I have a feeling this might be kind of sketchy but I'll ask anyways.
A provider I've met before previously recently had a falling out with the agency she works for. She doesn't work for them anymore but I assume she either is going independent or is looking for a new agency. I'm interested in seeing her again and I was able to find contact information for her (e-mail address). I didn't realize it previously but we actually have mutual friends. The thing is, I think it's a personal e-mail and I'm guessing it would be sketchy to contact her that way and see if she is still providing. What do you think?
that the email address is safe for her and she has no problem with you having it do not use it. If she herself gave you the contact info, it would be different. You mention you have a mutural acquaintance...I'd suggest you see if they can make a contact in your behalf. Maybe pass on YOUR email or phone to her and allow the lady to iniate the contact if she is interested. Also , keep an eye on the city/state boards. See if she pops up as an Independent or with another agency. Be smart..be couteous..be thoughtful.
Do NOT email her on her own private email. Unless she personally gave it to you. Otherwise it would probably come off has an invesion on her privacy.
Any way you try to say that it still comes out Stalker. Do I actually have to tell you that this is a bad idea?
I would hope that everyone here googles the phone number, name, agency, pictures, etc. of any girl he would think of meeting at the very least to determine if she could be LE or not.
The information I have was not terribly hard to come by from just a couple of smart google searches. It's not like I hired a PI or anything, lol. Still, she didn't directly give me the info, so I am hesitant. I appreciate your opinion.
We are all stalkers? I beg to differ. Just because the information is there doesn't mean that it is right, or prudent, for you to use it. Googling a provider's business phone number is not the same as hunting around for her personal email address. If she didn't offer up the contact info you have no business contacting her. Furthermore, you are assuming that she went to work for another agency or went indie. It is entirely possible that she has left the business completely. If she is interested in seeing clients she will find a way to make that known. I think you are doing the right thing by holding off.
-- Modified on 5/18/2010 11:21:13 AM
people in the hobby, casual aquaintances, neighbors? Unless you are absolutely positive that this will have no repercussions for either of you, wait until she has contact information that she wants us to have.
One of our mutual friends is a very close friend of mine. I am not sure how she knows the girl but I sent my friend an e-mail to ask her. She was once a provider herself though I do not believe that is how she knows the girl. It's more likely she knows her because she is very social, hangs out similar scenes, and the city I live in isn't really as big as it seems. fwiw, I'm probably just going to wait and not contact her. I doubt it would have negative repercussions for her but still, I don't want to freak her out.
If she's going to resurface, either as an independant, or with an agency, you'll know soon enough.
I think her anonymity, and/or safety trumps your desire to see her again. Unless you are certain her email is for business, leave her alone.
The mutual friend bit can be a disaster. It can destroy any basis for trust in the P4P world. It can ruin the purely working relationship and destroy a possible friendship.
I speak from 2 experiences in this regard. In the only case that works we have an agreement to not discuss our mutual friend.
In the other case casual face to face chat revealed many contacts in common: a friend of hers turned out to be daughter of friends of mine, an employee of mine turned out to be a drinking buddy of her and her buds, a client of hers turned out to be an old nemesis of mine from way back, and that's just the start of the list.
Unless there is sufficient mutual trust, someone is going to get paranoid and freak out. Silence is safest, unless you are willing and able to BOTH be loyal and discreet friends. Otherwise there will be continuing doubts without clear communication of intentions, assurances...
... just kidding, lol.
I didn't find out her contact info through our mutual friend and I don't intend to try to contact her through her our mutual friend either. Anyways, since the mutual friend has also worked as a provider, she understands how important it is to be discreet.
lol a few of my clients are my friends on facebook. Although ill admit probably not the smartest idea.
i'd wait for her to make the invitation. such sites are problematic. i have three cases in mind i've run across.
1) i'd be uncomfortable when a provider's business email crops up as suggested friend on facebook. that's almost DNS due to indiscretion for me. it's tooeasy for hostile third parties to understand her business all too well. i'd avoid.
2) i worry less when a provider's personal email is suggested as a friend. i've accepted being friends on that basis and would again. i'd be happy to continue with her.
3) i don't know what to think when a provider advertises using clear face pics and is IDed as an SO on someone else's page. that gives hostile third parties information about her personal life and a means to apply pressure. she and her SO are taking risks. i'd need to know how i'm being protected to be happy with that. i know some SO's might stroke their own ego by wanting to brag about their gal... but it isn't a good business move.
i mentioned this stuff in about as much detail (no names) on the RO board and got a threat or two from the friends of a provider who falls in category 3. she was not the only one, though. so i hope this corrects any false information out there that i was outing someone.
if you put stuff on the net it's there for anyone to see. people are forgetting that.
in the past you have shared "personables". Don't allude to anything other than just "how have you been? This is so-and-so".
If she is working, she'll have info somewhere. She may have to rename herself, if her stage name is agency related.
However, scan the ads, the review boards. If she is working sooner or later her new identity will surface.
In the meantime, don't obsess... amuse yourself with other fine ladies.
skb
An interesting,balanced and nuanced discussion.