I met an exotic dancer, who offered her number.

 
A couple of weeks later, I texted her and asked if I could buy her lunch.  She accepted and asked whether we we going to do 'anything else'.  I told her 'anything else' would be up to her.  She responded with a price and asked whether it was within my budget (which it is - but, see below).  To the best of my knowledge, she has not advertised as an escort, nor does she have any reviews (that I can find).  Although, it's unlikely that I'm the first guy to whom she's offered her number.

 
Obviously, I'm very attracted to her, so am keen to meet.  But, I'm also mindful of the benefits of keeping my hobbying 'professional'.  Further, I don't have any specifics of how she defines 'anything else'.  So, am not sure to what extent my 'budget' actually applies (there had been some intimate touching when we met, so I'm fairly confident that I'm not just paying for a private dance).

 
Can you guys offer any advice on how I can protect myself personally (insert condom joke here)?  Or, is there no way to ensure discretion and therefore should run away?

 
Thanks in advance

So she may not have  gotten around to advertising just yet. Talk to her more  to find out if she is interested in doing this hustle  a little  more professionally . Tell her about your membership on ter and about other sites. She might just  thank you  and rewatd you with her friendship and long term discounts.

as more of an SB situation.  SB's generally have a coffee/lunch meeting first to work out the specifics of the agreement and don't get into the sheets with you until the second meeting.  Play it like that and you can still walk away anytime you want.  

 
With that said, SB arrangements can always result in some drama, and if you are married, that can cause some problems.  If you stick with professional, well-reviewed escorts, the potential for disruptions in your personal life goes way down.  

 
I don't know how old you are, but before the internet, many of us here came of age at a time when all hookups started with a face to face meeting of some kind, whether by intention or accident.  A woman could slip you her phone number (land line of course) just about any place.  For me, mostly singles bars, but occasional strip clubs were also in the mix, and the procedure was pretty much as you describe.  

In days of old sugar babes were called mistresses. There's no rigid definition. But essentially either for love or money they are sexually available. The legal difference between prostitution is that you have some sort of ongoing relationship. The law is mostly unwilling to define what a relationship entails other than it isn't one and done.

and then it becomes a case of taking you for a ride.

 
But, maybe it's an enjoyable ride, so what the hell, go for it.

 
Just try to keep your wits about you.

Lester - Thanks for providing the 'SB' definition.  And thank you for the interesting tidbit regarding 'relationships'.

 
Interesting update below.

CDL - This is great information.  And as it turns out, I think right on the money (pun).

 
Unfortunately, I don't think I have the resources to be a proper SD.  And, certainly don't have the appetite for any suggestion of disruptions to my personal life.

It seems, at the moment, that you guys hit the SB nail on the head.  I'm writing a long version, as it might help others.  Quick fact:  She is nearly two hours away.

 

After the initial agreement on terms, she mentioned that she was having trouble and needed help.  My immediate reaction was that she was rethinking her original offer.  This concerned me as the offer was near the top of what I had available.

 

The next morning, feeling anxious about making the trip, with neither of us being clear on what to expect, I sent a message restating her original offer and indicating that I was planning to bring that amount.  And, if that was insufficient, could she please let me know.  Her response was to ask what I had available.

 

At this point, it was clear to me that we were apart on terms.  I told her that I had been excited about getting together and having fun, but the focus seemed to be entirely on finding the maximum that I could bring.  I stated that it was best that I not come at all now.  She responded with a one word text, and then silence.  I was sad, but figured that I had maybe kept both of us from disappointment.  I went on with the rest of my day, which included taking a nap.

 

When I awoke, there had been a text from her, expressing confusion on why I'd backed out.  As diplomatically as I could, I explained my reasons, and that I respected her right to set her terms, but that she could not count on me to be a savior.  And, that I would come out to see her dance in the future and maybe we could come to an understanding then.  I then mentioned playfully, that we maybe should have just focused on lunch.  

 

Her response was very conciliatory and we agreed that we'd try to meet for lunch at a later date.  In hindsight, and now with the benefit of the advice here, it seems that maybe the disconnect was that she had an SB relationship in mind all along and that I had escort relationship tunnel vision (which better suits my ADD nature though).

 

Thanks everyone for the excellent advice/insight.  Apologies for the long, yet unresolved post.  I just wish CDL's response had been posted before I'd sent the morning text, it might have saved the encounter.  But, I'm going to keep at it.  I'll update this thread with how it all works out.

Thanks mrfisher.

 

tbh - I'm rather proud that I knew my limitations and was true to them.  That said, the temptation was definitely there.

brownjack,  
  She opened that door & You should have walked through by asking her to be more specific on the details (What is it that she wants to provide for you?  Is she seeking just a "Client" or will it lead to something better?!).  Then after that conversation.......You would know what direction to go in?! Maybe she's thinking that you want the pleasure that Providers "Escorts" give.  Go ask her and update us.

Maybe you’ve taken a bucket list event (meet a stripper outside the club and fuck her) and made it much more complicated than it seems to be.

CDL gave you some great advice, but I think you misread his statement about SB’s always entail drama. The way I read it is that there’s a higher potential for drama with SBs, not an absolute guarantee you’ll get drama.

Secondly, CDL pointed out that in a typical SB scenario, details are worked out at the first lunch, sex comes later. It seems in your scenario, the details are already worked out for a first meeting that includes a hookup.

I had a similar situation to yours, but the dancer made it less complicated, as she was upfront about the details. She gave me her number and suggested a nice dinner followed up by a non-GFE hotel tryst for $1,000. She was black out drunk at the time. When I called her number she didn’t remember giving me the number and asked “what did we do last night?” I passed on the    tryst but did take her out to dinner and had a good time.

SB's.  Some will want money for each meeting, but are more lax on the amount of time you can stay than professional escorts, and others want a monthly stipend.  The most satisfying SB arrangement I ever had was about 12 years ago when I made a deal with a gorgeous foreign exchange student from Sweden attending a nearby university.  I paid $1500 a month and she gave me her class schedule and told me I could see her anytime she wasn't in class on 24 hours notice, so I usually saw her three times a week.  Moneywise, it came out to about $130 a visit and we were often together for 2 or 3 hours.   The money I gave her replaced her minimum wage job, so she had all the free time in the world for me.  I have since learned an arrangement like that with girls who are not in school costs a lot more, but it's also 12 years later.  

they CAN always result in some drama.  My point was that the possibility of drama with an SB is higher than with a pro escort, because even though it is an arrangement, SB's will often view the relationship as personal, and not business, so ending them when the time comes can be dicey for married guys.  We single guys don't care about the drama other than from a nuisance standpoint.   Lol

Thanks Kitty.

 

Among my many missteps, I wish that I had gone with my initial impulse, which was to buy her lunch and discover what , if any, other opportunities existed.

 

I also wish that in my first message to her that I had asked her to switch to email (which is totally secure).  I don't like being explicit via text.  As such, "coded" discussions can (and did) lead to misunderstandings.

 

We're planning to have that lunch.  I'll update this thread accordingly.

Thanks cks and cdl.  

 

To be clear, I cannot proceed if there is even the slightest hint of drama or the potential for drama.  I need to be absolutely confident that she understands that no personal relationship can exist.

 

I'm grateful for the advice here.  Inexplicably, it seems I have another chance.  I'm hoping that the advice here will help me navigate this situation to her and my mutual satisfaction.

A Swedish exchange student?  Color me envious.

 

As appealing as the 'monthly stipend' option sounds, moving that kind of cheddar, on a regular basis would spell disaster for me.  Not to mention, I'm not anywhere near where she lives.  So, regular encounters would be out of the question.

 

I'm hoping that she'll be open to the alternative.

can't tolerate any potential for drama, you are better off to stick with well-reviewed and stable providers and eschew the SB scene.  Just be aware that a civvie woman (non-escort), who is having financial problems is also a potential drama queen.  Unless your stripper does this regularly, i.e., picking out a random customer to take on the outside for additional revenue, she could also view it as personal.  Don't ignore any red flags that she is looking for more than transactional sex should they appear.  

An update on the 'Amateur Escort', which in reality should be called 'I was unwittingly, but gleefully, lured into an SB arrangement'.

 
She and I were finally able to coordinate our schedules (after three months) and we agreed to meet in a public place.  She only had about an hour and a half.  But, the time went quickly as we discussed ourselves and the people/events in our lives.  In the midst of our conversation, she mentioned casually that guys will pay her just to be seen with them.  Or, they will just buy her things.  There was no mention of money or allowance.  Then, the conversation continued.  As her time to leave was nearing, I made a point to let her know what I was looking for.  I told her that in general I had a great life, except for lacking a sex life.  I didn't have the time or energy to date.  Nor was I interested in one night stands or hookups.  And, that I had been with escorts, and it was all very nice, but impersonable.  I wanted someone with whom I could be physically intimate, build chemistry and in whom I could confide.  She liked that very much.  I also reminded her that because of how busy our mutual schedules were and due to the hour and a half drive between us, I would likely only see here every other month.  She was disappointed, but it did not discourage her.  As a result, she left insisting that I set up another meeting with her, as soon as possible, and that I reserve a hotel room.

 
My impressions:  Despite my early misunderstanding of the situation, and my mis-steps associated with it, through it all, she continued to believe (rightfully so) that I was sincere about helping her with expenses.  And I believe, given that fact, so long as my communications remained focused on friendship, and not a P4P relationship, she would be willing to overlook any amount of bumbling/confusion on my part.

-- Modified on 6/9/2023 6:54:35 PM

-- Modified on 6/9/2023 6:56:27 PM

"I need to be absolutely confident that she understands that no personal relationship can exist."  
.
When she understands that she will of course respect it and be careful to keep your secret -- as long as she wants to keep sweet with you.  
.
But if in the future she becomes unhappy, jealous, or feels abandoned (emotions!), she will know that she has a big point of leverage against you there.  

Somebody necroposted this thread back to life. I scanned it and got the impression that you had copped out. But here you seem to be back in the game again. So, what happened? Or is that also in here and I need to look harder?

Wow. What a misconception.

I’m just playing catch-up as I don’t have the time to read “the blind leading the blind”…so what gives?
Sounds like a Dear Abby post

and end up marrying a stripper. 1 star on Yelp. Jk, our marriage was good and lasted longer than most.  

A lot of strippers do escort on the side. Same with girls on Seeking who only do like pay per meet arrangements and are basically escorts. The reason they go this route rather than be full on escort with ads and websites is that they can be a little more selective with who they end up hooking up with. She got to meet you in person, thought you were good looking enough and probably liked your vibe.

In my experience I'd just be up front about what you want for the money (obviously no explicit messaging), and don't bring up time frames. Strippers and SB's tend to be much more generous with their time. Also since she offered she's probably also gonna be more into it because she already likes you enough to offer. Obviously ymmv.

Don't be concerned with her falling in love any more than a regular escort. Chances are never zero but very unlikely.

ETA: I find that strippers and SB's are a little more lax about protection. I personally am not cool with going bare and if a girl offers to go without protection I'm not putting my mouth on her cooch

-- Modified on 6/11/2023 6:11:45 PM

…Handled things quite well.  It kind of looks like you’re both kind of dancing around the main issue for you:  P4P.  That’s understandable from both viewpoints.  

Lots of very solid advice in this thread.  The only thing that I’d add is to continue to stay in touch with her and at some point just take a shot and ask her straight up about P4P.  The good news is that since she’s a stripper you can be about 99.999% sure that she’s not in LE.  She might, and probably is, more worried about the LE issue than you.    If I were in your shoes I’d just wait for the right moment at another lunch date and pop the question.  Trust your gut instinct when that time arrives.  You both have been around each other long enough to make it way less awkward than just asking her from the get-go.

Good luck.  Hope it works out well for both of you.  

Nothing "happened".

 
In short, despite my ineptitude, we finally settled on a date for an initial M&G (no BCD action).  

 
At the M&G, no explicit terms were agreed.  She talked about how guys want to give her money.  I told her that I was not getting enough sex.  At the end of the meeting she did let me know that we should get together again ASAP and that I should book a room.

 
I hope that answers your question.

I provided a synopsis to Vigerous above.

 

I made numerous missteps.  But, she was never deterred.  We had a public M&G where we stated our expectations (in a round about way).  She suggested we meet again, with a hotel room, soon.

 

If you want the painful blow by blow, you'll have to read my posts.

Thanks for insight.

Well, sure, that helped a lot. Thanks.  
 
That's a loaded line: She talked about how guys want to give her money.
 
Well done, following up with her.👍

Specifically, for me, exchanging emails is more secure from prying eyes.  I have a web account that I log into and out of every time I check/send email.  The account is not set up to send/receive email on any of my devices.

 
Regardless of how careful I try to be, anything going to my phone raises a serious risk.  Having a burner phone is not practical.  And, even though I do use a burner app, anyone with some phone savvy can locate it as well.