It’s funny how this scene has rules… but no one ever hands you a rulebook.

You just pick them up over time.

Don’t be late. Don’t overshare. Don’t overpromise. Don’t treat it like a job interview. Don’t treat it like a competition either. Be polite, be clear, be normal which somehow is harder than it sounds.

There’s also the subtle stuff. Read the room. Match the energy. If something feels forced, it probably is. If something feels easy, don’t overanalyse it.

Nobody explains these things, but the regulars seem to just know. And the ones who don’t… learn quickly.

What do you think is the biggest unspoken rule people should figure out sooner rather than later?

I think what you mean is "unwritten rules", but whatever.

 
In any case, all our rules are for the most part unwritten given the nature of this game, but if there are 3 that apply the best to clients they would probably be:

1.  Be super well scrubbed up:   body and breathe.
2.  Be on time.
3.  Don't forget the envelope.

 
For the gals:

1.  See #1 above.
2.  See #2 above.
3.  Give full time offered.

 
There are, of course, many others, but if you fulfill the above, you're 90% of the way there.

and after that --- seriously, don't think so much.  

Providers are professional entertainers.  They will take care of you.  Let it happen.

Not when you're with the lady--unless she's into that.

I mean when you're walking into the hotel or apartment building lobby. You're not skulking, slinking or sneaking. You're here because you belong here and none of the guests, staff or residents can read your mind. But they can read your attitude and demeanor. So be a boss.

Actually, there are lots of places where a fair number of these rules are written. It's somewhat common on provider's professional website for them to list a section that many call etiquette. I have seen other names, such as Clarification, FAQs, Rules, Notes, etc... Some are more detailed than others. Occasionally, they will include them in their ads or state that they expect you to read their website before booking. Of course, every nuance cannot be covered. And, many don't have rules by any name written anywhere.

 
Some of the examples you mentioned, IMO, is true in life with anyone we interact with. They're behaviors I would expect in a work place, for example. So, for me, they're not unwritten rules in this industry, but rules in life.

 
Things specific to the industry are the "don't ask" questions, shower expectations, review policy (some say it's polite to ask before writing a review), should certain details not be included in reviews (some say if you get a YMMV experience, leave it out to not create expectations), how many times is it okay to use a provider as a reference (unlike a job reference, most providers don't what you overusing them), and don't expect an exact address until a few hours before the appointment.

-- Modified on 2/25/2026 1:21:13 PM

IOW, do your due diligence to minimize the risk of getting scammed.

I consider myself still new here, but it still boggles my mind that providers have to tell people to be clean, wash, do not smell, or whatever other hygiene things need to be said.  To me it is common sense, I mean, I always make sure I smell and am good but still you see it on the provider sites.  I can only imagine the reason is there are still dirty and stinky people.  It just makes me SMH, end of rant.

...treat the whole conversation as though it was a meeting and keep specifics out of it all together.  The farthest I go prior to meeting is to ask if there is a shower available.  

 
When you arrive, be a gentleman and be prepared to match up with an unknown personality and keep expectations reasonable.

 
Know when to leave.  

Think about how stupid the average person is.  And half of the people are stupider than that!

I wrote them down in a post nine years ago.  I posted it on the Kgirl board, but I have found that these rules also apply to indie providers, not just agency girls, and are still good today.  I believe it's still the post on TER with the most member "reads."  I aggregated these from the many reports I was hearing of members getting blacklisted for certain behaviors with providers and agency bookers.  

And again.   Rules, habits, norms ?   It makes me wonder how it's changed over the years. Anybody know if it was different 20 or 30 years ago?

I read your post. That shit seems like common sense damn shame someone needs to be told that.

The former is obvious.

The latter is not and I'm generally not a fan of unwritten rules, because if they were rules, they should have been written. Unwritten rules arise from tradition.

 
Common sense "rules" - be on time, good  hygiene etc  that makes common sense in all hobbies and industries and even basic human interaction. You probably wouldn't show up to your ob/gyn with genitalia that hasnt been washed in days.  

You probably wouldn't show up late to your doctor's appointment or an important work meeting. Etc.  

 
As a sports fan, look no further than baseball for absurd unwritten rules that make no sense and they are not written because it would just be petty.  

Such as, can't run up the score or steal bases when you're up by a sufficient amount. Or can't admire your own majestic home runs. And other nonsense crap like that. You used to have pitchers retaliating against this by intentionally throwing 95+ heaters to the ribs. But why get mad, you are pro players, don't like that other teams run up the score? Stop them then! Other players have bonus incentives for stolen bases, why wouldn't you stat pad?  

 
These are unwritten rules that I completely detest. With lots of older men in baseball who believed in this nonsense because of tradition slowly dying out, the situation has improved.  

 
So to go back to this hobby, some unwritten rules that imo are bad and shouldn't exist would be- no arguing with the booker/po, no low scoring reviews, etc. It's something that is implied but cannot be put into rules because it would cast someone in a negative light.  

 
Moreover, unwritten rules give you outs of situations. as I like exact science, I prefer to not giving the loopholes of phantom "extenuating circumstances" to anyone, and unwritten rules are extremely conductive to that.

If the post likes to good to be true then it is. Most true Professional won't ask for deposit from my experience.

I think the majority of these rules are just common sense! I put them in two categories. First - engaging a provider. Follow the same practices you follow in business, be clear, responsible, do what you say you will do, and follow the provider’s rules in the process ( unless one like a deposit is disqualifying).  Second - when you are with a provider. Same rules with any personal interaction.  Be a gentleman, be polite, empathetic, listen well, be respectful of her and her body. Do these thins. Nd it’s not likely you will run afoul!

I’ve been at this since 2003 and I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of things that I either had to figure out from trial and error, and “tips and tricks” I’ve learned over time. Ya, common sense is the obvious stuff, but the fact that providers AND clients have to reiterate it means not everyone has common sense. Sigh. Here are my findings on the unwritten/spoken rules that I’ve written down over the years when coaching newbies. Note that this is a California-centric perspective, so the websites can vary where you are and I’m guessing internationally the rules vary hugely. Here’s what 23 years of seeing providers, mostly in the SF Bay Area, has taught me…

Should be common sense: BE CLEAN. CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN. Shave your stubbly face, SHAVE YOUR JUNK (incl balls). If you’re hoping for her to do butt stuff on you, shave your crack (seriously!). Show up like you got a date with your dream girl and scoring with her depends on you looking your best clothed and naked. Seriously guys, dress nicely! Decent shoes, a nice shirt. Yes, you’ll get lucky regardless, but your hygiene is the difference between her holding her breath to get through it or her being like “okay, this could be nice.” Be the guy she looks forward to seeing, and you’ll often feel it in her warmth and performance. Oh, and cut your damn finger nails.

Discovery:
- The more “spontaneous” you are in your booking, the much more likely it won’t be what you want it to be. Research, patience, and validation pays off a ton.
- Listen to your gut – feels too good to be true? Unless you find trusted reviews…it probably is.
- If she doesn’t have TER or TheOtherBoard reviews, you’re gambling. PD reviews are cloaked and vague for a reason. Why do we never say “Amazing BBBJ and she swallowed, and I put my thumb in her xxx…” there? The providers can easily tie it to you which could make a 2nd encounter awkward (or if they don’t want it known they can petition to get it removed). The only place where you can be truly transparent (and no need to be gross) is TER. If a woman has multiple recent TER reviews that reflect the service level I want…then I’m good to go.
- You can get useful info from PD reviews. Particularly from guys who have left a lot of reviews there. If guys say that she’s a great kisser…she probably is. If they say “RBGFE” she does BBBJ, DATY, DFK. Most frustratingly absent, but valuable when present, is “she looks like her pictures”.
- PD isn’t allowing any new profiles (starting to feel like an abandoned site) so women are trading/selling profiles, and agencies are “flavor of the week” using profiles and swapping the women in them. Google the phone numbers and emails on the profiles to see historically what pictures were behind them…if they have rotated – buyer beware. That said, the pics on the rotation CAN be accurate, but that’s agency by agency. Some never show the real girls.
- I have never found a woman from a Tryst ad. But seeing something attractive there can start me down a research path to validate someone interesting is there. Same for Eros.
- I have learned the hard way that I am often disappointed by women who are not “face-out” in their ads (blurred faces). I avoid seeing them 90% of the time unless reviews make it clear she’s stunning. I respect they need privacy, but it messes with my expectations. Just a hazard of this whole thing for both sides.
- A P411 account is a fantastic investment. You’re instantly validated to providers and I have never had anything other than a WYSIWYG experience there. The good profiles there list TER and TOB links making your research so much easier. P411 is the “considered purchase” so you’re unlikely to get same-day meetups from it…but the quality is great. If you visit a P411 woman, remember to ask her to give your P411 profile an “okay” after (best to do via a request on P411 the next day)! That boosts you on future validations with providers.
- For various reasons that could be debated, providers tend to very much not like when we hobbyists DM each other to ask about their services. I can see both sides of it (we deserve to know what to expect and that helps them get better aligned clients / guys can be gross and if they have occasionally offered services to one or two like BBFS and word gets out about it, it becomes an expectation with incoming clients who know about it). If you do any hobbyist to hobbyist DMing, don’t mention it to the ladies. It does you zero favors.
- For true newbies: TEXT, do not call. Message/email online, do not call. Did I mention – DO NOT CALL.
- Read her damn ad from top to bottom. If she has a website, read it too. Some of these women bend over backwards to make their lines, expectations, rules clear, and if you don’t bother to read what they’ve carefully explained and act accordingly? You’re sending up yellow and red flags.

Prep/Arrival:
- Cardinal Rule: If you’re clean, you’re chill, you’re funny, you make her feel safe…she will probably like you immediately. She gives very few fucks how you look. If you’re a nice, comforting, funny, smart guy who isn’t great looking, so long as you’re clean, she’ll like you more than the studs that walk in. The better looking guys often have the “babe, YOU should be paying ME” attitude and that’s a huge turn-off for the women. Providers view attraction very very differently than civvies. I’ve heard again and again that if you’re a great guy and a regular, they start to get the feels for you (usually a friends with benefits thing).
- Be freshly showered, be 5-10 mins early. Always useful too to let you survey the area. Figure out if you want to enter the main lobby or try a side door, etc. Checking out the area on Google Street View in advance is always a good move.
- Walk in the hotel like you belong there. If you’re heading for the elevator and to her room, just play with your phone, head down as you walk, and you’ll look like 90% of the usual guests.
- Occasionally the provider mistakenly picks a hotel where they have to fetch you in the lobby, which is always a bit awkward, but just pretend like you’re meeting up with an old friend who is visiting and the awkwardness is minimal. The elevator rides up can get kinda racey too, which can be fun!
- Providers seem to be late ~30% of the time. They’re trying to get their messages answered, tidy the room, get cleaned up for YOU. Be patient with it, and expect it. The more relaxed and undistracted THEY are, the better your session will be. Give her the time she needs, and indicate no pressure via text.
- The envelope: These days I do 50s or 100s. If I do 20s I have all the bills face the same direction and every five bills I spin them 180 degrees so the stack is five up, five down, which makes it super easy for her to scan and count. It’s something silly I did early on and I get a surprising amount of “that was nice of you” comments. I always reply with “just trying to make life easy on you!” which sends a message you’re thoughtful.
- Extra cash: I tend to always have an extra $300-$500 in my wallet when I go to a session. Sometimes it’s so incredible I extend it. Sometimes it’s so awesome I tip. Sometimes she has a hot friend who can join, and I want that option. The extra cash is optional, but those options it unlocks can make a great session be one for the ages!
- Come in, give her a hug (to open touching and intimacy – it’s a basic human principle to start with quick harmless touch to “break the ice” into more), chat and joke, IMMEDIATELY drop the envelope someplace open while she’s watching and say “this is for you” and move on to the session.
- She’s sizing up how clean you are. Sometimes you get a pass and just start playing, often she’ll ask you to shower even if your hair is still wet. Do it. No questions asked. Happily. If she has soap and/or mouthwash in the bathroom that is obv for you, USE THEM. I’ve had providers tell me they sniff for the products they brought to see if you really showered or mouth rinsed.
- I’m one who likes finding regulars and ATFs. Variety matters less for me than finding a gorgeous woman I can build an amazing chemistry with. If you think that way, always book a minimum of 90 mins for the first meetup. Not so you can do MSOG, but so you can chat her up first. It puts her so much more at ease and makes her feel like you’re treating her like a human. My ultimate goal is always to get to a “friends with benefits” vibe. Many of my old ATFs have become actual friends over time and we stay in touch.
- This was an awkward one for me early on and is absolutely an unspoken thing… When you get out of the shower you don’t get re-dressed to go out (sounds silly/awkward to say it now, but I did once!). Go out in a towel (not naked, that’s not subtle). Sit on the bed if that makes sense, she’ll join you and things move from there.
- Bonus: For the longer dates I always ask if they like wine/champagne before. 50% of the time they are up for me bring it. It definitely loosens the mood. Also bring chocolate even if she ends up not wanting it, it sends a nice message
- Pro-Tip: 90% of the women have no idea what wine/champagne is “good” so don’t over-think what you buy. $20 bottles of wine/prosecco often do the trick. What DOES matter with wine for her is red versus white. ALWAYS ask for that clarification. If she doesn’t specify her wine choice beyond red/white, go Pinot Grigio or Chardonnay for white, and Pinot Noir for red – get bonus points by packing two wine glasses. If she’s bougie enough to know what’s good, it’s probably because she’s an $800/hr+ woman, or you can tell from her posts…and if you’re spending that much then splurge for the Veuve Clicquot. After one date you’ll know if she knows what Veuve Clicquot is or not and you can dial in.

do everyone here a favor.  Otherwise, it's a wall of text and is difficult to keep your place while reading.  I gave up partway through section 1.