After a discussion about a female co worker who drive her older BF BMW, one commented, "she is no better than a common whore". With my ears in tuned to the debate, the premise was that any woman who sleeps with a man for money is just that. Without tipping my hand too my hobbyist activities, I put out the premise isn't an escort independent businesswoman who is just honest about her "relationship" with men. The response was BS among the women. They saw the status of a gold digger higher than an esort. My question is would you give up your "independent" status as an escort to "marry up" if the situation arose.
In my own fantasy land, I consider my status higher than a trophy wife. A mans wealth is not incentive to give away my independence. As a poly woman I have trouble imagining having only one intimate relationship in my life. A primary partner hand-fasted? Sure. Vows that legally include monogamy? No.
I've joked with my own mother that I have no plans to get married unless it were a pagan ceremony under the full moon, around a bonfire, costumes highly encourage... and with friends I've joked that he would need to be a jack of all trades (mechanic, carpenter, plumber, welder, electrician) AND have a magnificent health insurance plan...
In reality, I imagine 'll be the crazy lady who wears all purple and has 13 cats, living at the end of a cul de sac.
and shocking the youngsters with my stories. (Of course, I mean those "youngsters" of legal age lol!) Someone once joked about a hobbyist/provider nursing home... that could be a riot.
You can certainly have directions to my cul de sac... ; )
I'm not going to say never, but I highly doubt I would ever 'marry up' purely on the basis of money. I also don't see myself giving up my independent status any time soon. With that said, I would marry a wealthy man, but there would have to be a 'real' emotionally fulfilling connection there. The promise of a comfortable life is merely an added bonus.
my SO has the means to support me and would like to. He would prefer it if I lived with him, but I like my independance way too much to do so. I love my house, I own it it's paid for and don't really want to move. Besides $$$ ain't all its cracked up to be.
I grew up comfortable, never needed anything and gotta tell ya it was a rough childhood the money was not all that it takes to make one happy.
I need someone in my life who understands my need to be independant. I need my freedom. I don't want to be dependant on anyone else for financial stability.
A person who thrills me, makes me laugh, ya know that deep chuckle that hurts your belly cause its just so good. When he kisses me I get butterflies and chills by his touch. The way he looks at me, I just know he loves me...I see it in his eyes.
Marriage ummm no. been there done that. Committed yes. I don't need a piece of paper to say I love you or that you love me. I just know, and thats good enough. A commitment cerimony maybe at one point. We'll see.
Now a common whore? Theres no such thing. We all sell ourselves in one way or another to someone else to attain something we want. Men and woman alike. Attention, possesions, position, and so many other things.
Most woman I know who don't know what I do misunderstand this world totally and this profession as well. Its impossable to truely have an educated opinion on what is the reality of this business and who is in this business when you are absolutely clueless about it. They feel more comfortable thinking of "us" as less than them so "we" are not a threat to them. A man cheats on his wife with a Companion and his wife will scream "hes fucking a dirty whore"...that way we are less than her and just no threat in her eyes.
I don't care what anyone thinks of me who doesn't know me. Thats only a reflection of their own insecurities, and has no true bearing on me or who I am as a person.
Yes I could very simply hang up my stilletos and go live with my SO with no bills no financial worries and so on...the price on my freedom is just too high. I feel I would lose too much of myself by doing so. Not to mention I am just not ready to stop playing here.
I find it interesting how many people blindly accept the conventional stero-type of what is right & wrong and who is good & bad as it pertains to relationships and sexuality. It would be hard to explain to someone in the civie-world that in many ways the hobby experience provides many of the things that are sought after (but not found) in civie life. I actually feel bad for those on the outside looking in...they are missing out on so many levels. I enjoyed your post, thanks for sharing it.
and that is "we all sell ourselves in one way or another to someone else to attain something we want" well said.
I was taught by my Dad, to Never sell myself out.... That made for an incredibly difficult first 50 or so years of my life. Once I realized that - life bacame a bit more sane...
what I recognize is that in this profession the ladies only let you have them (and NOT all of themselves) for only an hour or two... Me? I've solde 8+ of my hours per day - under contract.... who is the bigger whore?
Most of the providers I've met are quality people... some are highly educated... and few would have the mind-set necessary to be a 'gold-digger' - heck to a lady they are all just too independant - the ones I know - that is.
It's nice that another Female here had the same views on this. Wouldn't it be a bad sign of character to marry for $?
Money can't bye real LOVE!
Quotes from My favorite book!
Page 125 "Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it.
"Guess what I got? Guess what I got?"
"You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting sort of a hug back. But it never works. You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.
"Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I'm sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feelings you are looking for, no matter how much of them you have."
Page 136 "Part of the problem, Mitch, is that everyone is in such a hurry, " Morrie said. "People haven't found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running." Once you start running it's hard to slow yourself down.
I have 'truly' LEARNED since having found myself in this wonderful hobby as a provider is to distinguish the difference between sex, money, and LOVE. I don't think many women (or men for that matter) ever really learn this lesson.
So in answer to your question, I am without a doubt a go-getter... I appreciate the finer things in life, such as the touch of a tender lover, the smile of a child, and the feel of the rain on my skin...
And on a secondary note, there is nothing wrong with a gold-digger as long as there is honesty between all parties. That is what I believe makes this hobby truly great... We all get to be intimate with each other, if only for a moment.. And that is worth more than any amount of money.
I've never understood why a woman who would marry a man for his wallet is thought of as having some prestige.
Also.. lots of jealous woman out there who wish men were giving them things.
I love to go out and have a good time. I love variety and independence. I have the income to buy the car I truly want to drive (if someone said they'd buy me another, anything I wanted.. I'd want the car I currently own) Same with my house. (although I'd sure like to fix this one up a little more quickly... but all in all .. I'm happy)
Marrying for money is slavery to me. and TRULY.. my Mama always told me... "honey if you marry for money, its the hardest work you will ever do" I Love to Play hard.. not work hard. (-:
Money can't buy happiness in my humble opinion. I could only marry a man I felt was my soul mate. If he was rich that would be great.. but I don't expect it would work out that way. ha ha But if I found my soulmate, rich or poor, I'd quit the biz and live happily ever after.
I am very much a "go getter" and made it in life without a partner. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a lady who finds a man who is willing to take care of her, as long as there is mutual respect and honesty regarding the situation. I used to have a different opinion of it, but now I've grown up.
I would never put anyone down for whatever relationship makes two people happy. I think people who do are generally hypocrits -- or just jeolous and insecure. Women tend to be catty at times, and that is why I don't attend Tupperware parties. Too much drama!
You also have to take into account age. For young women who have sugar daddies, it is a way to possibly go to college when they couldn't afford it, to travel, to live what they deem a better life. Perhaps they've witnessed how hard their parents' (or their single mothers') lives were like and don't want the same for themselves.
Now, when a woman gets older, she is in fear of security -- not the "Help! I'm getting older and need someone else because I'm lonely," although that is understandable too. I'm talking about what happens as we age and worry about our health, our children (if you have them), about our future, etc. I have seen many senior citizens out on the street or cannot even afford to bury their loved ones' or buy funeral plots. It's scary as hell! Then, don't even get me started on Medicare. I have watched several friends' parents and relatives who were dieing, and their partners had no alternative but to place them in resthomes. Believe me, most of those homes are horrific and no place for someone who is really sick. Now, you're probably wondering, "What does this have to do with the subject matter?" Well, it does! Money may not give a sick person better health, but it makes for a more fun life and some security. I'm only sharing this with everyone because I think people are way too judgmental when they are young or if their life is already going well or perfect.
I've worked in a "resthome" - and Ciara is correct, it is mostly a matter of the luck of the draw as to how well you are cared for there... remember, most of the staff that provides the direct contact is pretty close to minimum wage...
and I agree with Ciara in that there is a lot of "judgement" which is why SweetNicole's post also struck a note with me... ALL of us work to please someone else, even if you own your own company - you have customers... treat them with less than respect, and they are no longer your customers...
Recognition that we have to treat each other with respect, and that we also need to take on the responsibility for ourselves is being less recognized EVERY SINGLE day... the octomom demanding that the public finance her 'adventures' the folks who wound up taking mortgages they KNEW they could not afford, to the greedy bankers offering those loans, to the incredibly irresponsible members of Congress who demanded poor lending practices....
yea, financial security - you really do have to depend upon yourself... and as a part of that, you really need to respect others.
I look at my Mom and Dad, went through the depression, war, cold war, and all the ups and downs... they asked nothing from anyone, and helped everyone they could. I was grateful, that both were in good enough health until they died to be independant and not need assistance from anyone except their family.... and all they asked there - was love.
For what it is worth, Ciara's post is really good.... and well worth thinking about as the country goes through this economic downturn.
As to relationships... on that score - well, i've come late to the conclusion that there are some people, not built for the type of relationship we know as "Marriage" and i seem to be one of them.
To your point, there is a difference between someone who set high standards for their future mate and a gold digger. Most providers are go getters, they use what they got to get what they need or want. Its society that puts a "judgnment" on the method. I don't. My observation is that a woman or a man for that matter, who only select their mate for financial security, there is no mutual respect. He does not respect her because she indeed a "trophy" to show off like his new car. For her, if illness or a financial crisis hit and the "gold" is no longer there, will she stay? I doubt it.
My post was not to counteract what you initially started. It is just my opinion and one that needed to be shared. You were the one who asked us what we thought about your co-workers bashing women who they term as "golddiggers." I already stated that I was a go-getter. But I also am an objective person and can see other points of views, especially since I've been poor and also done well in my life.
Again, let me "reiterate" my post. People do tend to misunderstand someone else's writings (although I don't know how you misinterpreted mine). I did not mention anything about the difference between love and what's expected of a partner versus someone who is only with a person because of money. Also, someone who loves someone yet expects money could also be termed "a golddigger." Let's not kid ourselves.
However, if two people get together because the gentleman is lonely and really likes the lady, and the lady likes the gentleman and his offer, then so be it. It's not our place to judge them. You're also assuming that when I spoke of illnesses, you think that I meant the woman would leave a man if he were ill. On the contrary, I meant that some women feel compelled to be with a man because they're afraid of being alone or possibly not having enough money to take care of themselves. I'm not saying one thing is right or wrong. I believe I stated that no one should be judged for it.
You might want to remind your water cooler buddies/ladies that they should never ASSume anything about anyone unless they're in those person's shoes. Sounds like a bunch of cackling hormonal chickens on steroids.
so i would choose neither of the options given. i'm emotionally, spiritually and financially dependent on my Husband...and wouldn't ever have it any other way. i think that those women who are so gungho about being "independent" may be doing themselves a great disservice....but then maybe i'm just too old-fashioned.
nothing wrong with being a "businesswoman," whether in the corporate world or the escort world or anything in-between. but that shouldn't be one's central priority or focus in life.
I don't believe anyone said they were focused solely on this business as their life. Its an aspect of my life and can be a reflection of who I am in some ways. Yet its just a shadow of the whole me. Being of an independant mind set I could also say that you are not being all who you could be,living in the shadow of your husband...but that would be a very narrow minded point of view on my part, now wouldn't it. I am a free spirit, I have raised 3 great kids on my own for the most part, I have put one through College braces on all 3 and own a great house where I love to be with the kids. I have been independant my whole life, I could never live the life you do, its just not me. I can tell you though I am missing nothing in life by being a free spirit. What you value as important and true to you, I don't see that for myself. Now I know it suits you well, its exactly what you want and good for you...like that suits you...this suits me. My SO knows the woman I am, he fell in love with this woman, its what he wanted its what he likes about me. He appreciates my free spirit and the independance I bring along with it. Each to their own I say, and it takes all kinds. And like you, I wouldn't have it any other way. Freedom to be yourself independant or dependant or whatever...it's all good.
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