I wonder how many women and men believe they are in monogamous relationships and think that it's quite all right to go bareback with their significant other.
Blind trust because it's civilian, so to speak.
Ok, marriage is a lifelong commitment. Go bareback, congratulations.
But what kind of boundaries do we set with a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Do we ask for testing? How often? How long do we wait before we decide bareback is ok in our relationship? Do we confront this serious subject or just play around it?
Do we talk about testing and covering up all the time when we date in this forum and then go back to the significant other and play uncovered and untested without thinking twice?
Just wanted to throw that out there, because truly, romance, the great feel of skin on skin, it can be very tempting, can it not?
I am sure it is just the mood I am in, but this thread is just a downer to me, and it feels like there has been a lot of focus on this of late.
I mean, yeah, of course you can be lied to by your BF/GF...but give me a break about marraige being a lifelong committment, ESPECIALLY on TER! I mean, aren't like 50% of hobbyists married? Just because single people don't sleep with their GF/BF every night, does that mean that they all eschew condoms, or fuck around? And how many married guys travel, and aren't as safe as most of the TER guys?
As someone said recently on another thread, you can't EVER be 100% sure of your partner, even if you are married. At some point, you have to trust, based on communication, insight, proof, time, whatever evidence you need to reach that point. You have to be enough of an adult to know youself, and understand and communicate well enough with your partner to be willing to "take the chance". If you don't trust enough to go bareback, how can you trust to give the rest of your life to a person in the first place? Test every few months to see whether they really want to be married or not?
It is good to practice safe sex with one you aren't sure of. However, as Curtis Armstrong once told Tom Cruise, "Sometimes you gotta say what the fuck!". Communication and patience are the keys. However, if anyone thinks that the are safe forever, you are kidding yourself. Life is full of risks, and the only way to avoid them is isolate, and I don't care to do that.
If you can't say it, you can't do it. What the fuck.
(Are there 9mm revolvers? I thought most revolvers these days were .357s).
However, the important point is that sex WITH a condom is also like playing Russian Roulette. Yes, with a condom there are fewer bullets in the chambers, but it is still Russian Roulette.
The ONLY way to make sure the gun is empty is to know your partner's HIV status. This is the reason I am a strong advocate of frequent testing. (Yes, we need a system that allows you to verfiy your partner's test status, but we aren't likely to get it as long as this hobby is illegal.)
The extremely low infectivity of HIV means that if your partner was tested and found to be negative within the last three months that they are extremely unlikely to be infected now.
Testing is much less valuable when it comes to high infectivity STDs such as gonorhea, but then gonorhea is curable and isn't fatal so the uncertaintly is perhaps less important than it is for HIV.
Having a desire to feel skin to skin and actually doing it are two different things. It's like the desire to have money, compared to robbing a bank. We all want the former, but only a few attempt the latter
Interesting that you thought to have this thread, because after reading the (two) bareback threads below, I wondered the same. What limits, expectations, etc. do people set in their personal lives regarding their safe practices? I've been with the same person for three years and have no other in my personal life. I don't remember what we decided was the 'rule' or deciding factors. I think some people just sort of make it up as they go along, or take their chances with someone they are comfortable having an involvement with. I can't imagine that people use condoms for months or years on end, but then again, it's not something I have ever asked either. Not exactly cocktail conversation. Hey, Tom, Sue, you guys have been together what? Two years? Do you still use condoms? Oh, really..so at what point did you toss them out? Is that because you expect to marry sometime?
I've had BBFS offered to me once. Reason: she was close to her period, not fertile, and we'd seen each other multiple times. I was stunned. Didn't know what to say, and she could tell. Didn't do it, and in retrospect, glad I didn't.
I have been offered BBFS by providers more in the past six months than in the past four years combined. These were all girls I had seen before, but several only once. Most I would never consider but a couple I must admit I got caught up in the moment.
I know several guys in the hobby and they talk about BBFS all the time. Am I the only guy in the country that is experiencing this new letting down of the guard. I just can't believe other guys are not finding the same thing happening. How about it guys?
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