Not because of any shame, but because too many guys are waayy too judgemental about it.  The old "I don't have to pay for it" line.  It's bullshit, but I don't want to have the discussion.

A very small number of my closest friends do know what I do.  Some of them even partake as well, or have in the past.  Most of my friends have no clue about my 'other life' in the hobby.

My brother knows, understands without really approving.  My sisters do NOT know, nor does my brother's wife.  Not so sure they would understand.

Swim

if you tell, the word will spread.  your friends will tell their GFs, who will the tell their GFs.   security is very important to me,  from a professional perspective, so no one knows.   i know how you feel,  but for me i cannot risk exposure, so mum is the word

I have only told 1 or 2 guys but only when I wanted to stop. They are sort of mentors that want to help me stop but I just don't have any desire to. I wish I knew more guys that I could talk about this stuff with and not feel judge or ashamed. Feeling judge or ashamed says more about me than them as I don't think they are. But it wouldn't be bad to discuss at the water cooler at work because I do spend a lot of time researching the providers.

Although on this board hobbying is considered "normal", in the real world johns are still considered to be losers.  I have heard many of my close male friends brag (lie?) about their sexual exploits with civilian women, but I have never heard any of them brag about seeing a provider.

No point in discussing it with friends outside of the hobby. All risk, no reward. Over time, I've become friends with a couple of hobbyists. We can swap stories, notes or whatever, with no added risk. Also a good source for back-channel info. Telling civvie friends is kind of like Russian roulette, in my opinion. It just takes one to sink you.

Not quite the whole truth, but close enough for me.

But since I'm married I don't tell them.

but I feel in general that this is a double life...  Mr 007...   Do you want your buddy, brother, coworker to have this power over you?  Someday, if you settle down with the woman of your dreams, do you want to wonder what your drunk buddy will say?   "A Toast.  Now that Homer is done whoring!"  Yeah, right!
The ONLY place I'll talk about it is...  right here!
skb

Dude- you told your MOM???? That takes some stones, indeed. I'd take a bullet before I would tell my Mom that. And as far as your friend's tales of sexual conquests- do what they are doing and just make it up as you go along. Finally, and I will say this only once: Trust No One!

The need to keep this a secret, as always IMHO, is directly related to feelings of personal consequence in whatever measure matters most to you, be it familial, employment, personal sense of shame, etc. Speaking strictly for myself, my brother and two close male friends know that I engage in this hobby. No one else does. The only reason my brother knows is he asked about my sex life after my breakup with my ex. He understands me better than anyone on the planet so I was perfectly comfortable discussing this with him. Come to find out he has past experience with this (something I never would have known about otherwise). Whether he supports it or not is not a subject we have broached, but truth be told whether he does or does not would not influence my decision to continue. My friends do support my participation since they know me very well and my lifelong lack of success with the opposite sex. As always, who you tell or do not tell is a matter of personal preference based on myriad factors. For me, I'm not ashamed of it, but I don't go out of my way to advertise it either. That's my personal comfort level.

It's interesting that the original poster brings up telling his mother about this. I would think that would be a much harder thing to do than discussing it with some potentially judgmental friends. My mother is no longer alive, and I did not start hobbying until after she died, but if she were still here I would like to think she would have the same attitude as the OP's mom, yet I'm sure she would still urge me to go find a nice girl, proper Jewish mother that she was.

No one is that close!!

But many of my wifes provider friends knows, my entire family, my secretary, and a few female friends knows though. Too many of my male friends are cops, or highly religious so telling them would not be wise.