He had an appointment and was to be on his way, you were waiting for him. It is his responsibility to somehow warn you or not answer and tell you later. Such as the same if you were running late etc, he should be able to contact you or you to tell him what is going on.
When someone is to be on their way, you need the ability to converse in case there is problems. If you are on your way, I am more than free to call and vice versa
Posted By: AlexandraMilw
If you are on your way, I am more than free to call and vice versa.
Obviously repeating a little from what I just posted, but wanted to reiterate, this line is so, so, so very wrong. If he's late, or he's a no-show, you don't know what situation he's in. Calling is the worst thing to do. If he's in a car with his wife, your number pops up on the caller ID, or, worse, your voice comes through the car speakers, or if his play-phone suddenly rings in her presence...it's all courting disaster. You are most certainly NOT free to call him.
But he called and said he was on his way.
If I were the provider, I feel it would be safe to assume the wife was not with him. LOL
If something did come up with the client that was "on his way" a simple call or text
should have happened
Have to disagree with you here. If a client says "I am on my way", a provider is right to assume he has "cleared customs". If he had said "I am dropping my wife off at the mall on the way"...completely different scenario.
JB
with the wife in the car! lol.
Come on now, he said he is on his way... in that situation she is more then okay to call! Which is what her OP is about.
Now if he hadn't done that, I don't call.... but I am sure you agree that he should somehow contact the lady at the earliest he is able and explain. No one likes being stood up but crap happens, but it is nice to know something came up rather than thinking he is a NCNS.
Her first call was fine... second call shouldn't have happened though. When a guy pretends he doesn't know you when you call... there is a good reason.
-- Modified on 7/11/2013 10:17:54 AM
...may find it weird or nosy if you ask about spouses or SO's in the first conversation unless you tell them why you're asking.
Posted By: BigPapasan
...may find it weird or nosy if you ask about spouses or SO's in the first conversation unless you tell them why you're asking.
Of course I explain. I usually say " is there any situation that I should know about concerning contact, like a g/f or wife that I should be aware of when we communicate so I don't get you in any trouble." All the guys I have brought this up with told me they appreciated asking.
I am just so bothered by this because I normally try to be good about it.
But you guys are right after he hung up on me I def should have left him alone.
No problem with calling the first time, but probably should haven't made the second call. Did you recognize the voice when he asked who it was? As for me, I have a hobby phone, and it is turned off when around wife.
generally, contact should NEVER be initiated by the provider, and this situation is a prime example as to why. If he's late, let him call you and tell you. If he's a NCNS, write him off until he contacts you and offers a reasonable explanation (hopefully with a rebooking).
If you do want to sometimes initiate contact (for instance, letting a regular know you'll be visiting his town) first request some agreeable method (a play email is most common).
Oh, and client should ALWAYS determine contact protocols. It's ok to request a method for initial booking, but, after that, to arrange things, you should be open to phone, email, or texting. Usually, it's the client who is taking the 'risk' in their social life (be it a wife or work or some other situation) so the provider needs to be flexible with this.
As a personal example, I'm fine with making initial contact to book however it may be requested. But once that has been established, I'd request any pre-play communication to come through email, and then, just before the date, texting is ok, but ONLY after I initiate.
After the date, ANY unsolicited, non-approved communication is a serious violation of trust. "Baby, I miss you, we should set a date!" or "Hey, I'll be in town next week!" are incredibly damning, especially when coming from a strange number, or from [email protected]
I don't think it was wrong of you but I wouldn't hold it against him if he chooses not to rebook. Personally, this is why in my initial contact with a lady I always include along with my contact info a statement to the effect of I am completely single and it is always ok to text/call/leave voice mail if need be. But then again, if I weren't completely single, I also wouldn't be here.
I am married and usually use e-mail till just before the date. i agree with the "I am on my way" means I am driving down the road to you. I also would have turned my phone off if for some reason I was unexpectadly with the wife. But as others have said you should probably not have made the second call. We all make mistakes though just learn from it and move on.
He is the one who didn't have his shit together, so what ever he ends up with is his own fault, not hers.
Amen. This is in the hooker hand book, Chapter 1, Page 4 lol.
Scratch that
-- Modified on 7/11/2013 5:11:01 AM
I can use my website to send out "Happy Birthday notes" and "newsletters"
If a client has signed up/or joined my site, he is now on my mailing list..
SO that is generally the only way I contact the person...
UNLESS they have said it is ok... then I would NEVER text/call/email them
I would never "call" a client even if he said he was on his way, because of this very scenario. He could have been in the car with his child. Many men have to drop someone off, pick someone up, etc. before they make it to us, especially during the work week. The text or email might have been ok, but not a call. Then again, if his wife was there why did he even pick up the damn phone? Common sense would say turn the thing off.
I have a rule that I will not chase a client down. If she does not show, fk him. He is a NCNS if I don't get an explanation in a reasonable amount of time. He needs to plan his hobby activities a little better. How could his wife "be there" when he was supposed to be "on the way?" Sounds like bullshit on his part.
. What you just desccribed was my dilemma. I try not to chase clients down either, but I had other people who wanted to see me. I didn't want to set a new appointment to have him show 2 minutes later.
The second call was a mistake, on my part. But he didn't email we only set up the appointment via phone.
-- Modified on 7/11/2013 5:11:55 AM
I won't wait around on a booked appt. if he can't tell me he is late or not coming. I don't give my location until I get the call anyway, so nothing he can do.
. He had an hour travel time, called when leaving.
I think he is full of shit.
-- Modified on 7/11/2013 10:00:23 AM
I was quite happy when a provider made an exception to the rule and called me when I was late for my appointment with her. Not having a smart phone at the time nearly cost me a great time with a great provider.
Like any exception to a good rule, the circumstances are somewhat unique. I had made a last minute date with a provider I had seen twice previously (and adored, btw, and I shared that fact with her) but b/c of my own circumstances, (her distance from me/job relocation, mostly), I had not seen her for about 10 months. Also, my new regular at the time was a friend of hers who lived closer to me.
As with other appointments I made with her, this one was made by email -- several friendly emails back and forth and a time was set to meet. I had an errand to run in her city, so I left about 2 hours before the session time to ensure that I can do the errand and get to her city on time.
The provider realized that I may not have her new phone # -- and she was right, I did not have it. So, she eventually emailed me the new number but only after I was on the road.
I get to her place, call the # I have for her and get some man on the other line. I ask for her anyway and he says, wrong number.
I thought of calling the provider's friend to get the new # but preferred the idea of waiting a while to see if the provider would call me. Btw, the provider had always let me in the backdoor of her condo and I was less than sure about her condo #, so I thought better of going to the front of her building and randomly pressing address buttons in the entry way. It may have come to that if she had not called but thankfully, about 20 or so minutes after our appointed time, she called and I blessed her for doing so. And we had a great session
Generally speaking my patience is superb , up to a point , though it's not as forgiving as in the past .
Over the years those that haven't showed on time have had a discrete effect on my willingness to wait .
If I have a confirmed appt. for a discreet affair with a provider pear , at a confirmed time , if they're not there within fifteen minutes without a call , I'm out of their hair .
Posted By: London Rayne
Well, I can't tell you how to run your business but after 30 min. and no call, I move on.
I won't wait around on a booked appt. if he can't tell me he is late or not coming. I don't give my location until I get the call anyway, so nothing he can do.
coming, not bulshitting, and wasting my time.. Since I am lower volume, I can allow guys to show up late (no more than 30 min) as long as he's keeping updated.
SO I am damn patient lol
I wish clients could do the same...
I had 2 experiences recently and I was LIVID!
One client, the first appt, he did arrive late, and I had to clean up, freshen up.. I did not have the time in between like I usually do.. I had just enough, but not like I prefer.
So he calls me, and I called him RIGHT back and he does not answer. (Bear in mind I called 5 min after appt time)
so he does not answer... I call again, no answer... then he calls and leaves a vm and ignores my 3 call so he can leave me a vm
In it he says "well I guess we are not meeting and you made other plans, I will call again blah blah blah"
I was SOOO angry! I was like WTF! I called 2-3x and you are not answering me! I was 5 MINUTES LATE!!!!
And you tell me I AM THE ONE WHO IS NOT KEEPING THE APPT????
I was so mad I told him off on his vm, and said do not EVER call me again, because if you are going to not even SPEAK to me, and your so unwavering on a 5 minute tardiness, then we would NEVER get along!
The last one was a few days later, and I have seen this guy PLENTY! SO he is trying to call me, I missed 2 calls, at that moment, I was having issues with my cells battery, it was not charging at all... So I was trying to get it t hold a charge for a minute to call and give him my house #
And by the time I could get to him, it was 10min or so since he had called. He had already left. I was like why? He said he could not recall my house # and I was not answering and so he left the area. I tried to explain the phone issue but he basically was like oh well
I told him why would you take off? YOu know you have NEVER had me to not answer... so instead of leave, you should have waited and knew something was wrong, it was not like me!!
RUDENESS of them no showing or wasting my time by the claim "on my way" that I have this VERY strong URGE to call and give them a lashing (whether they give a shit) it makes me feel better.
I am a Irish Redhead by the way lol so we have our fiery tempers! lol
I don't give out my location either. I give them a cross street/little shopping area block from mky house... I do not want random assholes to know my address and not show up
To both of you. But thank you for posting about this!
I feel it is a little indiscreet to ask about a gents SO, wife, or anything personal at all. I only comment, if appropriate, when he volunteers information. For communication, I just follow his lead- if he emails me, I email him, until the day of, when he understands the exact time I will call. If he has my number, I will arrange that he calls when he's on the way.
But your situation took you by surprise, and I've never experienced what you did. I think in that situation, I would have just waited a few minutes and emailed him. I never book more than one appt a day, so it wouldn't affect the rest of my day's plans.
I do think, as was mentioned above, that he was in the wrong for not turning his phone off. But we don't know what happened on his end.
My lesson from your post (thank you!!) is to establish which forms of communication are safest at any given time
That was my secondary reason for posting this. If I can help someone else from having the same problem I did, I will.
I considered this post for a week.
Posted By: SoftlySarah
My lesson from your post (thank you!!) is to establish which forms of communication are safest at any given time.
While you certainly have every right to know what is going on I don't really agree that it's OK to call rather than text just because someone is "on their way". Everyone's situation is different.
Of course, he could have avoided the whole scenario simply by sending a quick text that he was delayed or even just texting that his wife showed up. I wouldn't have called as you did but I still think that he was in the wrong for not keeping you informed of the situation.
He was able to send me texts bitching after I called the second time. But didn't do that before I called
Too bad he didn't think of that when he was first delayed. It would have eliminated the whole problem!
BTW, I'm not making excuses for the guy. I don't know how he plans his appointments but when I was hobbying as a married man I never created a situation where my wife could show up and ruin my plans. He needs to re-think his approach. My only point is that I think texting is better than calling most of the time.
He is a moron who is beyond help.
but yes texting is a much better approach than calling.
I have had no problems concerning this post, I was just wondering.
What if I miss your call? What is everyone's protocall for a missed call with no other instructions? Do you call back or just wait and if they call back you connect. If they don't, their loss...? Or do you text them?
but if no instructions are given, then it's a crap shoot.
Either don't call and he is a NCNS; or call and risk screwing up something on his end.
He should number one...HAVE A HOBBY PHONE.
Two he should have somehow gotten in touch with *you*, not you having to get in touch with him...he was the one who was late/no show and coming *to you*.
Did he end up showing up after all? I take it nothing was resolved? Totally not your fault. 
I communicate 98% of the time through email...even on day of. And, generally if any contact is requested by phone it is usually initiated by him...To be honest, if someone didn't show etc. I wouldn;t call personally...but most ladies (that I know of) communicate through phone..but I don't think you really did anything wrong.
-- Modified on 7/11/2013 1:57:53 PM
