I recently made a date with a provider I have seen before, and with whom I had a good working relationship. The date was to be later in the evening. We had exchanged a dozen or so emails, all in the same thread, over the course of 24 hrs before the date. On the day of the date I tried to contact her to confirm, using the same email thread. In other words I was replying to mail in my inbox, not starting a new mail. I tried to contact her all day, maybe a dozen emails. She never replied.
Then late in the evening when it was already too late, she sent me a new email with a new subject line, asking if we were still meeting. I explained that I had been emailing her all day, and now it was too late. I never got a failure to deliver notice. She said she never got my emails. Bottom line she is all apolgetic, and wants to continue to see me, likes me a lot ect. The next day I basically told her I didn't believe that those emails never arrived, and that I thought she was a liar. She is insisting that she is telling the truth. Does anyone have any technical knowledge to say what the likelihood is that she is telling the truth? She's a nice girl, I'd hate to think I thru her under the bus unfairly.
DNS issues, any rules in her mailbox that deletes messages, spam filters..
Funny thing happened a few months ago. I stopped getting mail altogether from TER Profile Updates, and Private Mail notification, and it started abruptly again. Turns out, in the interim, the mail was going to Spam Folder, although I didn't make any changes to my gmail account.
I have gotten emails that were delayed by few days. But typically there is a bounce back. saying that the intended server took much longer to respond than expected..Or something to that effect..
In all likelihood, she could just be lying and got all disorganized with her emails. Or her longer date cancelled...
You said that she contacted you when it was too late to meet. It doesn't make sense for her to not contact you sooner if she hadn't heard back from you, i.e., didn't receive your dozen emails throughout the day
Also, you mentioned that you have seen her before. Did she not give you a private number to text/call? Does she have a preferred method of contact?
Your email should be cleared as safe since you were already in contact with her. Not receiving one email is rare as it is. Now, a dozen?
Posted By: simontheman
I recently made a date with a provider I have seen before, and with whom I had a good working relationship. The date was to be later in the evening. We had exchanged a dozen or so emails, all in the same thread, over the course of 24 hrs before the date. On the day of the date I tried to contact her to confirm, using the same email thread. In other words I was replying to mail in my inbox, not starting a new mail. I tried to contact her all day, maybe a dozen emails. She never replied.
Then late in the evening when it was already too late, she sent me a new email with a new subject line, asking if we were still meeting. I explained that I had been emailing her all day, and now it was too late. I never got a failure to deliver notice.
She said she never got my emails.
Bottom line she is all apolgetic, and wants to continue to see me, likes me a lot ect.
The next day I basically told her I didn't believe that those emails never arrived, and that I thought she was a liar.
She is insisting that she is telling the truth.
Does anyone have any technical knowledge to say what the likelihood is that she is telling the truth?
She's a nice girl, I'd hate to think I thru her under the bus unfairly.
i'm of the mind that it's 100% the responsibility of both parties, the gentleman and the lady, to make sure a confirmation happens the morning of the date to make sure all systems are go.
i have learned the hard way that if i don't make an email/text connection w/my date on the morning of, it's a 99% chance that the date won't happen.
so now if i can't get a hold of her before hand the day of, i start calling my long list of reliables who will be happy to see my envelope and show me a good time.
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why did you lie to me?"
In all likelihood she got your email(s) but had a john who was willing to see her for multi-hours. That happens frequently, and each gal has their own line of stories to throw at the jilted john.
Now you know how she sees you...and it's not "she likes me a lot". They are in this to make as much money in as short a time...deal with it.
There was no reason to call her out as you did...had you wanted to see her down the road. It's a game...don't take this shit so personally.
Next time don't bombard her (or any hooker) with a dozen emails for a one hour blow and go. Trust me...they aren't interested in that shit. As you found out
Posted By: simontheman
I recently made a date with a provider I have seen before, and with whom I had a good working relationship. The date was to be later in the evening. We had exchanged a dozen or so emails, all in the same thread, over the course of 24 hrs before the date. On the day of the date I tried to contact her to confirm, using the same email thread. In other words I was replying to mail in my inbox, not starting a new mail. I tried to contact her all day, maybe a dozen emails. She never replied.
Then late in the evening when it was already too late, she sent me a new email with a new subject line, asking if we were still meeting. I explained that I had been emailing her all day, and now it was too late. I never got a failure to deliver notice.
She said she never got my emails.
Bottom line she is all apolgetic, and wants to continue to see me, likes me a lot ect.
The next day I basically told her I didn't believe that those emails never arrived, and that I thought she was a liar.
She is insisting that she is telling the truth.
Does anyone have any technical knowledge to say what the likelihood is that she is telling the truth?
She's a nice girl, I'd hate to think I thru her under the bus unfairly.
Providers get a lot of e-mails, texts, calls ... she may tell each and everyone of them they are her only favorite, but the fact is an e-mail can get buried. In your case, she may have put you down for that time and tried to confirm it with you before it. However, that does not mean she had read all her e-mails yet.
It is not a tech question but a human one.
If you like her, don't let this one get in the way and continue to make appointment requests until you get more convincing evidence she does not want to see you anymore. It's just your pleasure business (and hers too).
She blew you off for a better offer that subsequently fell through. Your probably a good client and a nice guy so, naturally, she wants to keep seeing you. That being said, she will probably do it again if she gets the chance. Confronting her was pointless. Either see her or don't see her but there's no sense in scratching your head or denying what many (not ALL) providers do to clients every day.
A week or two ago I got an e-mail from Katie/Krissy that she would be available Friday. Most likely would have been Andover/Tewksbury. On Friday I get nothing...radio silence. A few days later escalade posts his review.
You scoundrel you!!! I know she is low volume and can guess what happened.
Escalade is making the rounds...but it's a long drive to ChiTown LOL
That's OK...he is going to buy me dinner at Union Oyster on my next trip to Boston. OTC of course
Posted By: DT_lover
A week or two ago I got an e-mail from Katie/Krissy that she would be available Friday. Most likely would have been Andover/Tewksbury. On Friday I get nothing...radio silence. A few days later escalade posts his review.
You scoundrel you!!! I know she is low volume and can guess what happened.
emails can get stuck at an intermediary server, or redirected to a spam filter. It definitely happens, frequently enough that email shouldn't be relied on for guaranteed message delivery. I would never call someone a liar for saying they didn't get an email. That said, it's an easy unverifiable excuse and there is a solid likelihood she is using the excuse to cover for a less acceptable reason, but you can't know without tracing email logs. If this happened to me, I would give them the benefit of the doubt unless it was part of a pattern.
OK, so I deal with email crap all too often, mostly from the other side of things, like stopping unwanted email. I will attempt to explain without getting too technical for everyone's benefit.
Getting or not getting a NDR (non delivery report aka a bounce) is meaningless. The way email works... you click send and it goes to your provider. The sending email server at your provider tries to resolve the email domain of the receiver to a host that is designated as a mail receiver for the domain. If everything is OK with the receiving DNS entries the server will get a host name back like mail.ralph.com. The sending server then tries to make a SMTP connection to that receiving email server... If it makes a connection it sends something like "I am a email server at sam.com and I have email for [email protected]". The receiving server has to answer that its OK to start sending that email.
If anything happens in that initial connection process by default email servers will que your email and will try at progressively longer intervals until an overall timer has expired try to resend it repeating the process again and again. So if it failed at first it might try again in 5 minutes, fail then try after another 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 2 hours and so on. Many will fail after 24-48 hours and send you the NDR with the reason for the failure.
There are other ways an NDR can be generated almost immediately, like sending an email for [email protected] and the receiving server saying, "nope, no [email protected] here, buz off".
In this day and age almost everyone has spam filters that step in the middle of the (2) email servers. Typically they will be setup to not announce themselves or respond with failures so they can "hide" details about the receiving domain. They will use a combination of hand generated white and black lists and generated and/or computed white/black rules. For example during the DNS lookup process a special DNS entry can be used to validate the senders email server to prevent someone from spoofing the sending email server, fail that and get silently dropped with the sender none the wiser.
Then there are the email clients that can do their own spam filtering. They can use your history of actions, receive lists from the server you use, and use settings you use, e.g. marking an email as spam. Most simply move that email to a spam folder bypassing the inbox. Some like GMail will not even show the spam folder by default.
Then there is how the email is presented, not all email clients thread messages like say GMail does. That makes find emails in a very busy email box "fun" if you dont stay on top of it all of the time.
That being said, is it possible she did not see your email absolutely. Your email address/domain might have got blacklisted and later removed from the blacklist, this happens all the time BTW. Some numb nut without AV gets infested and becomes a spam bot using the local ISP account, gets the ISP blacklisted, and the ISP sees it fairly quickly and gets the listing changed back. Email clients "lose" emails all of the time, ask any helpdesk how often they get calls like "I called them and they sent the email, but I never got it" only have a desktop tech search their email client to find it for them.
When it comes to email, IM, texting, my policy is simple based on many years in IT, _MOST_ of the time its reliable and works quickly and correctly, but it can fail at anytime. Weird things happen all the time, so I generally give people the benefit of the doubt when they say they didn't get it the message, or simply missed it in their mess. If that happens to me, I generally try to find an alternative communications method if its important to be able to reach them when I need them... YMMV.
You never know what really happened. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Just be careful about twelve emails.it can scare a girl off if not careful.
Posted By: simontheman[/useriname]I recently made a date with a provider I have seen before, and with whom I had a good working relationship. The date was to be later in the evening. We had exchanged a dozen or so emails, all in the same thread, over the course of 24 hrs before the date. On the day of the date I tried to contact her to confirm, using the same email thread. In other words I was replying to mail in my inbox, not starting a new mail. I tried to contact her all day, maybe a dozen emails. She never replied. O Then late in the evening when it was already too late, she sent me a new email with a new subject line, asking if we were still meeting. I explained that I had been emailing her all day, and now it was too late. I never got a failure to deliver notice.
She said she never got my emails.
Bottom line she is all apolgetic, and wants to continue to see me, likes me a lot ect.
The next day I basically told her I didn't believe that those emails never arrived, and that I thought she was a liar.
She is insisting that she is telling the truth.
Does anyone have any technical knowledge to say what the likelihood is that she is telling the truth?
She's a nice girl, I'd hate to think I thru her under the bus unfairly.
Sometimes when you hit reply again, it actually sends the mail to you lol. I've done that many times. Also, Yahoo always has delay issues. I have sent out mail an hour after someone contacted me, and they did not get it til 8 hours later at times
You've already gotten a good number of responses, technical and non-technical. I just want to toss in another practical consideration:
People who use gmail (which may or may not be this provider, just speculating) and don't keep their inbox clean are definitely at risk to 'lose' messages that come in on existing threads/conversations. This is especially apparent (or not-apparent?) in the mobile apps. If you had been sending emails under the same conversation, it easily could have been buried out of view in her inbox. Even repeated new messages in the same thread could leave the message buried far enough down in the inbox that it would be difficult to find.
In any event, a lot of providers have trouble with communication. They often get a metric shit-ton of messages, and can sometimes just plain be flaky about communicating.
If you have had good experiences with this provider and this incident is the exception rather than the rule, let it go, apologize for calling her a liar and let her make the whole thing up to you
I am writng this before reading other replies, so I can be impartial I have had emails that didn't arrive. I was annoyed with this Fav gal. I tried calling her & saw her that day. I no longer cousider electronic communications fool proof. Besides messages going to electronic Never-Never Land... she might have had any number of things happen where she could not check her email... like family or friends stopping by, accidents, emergencies. I think you over reacted if you truly called her a LIAR. Life happens in both directions. Next time it might be you that has to ask forgiveness. I hope you did not totally waste an opportunity (mine can be difficult to arrange)... why I have a few Favs to choose from. I think it is unfair to expect a provider to constantly exchange messages in the 24 hours before your date. This is not Match dot com.
If she is a good provider, I'd continue to see her but set more reasonable expectations for communications.
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