One of the stereotypes that you still often read and hear about providers is that that at the moment they chose to become providers, they were under financial stress. That even though they worked before at other jobs, and often high-paying jobs, things weren't working out financially for them at the time they decided to take the plunge.

Ladies, speak up now about what BS this is!

I actually did not start for financial reasons, I started for emotional ones.
After a breakup I was feeling unnattractive and unwanted and when I became a provider it really helped me with my self esteem sexually.


-- Modified on 4/23/2004 5:53:03 AM

and I usually respond with, "Do you do YOUR job for the money, or would you work for free?"

I love what I do and love the money too!!!!!!
And I was not having any type of financial problems when I got into this business

It's inherently wrong because it claims to apply to all, or nearly all, providers.  On the other hand I'm sure it's true of a substantial number.  The ones who are forcing themselves and really hate it probably don't last very long.  Some probably even find it a satisfying lifestyle only after the fact.

...I guess you could do it without pay and just neglect yourself and starve.  Do you know too many people like this?  Some dancers, actors, writers and musicians get close to this, I know.

There are also some people who love sex enough that they could actually do this.  We call it sex addiction-- a bad relationship to your own sexuality. For a woman, doing this is just suicidal, at least after adolescence.      

I have known at least one woman who should have gone into prostitution, but didn't. I guess because she was either too proud or it was contrary to her religious upbringing.  She had her first pleasurable experience of sex when she was 28, was not psychologically prepared for it, and then she never wanted to stop. I mean she would go to conventions, wander the halls in a nightgown (not sexy lingerie mind you), a ravenous look in her eye, and would go up to any guy who attracted her, never talking, starting things off with a deep french kiss.  They'd disappear, usually, and an hour or two later, she'd be on the hunt again.

Giving sex away for free to everyone made a shambles of her life. It destroyed two marriages in short order, and was impoverishing her.  Most of the guys not only weren't thankful for the generousity, but they did not respect her in the least.  She had no friends, and in the end she didn't respect herself.  Then she dropped off the map. I don't know what happened to her.

Not every independent provider is in this mold, however.  Many are more motivated by greed than lust, but those tend to get worse reviews.  I don't think you can be at the top of the profession and not have a high capacity to enjoy sex.

/Zin

   

Well said, Sedona

I would tend to think that the men who believe all providers must hate escorting and hate their clients and are only driven by greed are

a) seeing the wrong providers
b) eaten up by hating the fact they pay to see providers

Some women may be working as providers because they have few other options but that's not the case for everybody.  Likewise, not everybody will have started in the profession out of desperation and it's ludicruos to assume everybody was in the same boat when they first started.

But I stayed in it 'cause I am an all American cocksucker and proud to do my patriotic duty in wartimes!

There are still some front line soldiers arround from the Sexual Revolution.  It's a Grand Tradition!!!!!

You are sounding almost Republican

but also let Willy wet his whistle more than once in a while.

Tally-Ho!

How about..

c) They (the men) hate their own jobs and don't think too highly of their own clients, and they project their professional feelings on others.  i.e. If I hate my job, everyone else must hate their job too.

Providers' jobs must look particularly attractive (easy and fun) from an outsider's point of view, and jealousy of the lifestyle could develop a "sour grapes" attitude.  Some people get pretty bitter when they think of all the fun someone else is having, which will forever be denied to themselves.

so she can indulge her self-destructive behavior is absurd.  It's equally absurd to suggest that providers are usually motivated by greed or lust.  Let's see, how many other stereotypes can you perpetrate?

I've known three providers who got their Ph.D. while working as service providers.  Two of them continued providing after they graduated and decided to make a career of it (retiring in their 40's with a pile of cash).

I've known others who used it as a way to get a college degree they couldn't otherwise afford. These women were smart, practical and totally in control of their lives.  Sure, they may be in the minority, but you'd be surprised at the different motivations that bring women to this work.

For every desperate woman with no options, there are others who choose this work freely.  Some do it because they enjoy it.  Others realize that they've got a short period of time to make the sort of money they can never make elsewhere- even with a Ph.D.  

My point is, you and millions of others need to rethink your stereotypes about this profession.  Just because it's convenient (and predictable) to think this is a job of last resort, doesn't make it true.



-- Modified on 4/23/2004 9:44:27 AM

There are always going to be many reasons why people enter this profession, just as there are many reasons why people gravitate toward other jobs. As for me, I'm not going to lie.  I first got into it because I was intrigued by it (albeit a little scared too), but I needed the money. I asked the agency I was about to work for (and believe me, I contacted several agencies) questions about the business beforehand so I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I'm sure they thought I was nuts, because the first time I was sent out I told the manager to take down the guy's license plate number in case anything happened to me. I was totally paranoid but also very excited about the meeting. Now, I find it's a convenient lifestyle that allows me to still do work on the side as a writer/artist and also enjoy meeting several nice people. I probably would not have stayed this long if I were still working for an agency and waiting for them to set up the dates. Yes, the money is good but I also like my freedom and sex.

Hugs,
Ciara

because talking about sterotypes is always an emotionally charged subject, it's easy to engage in emotional logic. sterotypes, as with prejudices, are generally based on truth. the problem with both, however, is not the element of truth, but the overreaching claim of truthfulness.

accepting money for sex is one of the necessary conditions for becoming or engaging a provider.  there could be other reasons, but if the exchange of money is not present, it isn't "providing", "hobbying", "prostitution", or whatever else one might call the activity.

as a necessary condition, money governs the behavior. However, it is not the only condition affecting the outcome.  Paying or receiving more or less money, doesn't determine the experience.  in this regard, personality & character usually are more important.

i've paid the money & had lousy experiences; i've paid and gone to heaven; but i've always paid. if i didn't pay, it might be sex & might be fun; but it certainly wouldn't be "hobbying".

Um, actually I am here to tell you you have qualified for the Olympics and are actually ranked about 7th in the world rankings.

I just checked ESPN!

however I was married for 8 years and for 7 of those I had sex with my partner at least 2 to 3 x's a day so when I decided to leave him I went cold turkey. This being so it lead me to the internet and I learned about swing clubs and would visit often. I have always had a very healthy appetite for sex, I love porn and enjoy it daily. I am single and do not date outside this biz.
How I came into this biz is not important how I decided to start my biz is ..............

If you have something others want and you enjoy......... such as the physical need for sex , I have two options

a.- give it away
b.- provide it as a service

a.- is a whore, slut, etc
b.- is a business woman, provider, escort, etc.

kisses & licks............
mara of san diego

I'd needed to eat dinner by myelf (on my date's dime) instead of going through the motions of dating a bunch of guys that wanted to take me to taco bell and then "score"

I love dating through the escort advertisements because I can be really choosy, and I end up really wanting to spend the time with my date, rather than just wanting to hurry through the dinner and race home.

Elise  [email protected]

you aren't the only one who likes your sex, Ciara.

WINK!

Or is it the sugar plum faeries that are making me think of "The Nutcracker".

I am going to have to find a bakery that will make a gingerbread phallus, just to watch you eat it.

The original post wasn't about accepting money or not.  It was about whether providers became providers due to a lack of other options for making a living.

That said, I mostly agree with your statements, although the degree of truth in sterotypes varies widely.

The providers you cited might have had obvious mental problems as well if they had, instead, handled a discovery of their sexuality as badly as she did.  What I'm saying is, she wouldn't have had  the mental problems, and would have gained more self-esteem, and probably would have ended up as accomplished as the women you cited, albeit with a later career, if she could have only overcome the stigma of demanding payment.

It would have also probably brought her compulsion under control too, since she would had more enjoyable encounters from men who valued it enough to pay.  Furthermore, she would have been strengthened by the fact that she was providing a service, not just scratching her own itch.  And, not to be understated, she would have been wealthier.  

I'm already aware of and agree with everything you said regarding how healthy and successful first-rate providers are.  I love them.  I've never met one I didn't almost love immediately.  Perhaps some day I'll have a bad session, but if I have a stereotype at all, it totally matches the image that you've lectured me about.  Has it offended you that I would have made this comparison/contrast, then?

The question presented was whether providers are in it only for the money.  My short answer was no.  Many KDG women never go into it.  Many other women are in it for the money, and shouldn't be. You can find many examples of these women.  I chose to give an example of a woman who, in hindsight, should have been and wasn't.  I removed the money from the image to show what was left.  Good providers have broad reserves of sexual desire that they can draw on for most any client.  See some of the threads, for example, the one on spontaneous sex, if you doubt that.  Just because the providers you point to successfully came to terms with it, doesn't mean that at the center, they don't have quite a libido that they've tamed, which they let loose at will to make them money.  Unlike the sad example I gave.

The question comes up: BTW, where was I in that picture watching her do that?  I was one who turned her down when she french kissed me for the pickup.  We had been friends before that.  She wouldn't have anything to do with me afterward.

Also, the words "motivated by greed more than lust," lust is not a bad thing to me.  Greed, however, is a real turn off for lust.  

/Zin  

-- Modified on 4/24/2004 2:45:26 AM