1. Guys who show up early, as in more then 5 mins. Most girls need time to make themselves look good for you, and we don't like to feel rushed. If you happened to get there early and call first to see if it is okay to start early, then great. But if you already have the room or apt #, and just show up knocking on the door, then you are a dork. If you are going to be early or late, CALL AND LET US KNOW!

2. Guys who nitpick over less then $50 dollars. Case in point: I have my set rates. Every so often I offer a special that clearly states an expiration date. After said date, client will call to schedule and verify rate. When you tell him it is less then $50 more, he argues with you and/or doesn't schedule. I understand it doesn't hurt to ask, but if $50 or less is such a deciding factor for you, then you can't afford to be doing this, point blank. Same thing for guys that have such a problem with an extra travel fee of $50 or less.

3. In continuation of #2....A special is called a special because it DOESN'T HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. Don't expect to get those same rates every time you book thereafter. Girls will post on their sites and/or tell you what their rates are. Again, it never hurts to ask, but to know beforehand and then shortchange the girl once there clearly reflects what a cheap bastard you are. If you don't want to pay the set rate, then wait until we post a special again. Don't keep asking for it.  

4. Guys that use their board status as a way to get discounts or special treatment. "Oh, my screename is Mr Dumbass, and I post all the time...what kind of rate does that get me, and can I CIM, get BBJTC, greek, etc? You know I will post a review of our time, and since I am doing you such a favor, you owe me." Um, excuse me- go blow yourself! It is good to let a girl know your posting identity to get her to feel more comfortable with you and know what you like, but to expect benefits out of it is not.

5. Guys that think they are a professional photographer because they have a digital camera, and want discounts or freebies for taking said photos. I get at least 3 emails a month from guys offering to do some new photos for me. When I ask if they are a professional, they say "no, but i have taken photos of escorts before. And I will do yours for a freebie." If I am going to pay anyone to take my photo, then they will be a pro who has years of experience and examples of quality work that I like. Not some cheap bastard who got a digital camera from his wife last year. You are supposed to be using that to take pics of your kids, not scam escorts!

6. Guys that are whiners, either in person or on the boards. If you get bad service, then write a review stating exactly what happened. Don't keep crying about it, sometimes months afterwards. If a girl posts an ad and you don't like her look, attitude, rates, whatever, then don't go and see her. But don't post whining "your rates are too high" or "you have too many screening policies" And when you see an escort, don't whine to her about all of your problems. It is fine to say "I have been having some problems with this and that, but I have come to you to get cheered up," and then proceed to have fun. But to take up half the session with whining about every little thing wrong in your life, and then call us occassionally to whine some more and feel comforted, is not okay.

7. Guys that don't have cell phones. Wake up! It almost 2004. You can get a pre-paid phone anywhere and only use it for emergencies and the hobby. Verizon has a good plan with "Free Up". There are NO PHONE BILLS sent to your house, thus no records of who you have been calling. You talk until your minutes are up, and then you buy more time by cash or credit card.  What are you going to do when your car brakes down or when you get mugged and need to call 911?

8. Guys that no call/no show. It takes 1 minute to call a girl and tell her you can't make it for whatever reason. There is nothing else I can say about this. Karma will get them though. They will get ripped off by a bait and switch or a cash and dash and they will deserve it!

9. Guys that talk to you like you're stupid. Any decent person should treat any other decent person as their intellectual equal, even if deep down they know they are not. And btw, sometimes girls will play a little dumb to make you look smarter and feel better about yourself. That doesn't give you the right to talk down to us.

10. Clients that want to gossip about other board posters or other girls in the business. Are we in high school still? Yes, I know provider a, b, and c. I think they are great and wouldn't mind doing a double with them. Or I don't know them. That is the extent of what I should be saying. As for clients, I don't want to talk about them, just like you don't want me talking about you.

11. In continuation of #10- Clients who want to get too personal. I also don't want to talk about my significant other or where I really live or where I am really from. I don't want to tell you how much I make per week either. Can't we just talk about our favorite movies or music? What we like to do for fun, in and out of bed

12. Clients that have bad breath and/or body odor. Brush your teeth and use listerine within 10mins of meeting your provider. Carry a travel kit in your car and tell whoever asks that you saw a news report on how many germs are in the human mouth and you realized you needed to start brushing more. If you have any doubt whatsoever that you are not totally clean, then ask to start off your session in the shower...lots of fun and a great "ice-breaker".

13. Clients that have stubble. Either be soft and furry or clean-shaven. If you have any questions as to why I say this, take a piece of sandpaper and rub it against your balls. That's why.


I think I will leave it at lucky 13. Any ladies should feel free to add on.

In the end, the consumer is always right and you can decide whether you wish to stay in business or close shop. You cannot change the psychological makeup of your consumers. In any business, there are window shoppers and discount dealers. As an entrepeneur, you see the big picture. The more accountable you make them, the less negative behavior you will receive. Get a name, get a number. Make it clear what you will stand for and what you won't, without being as disrespectful as they often can be. And if they are rude, cruel and immature, keep in mind that they are young and single. Married gentleman and older men know you can catch the best things in life including the best of a woman with a golden tongue and a soft touch. Do not be angry. They just haven't mastered the "art of the seduction".

peace, hb

-- Modified on 12/7/2003 2:56:35 PM

I wish I hadn't quoted eightball in my previous post, below.  But it was those words that set me off.  Actually, I don't hate my clients, I love most of them.
But I had to laugh when I read this post.  I know that some men might take offense or think we are acting like princesses.  They don't realize the large percentage of clients who commit these "sins".  I kind of think we just have to laugh about it if we can, it might be human nature.
I pretty much agree with you.

I had to print that one!  : )

Just a gentle reminder you forgot

1)Clients who sweat too much and

2)Clients who pound away.

But don't worry, we didn't so you really are at 15 instead of lucky 13.

But keep going because you are the only one posting anything of interest this weekend.  
You go, girl!!!

#6 Guys who are whiners.

Do you realize that you've written 3 or 4 posts in the past few days that consist of nothing but whining ??

But I do have to admit that I've gotten more than a few chuckles from reading them, so don't kill me.  Thanks for the laughs !!

OK a question on #13.  I sometimes have visits in the evening (working late) when I'm going home afterwards - "why did you shave" isn't a question I'd want to answer with my SO.  No idea if it would be noticed but I don't want to take that chance.  When I'm out of town or my SO is then by all means I shave.   So ladies what's a guy to do?  Anyway to mitigate this?

Let's not forget guys who call and ask your rates when they are clearly posted. And my other favorite is guys who call from long distance numbers (even though it is clearly posted that I don't accept long distance calls) and just want to talk without having any intention of making an appointment. Or blocked callers who act surprised when I ask them to call back from an unblocked number.

Just curious, why #7. I don't own, want, need, or desire a cell phone (or pager, for that matter). I don't feel the need to be constantly in touch or have the desire to be reached anytime, anywhere. There is great freedom in being unreachable.

That said, when I make a date I make sure the lady in question knows how to reach me up until I leave for the appointment. When I arrive, I call. If I have to cool my heels for a bit, no problem. If she needs to cancel, well she probably knew that before I left.

Yes, it's 2004 (well, not technically). Everyone _really_ should be carrying a PDA phone with WiFi or Bluetooth so that we can call, check email, print out mapquest directions, buy or sell stocks, get the latest sports stats so we can update our fantasy sports rosters, make dinner reservations, and search the web for the best hotel rates.

The cell phone came into being to serve as an unbreakable umbilical cord to the office.  Anyone besides me remember the old commercial where one guy is having a nervous breakdown stuck in traffic while the other guy has a big shit-eating grin as he closes the deal of a lifetime with the first guy's customer?  When I can be assured that my BOSS will never know, I'll consider it.

As for it being (almost) 2004; precisely.  Most of us have already lived several decades without cell phones, including street scrapes and highway breakdowns, and here we still are.

Actually, I rather enjoyed the rest of your post, especially in the context of your "provider" post above.

And I love the bit about the mouthwash.  Been there, done that.  Left the house in a hurry and forgot that.  When I reached the provider's location I asked to borrow some.  Said "I assure you we'll both have a much better time".  And we did

You guys, and this list, don't seem like princessy things to me at all. Believe me, there are some princessy providers out there, but this all seems to me to be well within the lines of non-princess behavior.

One princessy thing that bugs me (maybe this should be in the "providers I hate" thread instead?) is girls who get OFFENDED by a guy who wants to haggle. First, let me say, I find it preposterous that any girl would lower her prices below what she thinks she deserves and / or wants for her services -- I'm not recommending that any provider submit to haggling merely on principle. And sure, there are websites that say "prices are firm," and that's fine with me, too.

But then, every now and then, I find out a price and feel it's too high, and so I suggest a lower price. On these occasions, many many polite responses are available to the provider. She can say, "How about X$" somewhere in between. She can say, "OK!" She can say, "No, the original price is firm, I'm sorry." And with all of these responses, I'd respect her businesslike respect for the up-front nature of the interaction.

But get this. Some girls, once in a while, say something like, "OMIGOOOOOOD I cannot BELIEVE you would think I'm some PIECE OF TRASH that can be BARGAINED OVER! I am NOT some damned JUNK you pick up at the FLEA MARKET." These girls are princesses in the highest degree, and I am delighted to be able to find them out before agreeing to a date, because their negative attitude most likely will pervade all their service. The notion that bargaining for a price somehow sullies the product, is strictly a princess misconception, reserved for the Paris Hilton's of the world who can't stand to buy Gucci on sale because it makes it "cheaper." Anyone balanced and a little less princessy than Paris herself will realize, it's a sign of respect and worth, for a person to offer a different number, and for the two involved in the transaction to come up with a mutually agreeable arrangement. It need not be deprecatory of the service eventually purchased at all; in fact, it enhances the experience, to know you're getting it for a price special to yourself alone, a price you agree to, a price you think is worth it.

Thinking the price can't be bargained over, merely because that's "crassm" is a princessy mistake, IMO.

I think the premise behind expecting a guy to have a cell-phone is, that he can be reached at a moment's notice in a way that will not compromise his privacy. No wife or secretary will pick up. Or kid. Isn't that what she's thinking?

For me, it's not an issue. I am not married and haven't ever made enough money to have a personal secretary. But for lots of "executive" guys, I'd be shocked as well if they couldn't provide a "secure" phone contact for the final arrangements. If you can afford $300/hour, you can afford $29.95/month.

As we all know, all provider appointments are at least 1/2 hour late, permanently, forever, and during those 30 minutes she needs to feel secure and unruffle her feathers. That's why she needs to phone us. It's part of her job. It makes her seem feminine.

ROTFLMAO!  While I appreciate all of these concerns and will take them to heart, I couldn't help laughing at how funny your post is.  My favorites:

1. ...But if you already have the room or apt #, and just show up knocking on the door, then you are a dork...

4. ..."Oh, my screename is Mr Dumbass, and I post all the time...Um, excuse me- go blow yourself!...

7. ...What are you going to do when your car brakes down or when you get mugged and need to call 911?

13. ...If you have any questions as to why I say this, take a piece of sandpaper and rub it against your balls. That's why.

I'm guessing you meant to be funny, so thanks for providing the insight without being malicious.   Cheers!

Being new, or actually having yet to start, I appreciate your POV on clients. Frankly, your list seems like common sense to me. It seems that, like the rest of life, clients and providers are in all kinds of different places in their lives.