeat, but until then.....you are in the same boat I am in.  It is a matter of trust and at the initial point of contact you know far more about me than I you on a flimsy piece of email.  

It is a two way street...you earn your reputation among us as much as we earn our reputations among you and believe me, it is twice as hard to establish!

Lauren

I would think that if the prospective date were to show up with an axe, you probably shouldn't let him in or try to keep the appointment. Surely you are not in for a good time.

I think this is one detail of the screening process that many ladies might neglect.

-- Modified on 8/16/2002 2:37:20 PM

I agree with you.  I for one use TER as a research tool to find quality providers in my travels.  I have a couple of providers I use as references, and that seems for the most part to be sufficient.  But I have found that if I stick to those girls that get CONSISTENTLY good reviews, there is no problem providing them with minimal personal data so that they can feel at least as comfortable going in as I do.  The providers are entitled to that, in my book.  Without that comfort level I believe I am at risk for a bad experience.  And if the exchange between Client (me) and Provider (her) becomes too awkward or too demanding, I just find another provider.

Point taken....blonde moment and extreme point of reference.  

Enough said......ROFLMAO

Lauren

the few times i've been asked for the work phone number reference, i've been stuck because i am retired. a youngish retired, so they may have reason to doubt, as i don't give my home phone to someone i don't know. (once i trust the lady's discretion and intentions, that's no problem.)

fundamentally, i believe the phone conversation and the first face to face are still the best place to do the real screening. nothing reveals the inner person like their manner, eyes and smell.

I used to be married to an old "battle-axe"....honest.  My prescreening process was very poor in those days!

drollere,

I'm in a situation identical to what you mentioned, & to go a step further & answer the question that Nicole posed regarding former employer, it's hardly possible in my case because the company was subsequently sold.

Believe me, I understand a lady's need for screening..& I wouldn't want to see one who didn't do it in some form, & it's her choice as to what info she needs to feel comfortable--not the choice of the potential client.

Having said that, there are some things I'm more than happy to volunteer & other information that I refuse to divulge.  Ny choice for my reasons as equally as it is hers to decide what she needs to know.

Because most of the ladies I've seen in the last couple of years are familiar with TER to at least a certain degree, I have no problem with giving them with my TER moniker or provider references as a substitute for employment verification or possibly something else that I'm not willing to reveal.  Now I'm well aware that many guys want to keep their TER identity secret, & I'm not about to argue with their choice to do so--but all I can say is that this has never failed to work for me & has made things much easier & more comfortable for both the lady & myself.  And if she might dicover through knowing my TER identity that she doesn't want to see me, we're both far better off for not having scheduled an encounter that likely would leave us both disappointed.

yeah, i guess i could use my ter monniker -- but then why wouldn't i just be riker. i'd not only get the girl, i'd get all the ice cream i could eat.

i haven't told a minx i'm drollere. i don't think that would get me much.

as you say, greywolf, the lady sets the rules however she feels comfortable. first principle of minx. she is the sorceress, the light, the laughter, the warmth, the source of endless beauty and delight. whatever makes her happy is fine with me. if she wants something that makes me uncomfortable, then as you say, there's just not a match.

I've used my TER handle for screening in cases where I knew the lady was familiar with me from here. She sends a Personal Message to me to verify my moniker, and also wants to talk to one of the other ladies I've seen.

This just happened this week.

I was in Baltimore, and got a phone call from a gentlman who identified himself as "Brian." Brian was a sweetie guy! We chitchatted about all kinds of things for about 15 minutes. Very, very nice conversation.  He wanted to see me that evening and judging from our convo, I was positive we'd have an absolute blast together!

He had one provider reference (he said, anyways), but it was from well over a year ago. But he was so darned nice! Charming! Total sweetie guy!  He was Jewish and we talked about being a *mensch* which my daddy always used to call me.  After a few more minutes, I'm thinking, I should just tell him to come over.  But instinct prevailed. A year old reference is no good to me... odds are the lady wouldn't remember him anyways, and who knew if I'd be able to contact her in the two hours prior to our appointment? So, I start probing the work info.

He told me the company name (very generic company name), but when I asked for his voicemail number, said "I'm old, I don't believe in voicemail."  Ok, so I start inquiring as to whether or not there is a switchboard where I could call and be directed to his direct line.  Oh, no, he says... everyone's left for the day. (It was only 5pm.)  OK, says I. How about an office answering machine???  Oh yes, he says! We have one of those!  Ok... Can I have that number?

CLICK.
Very, very, loud, to me, the click of his hanging up on me.

Heart POUNDING.

Because I have no idea if this guy was a psycho, or someone trying to entrap me legally speaking, or what. But something was definitely not kosher there. What scared ME so much about it was HOW CLOSE I was to allowing him to come over. Up until the very last moment, he was *so nice!*  Charming, even!

But, hey... from all accounts, Ted Bundy was *quite* the charmer. Could charm the panties (and maybe arms and legs) off any girl. I'm sorry, but your charm (and I am sure you are charming) won't help me screen you. What it will do, in addition to screening info, is give me some indication of how much fun we will have. But it won't get you in the door.

As for you being retired, who cares? I see ten reviews by your name, thus I am sure you could provide me with such excellent references that your being retired would never be an issue.

Hugs*
Nicole