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Boundaries...

balljointnut 23 Reviews 2429 reads

posted 10 years ago

1 / 50

My fellow whoremongers and hookers(this should be interesting)

So I recently started seeing a new young lady who I will admit I was smitten by. Wow, exotic and sweet and a great kisser. We went to the Alice in Chains concert about a month ago OTC.

So realizing that I was developing feelings for her(bad, bad, bad) I choose to end the our time together. That is all on ME! I decided to explain myself to her and that is where it all went wrong.

Here are my questions....

As a whoremonger do you want the ladies you see to talk about the other men they fuck?
For me I am paying for a set amount of your time. That time should be all about me. I know
what you do but you don't need you to throw it in my face.

With my ATF I am always respectful of her time and sometimes our session run long(I tip appropriately) but even then she keeps me there showing me pictures of her puppy or talking about food(she is a big foody? spelling?) or just shooting the shit. Sometimes we end up throwing down again

Again, with my ATF. Never once in 2 years has her phone rang or vibrated during our time together. Let alone her texting somebody during my paid time. Is it unprofessional to text other johns when you are with a john?

OTC!!! The concert. Had a great time. Spent $130 on dinner, paid for concert, paid for swag, blah, blah, blah. Nobody forced her to go with me but she tried to hold that over my head when I called her on ending our later session early. Telling me how she wasn't compensated for her time that night. The truth is I actually offered to pay her for her time. I had a pile of cash in my pocket that could have been hers but she turned it down which I thought was very sweet of her. That is just disingenuous. At the least I would have been happy to compensate her for BCD time the night of the concert. She invited me in and then shortly thereafter let me know it was late and she was tired and I should go. That is fine but don't invite me in.

As you all know I have know problem being blunt and I explained it to her like I see it. Her reply started with and I quote "You were starting to become one of my faves. So nice, clean, kind, respectful, honest, upfront." Then it all fell into the shitter because I was "honest" and "upfront" with her.

I eagerly await the input

Tippecanoe 630 reads

posted 10 years ago

2 / 50

Explains why you're paying for sex

And not dating in the real world.

Seriously? Some sort of self sabotage on your part, maybe you don't believe you deserve nice things - or aspergers.

micktoz 43 Reviews 655 reads

posted 10 years ago

3 / 50

Blurred boundaries are really difficult with providers.

I think they can get confused too. And they can be confusing, really confusing.
I have been in a kind of similar situation. Thinking that something normal will happen is a mistake, not impossible but not likely .

Good luck. Probably time to move on.

IslaFlores See my TER Reviews 426 reads

posted 10 years ago

4 / 50

I get it....

It's just human nature....i have a deep connection with many of my regulars but the no no in my opinion was going on a civilian outing...changes the whole dynamic im sure....ive never heard good things about it and im trying to avoid crossing the boundaries with my regulars becauase what we have is good....its hard i know! Sorry that happened...

Related Link: http://gypsyofchicago.com

balljointnut 23 Reviews 536 reads

posted 10 years ago

5 / 50

Re: Blurred boundaries are really difficult with providers.

Thanks for the input but you failed to answer any of the questions?

BigPapasan 3 Reviews 616 reads

posted 10 years ago

6 / 50

Your post is confusing. You don't say when in the timeline...

...you told her that you were going to stop seeing her.

You jump to providers talking about other guys they fuck. What does that have to do with your situation? If you want answers to your questions, you shouldn't have to make us guess what you're saying.

Did your ATF tell you that she wasn't compensated for her time AFTER you told her you were breaking it off?
Did your ATF invite you in and then kick you out AFTER you told her you were dumping her?

balljointnut 23 Reviews 626 reads

posted 10 years ago

7 / 50

Re: Explains why you're paying for sex

Says somebody else who is paying for sex. And Tyler too?

Allstar 9 Reviews 511 reads

posted 10 years ago

8 / 50

Here my 2 cents

I admit, I'm guilty of sulking and talking about a heart break once or twice after I got dumped by a civvy I really liked, and Im sure the provider I was with secretly wanted to gouge her eyes out, but she talked to me about it like a friend. Case in point, If I am paying for a woman's time, a direct cash transaction for that time with her, its all about me. How hard is that to keep up for 1 hour? However, your comment 'throw the other men in your face' sounds like you are a little too emotionally attached to this girl. If you are with a chick who after 40 minutes shows signs like she's ready to pack it up, either she is just mechanical and all business, or the two of you didn't connect. You don't know until you meet them if the two of you are a good fit for each other, so thats always a risk, but again, to me, if you are sitting around talking about food, her pets and so on you are allowing yourself to get too emotionally attached to some of these girls. When I am with a civvy chick and the honeymoon is over and we start talking about her mom, and her sisters all the time, or her work and all the problems she's got going on in her life, I want to be single again! This is why I pay escorts! To be in the honeymoon all the time. Maybe you are lonely and need to be with somebody and you are looking for love in all the wrong places? But if that kind of thing happens to me with a civvy, or a provider, Im O-U-T. Keep things with providers fun, polite always and cordial, but emotionally keep your distance man.

If this girl is so comfortable around you that she feels she can use the phone in front of you, you are spending too much time with her. The concert OTC is a real grey area IMO. IF the two of you talked about what was expected and what is not prior to going, and it was crystal clear, even if the conversation turns her off and you run the risk she doesn't go, there would not have been an issue. Both of you assumed things and that miscommunication/misunderstanding came to light in the end. This girl came into your life as a provider, not a civvy. IMO, that means everything you do together has to be clearly defined and a monetary responsibility must be discussed, or ruled out for said activities and or time. OTC or not.

You can't ever play it safe with women. You need to communicate your feelings when shit comes to mind. If you take the safe way out and keep quiet, that shit you're holding back builds up and you end up blowing up later. Fear will turn into frustration, then frustration will turn into anger.

Don't hate...communicate!

Zzbottom2 375 reads

posted 10 years ago

9 / 50

Drama

Posted By: balljointnut

So I recently started seeing a new young lady who I will admit I was smitten by. Wow, exotic and sweet and a great kisser. We went to the Alice in Chains concert about a month ago OTC.

So realizing that I was developing feelings for her(bad, bad, bad) I choose to end the our time together. That is all on ME! I decided to explain myself to her and that is where it all went wrong.

Here are my questions....

As a whoremonger do you want the ladies you see to talk about the other men they fuck?
For me I am paying for a set amount of your time. That time should be all about me. I know
what you do but you don't need you to throw it in my face.

With my ATF I am always respectful of her time and sometimes our session run long(I tip appropriately) but even then she keeps me there showing me pictures of her puppy or talking about food(she is a big foody? spelling?) or just shooting the shit. Sometimes we end up throwing down again

Too me that is true GFE. What say you? When we are 40min. into a session(new girl) and it is clear she is done with me that is just not cool. Of course I respect her boundaries but don't sell something your not going to deliver.

Again, with my ATF. Never once in 2 years has her phone rang or vibrated during our time together. Let alone her texting somebody during my paid time. Is it unprofessional to text other johns when you are with a john?

OTC!!! The concert. Had a great time. Spent $130 on dinner, paid for concert, paid for swag, blah, blah, blah. Nobody forced her to go with me but she tried to hold that over my head when I called her on ending our later session early. Telling me how she wasn't compensated for her time that night. The truth is I actually offered to pay her for her time. I had a pile of cash in my pocket that could have been hers but she turned it down which I thought was very sweet of her. That is just disingenuous. At the least I would have been happy to compensate her for BCD time the night of the concert. She invited me in and then shortly thereafter let me know it was late and she was tired and I should go. That is fine but don't invite me in.

As you all know I have know problem being blunt and I explained it to her like I see it. Her reply started with and I quote "You were starting to become one of my faves. So nice, clean, kind, respectful, honest, upfront." Then it all fell into the shitter because I was "honest" and "upfront" with her.

I eagerly await the input.

Input: no, don't want to hear about other guys/clients/"friends". Disrespectful and rude.

No, good providers kill their phone or silence it. I always make an announcement when I'm getting undressed, I say something like I'm going to turn my phone off so no one can disturb us and it doesn't annoy you. Most are smart enough to understand and say oh yeah good idea. . It kills my will when I hear beeps every minute from texts. Just rude.

Most chicks are ready to boot you if you finish 40 mins into an hour. Most are nice about it but some would rather be alone than force interaction. I laugh out loud when I hear guys say they sat there the extra 20 minutes chatting to get their time in...I pay these girls to leave after, not stay.

If you guys had a connection and went over on time enjoying each other's company, she showed you her puppy, etc that's cute and all...if you want to have a genuine interest and care to pretend to care about this stuff, get a civvie girl.

OTC..she wanted a concert? You're nice enough and bought tix. You wanted a hot girl on your arm? Maybe she was tired after and wanted to cut the sex short. Her excuse was she wasn't paid earlier. Sounds like she was just responding because she knew you wanted more time and were unhappy about it. Sounds like your feelers got hurt. She's not your girl, she'd had it for the day, time to scoot. Solution, civie girl, they like concerts too. too much thinking and drama in this situation on your part.

I keep p4p simple. You pay to get with a beauty who otherwise probably wouldn't hang with you. You have sex, thank them and leave. Getting feelings is not smart, there's a never ending line of guys who will be dropping their donations on the dresser and leaving whether you think you're special to her or not. She'll have the puppy picture showing connection with several of them. 🐶🐶 you may think it was a really special, unique situation with her but you are one of thousands to her.

She's a trick, you're a john. Act accordingly. You want conversation, debates and drama get a non paid girl. They thrive on that Shiite, which is why most of us have gravitated to this.

VelvetVacation See my TER Reviews 479 reads

posted 10 years ago

10 / 50

Boundaries...

The story is a little confusing.

The fact is, Escorts get used to being Paid for their Time.

Feelings are cute
and
the Money will win

mrfisher 115 Reviews 498 reads

posted 10 years ago

11 / 50

Her reaction makes me think she got head over heels for you as well...

Only you had the good wisdom to know when to cut and run, and she did not.

A typical provider, even if pissed off that she is losing a good customer, would cowboy up and say that she is sorry to hear this but understands, blah, blah, blah. Being honest is not a defense against backlash, in fact it is quite the opposite. Honesty is often highly overrated.

They know that it is an occupational hazard.

This gal had fallen for you. Love is messy. You both have some cleaning up to do.

Just do yourself a big, big, favor and do not backslide.

As for the future, be a one and done kind of guy. My guess is that you don't have the greatest control over your heart.

And for what it's worth, no, I don't like to hear about other guys a provider sees. Not just because I don't care and it's none of my business, but because I would worry that she is discussing me with other guys as well.

And no, she should not be texting anyone when she is with you.

sasha2cute See my TER Reviews 483 reads

posted 10 years ago

12 / 50

She should have charged u for going to the concert.

Eom.

Posted By: balljointnut

Fancy8888 See my TER Reviews 300 reads

posted 10 years ago

13 / 50

Unprofessional durning paid session.

Posted By: balljointnut

Sexy Toni See my TER Reviews 272 reads

posted 10 years ago

14 / 50

+1 MrFisher

END OF MESSAGE

Sexy Toni See my TER Reviews 357 reads

posted 10 years ago

15 / 50

It happens...

END OF MESSAGE

TurbayVeronica See my TER Reviews 366 reads

posted 10 years ago

16 / 50

love is

messy like Mr Fished said, and very complicated...
As soon as any of the parties start catching feelings is better to move on.

GaGambler 557 reads

posted 10 years ago

17 / 50

In all fairness, you only asked one direct question

and that was an easy one about women talking about other guys they fuck while with you.

NO, I do not appreciate ANY woman talking about other guys in her life while she is with me, much less I woman I am paying to make it all about me.

As for the rest of your story, I am with BPS here and a bit confused, both about what you meant by "ending your time together" and just what you are asking of the class. By "end your time together" do you mean permanently, as in you are developing feelings and need to dump her, or "end your time" for the date?

Lastly, total and brutal honestly is a bit overrated IMHO. It's the reason we see hookers in the first place, you "break up" with a GF, there is no need to "break up" with a hooker, you just stop calling.

-- Modified on 10/18/2016 8:36:41 AM

TurbayVeronica See my TER Reviews 415 reads

posted 10 years ago

18 / 50

Re: Leave your feelings in the car....

eed!!!
very well said,

Posted By: SweetMelissa

There is a fine line between really enjoying someone.. As it should be and Feelings..

Take those things. Feelings and check them at the door.. PLEASE!

It is not that we don't care. We do.. but..........
We can't afford for many reasons to involve our feelings into every guy we sort of kind of like and want to like even more and I promise you don't want us to.. That is why you see us..

Tippecanoe 389 reads

posted 10 years ago

19 / 50

Re: Explains why you're paying for sex

I'm paying them to leave, you're paying them to stay.

And Tyler, too.

LasVegan 383 reads

posted 10 years ago

20 / 50

We all have our own "unique" opinion on

hobbying. Here is mine;

1) as a hobbyist, I am always in complete control of a session. And that is because it is a business transaction and as a client I can always choose to take my business elsewhere.

2) for this reason, I ALWAYS uphold my end of our "contract" (time/money). Should a provider be truly prepared for our session, and has honestly articulated what I can expect, if for some reason the session does not meet my expectations, I will of course, uphold my end of our agreement (would be dishonest and ungenltlemanly to do otherwise) and simply not repeat.

3) in those "best case" scenarios where a session results in that rare, mutual chemistry/amazing rapport and turns into a true GFE session, then while I still see our session as a business transaction, I make sure never to take advantage of the provider. Just like any other service we pay for, I make sure the provider is fairly compensated for the outstanding service she rendered.

Good, bad, or indifferent, while the goal is to get as close to a true GFE session as possible, I try to always remain conscious of the line that neither of us should cross. Yes, in this business, we are dealing with emotions and sometimes those can run away from us, but IMHO if we remain conscious of boundaries and communicate openly, we CAN have our cake and eat it too!

MatureGFE See my TER Reviews 564 reads

posted 10 years ago

21 / 50

So you reward her for having an OTC date with you...

and for being a great gfe by ditching her. By my standards her reply back to you was mild. It's your right not to see her anymore. That being said IMO it was a dick move.

Enjoy your time with the new gals who let you know in no uncertain terms when your date with them is OVER!

:-/

micktoz 43 Reviews 418 reads

posted 10 years ago

22 / 50

Re: Blurred boundaries are really difficult with providers.

I have one lady that she and I discuss in a fantasy way about other clients. But that is part of our continuing hooker /client relationship.

Generally, I don't want to hear the whining or how big or small his cock is. Or how boring or exciting the guy before me was

mrfisher 115 Reviews 349 reads

posted 10 years ago

23 / 50

I know what you saying Stephanie....

But he's is really doing her a favor.

That relationship would have led to a train wreck eventually.

Neither one has the makings for a relationship, which that was clearly headed for

2Pop3Pop 379 reads

posted 10 years ago

24 / 50

Moods...

Lots of people are moody. Nobody owes anybody anything. Friends can handle friends moods. You take more crap from someone you want to be with. That's true of everyone

MatureGFE See my TER Reviews 413 reads

posted 10 years ago

25 / 50

I have to disagree with you here.

Her response showed disappointment which is a natural response. She went above and beyond and accepted a OTC date to a concert. He repays her by dumping her as a paying client. To me it all went in the shitter when she accepted an OTC date with him.

He's on here talking about how much the dinner and swag costs, blah blah blah... It also sounds like he expected her to behave like she was one the clock when she wasn't. He's talking about having a huge wad of cash on him (glad he didn't get pick pocketed by someone at the concert) like she's supposed to decide to turn an OTC date into a BCD fuck date all by herself??? If he wanted to change the nature of this date after the concert it was up to him to say so, not whine about her being tired and only inviting him in for a short while afterwards.

I'm in no way picking up that she was "head over heels: over him at all. I'm also thinking you may be having a knee jerk reaction because of something that happened to you a while back? As he said she's young, and if I'm correct, in who it is, it isn't hard to figure out who he is writing about. She'll e fine and because of him, I doubt she will ever do a OTC date again with a guy she met in the biz.

Just saying...

Steph xoxo

-- Modified on 10/18/2016 9:06:41 AM

-- Modified on 10/18/2016 9:07:32 AM

MatureGFE See my TER Reviews 473 reads

posted 10 years ago

26 / 50

I really doubt she want a IRL relationship with him...

She had an opportunity to see Alice In Chains on a OTC date with a client she felt comfortable with (her words). He expected her to act like she was on a paid social date with him when she wasn't. I wish I could find a post GaG made about what a guy's expectations should be when on a OTC date with a lady he sees professionally.

I also think you are doing some projecting here my dear friend! I'm not seeing anything in what the OP wrote to suggest that she was "had over heels" with him at all.

Steph xoxo

mrfisher 115 Reviews 356 reads

posted 10 years ago

27 / 50

You may be right....

After all, we are all speculating on a modicum of info, and from only one source.

But still, it does not pay to vent disappointment on a client.

In my business, I am taken advantage of all the time by customers who woo me into providing free engineering services only to see the job eventually go to a competitor who undercuts me.

Yet, as awful as I feel, I'll do it again as sometimes I will strike gold. It's all in the averages

mrfisher 115 Reviews 423 reads

posted 10 years ago

28 / 50

You're right....

I have an unrealistic view on account of the fact that every gal gets head over heels for me.

8o)

MatureGFE See my TER Reviews 396 reads

posted 10 years ago

29 / 50

The OP is fools gold! eom

END OF MESSAGE

MatureGFE See my TER Reviews 442 reads

posted 10 years ago

30 / 50

You know you are one of my favorite people on the planet!

See you soon!

Steph xoxo

-- Modified on 10/18/2016 12:17:44 PM

JakeFromStateFarm 335 reads

posted 10 years ago

31 / 50

Will you two puh-lease get a room!?

Oh, that's right, you already did.

Nnoway 13 Reviews 339 reads

posted 10 years ago

32 / 50

I actually get off on them talking about their other clients...

...but I spoke to my ATF and she says that I'm very much in the minority in this. Majority of her clients seem to want to play exclusivity and even family, and that is considering that majority of her clients are married. But hey... I know for a fact that for many of them having her around is that what keeps their marriages together.

As for you being "brutally honest" guy, let me be brutally honest with you on that too. Inability to keep your mouth from mouthing off pointless damaging truths is not called being brutally honest but rather immature and lucking in self control. Being "brutally honest" in my book is telling it like it is when you know it would be hurtful for your listener and maybe even go against your interests but helpful to her in the same time. No blood no glory - ever.

Just saying you know, being brutally honest about it.

ToniLove See my TER Reviews 294 reads

posted 10 years ago

33 / 50

Re: Will you two puh-lease get a room!?

Yeah, you and I could fuck in the next room MFer

JakeFromStateFarm 403 reads

posted 10 years ago

34 / 50

Pretty sure he'd want us to

fuck on the floor in the same room. He's such a freak he'd probably spray us with whipped cream.

gaylemeyers See my TER Reviews 300 reads

posted 10 years ago

35 / 50

Re: Here my 2 cents

Exactly - define the evening before hand, especially if you are going into a "grey zone", like a concert date. She refused the money for her extra time. That seems to clue her intentions of treating the rest of the evening as her own time and not yours. If you really like her, I don't think one misunderstanding should be the end of the world. If you are simply too unsure about the relationship becoming unprofessional, just tell her and move on.

ToniLove See my TER Reviews 320 reads

posted 10 years ago

36 / 50

Hahaha!!!!!

Lmao!! Gotta love him! Of course I love fish and Steph. Hell if there is pussy and cock involved, I love all of y'all!
Woohoo!!!
XOXO,
T

mona38 See my TER Reviews 464 reads

posted 10 years ago

37 / 50

Re: I have a few clients that get off from knowing I've been with several men...

Within a certain time period. I don't offer this information and no names are ever discussed. An example would be: how many have I fucked today/yesterday/this week? Did he/they have a big cock? Did he/they make you cum? You know you wanted my cock inside you while sucking his!! Remind you I don't bring the subject up, but if asked, I'll happily answer

Kikiloverkink See my TER Reviews 419 reads

posted 10 years ago

38 / 50

Provider hobbyists relationship

If she liked you enough to go out to a concert with you without her time being compensated.. just as friends.. I don't see a problem. But she should make it clear that it's just friendship and if you want more then the business deal is back on the table. Maybe she was just bored and didn't see an issue from going to a concert with you. Or she was falling for you too.. who knows.

As for talking about other clients during your session Its not really professional, even though I have clients who literally ask me about how many men do I meet , it's a total turn off and I think it's none of your business. I usually try to ignore stupid question like that.. but a lot of client are intrigued by the idea. It's awkward.

deadeye65 8 Reviews 342 reads

posted 10 years ago

39 / 50

It does happen

As someone who is in the midst of a blurred lines situation I can understand. It can be difficult navigating through something like this. There is no playbook or rule book. You just have to figure it out as tough as that may be.

balljointnut 23 Reviews 294 reads

posted 10 years ago

40 / 50

Fair enough assesment...

Ending time as in not seeing her again. Ever. I don't like that things ended the way they did but so be it. I did what was right for me. "Break up" is the equivalent of a metaphor in this situation. I am a little disappointed, you are certainly smart enough to get that. Truth, I don't really give 2 shits what the class thinks! I was just venting.

balljointnut 23 Reviews 338 reads

posted 10 years ago

41 / 50

Your compehension skills are lacking....

The hooker I dumped is not the same as my ATF. Try actually reading what I typed.

balljointnut 23 Reviews 405 reads

posted 10 years ago

42 / 50

Which is exactly what I did...move on that is

then she went BSC on me. I was very clear BCD time would be at her regular rate. If that wasn't going to happen she should have been clear and upfront with me. I would have been totally cool with that.

balljointnut 23 Reviews 492 reads

posted 10 years ago

43 / 50

You are so wrong

I will not air the 12 texts she sent me after this happened. I do feel very much like I hurt her feelings. That was NEVER my intention. I have no idea about her feelings towards me so I will not speculate on that.

mrfisher 115 Reviews 336 reads

posted 10 years ago

44 / 50

The pillow mints are complimentary...

But there's a surcharge for the whipped cream

earthshined 283 reads

posted 10 years ago

45 / 50

It is NEVER a good idea

to have the "tell her how you feel" or "talk about the state of our relationship" or " explain why I can't see her anymore" discussion with an escort. Never. Don't ever do it again unless you WANT to create drama. Why would you want to do that? That would be a WEAK move on your part and it would turn her off in a big way.

All you should be concentrating on is hanging out (paid NOT free, of course) and having fun in or out of the bedroom.

That's it.

-- Modified on 10/19/2016 8:08:26 AM

earthshined 351 reads

posted 10 years ago

46 / 50

Re: In all fairness, you only asked one direct question yes and the rest of"questions"

had obvious answers.

you just told him how it is but something tells me he won't heed your advice.

JakeFromStateFarm 308 reads

posted 10 years ago

47 / 50

Just a wafer-thin mint?

I recall waking up with one stuck to me.