I also freely admit to having "sex addiction" if one is to accept most common definitions of the term.
As long as I am not hurting anyone, which I am not. I fail to see any problems with my behavior. I suffer no guilt for any of my actions, (except the ocassional bad, or overly large wager), so no I don't feel "co dependent" whatsoever.
The Mangina clan is quite a different story, however they are nothing more than fodder for abuse as far as how they effect me personally. They may be more predisposed to becoming stalkers than the rest of us, but I think they are more of a risk to themselves than to the rest of us. Except of course they do elicit a desire for me to retch ocassionally after reading one of their more sickenly wimpy posts. lol
FWIW, I think I have a pretty darn good life, and anything about it that I would like to change, I have the power to do so. I just don't see anything I would like to change at the moment.
Your man and I have been buds for awhile, and I like to think he knows I wouldn't do anything to wreck that.
So that being said, yes, I can see where there could be a co-dependency issue in the hobby.
Just like any other community, there are those that are so tightly wound, have addictions, or just plain don't know how to get along with or without others.
I have a buddy that is scared to death to be alone. He has a beautiful wife and 4 wonderful kids that adore him. He's the total family man. Knew him when he sold drugs, and I used to enforce his policies when people came up short. So to speak.
Me? I'm a loner. I have my two dogs. They're loyal to me, love me unconditionally, and are always happy to see me.
Most people don't have that. From pets or people.
I've grown used to the fact I'll probably be by myself for the rest of my life.
And if what I'm told is true, there are some here that think that won't be very much longer.
In any case, I can understand that some people feel the need to constantly be with someone.
It's nice. Having someone understand you and stick by you no matter what.
But some of us don't have that luxury. Even those that are married, and stay that way out of convenience.
Yeah, it's sad. But life ain't perfect. Do the best with what you got. Expect the worst, and hope for the best.
if you were fixing OSP's Iced Teas then you would be codependant. i thought he was being a funny wise ass and not making a serious suggestion. of course i could be wrong....
i sympathize with your stress with OSP being unwell and all. but i honestly don't think MP67 meant it seriously.
And must be the reason why some people think I'm a vile hedonist. Actually called narcissistic the other day, and waiting for someone to refer to me as worse.
It's alright though. There's a few people out there that know different. That's what counts.
So, Mrs. OSP, I hope your man feels better soon. He knows that.
i'm afraid that asap will be entirely up to him. you've undoubtedly viewed many of his posts. He's an obstinate arrogant asshole. Reminds me of many others on this board as a matter of fact. The only leverage i had was sex. Now that has been placed on the DL. I'll let him know you are concerned about the lack of pm's. Maybe you can knock some sense into him.
many so-called "manginas" simply like friendly, cordial, reciprocal, and humane business relations: it called being kind and civilized IF you like that sort of thing. of course, if you don't like it you can call it being a "mangina" or "codependant". but it means very little other than mere name calling.
codependent folks enable the addictions of others AND will suffer to enable those addictions.
most "manginas" value cordiality, humaness and mutual respect. some providers who are codependent have insufficient self esteem to be able to handle that.
one way that i can imagine a "mangina" might become a problem client with a repeat provider is if that provider became a security problem. if she were irresponsible, uncommunicative, reckless, or unprofessional about personal information a "mangina" might get rather peeved. rightly so i think.
so if a provider is capable of being human AND professional then a "mangina" might be a very good client. if a provider is such a princess that being human and professional is beneath her then she would be doing the "mangina" a favor by not seeing him.
Occasionally someone who feels addicted to sex writes in and wants to know how to get out of the hobby. There is a group call Sexaholics Anonymous that can help; but I think the vast number of hobbyist I hear from and read about just want to get laid in the most efficient and friendly manner and the hobby does provide that.
After all, it is P4P. If any one of us were truly addicted, we'd pick up street walkers and people we wouldn't ordinarily see. Shit, forget about reviews and doing research. Just drive down Main St. and get the $20 crack whore missing half her teeth to give you BBBJ. I'll do without.
The most succinct definition of codependency is where the person is not capable of experiencing any happiness, unless the person they are in relationship with, is happy with them. I'm quite capable of finding a multitude of sources that give me pleasure and happiness, despite what someone else is feeling about me. I have no reason to believe that most of those participating in the hobby have any problem in doing so either. Anyway, what does it matter? The only real issue regarding codependency is whether the person suffering from it is in enough pain to get help for it. Speculation about it, or armchair diagnosing might be an entertaining past-time, but if you feel you do suffer from it, I'd very much recommend that you attend a couple of CoDA meetings.
for which there is little hard data, life is full of dependencies, grater and lesser. it's just a fact of life.
there is a continuum running from more independence to more dependence. how one fits oneself on that continuum determines how comfortable you are with yourself (solitary time) and how comfortable you are with others (social time).
it's the folks who are under the delusion of total independance, who treat the rest of the world as disposable that you have to watch out for.
Mutual dependency is when everything is going great. The perfect world.
However, I meant what I said, even if it is somewhat pessimistic. Humans as a species are prone to co-dependency. I am certainly not speaking of the level of dysfunction we tend to associate with the term co-dependent, but IMO, all humans tends to be co-dependent to a degree in some of their relationships.
Maybe my statement was a bit strong, stating that it is the core of our experience as humans, but I firmly believe it is a part of the lives of the majority of people out there.
Assuming most of us enjoy spending time with a woman but are not addicted to it, and assuming we don't do things to entice a woman to stay in the business when she doesn't want to, then no.
Are some folks here? I expect so, but the small minority.
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