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Being realistic about the opposite sex
madiba51 1618 reads
posted

A lot of people have unrealistic views about the opposite sex. Those views can be part of an overall pattern of unrealistic views about what they believe they can expect from themselves and from other people.  

Sometimes ideas can pop into people's heads as a matter of habit, without them questioning whether those ideas are really valid. It's easy to operate that way, because in some ways it makes life simpler. But the long-term impact of just accepting distorted thinking without questioning it can be emotional distress and even impaired functioning in jobs or relationships.

These "automatic thoughts", when they occur about the opposite gender, can be thoughts that are unrealistically idealizing or demonizing. The thoughts may be related to the way in which the person experienced their opposite gender parent or caregiver as a child. For example, a woman who had a narcissistic father may feel that all men are narcissistic, or a man who had an emotionally ambivalent mother, sometimes nuturing and sometimes not, may alternately idealize and demonize women.

But neither men nor women are angels or demons, they are just people, with combinations of strengths and weaknesses. Here's to our humanity!


mattradd348 reads

for you to express these insights are originating from, but I came dibs on the popcorn and beer concessions. :)

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madiba51376 reads

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madiba51351 reads

I'd rather focus on the message than the messenger, but I can see that it might keep coming up, so let's get it out of the way early.

I am a 58 year old man who is interested in becoming a state-licensed psychologist after I retire from my present career. I have been strongly encouraged to do this by many people, including my own therapist, who tells me I am very well suited to it. Although I have some
interest in treating PTSD (probably working at the  VA), I have also been encouraged to become a marriage counselor by a counselor in a local private practice, so I am considering that.

I am interested in the psychoeducation component of treatment, and so my post.

Now the important part: I promise not to analyze any individual on this board unless they ask for it. If I break this rule, call me out on it!

Also:  I will disclose that during a period of several years in between the end of my 29-year marriage and my beginning a
new relationship with a girlfriend, I saw dozens of providers.

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Smarty1101384 reads

As a leader of PTSD group counseling I can assure you will need to study up and thicken your skin for the task.

So many are suffering from significant issues, symptoms and complaints as; severe chronic depression, anxiety, anger, irratibility, labile mood swings, periodic flashbacks and nightmares, hypervigilence, survivor guilt and social withdrawal resulting from their traumatic experiences while serving in a combat situation. Add to this some that have suffered heartbreaking injuries, it is not fun.

Marriage counseling on the other hand, can often result in short term advice to tell them to begin legal action with respective attorneys.

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madiba51344 reads

I am working with a group of combat vets with PTSD, and I agree that the individuals involved are much more seriously affected than the average person who is experiencing marital problems.

Not sure about the lawyer recommendation (LOL), but a lot of people do not understand that marriage counselors do not try to "save" all marriages.  Some marriages need to end, and the primary service provided by the counselor is to help them end the marriage in the way that is best for all concerned.

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johngaltnh303 reads

Stick with ptsd.

Hey, I bet a lot of guys here have ptsd from dealing with nagging wives. It could be a whole new client-base for you.

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Smarty1101296 reads

Nagging Traumatic Stress Syndrome=NTSD

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johngaltnh368 reads

And I dig what you are saying.

I have some thoughts on the topic I'll post in a couple of days.

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OSP299 reads

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johngaltnh324 reads

... I have actually been thinking about it for a long time. What I have to do is ruthlessly eliminate the clutter in the thoughts to bring it down to the bare essentials.

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Phuck_That333 reads

OMFG. All these deeep thoughts here recently.
And now we have to wait days for clutter to clear so more deeep thoughts can be expressed and blah blah blah.
What we need is a special dedicated board so that those who feel the need to blog away about their most inner thoughts can have at it. Call it something like 'Pussies (not the fun kind) and the ManGinas who love them'.

Here's a deep inner thought.
I love pussy. Absolutely freaking adore every aspect of it, and most of the women wrapped around it.
I love the smell, the taste, the touch. I love it when my cock slides into it for the first time, and the 3,487th time. I love to direct it's force and direction by grabbing onto a great pair of ass cheeks and pushing it onto me.
Sometimes I'll just leave it on my facial hair when I leave so that I can simply enjoy the wonder of it all for a bit longer.

I love hot, sweaty, hair pullin', ass smackin' SEX with hot women. Sometimes more than one at a time.

There. Now that I've inserted (no pun intended) a little TER back into the board, you may return to your sensitive thoughtful soul spilling drivel.

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AssMan911348 reads

Thanks................

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Coxucca295 reads

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Manginas.Are.Tools305 reads

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Richard Less212 reads

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laurensummerhill358 reads

to want to get to know anyone. They don't recognize each individual they deal has different circumstances, ideas and needs.  

So rather then be a thinking individual, they do themselves and their fellow man a grave injustice.

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channelguy319 reads

everything about....uh...."people?"    And I congratulate you for using big words!

narcissistic (is that a cyst on your butt?)
ambivalent (that means your bi-sexual?)
demonizing (that's what MP67 did to me when I bent over)

I double your toast to humanity!!!

I love live so much

Now...let's leave the philosophy to Love Goddess and talk about pussy some more.

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Gettin_Deep_in_here371 reads

That this was written by a GIRL!  Come to think of it, it had to be written by someone who sits in the middle and looks at both sides, not knowing which to be. I'm thinking we are witnessing the arrival of the Mangina Messiah!

Kinda sad to think that there might be such a thing!

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Radcow310 reads

All things being equal, we have yet to learn to BE with ourselves. We have this unrequited need to be part of someone else's shit. We'd do better to learn more about who we are rather than tread through someone else's bullshit to earn some form of enlightenment. This is unfortunately a part of the milieu of men and women folk. If you must study it, take a few stiff drinks and have at it. You'll likely get a headache for your troubles and not much more.

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johngaltnh337 reads

Now, it's obvious I study this crap.

But I also know better than to take any of it into a session with me in terms of expectations.

Expectations, to the extent they exist, must be based on an evaluation of the individual.

And the greatest problem many face is from unrealistic expectations.

Some guys have trouble with their marriages and think sleeping with a provider is going to make them feel all better. It won't. But it WILL give them an orgasm which is at least a good start.

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Crazy Diamond281 reads

And there are certainly insights to be gained.  Whether that helps you as a hobbyist...depends on how look upon our lady friends here.

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