This is a post I have wanted to make for about a full year now, since I got sober in 2024 (all glory to God). How do we as sober/in recovery providers and clients in recovery navigate a hobby/industry that seems to be built on substances? I don't see clients that insist on using in my presence obviously. No disrespect, I obviously enjoyed myself for years in that regard.
But sobriety comes with challenges such as navigating my chosen career through the pitfalls often posed by it being aligned with substances.
Does anyone else have thoughts on this?
-- Modified on 1/1/2026 5:25:04 PM
I would hope that most, if not all mongers would respect that and not show up under the influence and hopefully not showing up with bottles of wine, weed etc.
It would seem quite easy to avoid the discussion all together given the purpose for the meeting. Best of luck on the road ahead of you!
In fact, overwhelmingly most of the escorts I've seen in the US, and outside, are not interested in consuming "substances" during a session. I suspect that is just one segment of the larger industry profile that seeks that. I think it is good that you are stepping away from any substance dependencies. I would suggest try listing on your ads that you will not support such activities. I would also suggest making it clear you're not really interested in see clients that show up intoxicated on anything and customers that are may be turned away. That is not really about judging them or their choices but a tactic for you to start shifting who you end up associating with away from that segment of the general population.
-- Modified on 1/2/2026 2:51:04 AM
Just make it ultra clear in your marketing. Coincidentally, a visting provider just posted her availability on the NY board and this — no drugs / drink — is front and center.
I would think these kinds of folks would be toxic to you anyway. So don’t be shy about weeding them out of the pool.
-Hoot.
Congratulations on the new path,
One thing is find a all women group which I'm sure you have already, there are some just for providers and other in the Adult entertainment world. I was invited to attend one called 'Strippers in Recovery' and while it was a great meeting, the ladies pretty much character assassinated any and all male counterparts. It opened my eyes for sure and we became friends with several of the females.
How long have you been sober? Watch for the 13th steppers, coming at ya,
As far as providing and being sober, its simple
No Durgs or Alcohol please ,, and make a small statement that if any is detected the appointment will be canceled, no deposit will be refunded, make it clear, simple and to the point.
Any further explanation can be done via email or through your agent. It should not be a issue in and manner or form.
Clean and Sober here for well over 20years and I will not actively engage in the hobby with anyone under the influence, you provide quality service and deserve quality customers.
Bag ho's are a dime a dozen and come in 2's' and 3's
Cork poppers are sloppy and lead to (at times) verbal misunderstandings conversations and unreal mood swings. In the words of 'Ol Nancy 'Just say No'
Read the frist 164 pages in the big book, everything you need to know is underlined in white, then read it a couple more times..
164 pages,
I am pretty sure that you have providers contacted you on this matter, you are not alone.
and yes, I agree with you that it is still a major problem, not just in our hobby world, but in society in general.
I have lost at least 6 good providers to this scourge - women I had been seeing for years in some cases, and it makes me very sad that I had to stop seeing them on account of their alcohol use.
At least one of them came back - thank you AA - but she was the exception.
I am grateful that I have a goodly number of gals that I see who are substance free.
Having people like you come on here and remind us of the issue is a good start. Perhaps, if you are willing, you could describe how you came back to sobriety. That might help someone reading to follow in your footsteps.
Has it been difficult to establish boundaries with you clients?
Thank you Queen 🩷 2025 was a good year for me, I learned a lot and maintained sobriety while doing it.
It's been mostly easy for me to get ahold of who is serious about respecting my sobriety! As someone else said above, and I believe as you have said to me before as well, if you don't engage with the disrespect of your time, it's not hard to have a good time and stay safe.
However I run across an issue where some may be unaware of my sobriety so they kindly offer a drink or a smoke, and someone mentioned that I need to clearly establish on my site and ads and in communication that I AM sober and that needs to be respected.
As yet someone else mentioned, if someone is interested in alcohol, there are plenty of providers willing to indulge, and that is awesome (for them). But for me, I found that establishing boundaries nips the issue right in the bud (pun not intended).
Thank you for your congratulations, Queen. It means so much coming from you.
Stay safe, everyone!
You do it one day at a time and very carefully.
You may want to choose a new profession if it starts to get in the way of your sobriety.
If the hobby/industry were built on "substances", then I would not be here in it.
I don't do that. I'm thankful that the sex industry is built on ... sex.
.
Yes there are intersections. But enough providers are willing to play while clean that I can have my fun.
First congratulations on your sobriety journey!!! I got sober from alcohol (my drug of choice) in 2022. Previous to this I drank with all of my clients. I was becoming a sloppy drunk and the drug I thought that would make me "more fun" as a provider was now doing the opposite. I also thought all providers were drinking/using other substances during appointments. Surprise!!! Many do not. I messaged all of my regulars and told them that I was no longer drinking alcohol and to please not bring any alcohol to appointments. I also posted this in all of my ads and had it on my website. I did lose a few clients that considered me a "drinking buddy" but in the end I know it was for the best. I think when you are actively using your drug of choice you surround yourself with like minded people and assume everyone in the world is also using. But sobriety brings clarity. Even where I live in alcohol soaked Wisconsin there actually are a lot of people that don't drink. I am now more present, happier, and more attentive to my clients as a sober provider which I think my clients appreciate. May 2026 bring you a healthy dose of sober prosperity!!!
I have this in my FAQ on my website - I say that I don’t drink or partake in other substances, that I’m happy to have a mocktail or sparkling water if they would like a drink themselves, and that I have no objection to cannabis but I request that they not be under the influence of any other substances.
I would post it in your advertising there is no drinking/drugs during appointments with you. I’ve never had a client push alcohol on me and thankfully I’ve never had anyone push drugs as I don’t do them. I generally do offer drinks to clients during sessions but honestly I’d say 70% decline so I’d say the majority probably prefer not to drink or consume any substances and the remaining 30%- a large majority of them don’t need to drink during a session. All 3 of the providers I do doubles with don’t even drink socially, so I don’t think it’s unusual at all to have a sober appointment. I’d say 85% of my appointments don’t include any alcohol and the ones that do are almost always dinner dates. Congrats on your sobriety!
Best phase of sobriety is when you have no more urge and you can actually be around others partaking with no issue.
You start to wonder wtf you were thinking to begin with.
Hi Katherine,
A year is fantastic, especially in this business!!! A lot of sex workers have issues with substances. I was once one of them. Then a hobbyist/ mentor encouraged me to get clean. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me!
I worked for an agency, so I didn't write my own ads. But if someone brought over drinks or drugs as a beginning gift, I'd politely/jokingly tell them that "I have an allergy to X. Whenever I take it, I break out in handcuffs." That would typically be the end of the conversation, and we could have a good time. BUT if he kept hassling me, then I'd call my Madam RIGHT THEN, and she'd find another girl for him. If you can't do that, then ask him to leave. No harm. No foul. Your sobriety is worth WAY more than an hour of your time... And it only takes ONCE to go down that path again.
Thank you for your brave post! I wish you the best!!!
I find that in this business, if a provider takes care of herself physically and mentally, then the sky is the limit! I wish you ultimate success in your personal and professional endeavors!
Love,
Katie (Kathleen)
J/k. Good for you and your health! Cheers