Until recently I have had only wonderful experiences with men who were very respectful and treated me like a princess. Recently, I've had three online conversations and two encounters where I felt that the men I were dealing with felt they were superior to me because they were men and I was a woman.
1) One website director treated me as if I could not make my own business decisions and tried to rudely pressure me to join his site.
2) Two clients who I have gotten along with in the past tried to insist on going bareback "for just one stroke" and after I politely declined kept insisting on it almost to the point where I was ready to leave. It was as if they thought if they bossed me around enough I would give in just to shut them up.
3) In regards actually to my other s*x related business ventures, one man sent me money without inquiring of my prices, remarking that he was sure it would cover my expenses, and another asked if I thought he was stupid enough to pay my requested prices and proceeded to berate me for being rude to him when I had said nothing offensive.
In these cases, it was as if the men were treating me like a stereotypical female: passive, submissive, unintelligent, just a peice of meat. It's just shocked me because when I started in the business, I expected this behavior to be prevelant, and was pleasantly surprised when it was actually nearly non-existant. This recent surge has made me realize that, while in many aspects gender relations in the hobby are better than in the civilian world, there still are problems. I tried to shrug it off, but it left me quite unsettled. Have other providers had the unpleasant experiences of men in the hobby acting like they are superior to you because they are men (which is different than because you are a provider)? I know that most clients are not like this, but your feedback and how you deal with these clients would be extremely comforting.
"Have other providers had the unpleasant experiences of men in the hobby acting like they are superior to you because they are men (which is different than because you are a provider)?"
Of course we have. But, you know what? This is no different than what women who are nurses, secretaries or members of Congress deal with.
Let's face it - some men are just jerks. They'd be jerks no matter who they are dealing with, and no matter the sex. It's simply exacerbated in our case, because we're those 'bad' women, the kind you don't even have to *pretend* to be nice to.
As for dealing with it, I've learned to just let it go. Ignore them, because getting angry only allows them to win. Trust that karmic destiny will eventually result in their getting hit by a car while they're pushing past a little old lady in their hurry to cross the street.
Now, the 'let me go bareback and I'm going to whine until you say yes' guys are another story altogether.
The only response I've ever found to work with them is 'Get out. Get your clothes, get your shoes, and go. I told you no, and you ignored me, so now we're finished'. I don't ever, ever let them have a second chance, either, because my health and reputation are simply not worth risking. These are the same idiots who, if and when they *do* catch something, will be the first on the boards screaming about the 'dirty ho' who gave them a disease. I cut morons like this no slack. If a polite 'leave now' doesn't work, I find screaming blue murder to be remarkably effective.
When all else fails, and the stupidity is truly getting you down, I suggest starting a journal and using it to vent about issues like this. It's surprisingly calming. 
Morgan
-- Modified on 3/15/2005 4:03:35 AM
Bareback!? Insanity! Give those guys the heave-ho (no pun intended) for your own safety AND the safety of your other (clients)....
As to chauvinistic jerks in general, well, I have always been turned on by strong, independent, educates women, and never could understand what those guys wanted in a weak, easily-bossed-around girl (and I use that word, girl, advisedly, because that is what those guys are after). MA
Move on... keep going...dont let them get you down..
I recently had to raise my rates to regular gentlemen friends.. some were abusing my generousity of lower rates etc... most stayed.. some didnt..
I was very honest..
The category of "some didn't" were the ones I was targeting ...
...but that's OK - if I get far enough in that you can say "get out", I'm making progress.
Do you have a super secret arch villian lair inside of a volcano?
Because that would be hot. Umm, literally.
Morgan
...so I can destroy this ring on my left finger once and for all...if I could only get the damn thing off.
are already putting two and two together, vis-a-vis Miss. T's post yesterday!
"if I could only get the damn thing off"
Y'know, I have an extra special kind of lube that can help with situations like this.
..wicked evil arch villainess grin..
- Morgan
I can't recall experiencing the kind of treatment you describe. It's certainly possible these guys tried to bully you because you are a woman and they perceive women as weaker. It's also possible they bully colleagues/family of either gender if they think they can get away with it.
Take comfort from the fact people who act like that are insecure and messed up. I know, I had to leave a job a loved because my boss made my life intolerable. In time, I got over it and got my confidence back but I bet she's still f*cked up!
it's not a gender thing, some people are just all f#cked up and treat everybody like crap.
have some kind of "sociopathic personality disorder".... that doesn't mean that they are all violent crazies or overt freaks... their problem is that they can't see another person as an emotional human being, so they basically get off on manipulating rather than relating. Usually these types are just perceived a slippery, or as takers, or sharp at office politics... seesm that they get their biggest buzz off of seeing others fail or damaging the self esteem of other people. The author believes that this is hard wired into their DNA and no amount of confrontation or therapy will change them. They always think that other people have the problem, not them.
... unintelligent piece of meat will doubtless receive a less-than-enthusiastic performance in return. This guy would probably be better off jerking off into a pound of liver, Portnoy-style. He'd save money, anyway.
Rudeness and disrespect can fuck up pretty much anything, including sex.
Focus on the people who treat you with respect and dump the rest. And this pertains to all facets of your life. You'll never change the bad ones so why try. In an ideal world, all the idiots will stay in their group and never venture out of it. As for the rude clients, time to send them packing. They all get the message.
I get this type of condescending attitude from my boss on several occassions and/or regarding certain issues, so I must continue to repeatedly prove myself to be correct. Also note that my immediate supervisor is female, so just the opposite roles have taken place here.
A client I was working for just this morning, made a very rude comment about what "lazy, uneducated rednecks that get their information from watching Nascar, pro' wrasslin, and Jerry Springer" she has working for her. While a certain portion of that statement may be true, I felt rather insulted by this managers' overall attitude towards blue collar grunts, like myself. I could really relate to the other employees problems, issues and concerns; it seems that they were truly doing the best they could with the tools and resources given. This showed her lack of knowledge and respect for the people that play an important role in their company.
I don't intend to make this a male vs. female debate, but just a couple examples that illustrate women can make us men feel the exact same way. So everyone can be susceptible to it, and everyone deals with people that are @$$#0!&$.
Then these same people, they wonder why we seek each other out in this hobby, to find someone kind and comforting to us, go figure!
I am not that old. However, I am old enough to know that we men are often, and I mean often, mistaken in our approach to a lady. In fact, I would venture to say that if we men were more humble, more tactful, we would get more friends, more money and more women. So yes, I have to agree with you that we men are at heart chouvanistic creatures which do not exhibit a constant level of care nor a level of understanding which may denote a sprinkle of humanity in us.
That being said, you should also know that we, men and women, have bad days. These days are just not filled with bad things happening to us but they are filled with us doing bad things as well.
So, its not the best explanation, nor the one you are looking for, but it is what I have come to know and live with.
I am an offender as well as a victim, I think we all are at one point or another.
Keep your chin up, and don't shoot anyone. Its not worth the bad carma.
let me tell you a story,
Because of the job I have, i deal with the "supposed" cream of our society, people who have achieved a kind of immortality (or at least job security known only in one specific segment within our society). These people lie cheat and steal... and to top it off, they brag to your face that there is nothing you can do to stop them.! And they are correct - and right now I am looking at a criminal case, that if someone in another job did the same - not only would they be fired, but some would call for life imprisonment. But in this persons particular case, he got - get this "house arrest" Great place America -
So, my comment to you is, yea, I am sure you see your share of a@#holes... but rest assured, at least you know to expect them and are not blindsided.... For me, the women I have met in this profession are great - even the "low rent" ones that cannot or would not netcize themselves... Not only that, but they have helped me do some quick reality checks about other aspects of my life... this is the human condition.... it was different on Planet Bizzaro - just ask that character lex leuthor....
