So my dates have been fairly split 50 / 50 between agency girls and independents, but the truth is I resort to agencies as a last minute option. I'd RATHER go with an independent, but it takes time to coordinate, and I only have a success rate of about 50% due to scheduling and screening issues (versus agency girls who always come...eventually...lol).

The reason why I prefer independents versus the "you-get-one-hour-that-will-be-$250-please-can-you-give-me-a-minute-to-call-in-oh-is-that-the-phone-time-is-up" experience is because I really DO like my "dates" to be like dates. Contray to the impression my adamant stance against "dinner dates" and the like might give, I actually try to show the lady of the evening as nice a time as possible. I have been out with about half the independents I have seen, either before or after the "festivities", just because there aren't many things more fun than enjoying the company of a intelligent, interesting woman over an interesting meal. (I just am not going to PAY for the privilege). And when we don't go out, I still offer a drink, play music, make conversation....etc.

To sum up my point, I really do try to conduct myself as a gentleman, and by association treat the lady as a lady.

My question then? Well...the thing is, once we get to the bedroom, all this goes out the window. I'm not looking to make love. I have a SigO to make love with. I'm looking to have a hot fuck....a hair pulling, ass slapping, name calling sweaty hot fuck. Much as the thread below about DATY alludes to, frankly, I'm not paying her for me to go out of my way to make an effort to please her. And this isn't because I am a selfish lover...all of my SigOs past and present would back me up on that. It is just that I figure I am paying her to make sure MY needs are met, and while often getting there also (appears to) meets her needs as well, it honestly isn't my focus. Just isn't.

So...does this "switch" freak you ladies out, when a guy goes from the BFE to "I want it the way I want it"? Would I be better served to be less "friendly" before the fireworks and thus make the transition less abrupt? Or does being a professional mean you ladies already have seen and done it all, and aren't at all put off by the notion of a guy who has no interest at all in "making love", no matter what has happened up until that point.

I am just curious.....feedback please.

-- Modified on 11/8/2002 9:44:22 AM

Well considering I am a pleaser and like to keep my dates happy, I don't have a problem with the switch.  I think being gentleman like before hand would probably put me more at ease when the switch was made later.  Sometimes it's more fun fucking a good friend

I couldn't speak for others, but the last thing I want or expect is to be made love to.  It is after all about fun.  But that is not to say that we are not human beings and each of us respond in a different manner physically.  Yes, it is about meeting the gents needs, but I think the experience is mutually beneficial when both parties physical needs are met.  There is a manner in which to go about it is all without disrespecting the lady. What is the turn on for a lady if she is treated like dirt (unless of course that is the fantasy role set out before hand...hmmm).  In that scenario, one is better off meeting with a streetwalker for that cold dead meat feel.

With a mutually beneficial experience both parties needs are met.  That done, a wild, hot time can be had by all.  The gent goes home to make love to his SO and/or vice versa...what ever the case may be. Nothing wrong with that.

Lauren

Disrespect is never part of the equation....I would NEVER, EVER do ANYTHING that a lady said was beyond her limits.

Now, I do admit "submission", to some degree, probably is part of what is going on. And I guess I should be clear that "mutually benefical" is certainly a desired outcome.

But when I am with my SigO, I tend to focus on pleasing her, and just assume that I will be happy as a result. I have to admit that isn't my mindset when I am with a provider. When I am with a pro, my focus is on pleasing ME...some of which I fully realize requires servicing her in order to enhance the experience for me. For example, those occassions I do chose to DATY...when I do it for the SigO, it is to please her...sometimes there isn't even any intercourse afterwards....if I do it with a provider, it is to get her primed so that she is better positoned to get ME off. The motivation isn't nearly as benevolent.

I'm DEFINATELY not after the "cold dead meat feel"...which is why I guess I try to do a some research in advance on independents. It is good to know before hand, from reviews for example, what a ladies limits are, and the general tone of her sessions. Beyond that, I typically make what I am looking for pretty clear in my correspondence. I actually haven't had anyone decline yet...I guess A LOT of you ladies like it a bit "rough" sometimes!!

I was just trying to understand if the "transition" ever makes anyone uneasy...if it is possible that going from opening doors and helping her with her coat to bending her over and spanking her butt is just too much to deal with...

"Is there any particular reason why you are questioning it?"

Honestly?

Because I was giving some very, very casual thought to seeing you.

After months of reading your posts and lingering over your website, I have thought...just thought...about, well, maybe a ONE TIME dinner date wouldn't kill me, especially if it were with someone who I really thought I'd enjoy the experience with. Someone who understood and really enjoyed fine dining and good conversation, and looked really good while doing so...someone who looked like a woman who enjoyed the finer things in life, not a genetically enhance image from a magazine.

But, I thought to myself, when I get Nicole back to the playpen, I mean...how is this gonna play itself out?

I realize that this might be MY hang up...the inability to give you ladies credit for being perfectly capable of a "switch" yourself...from sophisticated, worldly lady, to total sex slut.

And I am also willing to acknowledge that this whole thing...including why I see escorts in the first place when I get all the typically high quality sex I could ever want at home (the last THREE SigOs have actually issued very minor complaints about my "lack of sex drive") could be further proof that I should consider a bit of shrinkage for my hourly fee versus companionship.

But I am who I am, and I am where I am, so...yeah, the reason I ask is because I am wondering if the next / first time I set up a multi-hour entire GFE / BFE date with a companion with a reputation for being very classy, am I going to find out that I won't be able to get all I am "looking for" at the end of the evening.

And yeah, you were the lady I had in mind...while keeping in mind there is and entire continent between the two of us, so don't wait by the phone....  :^)

Simply put the cards on the table before you hire her.  If it'll freak her out I am quite certain she would tell you.  Or why not instead go for one of the ladies that does not advertise as a GFE Experience.  I believe the call it  Purely Sexual Experience.  This way everyones needs are met and no harm done. Just seems logical to me.

Because, just based on my observations, and recognizing that I have not even BEGUN to sample the backgrounds of all the ladies in this business, the PSE thing seems to run in direct conflict with the idea of "dinner date".

See...that is my whole point...Nicole above stress that she is a sensualist...which doesn't at all surprise me...based on the type of experience she seems to "offer" outside the sleep chamber. I want THAT experience, then I want the evening to end with the PSE thing.

But most PSEs tend to be touring pros...you show up, pays your money, do your deed, and get out of the way of the next guy coming. Not what I want at all. PSE also tends to stand for Porn Star Experience in my observation, which translates into RIDICULOUS rates just for the privilege of being able to say you've spent horizontal time with someone whose sex life has been captured and documented on video tape. No thanks...that has no value to me whatsoever, and I am absolutly not going to pay for that factor either.

I suppose I should stop "worrying" because it really has worked out ok so far...just by dumb random luck. Lady shows up, I say "I'm hungry, you wanna grab something to eat", she says "Sure", and we have dinner in my favorite place in the neighborhood (a nice little moderately upscale place about a block away...one of the FEW advatages of living in New York). Have some wine, good convo, etc. etc, go back to my place, screw like teenagers. Or, fireworks first, then, while the lady dresses, the same question is asked..."I'm going over to the Ritz Carlton to have some dinner...want to join me?".

But I was hoping that I could remove "dumb luck" from the equation...and set up such a date. And I was even beginning to consider the notion of paying for it.

I suppose this is proof that I should stick with my orginal premise...the idea of the "dinner date" just doesn't work for me...paying a girl to sit across from me while I buy HER dinner is just more "desperate" than I can stand. It occurs to me that part of the reason...maybe THE reason I have enjoyed my previous informal "dinner dates" so much is because I knew they happened out of genuine interest in my company...that said ladies could have easily declined my invitation.

But Nicole DOES look good in that dress....lol



-- Modified on 11/9/2002 8:23:13 AM

Honestly,
no one lady can answer this question. You can get a general consensus to get a idea. Kudo's to you for putting up w/the crazy schedules of an inde'!

My opinion is that no lady enjoys getting rough treatment. It's funny the first, second or third time I get bumped. But, to the actual point of me saying "ouch". It's no fun. Not to mention all the time I put into having long hair. & it's definitely maintence. Losing it, is no fun. as I'm sure many gentlemen can tell you.

But, this is my opinion. Other ladies might be into rough treatment. You can generally tell by their expression. If it's blissful, or if they are deciding that a root canal would feel better. I'd moderate my behavior accordingly.

But, you are enjoying companionship. & if you wish to tell me all the highlights of the most recent ballgame. Have at it. I'm sure I'll enjoy hearing about it. I'm way more concerned about your experience than mine.

So, you can put me down for negetive on "ouch". Positive on fun.

Play nice, play safe, & have fun w/the other kids!

Lisa

Sorry to barge in on your conversation...

But, if your booking a long appt. You should always do a short first. Or at the very least, have a long chat about nothing. to get a "feel" for her personality.

Most inde's I know (& I'm sure most of those I don't) pride themselves on perfecting the art of courtesan. This generally entails being able to blend in anywhere, make conversation on any level, and able to deliver a perfectly, blended cocktail to cap off your time w/the perfect nightcap.

I'm also postive that since inde's have so much competition, limited time, and other annoyances, this is what sets them apart. They are only one person. & perhaps why they choose to be independent. They perfer spending all their time on you, not traveling amongst several. It comes down to the individual lady. Basically, there is someone who is wonderful for you. They are all individuals. Some are right for you, some aren't. It's up to you, to do your homework. Consolation is..... the homework is fun!

I also like to view this subject like I would a Playboy, Hustler, or whatever magazine. You never know whats inside till you get it. & then you go about your business (after you hide it under the mattress). If anything, it adds a little bit of spice.

Somehow this turned into a novel, & to reiterate..... these are only my opinions. Flame deterrent! Chances are pretty good that it's just me. haha

Have fun,

Lisa

I think it's appropriate to point out that there are those of us who don't just want a "hot fuck" with providers.  Some of us have sigOs who don't understand the importance of passion, touch, closeness, warmth, etc. and that's why we seek a GFE.

While I also have a hard time with the concept of paying for a provider to eat dinner with me (but would not hesitate to buy one a lovely meal), in order to give me what I seek our private time needs to have hugging, DFK, cuddling, caressing and passionate lovemaking.  The last provider that I could not make an "intimate connection" with - that was just there to give me a fuck - didn't even get me hard.  Some of my experiences have involved providers who ranged from faked enjoying the time so badly it annoyed me to the other end of the range (which is either enjoyed themselves or faked it really well - pick based on your own level of cynicism).

Many of us are in this hobby for different reasons.  When I seek a GFE, I'm looking to get something different from you.


-- Modified on 11/9/2002 12:36:56 PM

wow, some of y'all think way too much! LOL

ACTUALLY, I tend to agree with MyLifeAsMe that I too would enjoy the non-sexual prelude or prologue to the "main event" but also have an issue paying for that experience.  I would also rather have the spontaneous "lets go grab a bite together" experience and of course I would  have NO problem buying a wonderful meal for that wonderful lady.  To me, I am more likely become a loyal regular of someone that I get that opportunity with.  I suppose unlike many others, but more like MLAM, that part of the GFE is important to the whole experience to me.