I've spent most of the last year in Germany, and half of that time in Berlin. Berlin is a fabulous city. If you haven't been there -- go. It has a sense of transience and excitement that I haven't felt in any other western European city. But it is indeed getting touristy, so off season is now best. Autumn is perfect. Christmas is great. Summer is fine too, but you will be fighting hordes of English hostel crowds and middle-aged Americans looking for Hitler.
Berlin will make you horny.
Fortunately, Berlin is full of young people, and the women are very sexy. Berliners have style. These are not fat hausfrauen from rural Bavaria.
So what should you do in Berlin when you're horny? Here are my suggestions and comments:
1) Artemis. Seriously. If you are in Berlin, put Artemis at the top of your list. You can drive or take a taxi, or take Berlin's excellent trains. Ride West on the U-bahn or S-bahn from the Hauptbahnhof (or around the S-bahn ring) toward Weskreuz station. Get out at Westkreuz, go up the stairs to the parking lot, exit the parking lot toward the road, turn left, walk about 200 meters along the sidewalk, across the bridge over the train tracks, and you'll see Artemis on your left. You can't miss it. Don't be shy going there; Artemis is advertised on buses all over town. I know a very conservative Catholic woman who told me proudly about her architect friend who designed the place. And though the area looks undeveloped, Berlin is very safe.
When you get to Artemis, you pay 80 euros to go in (they'll take credit cards, and I think there is an ATM machine). They'll give you a bathrobe, bracelet, and key to lockers. You put your money/valuables in a little tiny locker near the desk, and your clothes in a larger locker. Then you wander the place, which is sort of like a hotel spa, except there are beautiful naked women all over. The women will talk to you, or you talk to them, and if you go to a room for 'private time', you pay 60 euros per half hour. There are saunas and a pool and a weight room. Nonalcoholic drinks are free. A beer chit (from the front desk) will cost you I think 10 euros. But the girls don't necessarily like drunk guys. There is also a buffet restaurant (the food is pretty stodgy, though), where the girls also eat (but don't like to be bothered). Lots of showers and soap, and the place is incessantly clean. The girls are happy and clean and healthy. There is a doctor on premises that the girls see whenever they want. The girls pay 80 euros to go in and keep what they make while they are there. Girls can pay a little extra (25 euros, I think) to stay overnight, which is useful for some because the girls are from all over Europe. Most girls speak excellent English. As well as several other languages.
Being at Artemis is the closest you will ever get to being in a porno fantasy. www.fkk-artemis.de
2) Brothels. There are brothels all over town. Check the papers or web. As many on this site have already discovered, Kamilla La Dee (www.kamilla-dee.com) is very good. Check out their web site for info and directions. The nearest train stop, if I remember correctly, is Blissestrasse, and from there you will have to walk a couple blocks. Use google maps or your smart phone. Or take a cab. Kamilla la Dee is in a pretty standard-looking apartment/house building. The door is near the corner of the building. Ring the buzzer, they'll buzz you in, go upstairs (or if you are confused and linger someone will come down to help). Like most brothels in Germany, a hausmädchen (not necessarily the 'madame') will take you to a waiting room and ask whether there was a particular person you wanted to see. If you called ahead and made arrangements, say so. If not, available girls will come in one by one. Then the hausmädchen will come back and ask which you liked best. That girl will come back and you will go off to a room. Most decent brothel waiting rooms have hidden cameras, and the girls will check you out first. So try not to pick your nose or scratch your crotch incessantly while waiting. If you do, you'll see only the most desperate girls.
Kamilla la Dee seems to be very professional and treats the girls well. As a result, the women there are pretty good; they're into what they're doing. Don't ignore the women whose photos are not shown on the website. They maybe have reasons for not showing their photos, but it is not because they are ugly. A girl there told me that the best girls don't show their photos, and maybe that's true. I've been with two women from Kamilla la Dee who don't have their photos up, and they were great. One was a relatively convincing nymphomaniac; if you are into juice and loud vocalization she will make you happy. Another is incredibly sweet. I would marry her.
3) Escorts. There are loads of agencies with escorts in Berlin. Or check the Berlin Craigslist ads ('Dienstleistungen...Erotik). English speakers: Don't be put off by Craigslist in German. Most of the ads are in English. Berlin is easy for English speakers. Craigslist providers tend to be semi-amateurs and short timers, and the prices tend to be cheaper than through an agency. A friend of mine (an American college student on a lark) works through both craigslist and an agency. Same girl, same service, but the Craigslist prices are a lot cheaper. Why? No overhead. Agency owners charge a lot (25-50%) for a web site and answering the phone. Most of this particular friend's work comes through Craigslist. Plenty of rich international businessmen use Craigslist, so you won't necessarily be slumming by looking for a bargain there. But you will be gambling a bit with the professionalism. Agencies usually only hire reasonably reliable good looking girls.
4) Street girls. There are street girls all over Berlin, especially in the summer, but year 'round there are two main places: Kurfürstenstrasse (Not to be confused with Kurfürstendamm, or Ku'damm), and Oranienburgerstrasse. Kurfürstenstrasse will have girls out pretty much all day, at least in the afternoons and into evening. A lot of them are Eastern European. They are cheap; you can easily get everything for 50 euros. But the girl will probably look a little on the edge and smell a bit fishy. Kurfürsten is sad, and a good place to risk an STD. But you will get a cheap hole for your dick, if that's what you're after. if you need one, the girls can take you to a room nearby, maybe in the back of a bar. You will likely have to pay for the room yourself, but it will only be maybe 10 euros.
Oranienburger strasse is an increasingly touristy street with lots of bars and restaurants. Oranienburger used to represent edgy East Berlin, but now it's bordering on cheesy, at least in the summer when there are too many pub crawls and drunken tourists. From 9 PM until about 5AM, the street is filled with girls in hot pants, stockings, and corsets (this is standard Oranienburger uniform -- very recognizable). If you make eye contact at all, they will ask where you are going and pretty soon whether you want to have fun with them. Almost all speak pretty good English, and many some other languages. All are German girls. Standard cost is 80 euros for half an hour, which includes 'hand job and blow job'. They will take you to a set of rooms and offer you a free drink. Don't worry about where they take you; it will be relatively close and everything is safe. But once you are there they will try to escalate the prices. Getting their shirt off will cost you more money, and you will never get their stockings/underwear off. Blow jobs are usually faked. Oranienburger girls are mostly a rip-off service for drunk tourists. I would feel guilty writing that, because some of those girls are friends and I helped train them, but I am pretty sure their usual customer base (drunk English lads or 50+ confused tourists) don't read this site anyway. So I doubt this will hurt their business. If you want to do the Oranienburger girls a favor and make me feel better about dissing them here, talk to a bunch, see who you like, and take one for a drink instead of to their room. They'll happily have a drink with you, and a lot of them are lots of fun. The bartenders around there know the girls and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Try to avoid the Gold Club, though. Or if you do go in there, ask for a drink menu and check the prices before you pay. Don't be ashamed to speak up if you're getting ripped off. In fact, they'll probably respect you for not being an idiot. Some of the girls on Oranienburger also do escort work, so if you really hit it off with someone you can possibly arrange a better date for another day.
Disclaimer: I obviously know the Berlin prostitution scene pretty well, and have friends in the business there. However, everything above is my honest advice, from one guy to another. I have shilled for girls before, but only when I felt they honestly deserved the praise, and never on this site. Con artists have no place in any business, including prostitution.
Enjoy Berlin!
Thanks for sharing! Great tips. Will save for whenever I'm back in Germany. Was in Frankfurt, had a great time there. :-P
Great presentation of the range of options. I lived in Germany for 12 years in the 80s and 90s. I was in Berlin when the wall came tumbling down. Although things were fun back then it sounds as though they have taken the game up a notch with Artemis. I must find a reason to return. Danke schon!
The illustrious Angus McGee has a video showing the walk from Westkreuz station to Artemis: http://www.angusmagee.com/?p=293
Angus' whole blog is full of gems and spot on, by the way.