When he gets mad at her during a fight, he throws the job in her face.

she throws a "fit" that only money can soothe!

or is this just a general statement of your personal opinion?

Yes  What ....

We really are Pigs, aren't we?

Just too damned bad we own everything and control all the earnable money!   Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

Seriously, I've seen that go both ways.  Insecure men can do that ... but so can providers unintentionall toss the job in HIS face every day.... that's why I don't HAVE relationships with men!   I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

-- Modified on 7/22/2003 2:20:25 PM

I carried on a relationship for 3 years while I was in the business. Very few people knew and those who did never mentioned it. When we split it had nothing to do with this hobby, but everything to do with the fact that we were moving in different directions at different speeds.

Now in my retirememnt and starting brand new with someone else I can say that Never in either relationship have the men I have loved Ever thrown my business back up in my face. For one I think they are more sensitive than that and two I would never put up with that kind of adolecent crap.

I honestly think this is because I look for a certain emotional maturity level in the men I choose to get seriious with. Everyone knows that fights happen and can escalate if emotions get really heated. I have never understood using emotional blackmail as a weapon. You think it, you soooo want to verbalize it...but for me and I guess with the men in my life, we have learned to control that govener on our emotions that controls our mouths. Spiteful words in the heat of a passionate argument can never be taken back. I mean how stupid is that?

If you find that you can separate the emotional from the physical from the business...then relationships within this industry can work. But only and I mean only, if you have the emotional where with all to be able to have an argument fairly and not resort to low level guerrilla tactics like mentioning the business.

I think so many people look at relationshiops as disposable entities that it really doesn't matter if you hurt one anothers feelings, hell you can just get another partner. I think society has bred a few generations of people that have no concept of relationships or how they are supposed to work.


I honestly don't belive that women in this business don't date because they are afraid of having the biz thrown at them during a heated moment. For some I believe they like the independance and financial gain this industry brings them. Hell I spent more time with my daughter the last 3 years than I did the previous 11 years when I worked 2 jobs. For some women they make twice, maybe 3 times what their SO's make...and that can be a real shot in the ego. You have jealousy, want, greed and some many other "sins" to contend with and sometimes being single is just so much easier.

I wouldn't throw a providers unwillingness to have a relationship all at the guys feet....we share in a good part of the bullshit too. It just a matter of finding someone who can remember that when you fell in love, it was with a certain woman who happens or happened to be a provider. And all the experiences she had...good, bad or indifferent make up that woman. So it's not a matter of how a fight is going to co0me out...but how emotionally mature the two sides of the coin are at this point in their lives.....

i don't know how any guy could be dating a chick that is still in the biz...

too much risk, could lose ya girl to LE, could catch a STD, don't know where that monkeys been...

i think its better for a provider to stay focused on the money first...dating later... it dont stand a chance in reality

No text

but, my guy does get jealous because I am not home all the time.

Shaye

For example Physicians have about a 50% divorce rate in the first 10 years.They are young, busy, typically under socialized because they have either been studying or their lives or sleeping.  Great in a physical crisis (patient dying) but poor in emotional crisis ( fight with wife).  It takes a lot of emotional maturity as celtic lass would save to survive that and I am sure the same things goes for people who travel extensively for a living or are in the military and posted without their families.

I don't see much difference between those types of relationships and a provider/client relationship.  I would say love is not enough, it takes a level of caring and commmittment to the other partner that is difficult these days.

You could get arrested for soliciting a provider. You could carry an STD home with you from anyone, whose to say you only pay for play? Plenty of guys just find someone they like. Honestly the vast majority of the women in this business take high safety precations BECAUSE they have SO's and get checked regularly. Can you say that you do?

Im tired of hearing the retoric bullshit that you cant date us cause we might catch an STD blah, blah, blah. To be honest I was more comfortable with my ex seeing providers then when I found out he was seeing gals he met thru a dating service. I find those women much more dangerous in the health dept. You don't know where they have been, covered or uncovered or how many times. Lets not pretend that civilians are safer than providers. Because it is soooo not the way the world works.


As far as providers and SO's go, let them worry about what comes first, their work, their families or their bank accounts. We are all different and have different emotional levels that allow us to remain either in the hobby or the business. And it does work in reality, I have watched it work for years. It just takes a totally different mind set and emotional level than what most people are comfortable with. And it doesn't make them any better or worse than any of you, because you (not specifically but generally speaking) are being unfaithful to your SO's or playing the field in a forum you cant openly talk about. So lets wise up and not cast stones under you get the retro fit done on your own glass house.

xpoxoxox
Lass

(edited for horrendous spelling errors)

-- Modified on 7/22/2003 6:07:03 PM

That's why I will NEVER tell my significant other about this aspect of my life. For now, it works. He's on the west coast and I'm on the east coast. He doesn't know what I do all day or how I spend my evenings. This situation will change when I move in with him in the fall, but I'm still not going to tell him. In a perfect world, I could tell him everything about being an escort. However, this is reality, and I'm satifisfied knowing he thinks I'm just a simple librarian.

My being a Provider has BENEFITED how I relate to men; has not changed for the worse (certainly), but has indeed changed for the better.

This is a complicated issue thats been raised many times on this board and why anybody would want to enter into a realationship with this added burden is beyond me. It makes me wonder about the parties involved.

I just wonder what the woman is like under the mask, sure the best providers lead us to believe that they are emotionally healthy but how many really are when they are not at work?
Whats the real woman like?

so what you're saying is that "reality" consists of him being kept in the dark and believing that you're an innocent librarian?

that's the kind of REALITY i like ... make it up and mold it as you go along ... the ONLY way to live!  LOL

I'm in a relationship; most of my Provider friends are either married or have SO's for awhile, and there are no problems..my guy digs it; my friend's husband does, too..and same with the ladies who have SO's..In fact, I was just talking for about two hours now on the phone with a Hobbyist/friend/client and was just saying how being a Provider AND being in a relationship has made everything SO MUCH better! It's so much more freeing, so little BS, and WORKS! In fact, when discussing things with married male friends of mine who've complained about the staleness of their sex lives ('civilians'), I've even suggested maybe she'd be open to the Swing Scene - you never know..they could still stay with the wives the whole evening, but it would open up things a bit..
So, sorry, WhatTheHeck, but this time, I can't relate to your post???
As far as someone 'throwing something in my face' - I can't relate to that on ANY level because I wouldn't be involved with that kind of man in the first place!

How true this is!  Self-control in the midst of anger is critically important, if you want to avoid poisoning the relationship.

Fighting fair is the key, as you so eloquently point out.

Well put, Lass!

Especially important to always remember is the part about bringing up issues in the heat of an argument when emotions are heated!

You can never have the words said in anger back, even if you didn't mean them!

Always fight fair!

Well, let's pretend I wasn't a Provider ($) and I was just a regular Civilian. And, let's say I had quite a social life and went out on dates once or twice a month, generated from the various work and social activities I'm involved in. We're all grownups here, so let's say that the dates result in sex. But, I also have a Significant Other with whom I'm not 'exclusive', nor is he.
He and I are both Professionals and have a stressful work schedule and all the demands of a home life, family and social life.
Does that change anything?

Well, that's what I have, except there's $ involved.

He and I have been together for three years and both recently left our Hellish jobs to work together in a business, fulltime. So, now we are business partners.
We love our friendship, our sex life together, how we relate and partner in business, but know that we don't want to plan a future together. I, for one, do not care to ever marry again and love being single; he has never married, nor does he want to. When people ask us about our relationship (why we don't get more 'serious') we both respond, "why ruin a good thing?". The men in my personal life are much younger. I, on the other hand, love being a 'mature' woman, with my kids already grown, and enjoying this time in my life. Being a Provider is perfect for me as it allows me to meet interesting men and have brief encounters with them - enjoying each other's company, a nice dinner, and intimacy - and then GO HOME! (to my own house) I love the freedom it gives me. He loves the freedom it gives US.
So, so far, I see no 'problems'; nor 'added burdens', and I think it's pretty dang healthy! And, everybody's happy!



-- Modified on 7/23/2003 4:30:32 PM

Based upon my own observations I think that you and some of the other ladies who have posted here are the exception rather than the rule.  Over the years some comments that I have consistently heard from providers are "I could never respect a man who would allow me to work in this business"  " I could never respect my clients" and in so many words statements that they are waiting for someone to come along to get them out of this business.  Some of those statements may just be part of a defense mechanism but when I hear comments like those above I believe the lady has problems with this business and probably would have problems maintaining any SO relationship while working in this business.

It's all very variable..sort of a YMMV. Sometimes I post what I do to dissuade so many assumptions; and to see beyond the stereotypes.

Thanks, Stumpy

...you must be seeing a good Provider!

 

I've never had that happen.

But then I would not choose to date someone who'd denigrate this part of my life in any way whatsoever... obviously *your* feelings about this particular occupation are a bit different.

Nicole

provider should ever allow herself to be denigrated by anyone.

Unless you have extraordinarily strong clairvoyance, you cannot say with certainty what someone you date may do.

Funny thing you should write that Lass.

I emailed back and forth with you for awhile quite some time ago.
Almost came to Vegas a couple of time to visit with you.
Was actually reluctant cause I thought you would steal my heart.
Now come to find out that you were available for something real.
Damn.. Kicking myself.. but glad you found someone.

You always seemed like a class act and still do. Hope you're happy.